Strength
by JennBenson
Summary: Story five in my TucksoNoahLie series and an alternate ending to Everlasting. Angsty, sometimes dark, but always 100% Tuckson.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello friends. JB again. I suggest you read this entire A/N so you understand what the hell I'm doing with this particular story.**_

 _ **Once upon a time, I wrote an AU fic series. I loved my fic series. I loved my OCs. I loved digging into the angst and the darkness, and contrasting that to how a family can love each other so much that light just shines straight through the dark. And in my final installment, I mapped out two different routes at a certain point. I went with route B. However, since I ended that series, I've often regretted not following through with my original plan of Route A. Call it fear or fatigue or whatever. But this is my attempt at giving you an alternate ending, so to speak.**_

 _ **If you read up through chapter 19 of Everlasting, you are left wondering whether or not the mass in Olivia's breast is cancerous. In Everlasting, it was not. In this fic, it will be. Spoiler alert number one for ya, you're welcome. This is not a seamless transition, but this story picks up approximately after chapter 19…and before chapter 20.**_

 _ **Look, it's not perfect. But this is fanfic and I'm an amateur, not a professional. So I did the best I could while trying to tell the story I want to tell. The muse wants what it wants, apparently.**_

 _ **If this isn't your cup of tea, that's totally fine. Luckily, at least for now, we live in a free country and you don't have to read. But for those who are/were curious…this is for you. And it is also for me…to prove to myself I can go there.**_

 _ **Shoutout to SVUBahDumTiss for encouraging and inspiring me to write this...you da best, chica. Thank you thank you.**_

 _ **Enough of my rambling…if you're still with me…here we go…**_

 _ **#TucksoNoahLieReturns**_

* * *

 **One**

Ed cut the engine of his truck outside of Stony Brook Southampton Hospital, but didn't make a move to open the door.

The ride from their house had been virtually silent, with Olivia picking at the material on her worn sweater and Ed grinding his hands on the steering wheel. Save for the light Bon Jovi playing in the background, no sound was made. The couple had been dreading this appointment ever since the phone rung the day before.

" _Hello…yes, he's here too…well, we're both pretty nervous…"_

 _Ed went over and gripped his wife's waist, placing his chin on her shoulder, as she took in the doctor's words over the phone._

" _Oh…um…okay…you can't give me more over the phone?"_

 _Ed's heart dropped._

" _I see. Okay, tomorrow at nine. See you then."_

"Hey," he rasped, finally unhooking his seatbelt and reaching out for Olivia's hand. "Look'it me…"

She turned her head, brown eyes swirling with questions and nerves, but her lips still managed a small, content smile.

"I love you," Ed said firmly, his eyes latching onto hers and conveying his words in as many ways as he could.

"I love you too," she whispered, tightening her own hold on his hand as she took a few deep breaths. "Let's just go rip the band-aid."

Ed nodded and hopped out of the truck, jogging lightly to the passenger side where he helped his wife down and to her feet. It was a silly ritual that often made Olivia roll her eyes, but deep down she loved it. Ed Tucker respected her more than words could ever say, and if one of the ways he insisted on doting on her was by opening doors, then who was she to deny the chivalry?

Once Olivia was on her feet, with the truck locked, Ed pulled her into his chest instead of heading for the side door. He ran his fingers through her freshly blow-dried hair and placed a few tender kisses on her forehead.

"I'm right here," he whispered, not knowing what else to say. "Whatever happens, we will beat it."

Olivia nodded against his body, unable to really form words so she just soaked up the closeness before they went in and were told the news she had been dreading ever since Dr. Simons said the word "mass". It had once again thrown her family into turmoil, though everyone was doing a good job of hiding it from her.

Ed spent most of his time doting on her and the kids, making sure everyone had whatever they needed and getting pre-winter yard work finished. Over the weekend, before the phone call on Monday, he had cleared the yard twice of leaves, and had the kids race to see who could collect the most twigs and get them into a separate bag, so he could mow once more. Charlie had continued on as usual, wrangling Lizzie and often Noah over to the neighborhood park a few times,, but had grown quiet once the phone call came through and the reality of what was happening began to seep in. None the less, she had bundled both kids out the door that next morning to drop Noah at school and bring Lizzie into work with her so her parents had a smooth departure for the appointment.

But true to form, Olivia Benson-Tucker let her mind swirl with worry about her family, despite watching how they stepped up.

" _She's too quiet."_

" _Ed, Miguel can finish the leaves…relax."_

" _We need more turkey for Noah's lunches."_

" _Do we need more Goodnights for Lizzie, or does she stay dry enough now at night?"_

Now, hand in hand, as she approached the doctor's office with her husband, her mind was blank. Nothing was swirling. She couldn't have formed a coherent thought if she tried, so Ed took the lead. He got them signed in and situated in the semi-soft chairs of the waiting room. But they had no sooner gotten settled, then they were called back and lead into a sterile exam room.

"Dr. Simons will be right in," the young nurse said. "I'm just going to get your vitals."

Olivia was silent but compliant as she was poked and prodded. Once the nurse finally left, her eyes settled on Ed.

"I'm nervous," she admitted softly, stretching her hand out to grab onto his.

"Me too," he replied, scooting his chair up right next to the exam table and running the fingers of his other hand lightly up and down her arm.. "I'm right here. Let's just find out what we're dealing with."

"Don't go anywhere," Olivia said, surprising herself with how vulnerable she sounded, but Ed didn't miss a beat.

"Never," he nearly growled, standing up and moving so their noses were touching as he worked to reassure her.. "I'm right here. Every step of the way."

"I love you," she croaked, both startled and comforted by Ed's response. She reached a shaking hand up and traced the lines that had formed under his eyes and along his cheekbones.

"Always will," he responded, staying right where he was, allowing his wife to take his strength while they waiting for the doctor. "Always will."

* * *

"Stage 2?" Charlie repeated, as the news began to sink in around the dining room table. Ed sat motionless, holding Olivia's left hand in both of his, playing with her wedding rings. Olivia spoke in soft, hushed tones to Charlie explaining what Dr. Simons had said about the pending treatment.

"Yep," she said, her voice surprisingly calm and steady. Ever since they had left the office, her jaw had been firmly set, almost as if she knew her mission and was determined to accomplish it. "Early stage two. Very treatable. We will meet with Dr. Kamal, the oncologist, on Friday but the surgery is already scheduled for next Tuesday. Luckily, since it's early, the surgery is less invasive and should be a relatively smooth process. Once that's done, more scans…and likely some chemo."

Charlie audibly gasped once the world chemo was put on the table, but quickly shook it off and leaned further towards Olivia, reaching for her free hand as she kept listening.

"Charlie," Olivia said softly, making sure to return her firm grip. "The prognosis is really good, okay? It may be a rough several months, but I'm gonna be fine."

Silence fell upon the room again. Noah was still at school and Lizzie was asleep. As Ed and Olivia had made their way back home, they called Charlie and asked her to come on home. She did, and she knew exactly why, but hearing the words spoken still stung.

"Okay," she said slowly, her head nodding and mind churning. "Okay. What do you need from me, Momma? I'm here. For anything and everything."

Olivia gave her a tight lipped smile, willing her tears away until she was alone, or at least just with Ed. Instead she stood up from the table and moved around to wrap her daughter up in a maternal embrace. Charlie rested against Olivia's chest, clung to the fabric of her sweater, and closed her eyes. Ed reached out and gripped Olivia's shoulder to offer support, but otherwise, they all just stayed like that in silence, no one looking at each other, but just taking in the fact they were together.

Finally, Charlie shifted a bit and pulled back, looking up at Olivia, the Tucker blue eyes filling with concern, yet resolve.

"I mean it, Momma," she said. "We have your back. Cancer will be awfully sorry it decided to take on the Tuckers."

Olivia let out a little laugh, but a tear still escaped her eyes.

"It really will," she agreed before taking a deep breath. "Okay, well, I guess next on the list is talking to Noah."

Ed stood up and rubbed her back, "However you wanna do it is fine with me. You're in control."

The three adults looked at each other for a bit before Olivia finally spoke up.

"Well, I think simple, yet direct is the best way," she said, but then her voice began to waiver. "I don't want him to be confused, on top of likely being scared…"

"Hey…" Ed said, rubbing her back a little harder. "It's okay. We are all gonna help him, okay? And…just like the doctor said…this was caught early. So we have no reason to think of anything other than the next few weeks and making sure you are spoiled rotten."

"Right," Olivia said softly, nodding and leaning into her husband as she continued to just twist Charlie's hair in her hands. The trio once again fell into a silence, until a strong yawn from Olivia caused them all to move a bit.

"Mom, why don't you go lay down," Charlie said, standing up and kissing her cheek. "Lizzie is still out. I can run get Noah while you rest. And maybe pick up dinner? Anything you want."

Olivia just smiled and shook her head a bit.

"I'm so lucky," she said. "So so lucky."

"Oh Momma..."

"How about Chinese?" she said, quickly diverting them from an onslaught of emotion. "I think I just want the soup, maybe that signature ramen? And Noah likes the lo mein…" she said softly.

"Deal," Charlie said, giving her a quick but tight hug and eyeing Ed. "You get her to bed, I'll be back in a bit…"

* * *

Later that night, Olivia finished up her bathroom routine and padded into the bedroom to find Ed propped up, waiting for her. But one look and she had to laugh.

"We match," she said, looking down at her light blue flannel pajama pants and gray tank top. Ed also looked down at his own blue flannel pants and gray NYPD shirt.

"Great minds," he quipped, before opening is arms and allowing his wife to collapse against him. She settled her head on his chest, just under his chin, and let out a sigh.

"What a day," she said, eyes closing with the comforting rhythm of her husband's hands caressing her.

"Yeah…" he breathed out. "Ya okay?"

She didn't answer right away, just allowed the situation to overtake her for a bit before offering a response.

"For now…" she allowed honestly. "I expected to feel more upset. But right now, I just feel…loved."

"You are," Ed said, the strength of his response causing his chest to rattle, Olivia holding onto him a bit tighter. "You are, baby."

They stayed like that, arms wrapped around each other and legs intertwined for nearly an hour, before Ed felt Olivia's breathing shift a bit. Straining his neck, he peered down at her face and saw her biting her bottom lip and staring out of their bedroom window.

"Talk to me," he coached gently, beginning to run his fingers through her hair again.

"I can't get Noah's little face out of my head," she admitted. "He seemed so…confused…at first. But then I guess he just..accepted it."

"He's still little, Liv," Ed said softly, knowing all along she had been a little bothered by Noah's reaction, or lack there of. "It is a big concept. All those articles we read…a few said that we can expect almost a delayed reaction, as his mind processes."

"I just…" Olivia started, her words getting caught by a bubbling sob. "I don't want him to have to process this…"

"Oh…. _Olivia_ …" Ed sighed out, holding her as tightly to him as he could manage. "Babe, it's okay…"

"No," she said. "It's not. I'm not scared of the fact that cancer is inside of me. Or not yet, at least." She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts, before continuing. "I'm scared of the effect it is going to have on my family… _our_ family."

Ed let her words sit out in the open for a little bit, not wanting to squash her very real fears right now, but also trying to come up with a way for her to stop worrying about everyone else.

It was fruitless. Olivia was going to focus on her family; that's just who she is. So Ed chose his next words carefully.

"Olivia," he said, gently placing his index finger under her chin and lifting her face so he could see her eyes. "I know you're going to worry. And I can't promise that we won't falter, that things won't be hard, but I want you to focus on your health. We will guide Noah through his feelings and any fear that comes up. We will shield Lizzie from everything we can. And we will keep an eye on how Charlie is coping. But first, and foremost, right now especially, is you."

"But Ed…"

"No," he said, shaking his head and leaning down to kiss her nose. "No buts. Charlie and I have already agreed, and I imagine she's passing along the plan to Trevor as we speak.."

"Am I being teamed up on?" she asked, a smirk growing on her tearstained face. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

"Not at all," he said, stroking her cheek. "You're being loved and supported. And team Tucker is about to kick some ass."

"Team Tucker," she mumbled, her eyes closing again while warm, fresh tears soaked her cheeks.

"Team Tucker," Ed reiterated, allowing Olivia to further burrow into his chest as he pulled the duvet up and tucked it under her chin. "This cancer won't know what hit it."

"I hope you're right," Olivia mumbled, her words beginning to fall off as she drifted into a fitful slumber. "I hope you're right…"

"Me too," Ed whispered, knowing Olivia was already asleep. He settled in, staring at the ceiling fan blades wooshing around slowly. He was hoping eventually it would lull him to sleep, but instead his eyes remained open. It was the first of many nights that he anticipated not getting any sleep.

* * *

 ** _Leave me some love in the review section, please and thank you!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Two**_

Olivia squinted against the sun pouring through their bedroom windows. It had been a restless night, her and Ed taking turns tossing about the bed, getting up for water or to pee, then trying to sleep again. Eventually, around four, Ed gave up and began to kiss at her neck. The proceeding sex was exactly what the couple needed, both of them taking extra care of each other, and eventually succumbing to an exhausted sleep.

She rolled over, seeing that Ed's side of the bed was empty, and checked the clock.

8:02am

"Shit," Olivia mumbled as she got to her feet and trudged to the bathroom. She never slept this late, but she must have been more tired than she realized. Quickly washing her face and brushing her teeth, she grabbed her hoodie and made her way into the kitchen, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee waking her up even more.

"Good morning, my loves," she cooed softly, kissing Noah's head and then Lizzie's cheek as she rounded the island and grabbed a mug. "I can't believe I slept so late…"

"You needed your rest," Ed said softly, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist, watching over her shoulder as she doctored up her coffee.

"You're so good to me," she said, reaching back and patting his cheek, before extracting herself from his grip and moving to sit across from the kids. "How are you this morning, sweet boy? Did you sleep okay?"

"Yep," Noah said, sipping his juice and putting the cartoon section down before studying his mother's face closely. "You all better now?"

Olivia felt her heart crack in two, as she sucked in a breath and set her coffee down.

"Sweet boy," she breathed out, standing up and plucking him from his stool, allowing him to nestle into her neck as she went and sat with him in the living room. Noah stayed perfectly still, apparently also wanting to just be held by his mom in the midst of the uncertainty, so Olivia obliged him, rocking him gently back and forth, before pulling back and stroking at his face.

"You still sick?" Noah asked, his head cocking to the side and his eyes wide as he stared up at his mother. Olivia gave him a sad smile, continuing to run her fingers along his cheek.

"I am," she said simply. "I will probably be sick for a while, sweet boy."

"Like a whole week?" he asked, eyes getting wider. "Benji got da flu at school and he was gone a whole week. Is cancer like the flu?"

"No sweetheart," she responded, her voice unwavering but Olivia could feel the emotion beginning to bubble. Luckily, as she continued to speak, Ed crept in after sending Lizzie to Charlie, and sat next to them, his arm around Olivia's shoulders and a hand on Noah's back. "Noah, cancer is something that takes a while to go away. Mommy will need to have surgery next week, at the hospital, for the doctor to take the cancer out. And then I'll probably have to take some medicine that will make me icky and sick."

Noah's face contorted in a concerned grimace as he took in the information.

"Will it ever go away?"

Olivia felt Ed squeeze her shoulder in support at that question, but she couldn't quite find the words, so she looked to him for help.

"It will," he said to Noah firmly. "Mommy is very strong and very healthy, and the doctors are very good at making cancer go away, No. It may take a few months, and Mommy may have times when she's really sick, but she is going to get better, okay?"

Noah studied his parents for a little while, allowing the words to sink in. Olivia held her breath for what felt like an eternity before the little boy cuddled back into her chest and closed his eyes.

"Okay," he said softly, his one little hand patting at the curve between her shoulder and neck, offering his own version of comfort. "You'll get better soon Mommy. I help you."

Olivia fought back a sob and looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears away as she held her baby boy as tightly as she could. Ed remained still, right next to them, his arm not moving from her shoulder and his hand rubbing lightly at Noah's back. It was a few minutes of silence and just being together before the light footsteps in the kitchen got Noah's attention.

"Shhhhh," they heard Lizzie try to whisper, unsuccessfully, as she toddled through the kitchen with Charlie. "Juice?"

Charlie just chuckled, knowing they had been heard, and called out a quick "sorry" into the living room.

Noah kissed Olivia's cheek before climbing off her lap and setting out to help his sister and niece.

"Hi Lizzie," he said brightly. "Wanna finish our morning juice?"

"UNC!" she responded cheerfully, as Olivia and Ed watched with smiles from the couch as the youngest Tuckers climbed back onto their stools to continue their morning routine. Ed kissed the back of Olivia's head and stayed there a brief moment, breathing in her scent.

"Normalcy feels good," he muttered. Olivia nodded in agreement.

"It does," she whispered, turning to face him, her brown eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Should we keep him home today?"

Her eyes darted back and forth between his, at a total loss for what to do next and relying on Ed's instincts when it came to how much Noah could handle. He reached out and tucked some hair behind Olivia's ear.

"I think we let him go," he said slowly, "but I'll stop by the main office and fill them in. That way they know to call if anything seems off."

Charlie came wandering in, handing Olivia her abandoned mug then sitting in the oversized chair and sipping her own coffee. She watched her parents for a little bit before speaking.

"I'm gonna drop Lizzie at daycare and head into the office for a few hours," she said. "Do you want me to take Noah?"

Ed looked at Olivia and she shrugged, signaling it was his call.

"I'll take him today," he said, "talk to the office."

"Lizzie doesn't have to go to daycare," Olivia added. "It isn't her usual day, is it?"

Daycare was something the Tuckers utilized 3 days a week, mainly to get Lizzie acclimated to playing with other kids. The other days she was either with Charlie and Trevor, since their work hours were still so sporadic, or with Ed presumably being spoiled rotten.

"I know," Charlie said, "but I think this is good. She can just play and not worry about a thing, and we can get things sorted here. I'll be home around noon, then I can go get her at her usual pick up before grabbing Noah?"

"Sounds good, baby girl," Olivia said, smiling over at her grown daughter and feeling a sense of pride come over her. "You want to go over to the docks for lunch?"

Charlie gave Olivia a big smile, before glancing at Ed and raising an eyebrow.

"You just want bourbon for lunch, dontcha," she teased.

"Right now?" Ed quipped with a matching smirk. "Absolutely."

The room got silent after that, no one knowing what to say next, before Ed let out a sigh and shook his head.

"Sorry, didn't mean to...well...ya know…"

"Ed," Olivia said, patting his leg. "It's fine. We're all a little tense and maybe a boozy lunch will do us some good. While I can still have a boozy lunch."

Charlie stood and walked over to hug Olivia tightly, kissing the top of her head before pulling away and quickly hiding her bubbling tears.

"Okay," she said, the cheerfulness not quite authentic, but enough to soothe her distressed parents. "I'll text when I'm on my way to pick you up!"

She moved back into the kitchen, where she rinsed her mug and grabbed a to-go tumbler and poured the last of the coffee.. Sealing the lid and tucking it in her already packed bag on the counter, she slung the strap over her shoulder, scooped her daughter up, bid Noah a quick goodbye and was out the door in a flurry.

Ed and Olivia continued to sit on the couch, their minds churning in different directions, until Noah came in with his backpack.

"I ready!" he announced proudly, showing his parents his teeth. "Even used da purple mouthwash."

Olivia pretended to inspect his teeth and kissed his nose.

"Good job, Noah," she encouraged. "Daddy is going to take you to school, okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," he said, before crawling back into her lap and kissing her cheek. "You get lotsa rest so that cancer goes away!"

With that, he took off towards the front door, yelling for Ed to hurry up so they weren't late. Ed quickly turned to his wife, who again had tears in her eyes, and kissed her.

"Hey," he said, trying to calm her before he left. "None of that until I'm back and can be sad with you, okay?"

She just nodded, giving him a tearful smile.

"Love you," he said once more, kissing all over her face, before reluctantly following their son. As soon as the door closed and Olivia felt the deafening silence fill her house, she let out a shuddering sob and for the first time since her diagnosis, she let herself truly cry.

* * *

Olivia padded out of their bedroom, towel drying her damp hair, and putting on another pot of coffee. A quick glance at the microwave clock told her that Ed should be getting home relatively soon, so she puttered around the kitchen trying to stay busy until he arrived. As she loaded the dishwasher, she heard the alarm beep and signal he must have gotten home. Olivia continued with her task, but suddenly realized Ed never greeted her which was unusual. Not concerned, but still curious, she closed the dishwasher, hit start, and set out to find her husband. Their room and Noah's room was empty, and just as she was about to check the backyard, she heard the water run in Charlie's bathroom.

Rapping lightly on the cracked door, Olivia waited until she heard a faint "come in" before pushing the door open and taking in the scene. Charlie was hunched over the counter, her head down and her long locks falling into the sink as the water ran. Water dripped from her face, and Olivia couldn't tell if it was from tears or washing her face. But as her shoulders began to shake, Olivia got her answer.

"Oh, Charlie," she whispered, moving to her quickly and rubbing her back. "It's okay. Just breathe for me."

"I'm sorry," she said, grabbing a washcloth and dragging it over her face before looking at herself in the mirror. "I'm sorry. Lemme just pull it together and I'll be right out."

"You don't have to hide from me," Olivia said, catching Charlie's eyes in the mirror. "I _don't want_ you to hide from me."

Charlie's chin began to quiver as she fought the onslaught of emotion threatening to take over.

"You need me to be strong right now," she argued, still somehow able to keep her tears at bay temporarily. "It's my turn to be strong."

"Maybe so," Olivia said, reaching up and brushing Charlie's wet locks back before grabbing a hair tie and doing a quick braid. "But I'm still your Momma. And I want to work through this together. Please. I _need_ us to work through this together."

Charlie twisted her lips and shook her head softly before turning and burying her face in Olivia's neck, her arms wrapped around her waist.

"Okay sweet girl, okay," Olivia whispered, one arm wrapped tightly around her back while the other smoothed her hair down. "I've gotcha. It's okay."

"I love you, Momma," Charlie said after a few minutes, sniffing and pulling back so they were face to face.

"Oh I love you too, Charlie," Olivia said, giving her a small smile of reassurance. "So much."

They stayed like that for a little while, neither quite ready to let go of the other, before Charlie took a deep breath and finally pulled herself together.

"Look'it us," she said, almost sheepishly, as they both turned and let out a little laugh at their tear stained faces. "We are a mess…"

"We really are," Olivia said, reaching for the washcloth and running fresh water over it. "Let's clean up before your dad gets home."

The women proceeded to wash their faces, dry them, and apply a little concealer. As she was making her way out of the bathroom, Olivia bumped her waist into Charlie's and gave her a little smile.

"I put some more coffee on," she said. "Why don't fix we it up and sit on the front porch swing until your dad gets here."

Charlie ducked her head briefly, before looking back up with a smile and wrapping an arm around Olivia's shoulders, leading her back out into the living area and towards the kitchen.

"Sounds like a plan."

* * *

Ed quietly observed Noah's class through the window, hands in his pockets, as the principal stood next to him and watched as well.

"We'll keep an eye on him, Captain Tucker," she promised, placing a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. Ed gave her an appreciative smile.

"Thanks," he muttered. "I should get going...but you have the numbers…"

"I'll call," she said. "Promise. And I'll also send you a mid-day email update, if you'd like."

"Yeah," Ed said, nodding in appreciation. "That would be great."

The Tuckers had been consistently impressed with the school Noah enrolled in once they had moved to Sag Harbor. Not that the city school was bad, but this one had less students with more space. As a bonus, the staff had been very attentive and involved from the beginning, so Ed completely trusted that the principal would not only call, but provide updates to soothe his nerves.

He bid Ms. Scott goodbye and trudged down the hallway and out the front door, hands still in his pockets. He wandered through the parking lot in the general direction of his truck, as his earlier words to the principal began to echo through his mind.

" _My wife was just diagnosed with cancer."_

" _Captain Tucker, I'm so sorry to hear that. Do you have other details yet?"_

" _It was caught in the early points of stage 2, so her prognosis is really good. Scheduled for surgery next week. We told Noah last night, and he had some questions this morning but seemed okay."_

" _I'll get a note to his teacher right away, and if anything comes up we can have the guidance office sit with him until someone can get here."_

" _We appreciate that."_

" _And please, keep me posted on Olivia's condition. She's such a warm presence at the school, and your family has our unwavering support."_

Guidance Office. Support. Condition.

The words just kept circulating through his mind.

Cancer.

Ed shuddered and fell back against the cab of the truck, his eyes closing.

His wife had cancer.

Doing a quick glance to make sure he was alone in the parking lot, Ed allowed a rogue tear to escape down his cheek before shaking his head and climbing into the cab of the truck. He wanted to get home to Olivia.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Three_**

Noah held Lizzie's hand as they perused the costume section in Party City. It was a week before Halloween and most costumes had been picked over, but Charlie was still confident they would find something.

"Why don't we just order online?" Ed had asked as she was bundling the kids up.

"Because they want to pick them out," Charlie said with a smile. "And I want to get out of the house."

Ed had backed off after that, knowing that the time leading up to Olivia's surgery had been tense. Now, it was looming over them the next day, and they were all feeling the stress and fear.

As Charlie wandered slightly behind the kids, Trevor at her side, she let out a content sigh.

"Okay?" Trevor asked quietly, rubbing at her back.

"Yeah," she breathed out.

"You don't have to be," he reminded her quietly, both of them still with eyes on the kids, as Noah pointed out various princess costumes and Lizzie violently shook her head.

Charlie finally glanced up at him and smiled. "I know," she said. "Thank you."

Trevor leaned down for a quick kiss before turning his attention back to Lizzie and laughing.

"You're proud that she doesn't want to be a princess, aren't you," he said, smirking slightly.

"Oh yes," Charlie said, the pride evident in her tone. "This morning she told Mom she wanted to be Papa for Halloween."

Trevor let out a hearty laugh, shook his head, and pulled Charlie into his side as she tried to mimic the conversation.

"I be Papa!" she said in her best Lizzie-impersonation voice, causing Trevor to continue chuckling. "Shoulda seen Dad's face with the prideful smirk, muttering _that's my girl_."

"I suppose she could have worse ideas," he remarked. "Noah, do ya see anything?"

"Uh huh," he responded, his voice a little muffled as he dug through some of the costumes that were left on the bottom of the shelf. Lizzie looked on, bouncing a little in excitement. "Got it!"

Noah stood triumphantly, holding up the toddler sized dalmatian costume.

"Um," Charlie said, admiring their enthusiasm but confused as to what the plan was. "Lizzie wants to be a puppy?"

"No, Charlie," Noah said exasperatedly. "I be da fireman. She be da firedog. Right, Lizzie?"

"Yes!" she yelled, clapping and still bouncing with her light up sneakers. "Puppy!"

"Okay," Charlie said with a smile, grabbing the one costume and putting it in the basket that Trevor was holding. "No, let's find yours…and get Lizzie a fireman hat, then we can go get pizza."

Noah reached back to grab Lizzie's hand and lead her towards the larger kid-sized costumes. The sight caused Charlie to pause and observe them.

"So precious…" she muttered, thinking Trevor couldn't hear her, but he did.

"Hey," he said, grasping her wrist and getting her to really look at him. "Talk to me?"

Charlie bit her bottom lip and shook her head a little, glancing at the kids who seemed fine trying on various hats.

"Trev…I love you," she began, "but I really just want to try and enjoy the outing, and support my parents right now."

"Just don't shut me out?" he pleaded, his blue eyes etched with worry as he had watched his girlfriend, and the mother of his child, slowly spiral over the last month, even before the news of Olivia's cancer. Now it was all Trevor could do to not panic as she continually shut her feelings down.

"I won't," she promised, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him, before grabbing his hand and dragging him to buy the rest of the costume supplies.

* * *

"I should wash these," Olivia murmured, as she sorted through her lounge clothes, debating what she wanted to pack for the hospital stay. Ed tossed two pairs of freshly washed, fuzzy socks into the overnight bag before moving to rub her back.

"I'll throw 'em in," he said softly, kissing the side of her temple and keeping his mouth there, closing his eyes and relishing in his wife's body being against him. Olivia kept the lightweight sweats in her hands, but paused what she was doing and allowed her body to lean against Ed.

"Where's your head at right now?" Ed asked. It had been a quiet day for all of them, each family member dealing with the looming surgery in their own way, and no one wanting to burden another.

"I'm worried about Noah," she admitted, in no hurry to move from her husband's embrace. "He seems to be okay, but I worry about how he will react after the surgery…and when, ya know, treatments begin."

Ed nodded against the top of her head and hummed to signal he was listening, but he knew there was more. So he waited patiently for her to talk before attempted to soothe her.

"And Charlie has been so great. Amazing. Stepping up with Noah, making sure plans are made while I'm in the hospital," Olivia thought out loud, allowing a small smile to grace her features before shaking her head and pulling back a little to look up at Ed. "But she's hiding from us."

Ed leaned down to kiss Olivia's lips, lingering for a bit and allowing their breath to mix together, relishing in the contact.

"I know," he said softly. "First thing's first. We get through tomorrow."

Olivia nodded, biting her bottom lip to signal she was near tears. Ed crushed her back into his chest and rested his chin on her temple, swaying them lightly, as he continued to talk quietly to her.

"Once the surgery is over, and I'm looking back into those gorgeous brown eyes, we will deal with everything else. The way we always have: together," he promised, tightening his hold and absorbing the soft shakes of his wife as she sobbed softly into his chest. "Shh, shh, shh, Olivia…it's all gonna be okay. I love you."

Ed held her for a while longer, whispering _I love you_ over and over again until she calmed down and pulled back, wiping the tears from her face. He swatted her hands away and did the job himself, using the pads of his fingers and followed along with his lips.

"I love you, too," she whispered, causing Ed to give her a characteristic smirk, even though the creases on his face didn't quite reach his eyes this time.

"Come on," he said, bundling her out of the bedroom. "Let's put on a movie, get you set up on the couch, and I'll start a load of laundry."

* * *

Take out containers littered to Tucker's living room and the family of six were all sprawled across various pieces of furniture.

"I'm stuffed," Charlie moaned, one leg on the coffee table and the other tucked under her body as she leaned against Trevor on the chaise of their couch.

"Stuffed," Noah mumbled, pushing his trains around the track slowly with Lizzie, pasta sauce lining their mouths and shirts, but no one had the energy to clean either child up.

"That was so good," Olivia said. She had her head on Ed's lap and her feet on the arm of the love seat, going between bouts of having her eyes closed and watching Noah and Lizzie play with trains.

Ed just grunted before giving Trevor a side smirk and teasing him.

"Now I'm reminded why we never allow ourselves to order from Antonio's," he said slyly, referring to how excited Olivia was when Trevor and Charlie walked in with the bags of food earlier.

"Oh! Antonio's! _Now_ I'm hungry," she had exclaimed, rushing to kiss them both and helping with the bags, as they also had the costumes. "What a nice surprise!"

"We know it's your favorite," Charlie said with a smile. "Lemme go hang costumes up and we can dig in."

Olivia followed Charlie to the back bedrooms, wanting to peak at the Halloween attire, while the men were left to set up the food. They had opted to eat in the living room, for overall laziness and comfort, but also to watch the weeknight college football game.

Now the game was nearing the end, it was a blowout, and none of the adults wanted to move. But Trevor finally poked the giant elephant in the room.

"Uh, what time do you want us there in the morning?" he finally asked, stuttering a bit, but knowing it needed to be addressed and he was hanging out with a family that excelled in avoidance.

Olivia didn't move, but she could feel Ed's body tense up under her, so she reached up and stroked his thigh comfortingly.

"Well," he said, rubbing his head. "We hafta be there by six. Surgery is scheduled for ten, so we have plenty of time to get set up in her room…"

"I wanna go early," Charlie mumbled as she sat up and rubbed at her face, beginning to look around at the mess.

"There's not much for ya to do," Ed reasoned, beginning to feel the tension rise in the room. Charlie shot him a look and shrugged.

"Well, I want to be there," she said sternly. "Unless Ma would rather it just be you two."

Olivia also sat up and smiled.

"I want you there," she said in a way that conveyed she really meant it, that she needed them. "I want all three of you there. Please."

Ed set his jaw and rubbed her back comfortingly. Selfishly, he just wanted to get tomorrow over with and make as little fuss over it as possible, because it was wearing on his own anxiety levels. But it wasn't about him. So he gave everyone a smile.

"Okay then," he said. "Noah can be at school by seven-thirty, for Early Bird. And Lizzie's daycare opens at…six? Seven?"

"Six," Trevor answered, as he did a quick Goggle. They never had to use the early services before, so he was unfamiliar. "So we will drop off Lizzie, then Noah, then head on over. Should get us there by eight?"

Charlie just nodded, not saying anything else as she stood and began to gather the bags and takeout containers. Olivia's eyes followed her closely.

"I'm gonna put this away, then throw these two in the tub," she said cheerfully, ignoring the three sets of eyes on her.

"I'll help," Olivia said, beginning to stand up, but Charlie motioned for her to stop and Ed kept a grip on her waist.

"No," Charlie said, moving to kiss her head. "You stay put with daddy. Relax. I'll handle all of this. Trev, run the bath water for me?"

The younger adults set to work, plucking the kids from amongst the toys and eliciting giggles as they made their way to the bathroom. Ed, preferring not to think about everything happening, just laid back on the love seat and pulled his wife into his side.

But her mind was churning.

"I'm worried about her, Ed," she said softly, but poignantly. Ed just grunted and nodded.

"I know," he said. "But right now, I need you to focus on you okay? Please."

"Okay," Olivia said quietly, shutting the conversation down for the moment, but her mind still wandered to her children. Ed, sensing this, tried to quell his feelings for the time being and allow his wife to express whatever she needed to.

"Sorry," he said, kissing at her cheek. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I just…well…I just want you to save your energy for the battle ahead."

"Ed…"

"No," he said, interrupting her briefly. "I know that's unrealistic. And that our kids need both of us, despite this illness, but…"

"Ed, I'm going to be fine," Olivia said, turning her body so they were eye to eye and nose to nose, hitting at the root his his fear that evening. "It's going to be okay, baby."

Ed moved to cup her face and began to place little kisses all over her forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin.

"Please… _please_ promise me that you'll focus on you?" he asked, his tone full of near desperation. "I know you won't solely focus on you, and I know that our kids need you, but we need you alive. We need you to beat this. This family…it doesn't work without you."

"Ed…." His words often took her breath away, but this time the wind was knocked completely out of her.

"I won't apologize for needing you," he said before moving to kiss her lips deeply and emotionally, swallowing her bubbling cries. He continued to work her over, tongue on tongue, until they both felt their emotions steady again. As he pulled away, and their eyes met again, both sets were clear.

"I'm gonna go check on them," she said softly, smiling at her husband. "Then I'll meet ya in bedroom?"

Ed nodded, feeling confident she heard his pleas, and finally released her from his grip, watching her move from the living room and disappear into the back hallway.

* * *

"Everyone asleep?" Ed asked, sitting up in bed and perusing his iPad. He took off his reading glasses, placed the tablet on the nightstand, and welcomed his pajama clad wife into his arms.

"Yeah," she sighed, nestling further into her husband and closing her eyes for a bit. "Noah is asleep with Charlie in his room and Lizzie is out cold on Trevor's chest in her toddler bed."

Ed just chuckled, allowing his chest to vibrate against Olivia's face.

"I curled up with Charlie and Noah for a bit," she almost sheepishly admitted. "And almost fell asleep myself. Something so soothing about watching our kids sleep…totally at peace…and together."

"There is," he agreed, nuzzling her a bit. "And how are you?"

Olivia sat up slightly and looked at Ed.

"I need you," she said, her voice cracking at the end. "I need you…"

Ed's heart broke as he heard the tone of her voice. He quickly took the glasses off of her face and laid her on her back, covering her body with his and brushing her hair back continually.

"I'm right here," he said as he began to kiss her lips and move across her jaw and down her neck. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Ed…" she half moaned half cried as he continued to lavish her body with his touches and kisses.

"Shhhh," he whispered as he gently took her tank top off and slithered lower on her body, gently nipping and sucking at her breasts before pausing against the spot that harbored her tumor. He began a slow, but now familiar, ritual of kissing and caressing around the spot. His movements nearly brought Olivia to tears, as they had before, but she just closed her eyes and savored the moment.

"I'm right here," he cooed, before finally moving down her stomach and removing her flannel pajama pants. "And I'm gonna love you…I'm always gonna love you. _Always_."

He began to place kisses along her abdomen and her thighs, teasing and caressing, between whispering "I love yous" and "always".

"Mmmmm," Olivia whimpered out, beginning to squirm and grip Ed's ears, trying to tug him up to her. Ed resisted at first, not quite done, but eventually obliged and crawled up over Olivia. He leaned down, rubbing their noses together and kissing her lips. "Ed, I love you…"

"I love you too," he said before gently working his way inside of her, swallowing her gasps and gentle cries with his lips.

Ed made love to Olivia for over an hour that night. It was gentle, it was emotional, and it was intense in a way that neither of them had ever felt before. After Olivia's second release, and Ed's final grunt as he spilled into her, they laid together; bodies glistening with sweat and limbs intertwined, and they silently vowed to each other to fight any force that threatened to separate them.

* * *

 ** _#ReviewsMatter #Tuckson_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Four_**

Noah hummed softly in the back of Trevor's SUV as the couple pulled out of the daycare parking lot and headed towards his school. Lizzie hadn't sensed anything different being dropped off and happily toddled into the playroom, not noticing her mother's tearful eyes staying on her.

Once back in the car, Charlie took a deep breath and focused on her brother who, unlike Lizzie, knew that Olivia was having surgery today. Noah all of a sudden stopped humming and kicked his feet a little bit.

"Charlie?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"What's up, pal?"

"Mommy have her surgery today?" he asked, knowing the answer but never the less, needing to repeat the question. Trevor reached out to squeeze Charlie's hand as she answered.

"Yep," she said honestly. "She's having surgery this morning to take out the cancer, remember?"

"I remember," he said softly. "She be home when I get out of school?"

Charlie's heart cracked a little bit, but again repeated the plan.

"No, pal. She will be in the hospital for a few days," Charlie said, turning around to make eye contact with the seven year old. "But Trevor, and maybe I, will be picking you up. And then you can decide if you want to go play with Benji or come to the hospital with us, okay?"

"Okay," he said, seemingly fine with that answer for now and going back to humming his little song and looking out the window, but his contentment didn't last long as they pulled into the parking lot and he began to climb out of the car.

"Charlie?" he asked, hopping up onto the sidewalk and taking her hand. Trevor stayed in the car.

"Yes, Noah?" she asked, squatting down so they were eye level and she could hold both of his little hands.

"I gived Mommy a hug this morning, but you give her another one for me?"

Noah's question was innocent, and his face had a hint of happiness that signaled he was okay. But Charlie had a hard time stifling her emotions. She managed.

"Absolutely, pal," she said, pulling Noah in for a big hug before walking him to the front door. "And if you need me at any point during the day…just tell your teacher okay?"

"Really?" Noah asked, his eyes wide as that was not a normal occurrence during his school day.

"Really," Charlie confirmed, kneeling once more and hugging her brother. "If you need me, I will come get you, okay?"

"Okay, Charlie," he said, his face buried in her shoulder. "Love you, sister."

"Love you too, brother."

* * *

"Ya know," Ed mused, scratching his chin and looking around the hospital room as Olivia unpacked her duffle and took some deep breaths. "I wasn't sure we made the right decision having the surgery out here, but it's nice to have this room."

Olivia stopped what she was doing and turned around slowly, admiring the soft coral colors on the wall and the nice, bright window facing the hospital courtyard.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Private rooms are rare back in the city…"

Ed took the bag from her hands, folded it up and placed it in the top of the tiny closet before turning around and pulling his wife into his arms, swaying them a bit.

"How ya feeling?" he asked, his voice partially muffled because he had buried his face in her hair.

"Okay," she admitted slowly, enjoying the comfort and protection of his embrace. "Ready to just…get this over with." She paused for a bit before pulling back and looking at Ed. "How are you?"

"If you're okay, I'm okay," he said confidently. "That's all I need right now. For you to be okay."

Olivia continued to look up at her husband and offered him a small smile, but stayed securely in his arms.

"Well," she said, her eyes sparkling a bit. "I wouldn't mind you helping me get comfortable in this bed, and maybe laying with me for a bit…"

Olivia spoke playfully, but Ed knew that she also needed that safety blanket of him being next to her. So he grabbed the white and blue gown and helped her change, making sure her lounge attire was folded on the chair, before securely tying the gown around her sides and sitting her on the bed.

"Here," he said softly, handing her the fuzzy slippers they had purchased for her stay, knowing the hospital floor would be cold. Once she was bundled, he helped her lay down and got the blankets tucked up under her chin. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, her nose, then her lips.

"Just gonna use the bathroom, then you'll hafta make room for me," he promised, winking and shuffling the few feet to the adjacent restroom. Olivia watched him go, looking longingly at the door, hoping he hurried. She wasn't lying when she said she was okay, but that was when Ed was next to her. The truth was she was terrified of the surgery, and needed her husband and her family desperately in the hours leading up to it.

Lucky for her, Ed was quick and he padded back out, drying his hands and moving to sit on the bed. Olivia shuffled over, allowing Ed to get comfortable, before she rested her head on his chest and curled up right next to him, one leg slung over his shin. Ed immediately pulled her close, pressing his lips against her forehead as he felt her body relax.

"Okay baby," he said soothingly, rubbing her back and continuing to kiss at her head. "Almost there. It'll be over soon, okay? I love you."

* * *

"Where's the doctor?" Olivia asked nervously, eyeing the IV that was now dripping into her arm and wondering what the hold up was. Ed glanced at the clock.

"Only half an hour behind," he noted, but stood up. "I'll go check. You two alright?"

Charlie nodded and stood up, perching herself on Olivia's bed and smiling at her dad.

"We're fine, Dad," she said with a smile. "I can handle Mom duty for a few minutes."

Olivia rolled her eyes and smiled.

"You two…"

"I'll be right back," he said, giving Olivia a quick kiss on the lips and Charlie on the forehead. As the door clicked shut behind him, Charlie turned and fussed a little around Olivia's pillow.

"Charlie?" Olivia said, hoping to get her attention, but it didn't quite work as she hoped.

"Yeah?" she asked, almost absent-mindedly. "Ya need something? Too cold? Another blanket? It is chilly…" Charlie scurried over the the closet and searched for a blanket, but there wasn't one.

"I'm fine, Charlie," Olivia said, her eyes narrowing a bit.

"I'll go ask the nurse?"

"No," Olivia said, still trying to truly get her daughter's attention, but her movements were still flurried. "Hey, _stop,_ talk to me. Everything's okay."

"I know it's ok. You're ok. It's just, you need to be warm and comfortable. These pillows kinda su-"

" _Charlie_ ," Olivia exclaimed. "Stop, come here."

Charlie paused, biting her bottom lip and wrapping her arms around herself. She still didn't make a move closer to Olivia, despite her outstretched hand.

"Listen, I'm comfortable. The pillows are fine. I'm plenty warm. But you know what would make me feel even better than an extra blanket?"

Charlie slowly allowed her worried blue eyes to meet Olivia's and moved slowly forward, taking the offered hand and perching on the side of the bed.

"What?" she whispered, scanning her mother's face and trying to figure out what she could do to help.

Olivia wasted no time bringing her IV hand up, combing her fingers through Charlie's locks, and smiling as she leaned into her touch.

"This," Olivia whispered, her thumb catch a rogue tear making it's way down her daughter's cheek. "Being with you brings me comfort. It's one of my favorite things in the world."

"Momma," Charlie whispered, desperate to keep her emotions in check and to be strong. But Olivia's touch and voice were making it difficult.

"I'm right here, sweet girl," she assured her. "It's gonna be okay. And like I said before, you don't have to hide from me."

Charlie looked up, her teary eyes meeting the watery brown eyes of a woman who had been her mother for a while now, a woman who had her heart.

"I know," she whispered. "I love you, Momma."

Olivia let a few tears slip herself before pulling Charlie down next to her and holding her close, allowing them both to take some deep breaths and gather strength from each other. It didn't last long, however, as Ed came back in and cleared his throat, realizing he interrupted a moment.

"Sorry," he said apologetically, "but Dr. Kamal is on his way…"

Charlie sat up, wiping her tears and handing Olivia a tissue. She kissed her cheek and smiled.

"I love you," she whispered. "I'll see you afterwards, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia said, her lips trembling but she kept control. "I love you too, Charlie. So much. And I'll see you soon."

Charlie lingered for a bit before standing up, nodding at her dad, and making a quick exit, whispering she'd be in the waiting room. Ed made his way over to Olivia and took her hand, wiping her cheeks with his other hand.

"Ya okay?"

"Yeah," she said softly. "Will you keep an eye on her?"

"Always," he promised. Just then, Dr. Kamal came in with a couple of nurses.

"Okay Mrs. Tucker, ready to roll?" he asked, almost too casually given the moment.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she quipped, gripping Ed's hands a bit tighter as he stood and began to walk alongside her bedside. As they neared the double doors, the nurses paused, well aware of the need for a final kiss.

Ed leaned down so he was millimeters from her lips and locked eyes with her.

"Olivia Margaret Tucker I love you," he said firmly. "And I'll be right here, waiting for you, when you get back. Okay?"

Olivia just nodded, unable to form words at the moment, but she attempted a smile as she reached up and stroked his cheeks.

Ed kissed her, his lips lingering on hers, as he whispered twice more that he loved her, before he stood up and watched as they wheeled Olivia through the double. silver doors. His head bowed as he heard them shut, and he took a few minutes to gather himself before heading to the waiting room with Charlie.

* * *

"Hey, Charlie?" Trevor asked, coming up behind her where she was picking at her styrofoam cup. "Why don't you go get some good coffee?"

"I don't wanna leave…" she said, her voice trailing off but her eyes revealing maybe she wanted a break.

"I'll call you if anything happens," Trevor promised. "But we're only an hour in…"

"Promise?"

"I promise," he said firmly, kissing her on the lips and digging his wallet out. "Here, take cash just in case…"

"Dad, you want a coffee from down the street?" she asked, gathering her bag and slinging over her shoulder, the exhaustion showing on her features but she put a smile on when she faced her nervous father.

"Uh, yeah," he said, standing up and kissing her forehead, realizing he had been a little distant that day. "Want me to come too?"

"No, you stay," she assured him. "I could just use the air…"

Charlie made a quick exit, the elevator waiting for her. Once the doors closed, Ed let out a long and loud sigh as he sank back into his chair. Trevor quietly sat next to the man, both of them looking straight ahead.

"How ya holding up, Ed?"

"I'll be doing better once I know the surgery was a success," he admitted honestly, voice gruff but with a hint of emotion.

"I remember going through this with my mom…" Trevor acknowledged softly, hoping he wasn't overstepping, but he saw Ed's head twitch a bit and turn, signaling he was listening. So he continued. "My dad had already passed, so I was the main one helping her through it…"

"That's tough," Ed said, his voice softening and his eyes kind as he admired the father of his grandchild. "Really tough."

"It's not easy to go through alone, that's for sure," Trevor said pointedly. "Make sure you lean on people, sir."

"You may want to tell that to Charlie," Ed quipped quickly, in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, but it had the opposite effect.

"I'm worried about her…all of you, really."

Ed just let out a sigh and let his head fall back against the wall as he contemplated a response.

"Ya know, Trevor," he began, his accent coming out a bit thicker with how he lowered his voice. "You know what she's been through. And you know me and Liv. It shouldn't surprise you…"

"Surprised is the last word I would use here," he responded. "But my point remains, and I'll make it as often as I need to. None of you have to go through this alone."

Ed's lips turned into a tight smile and he let out a little laugh.

"I'm serious," Trevor continued. "You, Charlie, Liv…you're lucky. You have each other to lean on. And you have me. Don't forget that."

"Thanks," Ed muttered, not wanting to get emotional with the man but feeling grateful for the little chat. "That…that means a lot, Trevor."

* * *

The hospital room was silent except for the steady beeping of the heart monitor that was keeping track of Olivia's post-op recovery. Ed had been allowed into the room about half an hour ago, but no one else much to Charlie's dismay. Once Ed drug the chair as close as he could to the bed, he sat down and leaned forward to grasp Olivia's limp hand, careful of the wires. One hand consistently gripped hers while the other would wander. Sometimes lightly caressing her arm and other times caressing her cheek and smoothing her hair. Every so often he would lean forward to place little kisses along her arm and face, anything within reach really, but the room still remained silent.

Ed found the beeping oddly comforting. It signaled the strong heartbeat of his wife, his love, who had conquered her first battle with a grace and strength he wasn't sure he would have had. Though she hadn't yet woken up, the doctors and nurses were all very positive and he was now waiting for an official visit from Dr. Kamal to update him on how the surgery went.

The wait had been agony, given the surgery had lasted two hours longer than predicted. As they neared the final half hour, both Ed and Charlie were nearing a breaking point. Charlie wouldn't say a word, just sitting and pacing, bouncing her leg and biting her nails. Ed was stoic, but the vein in his neck was pulsing greater than anyone had ever noticed. At one point, Noah's teacher had called Charlie's cell phone to give an update and Ed all but ripped the phone from her hands, desperate for a distraction.

Now, however, he sat. Still. Vigil by his wife's bedside, assured that she was going to recover nicely, but worried as to why the surgery had lasted longer than predicted. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long.

"Mr. Tucker," Dr. Kamal said softly, entering the room and closing the door behind him. He moved swiftly, noting the vitals from the machine, feeling the lymph-nodes on Olivia's neck, then pulling up a stool next to Ed and eyeing the man. "Holdin' up okay?"

"As good as can be expected," he admitted, still not ready to peel his eyes off of his wife. "How did it go?"

"Very well," Dr. Kamal answered. "She did beautifully."

"I sense a but…" Ed muttered, kissing Olivia's cheek one more time before turning his eyes on the doctor, bracing.

"Nothing to cause alarm," Dr. Kamal began, "but the tumor was larger than we anticipated. So it took a little longer and we had to do a bit more reconstruction once it was out."

Ed winced, but otherwise stayed silent.

"Worst case? It sets her recovery back a few days," Dr. Kamal said confidently. "Which is basically nothing at this point."

"It hasn't spread?" Ed asked, his voice appearing steady but his heart racing.

"Not that we could tell. All signs are good that it is contained and out, and with four to six months of chemotherapy, she will be as good as new."

Ed's eyes closed and one tear slipped down his cheek, the relief of the news sinking slowly into his being. His hands gripped Olivia's hand tightly, and he brought it up to his lips, leaving it there for a bit while he pulled himself together.

Dr. Kamal gave the man a few minutes to absorb the news before moving on.

"We will do another scan next week when we remove the stitches," he said, beginning to tick the steps off one by one. "That is when we will confirm her first treatment date. Better to start within a four to six week window."

Ed did a quick calculation.

"Thanksgiving…" he muttered.

"It does fall around the holiday season," the doctor admitted softly. "We will work with what you two want, okay?"

"When can our son come visit?" he asked, knowing that Noah would get home from school and immediately expect to see his mother.

"I'd like to keep younger guests to a minimum the first 24 hours," he said. "But if all goes well, you can have the whole gang in tomorrow afternoon."

"Charlie?"

"She can come back as soon as I leave," he said, standing up and once again viewing the vitals and admiring his patient. "In fact, I'll bring her back myself unless you have more questions?"

"Nah," Ed said. "Not at the moment."

"Great. I'll be back with your daughter. Breathe easy, Captain Tucker. You're well on your way."

* * *

 ** _It lightens up some after this - but not if you don't leave a review..._**


	5. Chapter 5

**_Five_**

Ed and Olivia didn't even flinch when the front door open and slammed, because they immediately heard the pitter patter of their son's feet.

 _Klunk Klunk_

Ed smirked, picturing Noah toeing off his boots and shoving them onto the mat before dropping his coat on the floor and taking off towards the living room.

"Hi sweet boy," Olivia said with a smile, still not moving from where she was propped on the couch, but she opened her arms for her son.

"Hi Mommy," Noah said cheerfully, giving her a hug, careful to only touch her neck and head. "We gotted the face-paint!"

He triumphantly held up a container with black and white face paint and Olivia's smile grew.

"Good job," she said. "You and Lizzie are going to look so cute tomorrow."

"Uh-huh," he replied, turning and busying himself opening the package and examining it closely. "Yep, this works."

He hopped up and ran through the house looking for Lizzie. Charlie finally emerged with a weary expression, having changed into lounge attire, and plopping onto the oversized chair with a huff.

"It is impossible to find anything the day before Halloween out here…" she whined, propping her feet on the table and giving her parents a smile.

Olivia's coloring had really returned, and despite being sore and easily fatigued, she was basically back to normal. Though that didn't stop Ed from doting on her. Right now, he was rubbing the soles of her feet while she kept a wrapped icepack on her incision, hoping to reduce the irritation it had seemed to develop.

"Feeling better?" Charlie asked, nodding to the compress, and Olivia confirmed.

"Much," she said. "The idea of a cold compress wasn't fun at first, but it is helping the ugly redness go away."

"Shoulda just told Trevor to get the paint while he's in the city," Ed mused. "Pop up Halloween stores on every corner."

"Now you tell me," Charlie quipped with an annoyed, but playful smirk. "Such a help, you are."

"I try," Ed said, sitting up a little straighter and continuing the tease for a bit. But Olivia tensing up caught his attention. "What's wrong, babe?"

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Nothing," she said, clearly tired of being watched like a hawk. "I just shifted and the compress also… _shifted_ …"

Charlie winced.

Ed smirked.

Olivia kicked Ed and rolled her eyes.

"Men," she grumbled, hoping to get a laugh out of Charlie. It worked, but barely. Before she had a chance to deepen the conversation, however, Ed's mind shifted.

"Trevor is back tomorrow for trick or treating, right?" he asked. Halloween fell on a Tuesday this year, and despite that being an evening Trevor usually spent in the city, his absence from Lizzie's early life had taken a toll, so he was determined not to miss anything else.

"Right," Charlie confirmed. "We can take both of them, if you want to stay here? Or I can let you go with Trev?"

"I don't need a babysitter," Olivia said under her breath, clearly still frustrated with her restrictions. Ed rubbed her calf comfortingly.

"We know," he said. "It's more for us at this point, if I'm honest."

Olivia's jaw set and her eyes darkened, causing Ed to sidetrack the conversation. It had been a sore spot with them for a couple of days now, who was taking the kids out for Halloween. For Ed, it was a no brainer. Olivia stayed home and he went. But for Olivia, it was different. She wanted to see them trick or treat. She wanted the experience, if for no other reason, than she was feeling that pressure to make every moment count.

"Olivia," Ed had cautioned the night before. "I know you feel fine, and that you want to go. But the doctor cautioned about over doing it, and also over exposing yourself before treatment begins."

"I'm not starting treatment for a month, Ed," she snapped at him, before retracting a bit. "I'm sorry…I don't mean to be a pain."

"You're not," Ed said, but he said it with a smirk that caused Olivia to laugh a little. "Okay…maybe a little. But you're _my_ pain."

"Look," she said, biting her bottom lip and sitting up on the bed to face him, holding his hands. "I just don't want to miss anything. Especially now…"

Ed thought back on the conversation, how his heart cracked when he heard the tone of her voice, and how their argument was rather heated the following morning. But he was adamant, and still was, that she didn't need to do the trick or treating.

"Honestly, I think the men should take them," Charlie said, having wandered back into the living room from fixing a drink.

"Is that my bourbon?" Ed asked, scrunching his face up. He'd never seen her drink it.

"Yes," she said simply. "All we have."

"Ah."

"Anyways," she continued. "I can't stand Halloween. So, you and Trev take the kids…and just watch them closely please."

"Always."

* * *

Later that night, Ed wandered into the bathroom while Olivia showered. She no longer had to cover her incisions, but she was still too sore to wash her hair the way she liked, so Ed prepared to step in. As he softly closed the door and began to toe his sweatpants off, he looked through the slightly foggy glass and admired his wife.

She was gorgeous.

"Ed?" she called, snapping him out of his thoughts and back into reality. "You just gonna stand there or…"

"Sorry," he said, shrugging and stepping into the oversized shower, taking Olivia into his arms and resting his chin on her head. "You're beautiful."

Olivia squirmed a bit, both in his grip and also from the compliment, but Ed didn't let go.

"No," he said softly. "I know you're struggling right now, but to me, you've never been more beautiful."

She finally stopped and looked up into his eyes, her own full of tears, but she smiled.

"I love you," she whispered, leaning up to kiss him gently, knowing they couldn't get too worked up that night. "Thank you."

Ed just shrugged and reached for her shampoo.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

Olivia moaned softly as Ed lathered her hair, rubbing her scalp expertly and making sure her hair was not only fully washed, but that she was relaxed. He took the extra shower head and moved to rinse her locks, the pressure of the water continuing the massage. Ed repeated the same thing with her conditioner, checking that her hair was totally rinsed, before replacing the shower head and kissing her lips.

"All done," he whispered, moving to kiss her more deeply. Olivia, not thinking, went to wrap her arms around his neck and suddenly seethed in pain.

"Liv!" Ed said, startled as his eyes raked over her body.

"Sorry," she whispered, her face still in a grimace. "I forgot about…"

"Okay," he said. "It's okay. Come on, let's get you into pajamas and in the bed."

Once they were settled, Olivia moved so her head was resting on Ed's chest and she could hear his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry I fought you earlier about Halloween," she admitted softly. "You're right. I just…"

"I know, baby," Ed responded, kissing her temple and pulling her tighter. "I know it's hard. But we'll get through this, just like everything else."

"Together," Olivia finished for him, before snuggling in further and giving into a deep slumber.

* * *

Charlie settled in her bed, placing a freshly poured bourbon on the nightstand and hit the Face time button. Trevor picked up on the first ring.

"Hey babe," he said, his smile growing as her face came into view.

"Hey yourself," Charlie said, trying to sound cheerful, but it didn't work.

"What's wrong?"

She shrugged and took a long swig of her drink, exhaling loudly before divulging to her boyfriend.

"I overheard Mom and Dad fighting this morning about Halloween," she said, her voice no more than a whisper and her eyes tearing up a little. "Mom was wanting to go, and Dad was explaining why she couldn't."

"I'm sure it's hard for Olivia to slow down…" Trevor began, but Charlie shook her head, signaling that isn't what was bothering her.

"It's what she said tho," Charlie admitted. "She got all emotional and was yelling, and then she goes _But what if this is my last Halloween_. And I just…"

"Oh, babe," Trevor sighed out, running a hand over his face and getting as close to the screen as he could. "Do you want me to come out tonight?"

"No, it's late," she said. "I just needed to talk to you."

"Her prognosis is good, Charlie," Trevor reminded her. "And there are going to be moments where we all get emotional thinking about what ifs, but don't go there okay? We have no reason to."

"I know."

"Your mom, and your dad, need you to be strong right now."

Charlie nodded, fully aware and moving to take another sip of bourbon.

"Strong," she repeated, nodding a couple of times before faking a yawn. "That's the plan. Look, I'm pretty tired…but I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Absolutely," he said. "I'll be there midday. Love you."

"Love you too," Charlie said before ending the call, downing the rest of the bourbon in one sip, and flopping against her pillows allowing her eyes to wander to the framed photo next to her bed. It was from their family vacation, years ago, before she had met Trevor. Noah was on her back, Olivia had her arms wrapped around both kids, and Ed's arms were around Olivia. Large smiles graced their faces and the girls' hair was wind blown. It was Charlie's favorite photo. She swallowed hard, making sure her bubbling tears disappeared before flipping the lamp off and turning over.

"I won't let anyone down," she muttered before allowing the bourbon to take her into a fitful sleep.

* * *

"Come on Lizzie," Noah said patiently, taking his niece's hand and leading her up the next sidewalk. "I right here. Don't be scared."

Lizzie was not loving the whole trick or treat thing. She had followed happily up to the first house with Noah, Trevor and Ed standing at the end of the driveway and watching them. But as soon as the door opened, and she realized it was a stranger, she hid behind her uncle and gripped his costume.

"Lizzie," Noah had said. "It okay. Look! Candy!"

But she was having none of it. So the next house, Trevor carried her to the door with Noah leading the way.

"Okay, Lizzie," he said. "This time you won't be scared."

She wasn't, and she even managed a faint "trick or treat" to the elderly lady, who knew the family and thought the scene was adorable. After a few more houses, Lizzie decided to try again with Noah.

"Unc," she had said, struggling to get down from Trevor's arms and taking Noah's hand.

"You gonna take her, bud?" Ed asked, making sure he understood the plan.

"Uh huh," Noah nodded. "We try again, right Lizzie?"

So off they went, up to another door, but this time it was to a neighbor that the kids both knew well, Mrs. Potts.

The door opened, revealing a jubilant and slightly overweight elderly woman.

"Ohhhh look who it is!" she squealed, crouching down and saying hello. "I love your costumes!"

"Thank you," Noah said politely. "I da fireman. Lizzie da firedog."

"You two are just adorable," Mrs. Potts said, reaching out to pinch Lizzie's cheek.

"Tick-teat!" the little girl said happily, her courage and pride growing when she realized she could do this trick or treating thing.

"Ohhhh, Stan!" the woman yelled, as she dug through her candy basket to find something age appropriate for the two year old. "Come look at the Tucker kids before they go!"

"We'll be lucky if Sue gives us our kids back," Ed muttered to Trevor as they watched the scene. Trevor let out a laugh.

"She looks like the neighborhood grandma."

"Might as well be," Ed said, still talking under his breath. "It's cute. For about three minutes, then its just overwhelming."

Trevor smiled and began to walk towards the porch, in an effort to hurry the kids along.

"Better intervene," he joked, still in earshot of Ed. "Our girls will not be happy if we return childless."

* * *

Charlie placed her mother's water down on the coffee table, setting her glass of bourbon down with it. She sat down at the end of the couch, propping her feet on the coffee table, and hugging a pillow to chest. Olivia was still sitting up, but beginning to doze off occasionally between scenes. The tucker women had enjoyed a very low-key evening, occasionally answering the door to their own trick or treaters, before settling in and turning on reruns of The West Wing. But it was becoming clear to Charlie that Olivia was exhausted, and trying to stay awake for the kids to return.

"I'm sorry you couldn't go out today," she said, breaking the silence and interrupting her mother's yawn.

"It's fine," Olivia sighed, rubbing her eyes and reaching to sip her water. "Thank you for the refill, by the way."

"Of course," Charlie said simply. "But, I know it's not fine. I could see how crushed you were when dad and Trevor left with the kids."

"It just sucks," she finally spit out, surprising both of them with the admission, but she didn't take it back. She just shot Charlie a small smile, which was returned.

"It really does," Charlie agreed. "And I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry abo—" she cut her words short as another yawn took over.

"Why don't you go lay down. Get some sleep."

"I told Noah I'd wait up for him," she argued. "So I could hear all about the night."

"He can always tell you tomorrow," Charlie quipped, but she knew it was futile.

"No, I can't break my promise," Olivia said, looking at the clock on the mantel. "Besides they should be getting home pretty soon, I would think."

Mother and daughter just sat on the couch, looking at each other, trying to decide what to do. Olivia's eyes were barely open at that point.

"Okay," Charlie compromised. "How about you lay down out here. I'm sure their squeals will wake you up once they get back."

Olivia smiled before patting Charlie's leg and standing up.

"Okay, sweet girl," she said. "You win. Just let me brush my teeth…"

Charlie watched as her mom made her way to the bathroom, and then she grabbed the fuzzy blanket from the ottoman and got the couch ready.

When Olivia returned, Charlie was back on the end of the couch, feet on the coffee table, and a pillow against her legs.

"Come on, Momma," she said with a smile and a pat. "Time for a role-reversal."

Olivia let out a little laugh, but her body was too tired to protest. So she curled up on the couch, laying her head against her daughter's lap, and let out a content sigh. Charlie pulled the blanket up to her chin before hitting the remote to turn the volume on the television down.

"Rest, Momma," she whispered, running her fingers softly through Olivia's hair and using her other hand to take a sip of bourbon. "I gotcha."

"That's my line," Olivia mumbled, but she was already drifting quickly to dreamland. Charlie just smiled and kept playing with her hair.

"Not tonight," she whispered. "Not this time."

* * *

Ed and Trevor were chuckling as they came into the house a little bit before eight that evening, but the dimmed lighting caused them pause. They quickly shushed the kids and helped them get their shoes off, before heading into the living room. Trevor stopped and smiled at the sight, causing Ed to almost bump into him.

"Look at them," he said, nodding towards the couch. Olivia was asleep on her side, one hand slung across Charlie's lap. Charlie was still sitting up, but her head lolled to the side as she dozed, an empty tumbler in her hand.

Trevor walked over and took the glass, bringing it to the kitchen while Ed went to fix the blanket around Olivia.

"Dad?" Charlie mumbled, her head straightening up and stifling a yawn.

"Just got back," he whispered. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," she mumbled. "She wanted to wait up to hear stories from the kids, but was fading. So we napped."

Ed was about to kneel at the couch to gently wake his wife, when Noah came trotting into the living room, still in costume, and observed the scene. He quietly made his way over to his mother and kissed her cheek.

"Night night, Mommy," he whispered. "Come on Daddy. You gotta give us da bath tonight. Lizzie still have spots on her face."

Ed just chuckled and stood up, shrugging at Charlie.

"Better do what he says," she teased. "We're just fine out here."

Ed shot her a funny look, but Lizzie's shriek and giggles interrupted his thought. He kissed Charlie's head, nodded at Trevor who was returning with a fresh glass of water, and headed off to wrangle the kids. Trevor sat in the chair, nearest to the end of the couch Charlie was perched on, and handed her the water.

"You alright?" he asked, his face showing some concern. But Charlie just sipped her water and gave him a small smile.

"I'm just fine," she said. "Just fine."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Six_**

"So, like Nurse Adams stated," Dr. Kamal continued, "we are confident we got all of the cancer during surgery. So long as the scan confirms that, we will do six cycles of chemotherapy. Each cycle will last about 2-3 weeks. You'll get the drugs via IV on the first three days, then your body will absorb and react accordingly. We'll schedule regular check-ins, as well."

Ed and Olivia held fast to each other's hands as they sat in the arm chairs, facing the kind doctor who was seated behind his desk, hands folded over Olivia's growing record chart. She had just finished her post-op scan, and though they didn't have the results back yet, the doctor appeared hopeful which delighted the couple.

"What side effects should I expect?" Olivia asked, her voice firm and resolved, almost as if she were treating this like a case and steeling herself until she won.

"Hard to say," Dr. Kamal answered honestly. "Most common are nausea, fatigue, weight loss…or gain, depending on how you react to the drugs, hair loss…"

Olivia's grip tightened on Ed's hand at the mention of hair loss, but her expression didn't change.

"With this combination we are starting off with," the doctor continued, "hair loss isn't a sure thing, like with some of the other combinations. But, like I said, side effects vary from person to person. So it is best to be prepared for them."

"When you say starting off with…" Ed intervened, his face scrunched up a little it as he tried to take in all the information. "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means that we are choosing the drugs we think will work the best," Dr. Kamal answered. "But we won't know how Olivia's body will react. It could be that we need to adjust the combination, or amount of each one we use, as time goes on."

"So you're saying she may reject the drugs?" Ed asked, leaning forward a little bit as if he were trying to intimidate the doctor into making sure this went seamlessly.

"Not reject," Dr. Kamal clarified. "But some patients don't react well to certain combinations. So we may make minor tweaks along the way. Nothing to be alarmed about, just something to be aware of. Anything outside of the normal side effects we've talked about should be reported immediately."

"Do you think it's a mistake to do chemo in the city?" Ed asked, his apprehension about their decision to continue Olivia's treatment at Mt. Sinai was very apparent. "Should we be closer to this hospital? Or should we just relocate back to Manhattan for the duration?"

"Ed…" Olivia soothed, bringing his hand to her lips briefly, before settling her eyes back on the doctor. "It's okay…"

"Olivia's right," Dr. Kamal agreed. "Both hospitals are in the same system - which means even if you needed an ER run out here, the doctors will have access to her records. And I commute back and forth as well. There's nothing to be worried about there, Captain Tucker."

Ed took a deep breath and managed to give his wife a smile, signaling that he was okay for the time being.

"Okay?" Dr. Kamal checked in one more time before ending their consultation. "Good, good. So once the official results are back from the scan, I'll give you a call and confirm your first treatment date. Likely the week right after Thanksgiving."

Olivia just nodded and stood up to shake the doctor's hand.

"Thank you," she said softly, watching as Ed mimicked her actions. As they turned to leave, Ed's arm immediately wrapped around Olivia's waist and he held her tightly to his side as they left. Waiting for the elevator, he pressed his lips to the side of her temple and inhaled deeply.

"I love you," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear, sending shivers down her spine. But she smiled and cuddled in further to him.

"I love you, too."

* * *

The doorbell rang through the Tucker household. Olivia was just sinking into the couch with a fresh cup of coffee, but Ed had recently left to pick up Noah, so she pried herself out of the cushions, curious about who was paying them a visit. One look through the window brought a smile to her face.

"Fin!" she exclaimed, opening the door wide and pulling her oldest friend into a quick hug. "What a nice surprise."

Fin grinned and stepped into the house, taking in the scene.

"Ya know, I still can't get used to you livin' out here…" he said, giving her a smirk and hanging his leather jacket on the coat rack.

"Sometimes I can't either," Olivia admitted with a little laugh. "Come in, I just made a fresh pot of coffee."

Olivia ushered Fin into the house and fixed him a coffee, remembering just how he liked it. She plopped back down on the couch next to him and curled one foot up under her.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" she asked, eyebrow raised under her large brown and turquoise frames. Fin reached into his backpack and pulled out a thick, hunter green accordion file and plopped it on the coffee table.

"I need your help."

Olivia cocked her head to the side and her eyebrow went up higher, but she eagerly eyed the file.

"Well, fill me in," she said, reaching for the top stack of papers and beginning to scan while Fin started from the beginning.

An hour and a half later, papers were strewn all over the coffee table and Fin had returned with refills for both of them. He paused, though, to admire the scene. Olivia was on the floor, feet curled under the table. Her head rested on her arm, and a pen was in her mouth.

"Some things will never change," he quipped, slinking down onto the floor next to her. "I've missed this."

"Me too," she admitted, taking her glasses off and eyeing her friend, happy for the brief respite from reading gruesome details. "Even though I know you don't actually need my help."

Fin pretended to look offended, before shrugging. He couldn't fool Olivia Benson-Tucker.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, his smile growing as he picked up one of the crime reports and pointed out something. "But doesn't this sound familiar?"

"It does…" she murmured, searching her brain for anything that might help them remember which case this new one might be linked to. All of a sudden her eyes grew wide and she snapped her head up. "Juan Ramos."

"Shit," Fin said, realizing that Olivia just made the connection he had been needing. "You're right. Dammit. This motherfucker…"

"I know…"

"How'd you…you had already retired when he first struck," Fin mused, his smile growing as Olivia ducked her eyes a little.

"Yeah, well, like I ever _fully_ retired."

* * *

"How was your visit with Fin?" Ed inquired as he took the dishes from Olivia's soapy hands and placed them in the dishwasher. She just smirked and locked eyes as she handed another glass over.

"Don't play dumb, Captain," she said teasingly. "I know you were behind this little visit."

Ed gave her an innocent look, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

Olivia just let out a hearty laugh.

"Fin said the exact same thing," she exclaimed, her smile giving away that she wasn't actually annoyed at the conspiring of the men in her life. "But…thank you. It was a nice distraction."

"You're not mad?" Ed asked cautiously, closing the dishwasher and hitting a few buttons before drying his hands and reaching for his wife's waist.

"No," she said softly, leaning up to kiss him gently. "I'm not mad. I'm…well, I felt…useful again."

"Liv…"

"That came out wrong…"

"It's not wrong if it's how you feel, babe," Ed said comfortingly, pulling Olivia flush against him and pressing his forehead to hers.

"I just mean, case wise," she corrected. "I love our life, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world…"

"But you still miss SVU," Ed finished for her. "And babe, you always will. It's what I love about you. Your fight and resolve for victims."

Olivia just smiled and ducked her head into his chest, breathing in his scent as they began to sway slowly in the middle of their kitchen. Their impromptu dance lasted a few minutes, before Ed pulled back and began to kiss at Olivia's face.

"Ed…" she sighed out, loving the attention, but aware they were not alone in the house. "Noah…Lizzie…."

"Watching old Batman episodes…"

He continued his kissing, moving along her jaw and down her neck before landing on her collar bone and nibbling.

"Ed, we can't…not right now…"

She finally pried him off of her and held his face in her hands.

"But, you get the kids to bed and maybe I'll still have enough energy for _that_ a little later?"

Ed just grinned, but pulled her back into his chest.

"I just wanna be with you. Near you. We don't have to _do_ anything. I'm content to just hold you."

* * *

"This is nice," Trevor commented as he and Charlie strolled hand in hand down the beach. It was chilly and they both had on fleece sweatshirts. Charlie even had on a knit cap. But the couple still rolled their pants up and allowed the cold water to wash over their feet as the waves curled in.

"Yeah…" Charlie responded, though not as convincing as she had hoped. Trevor didn't stop their leisurely pace, but he tightened his grip on her hand and leaned down to kiss her head.

"Talk to me…"

Charlie kicked her foot a little in the sand and swung their arms a bit, before turning to look up at Trevor and give him a small smile.

"I'm okay, babe," she said, mustering up all the strength she had but failing miserably.

"Nice try," he quipped, returning the smile. "But you have somehow defied biology and are a carbon copy of Olivia…so how about the truth?"

Charlie just laughed a little, but finally stopped walked and turned to face Trevor.

"My parents," she began, pausing and gathering her thoughts. "They've always been there. Well, maybe not _always_ always. But…since my dad and I repaired our relationship, they've been rock solid. I never had that growing up."

"I know," Trevor whispered, brushing her hair back and stroking her cheek softly.

"And…even after we finally became a family," Charlie said, swallowing hard as if the emotion was beginning to bubble, "we kept taking hit after hit. It's just…it never stops."

"It's not fair."

"It's _not_ fair," Charlie emphasized. "But you know what really isn't fair? This. Everything else…as traumatic and horrible as it was, and still is…"

"Charlie.." Trevor interrupted, seeing the tears begin to tumble. He crushed her into his chest and held her tightly, allowing her to ride out her sobs. She couldn't get any other words out, but he knew what she was trying to say. He had known it from the beginning. The Tuckers were strong. Charlie was strong. But Olivia being sick rattled through their family in a way that he couldn't soothe.

"I can't let myself go there," she whispered, pulling back and wiping at her face with the sleeve of her hoodie. Trevor gently moved her hands and wiped the tears himself, as Charlie pulled herself together. "I have to be strong. I…I operate better with my head down. And I _know_ you want me to talk. But I can't right now, okay? I can't let myself fall apart. Please. Please understand that."

Trevor took a deep breath, his eyes searching hers, before reluctantly nodding slightly. He leaned down to kiss her lips, tasting the reminisce of her tears, before pulling back.

"Okay," he said softly. "Okay. But…if I see you going off the rails…"

"I trust you to stop me," Charlie finished for him, before standing on her tip toes and crashing her lips back into his.

* * *

"Noah finally down?" Ed asked as Olivia padded back into their bedroom. He was changing the sheets and tucking the edges in while she shed her fuzzy robe and sauntered up behind him, kissing in between his shoulder blades.

"Yeah," she sighed, head resting on his back. Ed caressed Olivia's forearms where they rested around his stomach, twisting his head around to awkwardly kiss her head. "He had…more questions than usual."

"About the treatment?" Ed asked, already knowing those thoughts were swirling through his son's mind.

"Cancer in general," Olivia responded. "What it is, what it looks like. It's…a lot for his little brain to process. Hell, it's a lot for big brains to process."

Ed turned around in his wife's arms and cupped her face.

"But we're not alone," he said, kissing her forehead. Then her nose. Then both cheeks, before finally landing on her lips.

"No," she mumbled in between his kisses. "None of us are."

Ed backed Olivia to the bed, his lips not leaving hers, where he proceeded to make love to her tenderly and slowly, savoring every moment they had together.

An hour later their limbs were tangled together under a crisp, light gray sheet, Olivia's foot lightly running up and down Ed's calf under his sweat pants. Out of habit, they had both thrown pajamas on after they came down from their rendezvous in case of a visitor, but they still found a way to be skin to skin. This time, in addition to Olivia's foot, Ed's hand was up the sleeve of her t-shirt, tracing circles around her shoulder.

"I love you," Olivia muttered, perfectly content to rest on his chest and not move again until the morning. But the night had other plans. Just as Ed was about to return an _I love you_ , a cry came from down the hall. Olivia's head popped up, straining to hear if Noah was awake and upset, or still asleep, but she soon got her answer as little footsteps came running down the hall.

"I got him," Ed said, quickly getting up and jogging to unlock their bedroom door as Noah's cries got more frantic. Once Ed opened the door, his heart cracked. Noah stood there in dinosaur pajamas, his hair spiked in all directions and his little body shaking with cries. "Hey pal," Ed cooed as he quickly scooped him into his arms and held him close. "You're okay, bud."

"I…I want…my Mommy…." he cried out, sobs getting louder as he struggled to breathe. Olivia sprang from the bed and took Noah from Ed, ignoring the pain in her breast, and placed him down in the middle of the bed. He immediately curled back into Olivia, only allowing his teddy bear to separate them as his sobs began to quiet just a little. Ed laid back down behind Noah and propped himself up on his elbow so he could observe the pair.

"Here No, can you cuddle up with me? We need to be careful with Mommy," Ed said, trying to shift Noah off of Olivia's chest, but the little boy panicked and curled further into his mother.

"No!" he shrieked, and Olivia just shook her head, signaling to Ed that she was fine. "Mommy…"

"He's fine, Ed," she whispered, before planting her lips on Noah's forehead and holding him tightly. "Mommy's here, sweet boy. It's okay. Everything's okay."

Ed watched over his wife and son for a few minutes until he was sure Noah was calm enough to not knock into Olivia.

"Noah, ya want some apple juice?" he asked gently, running his hand through the boys brown, slightly wavy locks. He just nodded, sniffling a little as his head moved. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Ed kissed his damp cheek before padding out of the room. Olivia kept Noah tucked tightly in her arms, occasionally kissing his head as she began to sing softly to him, while Ed quietly went to check on Lizzie. Assured that his family was safe and snug in bed, he moved to grab Noah a juice cup and fixed a glass of water for Olivia. By the time he got back to the master bedroom, his wife and son were fast asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Seven_**

Ed sat stiffly in one of the hard, plastic blue chairs that was set up for visitors. Mount Sinai's chemo bay was extensive. It was very clean and bright, but sadly it was also crowded. Each patient had a curtained-off area to try and preserve privacy and inside each "chemo-cubbie", as they were referred to by the nurses, was a nice recliner for the patient and an extra chair for whoever was accompanying them. There was a small selection of reading materials, but other than that it was up to each patient to bring something to pass the time. Olivia had opted for a book she was wanting to read this go around, but she had hardly touched it so far. Ed already hated the chemo bay and everything it represented for his wife, but he focused on the fact that it was set up in a way that he could be near her while she received her drip.

It was day two of Olivia's first treatment, and so far Ed was relieved at how she seemed to react. Each drip lasted about three hours, and after the first one she felt the same as she had been feeling. So they walked down Fifth Avenue, admiring the tree-lined streets and the kids on scooters heading into Central Park, before stopping at a little pub for dinner. She hadn't eaten much, but it was enough to not worry Ed. Then they had slept relatively seamless in Trevor's apartment before returning the next day.

The week before Olivia's first treatment was Thanksgiving, and though it had been a quiet celebration, Ed was still reveling in just how smoothly it had gone. Trevor and Charlie did most of the cooking, including smoking the fresh turkey in Ed's newly purchased Big Green Egg. Olivia had set up camp on a floor pallet with Noah and Lizzie to watch the Macy's parade, while Ed went between each little group of his family, making sure drinks were refilled and people were smiling. Rollins and Carisi even ended up joining them briefly for dinner, before Rollins was called in.

"You sure they aren't together?" Ed had asked once they bundled Jesse back out the door, Carisi having volunteered to watch her while Rollins went in to work with their newest detective.

"I've stopped trying to figure them out," Olivia quipped back. "Probably just really good friends at this point…"

Later that evening, Olivia began to slowly unpack their Christmas decorations. Ed argued that it was still a day too early, but she had just smirked at him with her eyebrow raised, so he immediately relented. By the time the kids were asleep that night, the mantel was decorated and a soft smell of cinnamon lingered from the candles.

"Maybe we wait to get the tree until after treatment," Olivia mumbled into his shoulder as they sat snuggled on the couch with the fire going.

"Whatever you want," Ed said. "Probably best to wait a bit, if we want a live one."

"I love a live tree," she mused. "They smell so good…"

"Then that's what we will do," he decided, twisting a little to kiss her lips. "Bed?"

"Please."

Ed was still lost in the memory when he felt Olivia grasp at his forearm.

"Ed? You still here?"

He shook himself a bit and gave her a smirk. The drip was nearly done. Her coloring was slightly more pale, but her eyes were clear.

"Sorry," he said gruffly, taking her hand and kissing it. "Just thinkin'"

"About Thanksgiving?"

"How'd ya know?" he asked, curious as to just how well she could read his thoughts.

"You had this silly grin on your face," she said. "You always get that way when you are lost in pleasant memories."

"It was a nice holiday," he said simply, shrugging before scooting his chair closer to hers and reaching out to trace his finger along her cheek. "Ya feelin' okay?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, her eyes not leaving his, but this time her answer wasn't as confident. Ed cupped her face and leaned closer, nuzzling her nose, as the drugs continued to drip into her veins.

"Tell me," he implored.

"A little light-headed," she admitted, her voice barely audible. Ed heard every word. "Not nauseated, but…woozy. If that makes sense."

"It does," he nodded, before kissing at her hand and arm. "I'm right here. Just hang onto me. Looks like the drip is almost done."

"Can we just order in tonight?" she asked, her eyes large, almost as if she felt he would prefer to eat out while they stayed in the city. But Trevor's apartment was more than comfortable for the couple, and Olivia was looking forward to sinking into his plush couch or the newly purchased pillow top mattress and sleeping. Trevor had eagerly offered them use of his place during treatment cycles. It was close to Mount Sinai, in a nice elevator building with a view of the park, and even had an extra bedroom in case Noah and Charlie decided to go spend a night or two.

"Whatever you want," Ed replied, his voice steady but Olivia could hear the tiny hint of desperation. "I'll do whatever you want."

"I love you, Ed," Olivia whispered, her eyes tearing up a little bit as she thought about how deeply she loved the man in front of her, and how sure she was that he would, in fact, do anything she needed or wanted, but she swallowed it for the time being.

"I love you, too," he replied, kissing her lips softly, before moving to pull a manila folder from his bag. It was time to lighten the mood and distract his wife. "Wanna page through these files Fin sent?"

Olivia's smile grew, and her eyes got a little sparkle back.

"Fin sent them? Or you asked?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," she said, grabbing the files and eagerly reading the latest on the case Fin had enlisted her help with. "Doesn't matter one bit."

* * *

"Hey Trev?" Charlie called, having just entered the house from work. She shook off her ankle boots and hung her denim coat on the hook before moving towards the kitchen. "You here?"

Silence.

"Where is he," she murmured to herself, knowing he was at the house because his car was in the driveway. She noted the freshly washed coffee pot on the drying rack before movement out the back window caught her eye. Peering through the kitchen window, Charlie's smile began to grow. Trevor was out back cleaning up all the leaves and sticks in the yard from the season's last real tree shed.

Before Ed and Olivia had departed for the city, Ed had expressed concern that he hadn't gotten around to clearing the yard. Specifically, he was worried Lizzie would trip and fall while playing. But Charlie reassured him it was fine. Now she brewed a single cup of coffee, added pumpkin creamer, and stood at their sliding glass doors to watch her boyfriend clean the yard. Trevor was easy on the eyes in his torn, washed out jeans, dark blue waffle knit top, and an unbuttoned gray shirt as a jacket. As much as she hated to interrupt her show, Charlie needed to for just a second. Stepping out onto the deck, she shivered, slightly regretting she was just in socks, and called to him.

"Hey babe," she yelled, smiling as he immediately looked up and flashed her a wide grin.

"Hey Charlie," he said, placing the rake against a tree and crunching through the yard towards her. "You're home early."

"Yeah," she said, meeting him on the steps for a quick kiss. He was two steps down, which meant they were eye level; something that rarely happened for the couple. "Forgot Noah's swim bag and he has his lesson after school."

The year before Noah had tried both soccer and basketball, but when Ed and Olivia offered him the chance to play again he didn't seem too enthused. Instead, he had perked up at the idea of continuing his intermediate swim lessons, so instead of overloading the kid's schedule, the Tuckers opted for one fall activity.

"Ah," he said, checking the time on his watch. "Want me to get Lizzie?"

"No," Charlie said with a smile. "She will like watching them splash around, and they have a play area at the Y. You stay here…and keep up the good work."

Trevor laughed and blushed slightly, seeing the way she was eyeing him.

"Just figured it's a way to help," he shrugged, coming up the last two steps and pulling Charlie flush against him. "Your dad was worried about it."

"He's…focusing on things in his control," she said quietly, patting Trevor on the chest and kissing his chin. "Maybe send him a pic when you're done. Relieve his stress…"

"Will do," Trevor responded once more, kissing his girlfriend before sauntering back to his rake. "Maybe you should take a picture too…"

Charlie just winked, snapped a shot, and turned to leave.

"Not bad, Charlie," she said to herself as she walked back inside. "Not too bad…"

* * *

"Unc!" Lizzie waved her arms frantically in the carpool line, from where she was secured in her carseat, as Noah approached. The boy was almost skipping, his backpack bouncing on his back as he climbed into the backseat of Charlie's SUV.

"Hi Lizzie!" he greeted cheerfully. "Hi Charlie!"

"Hey, pal," she said, turning around and making sure he was buckled in before pulling out of the waiting line. "How was your day?"

"Good," he shrugged, opening his backpack before shooting his sister a worried glance. "I forgot my suit!"

"Don't worry," she said with a knowing smile. "I ran home and got your bag. Its up here."

"Oh," Noah said, slumping back and kicking his feet a bit. "Good job, Charlie."

"Thanks," she said with a little laugh as she began to weave them through narrow streets in route to the Y. "Are you hungry? Do you want to stop for something before we go to your lesson?"

"Cupcake shop?" he asked, eyes wide. Charlie shook her head.

"Maybe not cupcakes, but we can go there for a smoothie and a cookie?"

"Okay," he said happily. "Lizzie, ya want a cookie?"

"Yes Yes Yes!" the little girl began to chant in her carseat and wave her arms around.

"She always wants a cookie" Noah said, shaking his head a smiling.

"Just like someone else I know…." Charlie mused, making eye contact with him in the rear view mirror.

"Yep," Noah said confidently. "Just like Uncle Noah."

A few minutes later, the three Tuckers were parked inside of a bakery. Charlie was consistently having to chase her daughter with a napkin, as she had chocolate and crumbs everywhere, but both kids sat still and were happy to eat their treats. Noah had been relatively quiet since they arrived.

"Charlie?" he finally asked, polishing off his treat and taking a sip of his strawberry smoothie.

"What's up, No?" she responded, giving Lizzie one more wipe before showing her brother her undivided attention.

"When Mommy and Daddy coming back?"

Charlie put her drink down and took a breath. She had known Noah's little mind was churning with questions ever since Ed and Olivia had departed on Monday morning. Last night, she ended up sleeping awkwardly in his bed with him, as he kept waking up. But he wouldn't really talk much about it. Until now.

"Well," she began, "today is Tuesday…so either Thursday night or Friday morning. Three more days."

"Mommy gettin' chemo?"

"Yep," she answered, following along with what everyone, including Olivia's team of doctors, advised as far as Noah's knowledge of what was happening. It was best if they were direct, answering any questions but trying not to overload him with details. "She started yesterday, remember? Daddy sent a picture in the big chair?"

"Oh yeah," Noah said slowly, as he thought back to the photo. "And she had that IV in her arm with da drugs."

"Exactly," Charlie said with a small smile. "She's doing that again today and tomorrow. And then she will be back on Thursday or Friday."

"I hope it's Thursday," Noah said hopefully, bouncing a little in his seat and calming enough to take another sip of his smoothie, before delivering his next line. "I miss them."

"Me too," Charlie said, willing her tears away. "Whaddya say we go to swim class, and then after dinner we can try to Facetime?"

"Yeah!" Noah said happily, taking one more sip of smoothie and wiping his mouth. "I done."

Charlie just chuckled as she cleaned the table up, hoisted Lizzie onto her hip, and took Noah's hand.

"Okay, Team Tucker," she said with as much cheer as she could muster. "Let's go!"

* * *

Ed brought two bowls of steaming ramen to the table, making sure Olivia had everything she needed before sitting down next to her.

"Smells good," she said, wrapping her sweater tightly around her body and blowing on the food.

"Still cold?" Ed asked, concerned and ready to turn the heat up, but Olivia grasped his arm to stop him.

"Let's eat," she said, patting his forearm and smiling at him. "Then we can decide on the heat…"

Ed just nodded and went to stir his ramen, taking a tiny bite to blow on before tasting it.

"Not bad," he hummed.

"Did you doubt Trevor's food suggestions?" Olivia asked, amused at how Ed would often critique meals that were not prepared by him.

"Nah," he said with a sly grin. "I just…delivery ramen? Seemed iffy."

Olivia laughed and shook her head as she took a bite. Her eyes closed as she chewed and allowed the warmth of the soup to wash over her.

"That look right there is worth it," Ed said, nodding towards where his wife was eagerly scooping up another bite. She eyed him as she chewed, and winked at him. They continued to eat in silence for a little while, until Olivia pushed the half eaten bowl away and sat back in her chair.

"Full?" Ed asked, a little alarmed at how much was leftover, but he reminded himself it was normal.

"Yeah," she said, but her eyes began to dance a little as she tried to focus on Ed.

"Liv…" he said, reaching out to grasp her hand.

"I'm okay," she said, almost like she was out of breath, but her eyes began to clear up. "Just…a little dizzy spell. Gone now."

Ed wiped his mouth and moved to clear away their bowls.

"Ed, you aren't done babe," Olivia called after him, though it was fruitless. "I'm fine…finish up then we can go lay down."

He was back by her side in mere seconds, helping her up and holding her close to him as they meandered towards the bedroom.

"I can finish up later," he said, kissing her head and pulling down the covers to settle her in. "Right now, I wanna take care of you."

Olivia settled back into the pillows, allowing Ed to tuck the comforter around her body. He brushed her hair out of her eyes and settled his hand on the side of her head, almost cupping her ear.

"Don't let me sleep too long," she said as her eyes began to close. "Noah is going to call soon…"

Before Ed could respond, Olivia had already fallen asleep and her breathing had evened out. He watched her for a while, observing every breath she took, before lightly kissing her forehead.

"I love you, baby," he whispered, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "I'll just be in the living room."

Reluctantly, Ed drug himself away from his wife, leaving the door cracked opened, and set to work cleaning up from dinner. He took one look at his leftover ramen and decided to toss it along with Olivia's. He wasn't up for eating if it wasn't with her.

* * *

A couple hours later, the sound of Ed's iPad blared through the bedroom. Olivia had since woken up, showered, and was now in fresh pajamas and leaning on Ed against the headboard, waiting for the call from her son.

"Mommy!" Noah exclaimed, his face brightening as the screens connected.

"Hi, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, giving him a smile that was reserved just for her son. "How was swim class?"

"It good. I swam ALLLLLLLLL da way across da pool. Like this."

Noah stood and imitated the breast stroke that he was learning currently in his class. Olivia and Ed beamed at the iPad as he concentrated on showing off his moves.

"And THEN I was tired," he said. "So we took a break and played with da beach balls."

"Wow," Ed said. "I bet ya were tired after that."

"Uh huh. It a big pool, Daddy!"

Olivia was just smiling, watching how animated Noah was as he spoke to them. She could see Charlie moving around in the background and called out to her.

"Hey sweet girl," she said, hoping to get her to sit and chat for a bit. It worked.

"Hey, Momma," Charlie said, sitting next to Noah on the couch and pulling him into her lap. "How ya feeling?"

"Pretty good," she said, resting her head on Ed's shoulder as they spoke. It was almost as if her family was all together again. "Took a nap earlier. And shockingly…I'm a little hungry again."

Ed's eyes lit up and he kissed her head, happy to hear that piece of information.

"You look good," Charlie observed, and Noah decided to agree.

"Uh huh," he said, before moving his face right up to the iPad, giving his parents a zoomed-in view of his eyes and nose. "Verrrrrry pretty, Mommy!"

"Thank you, sweet boy," she said, her voice barely a whisper as she tried to contain her emotion. "Charlie give you ice cream yet?"

"Yep," he said as a sly grin grew on his face. "AND we had cookies before swim. TWO TREATS."

"Wow," Olivia said, smiling at Charlie. "You're getting spoiled, huh."

"Yep," he said. "When you coming home?"

"Soon," she promised. "A couple more days and then we are gonna eat some ice cream together okay?"

"Okay, Mommy," he said, snuggling back into his sister and letting out a yawn.

"You okay, Charlie?" Ed asked, knowing the time was limited on the phone call, but wanting to check in. She just smiled.

"We are all good here," she said. "Lizzie is already in bed. Trevor ran to the store. And we are gonna read some stories and go to bed, right No?"

"Right, Charlie," he agreed. "You sleep with me again?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed a bit, realizing that it was likely harder on her kids than she thought with them being away for treatment. She felt Ed squeeze her hand in support.

"How about you sleep in my bed," Charlie compromised. "Might be more comfortable. And Trevor can sleep in your room."

"That good," Noah agreed before rubbing his eyes and yawning once more.

"Okay babies," Olivia said, blowing them kisses through the screen. "Get some rest and we'll talk to you tomorrow. I love you."

"Love you too," Noah and Charlie said back simultaneously, returning the kisses before ending the call. Olivia stared at the black screen for a few moments, her lips pursed together with Ed rubbing her back.

"Sweet babies," she whispered, reaching up to wipe a rogue tear from her cheek. Ed pulled her into him and kissed her head.

"They're okay, Liv," he assured her.

"I know," she said, "I just…"

She didn't have to say anything else; Ed knew what she meant. He got them both settled under the covers and Olivia immediately curled onto his chest and closed her eyes, hoping the tears wouldn't come.

"I don't like being away from them with all of this going on," she whispered, relishing in her husband's tight hold on her.

"I know, baby," Ed said. "A couple more days, then we're home again and we have the first treatment behind us."

* * *

 ** _Don't forget to leave a review - it's the only way for us writers to know that people are enjoying our work. Please and thank you!_**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Eight_**

"What do you have left for Lizzie?" Olivia asked, checking the items off her Wunderlist app that she had already purchased for Noah. "I'm in pretty good shape…"

"Me too," Charlie responded, chewing on the straw to her Starbucks tea. "I just need to figure out what is from Santa and what is from us."

"And what is from your dad…" Olivia teased, knowing that Ed would put a lot of thought into which gift he gave his granddaughter. "You know how he gets."

"I do," Charlie said wistfully. "I love it."

"Me too, kid," Olivia replied, nudging Charlie a bit as they meandered down the cobblestone sidewalk of the shopping village. It was slightly warmer than they were used to for December, which was perfectly fine with both Tucker women. Especially since the weather was forecasting a possible frigid and white Christmas holiday.

With Olivia's first chemo therapy treatment behind them, they were cautiously optimistic that the experience was not going to be as bad as they had all braced themselves for. She was surprisingly upbeat, energetic, and her coloring still seemed relatively normal. The only side effects she was noticing was getting cold more easily, and the occasional mild night sweat. This allowed for the Tuckers to keep up their normal routines, with Ed and Charlie keeping an eye on Olivia to make sure she was resting enough and not pushing too hard. The day so far had been quiet, so when Charlie broached the subject of shopping, Olivia jumped at the chance to get out. Ed, ever the protective worrier in the family, only protested slightly before relenting to the pleading looks of his wife and daughter.

"We won't be out long," Charlie argued. "And it's still so early…two weeks before Christmas. There won't be near the crowd. And we will make sure to take breaks."

"I'll be fine, babe," Olivia said, kissing Ed twice on the lips before zipping up her hunter green jacket, grabbing her shoulder bag, and dragging Charlie out of the house. Now she found herself a little tired.

"Hey, why don't we stop in here for a snack?" Charlie suggested, having noticed Olivia's eyes begin to cloud. "I bet if we get a couple pieces of pie, they won't be mad we brought our own drinks in?"

Olivia gave her a wide grin, appreciative that she didn't have to be the one to mention she was tired.

"Perfect."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the house, Ed was in the front yard while Noah and Lizzie as they ran around. He stood out on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, quietly observing the watered down version of tag the two had invented. Ed Tucker loved watching his son with his granddaughter. He felt a deep sense of pride wash over him as he watched how patient Noah was with Lizzie, and how much Lizzie adored her uncle. Their bond was cementing by the day, and Ed was sure he would never grow tired of it. A gust of wind bristled in the background, interrupting his pleasant thoughts and causing Ed to think back to Olivia, wondering whether she had dressed warmly enough. But he shoved the thoughts down, knowing Charlie would be keeping a watchful eye on her mother.

"Noah…Lizzie…not so close to the street," he called, knowing that the kids weren't anywhere near the street, but it had caused him to worry. Ed noted the change in his behavior, thinking maybe he was more anxious than usual.

"Not like I have any reason to," he gruffed sarcastically at himself and kicked at the grass a little bit.

"Few more minutes," he said. "We should head in soon. Getting dark."

Just then, Trevor's car pulled into the driveway.

"Daddy!" Lizzie yelled, getting ready to run, but Noah grabbed her arm and issued a mild scolding.

"No, Lizzie," he said firmly. "Gotta wait 'til he parks and da car is OFF."

Lizzie struggled a little bit, but Noah's grip was firm enough to get her to wait until Trevor was out of the car. Once released, her light brown curls bounced all over as she ran to her dad.

"Hey, Lizzie-bug," Trevor said, scooping her up and swinging her around a little bit. "How are ya?"

"Tag…Unc…"

"Playing tag with Noah?" he translated. Lizzie nodded enthusiastically. "Sounds fun."

"We were just about to head in," Ed quipped, coming over and giving Trevor a slap on the back. "Weren't expecting ya until tomorrow. Nice surprise."

"Yeah," he mused, giving Noah a high five as the four of them slowly made their way up the driveway and into the house. "Not much going on in the office. Shot Charlie a text a few hours ago, but never heard back."

"Ah," Ed said, a smile growing. "She drug Olivia out to the stores to finish their Christmas shopping. She's probably knee deep in whatever the fuck that list app is she uses…"

"So is it just us for dinner?" Trevor asked. "I can run pick something up?"

"Nah, Charlie left a roast in the slow cooker," Ed reported, and as they entered the foyer, the smell confirmed his statement. "Go get comfortable, grab a beer, I'm gonna throw these two in the tub real quick so they don't smell when the girls get home."

Trevor gave a nod and watched as Ed ushered the kids towards the back bathroom. He could see the tension in the man's shoulders and face.

"Maybe we both need a beer," he mused, heading to Charlie's room to get changed.

* * *

Several hours after dinner, Ed poked his head into Noah's room, the dim lighting immediately causing him to relax. His smile grew as he watched Noah curled up next to Olivia as they read the next chapter in his book. Neither one of them flinched as Ed snuck a peek then backed out, softly closing the door behind him. They were too engrossed in the story and being with each other.

"Do the voices, Mommy," Noah requested loud enough for Ed to overhear before he made his way back into the living room. Trevor was on the couch, hunched over the coffee table and thumbing through one of his notepads. Two frosted mugs of beer sat waiting on wooden coasters. Ed cleared his throat, trying to figure out if he was about to intrude on Trevor and Charlie, but it seemed the opposite.

"Ed," Trevor said, closing up his notes and leaning back. "Gotcha a beer."

"Thanks," Ed said, a little surprised but also relieved. He was tired. Sitting down in the oversized chair, he lifted his mug and gave Trevor a cheers before downing a long, much needed gulp of the pilsner. "This…is good."

Trevor just nodded, wiping his mouth with his forearm before taking one more sip and placing his mug back down.

"How are you doing, Ed?" he asked, not beating around the bush. Ed continued to hold his mug, concentrating on the suds around the edges and turning it slowly in his hands.

"I'm alright," he said quietly, taking another sip and closing his eyes briefly. "So far, so good."

"But how are _you_ _doing_ ," Trevor pushed, prepared that it would not be easy to get Ed Tucker to talk. But he was determined.

Ed continued to twist the glass in his hands.

"As long as Olivia's okay, as long as my family is okay, then I'm okay."

"It's a lotta pressure," Trevor mused, knowing maybe he was pushing too hard, but he also knew that Ed could take the comment. It worked.

"It is," he said quietly, one more sip of beer going down his throat before he put the glass down and his head fell into his hands. The room stay quiet for a bit before Ed slightly lifted his head, revealing the pain behind his sharp blue eyes. "I know she will get sicker."

His voice was steady, but there was an emotion behind it that Trevor wasn't used to hearing in the older man's tone.

"She did great with the first round," he continued, "but the doctor was quick to tell us that was normal, and that it often takes two or three cycles for the drug to really have an effect."

Trevor didn't say anything, he just watched Ed and listened to anything he wanted to say in that moment.

"And…the second treatment…it's only days before Christmas," he said, his voice stretching at the end but he quickly pulled it together. "Olivia is confident it will go just like this last one, and we will be home early on Christmas Eve…"

"You're not so sure?"

"I just…I don't want her to be disappointed, on top of being sick, if that doesn't happen."

"Ed…"

"Nah, it's okay," Ed said quickly, not wanting to keep burdening Trevor. "It's just…something we will cross when we get there."

"Or," Trevor offered, his wheels beginning to turn. "We plan ahead, come up with a plan B."

"Yeah?" Ed asked, intrigued and all of a sudden grateful for the man who he hoped would one day be his son-in-law. "Whaddya have in mind?"

* * *

"Mommy?" Noah asked, still comfortably resting against Olivia while she softly ran her fingertips up and down his back.

"Yes, sweet boy?" she whispered, kissing his head and taking her other hand to stroke his cheek. Noah just nuzzled his little head further into her chest.

"Are you feeling better?"

His question was innocent and pure. Noah didn't mean anything by it, other than the exact words he said. He wanted to know how his mother was feeling. But the simple question felt like a suffocating weight on Olivia's chest. So she took a few minutes, holding Noah to her, before answering.

"I'm a little tired," she allowed. "But I'm so happy to be home with you."

"Me too," he said, turning his head to look up at Olivia. She leaned down and kissed his nose, giving him a smile. "I don't like it when you're gone."

"I don't like it either," Olivia whispered, her eyes watering at just how pure of a look she was getting from her son. He often got this way, where he'd just gaze at her like she hung the moon. In her son's eyes, she could do no wrong. It was an unconditional love that Olivia couldn't describe, but she felt it straight into her bones that night. "But you know what?"

Noah just looked at her, his eyes big and round.

"Even when I'm away from you, I'm always with you," Olivia said, hoping she was saying the right thing to her young son. "I'll always be right here," she reached out to touch his heart, "and anytime you are missing me, you can call me. Or text. Or just close your eyes and picture me being right next to you."

"In my heart…" he repeated, voice barely audible, before he gave Olivia a smile. "I'm in your heart too Mommy."

"You are, sweet boy. And so anytime we aren't together physically, we are still with each other. Okay?"

"Okay," Noah responded, and Olivia assumed that quelled his fears for the evening. But she was wrong. "Do you have to go away again?"

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I do," she allowed, her voice barely a whisper. "Right before Christmas. For a couple of days. So we'll need to wrap presents and bake cookies before."

"But you'll be back before Santa comes, right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, sweet boy," she said, kissing his head once more as he once against cuddled his face into her chest. "I wouldn't miss it for the world. I love you, Noah."

"Love you too, Mommy."

* * *

"How's my wife?" Ed asked rubbing a towel over his damp hair as he padded out of their master bathroom in his sweatpants and no shirt. Olivia was sitting up in bed, glasses on, scrolling through her iPad. But she looked up and smiled appreciatively at Ed as he approached.

"She's okay," she said, accepting a kiss from him and playing along with his third person questioning. Ed moved over to his side of the bed and crawled in next to her.

"Try again," he responded, plucking the iPad from her hands and switching it off, before putting it in the drawer of her nightstand. Olivia just let out a deep breath.

"Noah misses me when I'm gone. And Charlie is pretending she's fine."

Ed smiled, settling against the headboard and pulling Olivia close to him. She happily sunk into his embrace, resting her head on his shoulder as he played with her hair.

"Can't say that surprises me," he mused. "But I think Noah did okay. And Charlie, well, maybe she's talking to Trevor."

"You think?" Olivia asked, feeling confident she wasn't talking to anyone, but also trusting that maybe her husband had a different read on the situation.

"It's a possibility," he admitted, thinking back to his earlier conversation. "Trevor's…surprisingly good at getting people to open up."

"He's a lawyer," Olivia said, smirking and twisting her head a bit to give Ed a smirk. He ate it up. "That's his job."

"Touche, Lieutenant," he said, constantly proud of how Olivia was handling the current adversity. She still had her sass, her humor, and her deep love and compassion. And her smile. "Touche."

"Noah gets out for holiday break two days into my next cycle," Olivia said softly, tracing circles on Ed's chest. "Maybe we can keep him with us for a bit?"

Ed rubbed his face and let out a breath. He wanted their son with them too, more than anything, but he also knew the amount of germs that would be coming along from his school.

"I dunno, Liv."

"Why not?"

"Let's just…cross that bridge when we get there, okay?" he pleaded, knowing he couldn't convince her otherwise, but hoping for a pause. "He may be just fine here with Charlie and Trevor. But if not, then we will figure it out."

"Ed?" she whispered once more, but this time he barely heard her.

"What is it, baby?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he cooed. "Sleep. Close your eyes. Rest. Everything will be just fine."

* * *

Olivia was sound asleep, facing Ed as he lay on his back, hands on his stomach, thinking. He felt the light touch of her breath each time she exhaled, and he found it comforting. Turning his head, he stretched to kiss her forehead. Olivia didn't stir. Ed just chuckled to himself before carefully climbing out of bed, throwing on a shirt, and making his way to the kitchen in search of his bourbon. But someone had beat him to it.

"What are you doing up, kiddo?" he asked, not at all surprised to see his daughter sitting at the kitchen island, staring into the darkness of the backyard. She didn't even flinch at his entrance.

"Couldn't sleep," she said simply, bringing the tumbler to her lips and enjoying the burn of the liquor. Ed poured himself a generous helping and sat next to her, bumping her shoulder a bit.

"Gonna have to double up my bourbon purchases, huh," he teased. Charlie managed a smile, but it was small.

"Whatever works, right?" she mumbled, downing the rest of her drink and reaching for a refill.

"Hey…" Ed said, grasping her arm to stop her movements, forcing eye contact. "Ya okay?"

Charlie hesitated, seeing the sincere worry in her father's eyes. But he had too much on his plate already, so she mustered up a genuine smile and leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"I'm just fine, dad," she assured him, pouring a smaller than planned sip and toasting him. "To hopefully getting some sleep tonight."

Ed let out a laugh.

"I'll drink to that."

* * *

 _ **You have two assignments before I update again: 1) Leave a review. Okay, so just one assignment. But it's an important one, because the next few chapters are doozies.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**_Nine_**

Ed opened the door to the apartment after day one of the second chemo cycle and immediately wrapped his arm back around Olivia's waist, guiding her in the door. He carefully took off her coat and hung it on the hook, placing her gloves inside the pockets. Leaving his own on for now, he walked her into the expansive living room and got her settled on the couch.

"Sprite? Water?" he asked, still kneeling next to her head, his hand stroking her cheek. Olivia's eyes were cloudy, but they never left Ed's face.

"Water," she whispered. "I'm really fine, Ed."

Ed let out a little chuckle before he kissed her nose and smiled at her.

"I know you're fine," he allowed, "but this treatment rocked you today. So lemme take care of ya, okay?"

Olivia nuzzled her face into the pillow, blinked a few times, and smiled sweetly at her husband.

"Thank you," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he replied, standing up and making his way into Trevor's kitchen. The Tuckers quickly felt at home in the apartment. Trevor had moved things around so they could put their own little touch in certain spots, making sure Olivia had some family pictures and her own things to make her comfortable. Unbeknownst to Olivia, Ed and Trevor kept a shared list of things to keep stocked in the apartment. Ed made sure he kept up with what Olivia was drinking at the time, and relay that information to the younger man. Most of the time, Trevor had everything waiting for them upon arrival, so Ed didn't have to worry about shopping while they were handling treatment.

Ed dropped one ice cube into a glass, knowing Olivia wasn't loving super cold things at the moment, and placed it under the water tube in the fridge. As he waited for it to fill up, Ed smiled at the pictures that littered Trevor's refrigerator. Most were of Lizzie, some old photos from when he was in witness protection, but a lot of recent ones: the park, the beach, the pool, their backyard. A couple included Noah. But his favorite was the photo that included Lizzie, Noah, Charlie, and Olivia. They were piled on the couch watching a movie, or at least that is what Ed assumed, and it's clear that Trevor snuck a picture of them from where he must have been perched on the oversized chair. There was a sense of total peace in that photo, with all of their faces relaxed and concentrating on the screen. Lizzie was in Olivia's lap, Noah was curled up next to Charlie, and the women had their feet propped up on the coffee table, making sure they touched for a bit of connection.

The fridge beeped, signaling the glass was almost full, and Ed smiled at the photo before diligently returning to Olivia, who was already sound asleep on the couch. He placed the water on a coaster and reached for the blanket on the back of the couch. Carefully, as to not wake her up, he covered her with the fleece and kissed her forehead before taking his place in the recliner and channel surfing, keeping an eye on his wife.

* * *

Ed's phone buzzed on the kitchen island, snapping him out of his trance while he waited for a pot of water to boil. He hit answer, but made sure to keep his voice low.

"Hey Charlie."

 _"_ _Hey dad, how's it going?"_

"Good," he answered, peering into the living room at Olivia. "Your mom is sleeping, and I'm working on dinner."

 _"_ _Great, the train just pulled into Penn, so we'll be there in about half an hour, depending on traffic."_

"Sounds good - you've got a key?"

 _"_ _Yep, do I need to grab anything?"_

"Nah, I've got plenty."

 _"_ _Kay, see you soon."_

Ed put the phone back down, smiling as he heard Noah's babbling in the background before the phone cut off, and began to add the spices and chicken to the water. Olivia was still not feeling well, but was trying to power through. While she hadn't gotten sick, Ed knew that was inevitable, so he went to work making a homemade chicken soup for dinner.

As the early afternoon had progressed, Ed could see an almost melancholy demeanor set in with his wife. She was tired, that he knew, but her eyes told a different story. Knowing that she was missing her family, he called Charlie to see if she could bring Noah in for dinner. She jumped at the chance, Trevor agreeing to keep Lizzie at home, and the siblings hopped on the Long Island Railroad excited about spending the night with their mother. Olivia, however, was still in and out of sleep when the plans were made, so Ed decided it could be a surprise. Stirring in the already sautéed onions and carrots, he smiled to himself as he anticipated the look on his wife's face when her children walked in the door.

"Ed…" Olivia mumbled from the couch. He quickly turned the eye of the stove down and jogged into the living, where Olivia was trying to sit up. Her face was pale.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked, kneeling down and placing his hands on her thighs, trying to steady her.

"I'm…I'm gonna be sick…"

Ed hopped up, helping Olivia stand, and kept both arms around her as he got her back to the master bathroom. They made it just in time. Reaching for a hair tie, Ed gently pulled Olivia's hair from her face and loosely tied it back before rubbing her back softly as she heaved into the toilet.

"Ed…" she mumbled, in between bouts of getting sick, blindly reaching for his hand. He grabbed it tightly, bringing it to his lips for a kiss, before moving closer to his wife and setting up camp next to her until she was done.

After a few more minutes, she finally sat back, settling against Ed's chest and taking deep breaths. Ed reached up to flush the toilet and grab the mouthwash from the counter.

"Here, babe," he whispered, as she swished the purple liquid and spit it back into the toilet. "Okay," he cooed softly, bringing her back into his chest and holding her tightly. "I've gotcha."

The couple stayed that way for a few more minutes, before Olivia turned around in Ed's arms so she could look at his face.

"Thank you," she said, her tired eyes searching his.

"For what?" he asked, not sure why she felt the need to thank him. As far as Ed was concerned, this was his job and he was determined to do it well.

"For being here."

"I'm always gonna be here, baby," he reassured her, kissing her lips gently before helping her up. "Now, come on. Let's get you some sprite. I've got a surprise for ya."

* * *

"Mommy!" Noah yelled as he got in the front door and saw Olivia sitting up on the couch.

"Oh my god," she gushed, her entire face lighting up into a smile as Noah and Charlie entered the apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"We surprise you!" Noah exclaimed excitedly as he ran over, climbed into Olivia's lap, and kissed her cheek. "Did it work?"

"It sure did, sweet boy," she cooed, nuzzling his cheek and holding him tight. "I'm so _so_ happy to see you."

"I miss you, Mommy," Noah said, content to just sit with his mother, an unusual thing for the seven year old, but Olivia cherished it.

"I miss you too," she said, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. She kissed at his head then rested her chin there and looking up at Charlie who was chatting with Ed. "What, I don't get a hello from you too?"

Charlie smiled, dropped their duffle bag against the wall, and walked over to kiss Olivia's cheek.

"Of course," she said, pulling back and studying her mother's face. "I was letting you and Noah have your time."

Olivia just pulled her son even tighter and smiled up at Charlie.

"Thanks for coming in," she said softly. "Its exactly what I needed."

"You two hang out," Charlie said, eyeing Noah who seemed completely relaxed after a rather anxious train ride into the city. "I'll help dad."

Charlie winked at Olivia before heading off into the kitchen, joining Ed as he was stirring the soup and leaving mother and son snuggled on the couch watching cartoons.

"How was the trip in?" Ed asked, handing Charlie a spoon to taste the soup. Her eyes closed as the warmth spread.

"Mmmmm, this is good," she said, tossing the spoon in the sink. "And the trip in was good. Noah chatted non-stop. Probably a mix of nerves and excitement."

"He finally settle last night?" Ed asked, his voice low so he wouldn't be overheard. Charlie had been texting the night before, as Noah had a rough time getting to sleep. He was anxious and missing his parents. Charlie eventually slept on the couch with him, with Peter Pan on in the background. It was a movie he had outgrown, but still provided comfort when needed.

"He did," she responded, "hang on a sec…"

Charlie went into the foyer and grabbed her shoulder bag, bringing it into the kitchen and digging a bit.

"Aha," she said with a smile, pulling out the high label bourbon. "Brought ya a present."

Ed's grin just grew. "Where'd ya find this?"

"Trevor did," she said, grabbing two small tumblers and pouring each of them a small sip. "That local place right outside of downtown Southampton."

"Damn," Ed said, eyes closed as he tasted the amber liquid. "This is good. Just what I needed."

"I thought so," Charlie said, her smirk identical to her father's as she toasted him and downed her own drink. "Okay, so ya want me to start on the bread?"

"Sure," he said, putting his glass down and pulling Charlie in for a hug. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. "Thanks for coming in, kiddo. It's really good to have you both here."

"Anything you want, Dad," she said, pulling back to make eye contact with her father, both sets of eyes filled with untold emotion. "I mean that."

"I know you do."

* * *

"Ugh, why do tabloids try to make women feel bad for having babies?" Charlie asked, thumbing through the most recent issue of a gossip magazine. She was perched in the plastic blue chair next to Olivia, who was struggling to keep a smile on her face during day two of this cycle's chemo. Charlie, ever aware of the struggle, kept working to distract her mother. "Like, Kate and William can have however many kids they want."

"I agree," Olivia said softly, but firmly. She smiled at how annoyed Charlie got over these things.

"This world is too obsessed with celebrities…"

"No kidding," she quipped back, thinking back to some of the SVU cases she had encountered with crazy, obsessed celebrity fans, but her reminiscing was interrupted by a wave of nausea. "Charlie…"

"I've got it," the younger Tucker said, grabbing the bowl left by the nurses and moving to put an arm around Olivia as she leaned over the mauve colored dish. "You're okay…I'm right here…"

It was a few hours ago when a reluctant Ed Tucker dropped Olivia and Charlie off at Mount Sinai, before heading off to the zoo with Noah. The little boy had been clingy ever since arriving in the city, and Olivia was refusing to let him go without one of his parents for the day. Ed, though he agreed with their plan, was still not too thrilled to leave his wife's side, but Charlie assured him they would be fine.

"Dad," she stressed. "It's fine. I'll text you updates, and we'll call if we need you. But Noah needs time with you right now."

So now here they were, mother and daughter in the chemo bay, Olivia struggling to keep her front up and Charlie struggling because she saw right through it. Once Olivia was sitting back up and able to keep some juice down, Charlie called her on it.

"Don't hide from me, Momma," she said, a knowing smirk on her face as she used the woman's words against her. "I know you feel like shit. It's okay."

Olivia offered her a relieved, but tentative smile as she leaned back in her recliner and grasped Charlie's hand.

"I know," she whispered, "but its instinct to want to protect you."

Charlie gripped Olivia's hand with both of hers and brought it to her face, allowing herself a moment of nuzzling it, before kissing the top and resting them on the arm of the chair.

"And I love you for it," Charlie finally replied. "But it's my turn. I know you feel like shit, so instead of wasting your energy trying to hide it…spend your energy on these gossip magazines in between puking spells."

Olivia let out a laugh at just how simple Charlie was making things. She, too, was apprehensive when Ed left them that morning. As much as she wanted the time with Charlie, she was afraid of her seeing just how sick this chemo round had made her. But, perhaps it wasn't quite as bad as she was feeling. Just then, a nurse came around to check in and leave a fresh bowl.

"How are you today, Lieutenant?" she hummed, poking around at the IV and checking Olivia's pulse and temperature. Olivia appreciated the fact that a lot of people still referred to her by her title, especially in a professional setting. After all, though retired, it was still a large part of her life.

"Good," Olivia allowed. Charlie rolled her eyes.

"She's gotten sick a few times," Charlie said, raising an eyebrow at her mother. "Some dizzy spells. I assume that's normal?"

"It is," the nurse responded, amused at the looks exchanged between the two women. "Olivia, your temperature is slightly elevated. I'd like to monitor that for a bit. Mind if I set up camp with you?"

"Sure," she responded, before looking at Charlie and giving her a closed-lipped smile. "Sweetheart, will you go get me a soda? Something with caffeine? We can split it?"

Charlie eyed Olivia but agreed, hoping that maybe if she was out of sight her mother would be more honest with the nurse about what was going on.

"I'll be right back," she promised, kissing her cheek. "I've got my phone…"

Charlie meandered through the hallways of the expansive hospital wing, following signs for the cafeteria, lost in thought. She was chewing on her bottom lip as she made her way into a vending area, paying no attention to where she was going, and ran right into someone.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, jumping back and throwing her hands up. "I'm…I'm so sorry! I was just.."

"Hey," the man said, reaching out to steady her. His eyes were soft, full of compassion. Charlie also noticed he had a visitor bracelet from the chemo bay on. "It's okay. It happens. You okay?"

"Yeah…" she said breathlessly, fidgeting a bit and brushing herself off. "I'm fine. Are you? I'm just…I'm sorry….I'm so…out of it…"

Boldly, the man reached out and lightly gripped Charlie's upper arm hoping to calm her a bit, but she immediately recoiled.

"Sorry," he said, this time being the one apologizing, "you just seem upset…"

"Well I'm in an oncology wing," she smarted, "who _isn't_ upset here?"

"Good point," he said, a small smile growing at her feistiness. "I'm Jake."

"Charlie," she said, finding some comfort in the man's presence, despite their rocky introduction. "Just…grabbing a soda for my mom…"

"Funny enough, I was just doing the same," he said. "Here, let me…"

Before Charlie could object, Jake popped quarters into the machine and grabbed the bottle of Coke as it tumbled out. He handed it over and then beckoned her to follow.

"She'll probably want it on a little bit of ice," he said, clearly speaking from experience, "and I have connections in the cafeteria…"

Charlie smiled, shook her head, and followed Jake back down the hallway. By the time she arrived back in the chemo bay, Olivia's IV was nearly done but her stomach dropped as she saw her mother. Olivia was pale, sweating a little bit, and the nurse was keeping a cool rag on her head.

"Momma…" she gushed, running over and setting the glass of coke on the table before taking her hands. "What's wrong?"

"Stupid drugs," she mumbled, her sense of humor still in tact. The nurse smiled, reassuring Charlie that this was normal.

"She's okay," the nurse allowed. "Her temperature is up. Once this IV is empty, we can give her something to help. She'll likely need to lay low the rest of the evening - and we'll check with Dr. Kamal about whether she should have her third treatment tomorrow, or wait a day."

"I can't wait a day…" Olivia said, her voice tired but firm. "That's Christmas Eve…"

"Momma," Charlie whispered, moving closer to the woman and playing with her hair. "Whatever they need to do, okay? Let's just take it an hour at a time."

"I don't want Noah to see me sick…" she said. "Will you call your dad and let him know what's going on, but have him keep Noah out until we get home and settled?"

"I will," Charlie said, "after your treatment is done. I don't wanna leave you, okay?"

Tears sprung to Olivia's eyes, out of both sickness and adoration for her daughter. She gave her a smile and weakly pulled her in so she could kiss her forehead.

"Thank you, baby," she said. "I love you…"

"Love you too," Charlie said, "now…listen to the nurse so I can get you home and in bed."

* * *

It was pushing midnight when a weary Charlie, carrying a sound asleep Noah, trudged in the front door of the Tucker's Long Island home. Trevor was on the couch, hunched over the coffee table and rubbing his forehead while on the phone. Charlie shot him a smile and moved to put Noah in bed, listening in on what Trevor was saying.

"Ed, don't worry about it. I can figure it out."

"No, you just concentrate on being there. I'll talk to Charlie, and we'll make a plan."

"This is normal - both my mom and dad had delays in their treatments," he said, trying to shoot Charlie a reassuring smile as she emerged and developed a panicked look as she realized her father was clearly upset on the phone with Trevor. "I think just a one day break is good. And, don't focus on the Christmas thing. Leave that in my hands - that is something I can fix."

Trevor listened to Ed, who was uncharacteristically speaking about some of his worries on the phone. His eyes followed his girlfriend as she wrapped one of Olivia's sweaters around her body and padded into the kitchen. He heard to clanking of glasses and bottles, so he correctly assumed she was pouring a drink. Standing up, Trevor kept the phone to his ear, turning the volume down so Charlie couldn't make out the worried tone of her father, and joined her in the kitchen. She immediately poured him his own drink and they quietly clinked their glasses together, downing a long sip and keeping their eyes locked on each other in worry.

"Okay, Ed," Trevor said, finally breaking their gaze. "Keep damp, cool rags in the fridge. A trick I learned years ago. And…call if you need to. We're here. But if I don't hear from you, I'll call tomorrow and let know what I've come up with."

"Of course. Absolutely. Okay. Take care."

Trevor hung up the phone and finished his drink, pouring another portion. Seemed to be their only coping option at the moment.

"She's not okay," Charlie said, her voice wavering. Trevor dropped everything and pulled her into his arms, swaying lightly.

"Maybe not right now," he admitted, "but she will be."

Charlie pulled back and smiled at him, pouring her own refill.

"Whatever you say."

* * *

 ** _You know the drill - reviews will get you a quicker update ;)_**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Ten_**

Olivia was on her side, curled up against Ed with an ice pack wrapped around the back of her neck. She had since kicked the sheets off of her body, but was also feeling a little clammy, so Ed was trying to comfort her and hold her close. Occasionally she would shift, causing the ice pack to touch his bare side and chest, but he didn't care. His wife was miserable and facing one more day of this treatment; on Christmas Eve no less. So he was going to do anything he could to comfort her.

"Mmmmmm," she groaned, shifting again and wincing. Ed's head popped up, watching and helping her move as best he could.

"Easy, baby," he whispered, watching her eyes swirl.

"Ed…" she moaned, tossing the ice pack across the room and trying to get even closer to her husband. "Ed…."

"I'm right here, Liv," he assured her, holding her tight and kissing her warm, sweaty forehead. "I'm right here. You're okay."

"I…feelikeshit," she finally got out, and it broke Ed's heart. Olivia never sounded like this, but she had been getting worse throughout the day, despite having a brief break in her IV treatment.

Once Charlie and Noah had departed the day before, Dr. Kamal had called the Tuckers and had spoken at length about pushing her treatment back a day. Ed immediately agreed, but Olivia was not having it.

"No," she said. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. I want to be home for Christmas."

"Lieutenant Tucker, your body is having a hard time with this drug combination," the doctor patiently explained, knowing what he was asking of the couple. "It's possible we will need to make adjustments, but for now I need you to finish this cycle."

"Fine," she said, but she didn't relent her point just yet. "I'll finish it tomorrow."

"Olivia…" Ed pleaded, the doctor on speaker phone at this point. He gripped his wife's hands and all but begged her to take Dr. Kamal's advice. "Look, we will figure out Christmas. But we need to listen to what the doctor says. Please, Olivia…"

She finally conceded, but was still determined that once she finished the third IV, they would drive back out to Long Island. Ed, however, was fretting about how that was not likely given how sick Olivia was.

"I dunno how I'd even get her in the car," he had finally confessed to Trevor the night before on the phone. But true to form, Trevor calmed his fears and assured Ed that if they needed to stay in the city, he would figure out how to fix everything for them.

But that was last night. Olivia, even without having treatment today, continued to get worse. Throwing up every few hours, running an off and on low grade fever, and going between bouts of sweats and chills. Ed was stoic, making sure she had hot tea or ice packs, keeping a clean pot near wherever she was laying down, and making sure he kept the apartment clean and not smelling of any kind of sick odor. Even now, as he held his sweaty, cranky, miserable wife he was a pillar of strength. His voice was calming, even keeled, and it kept Olivia calm as well, or as calm as she could be given how crappy she was feeling.

"Ed." her voice was soft, so soft he almost missed it, but he kissed at her head, nuzzling her a bit.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I'm sorry…"

Ed turned them so they were both on their sides, bodies touching, but now facing each other. His blue eyes raked over her pale, tired features as his hand stroked her cheek.

"For what?"

"For…all of this…" she said, getting choked up and trying to stop the tears, but it was useless.

"Hey, hey, hey," Ed said quickly, pulling her into his chest and nuzzling his face in her hair, his grip tightening. "No. None of that. None of this is your fault. You feel like shit. And we are doing the best we can, okay? No sorries, baby."

"I…I just…" Olivia said, having trouble getting her words out in between her growing sobs. "I miss being at home, with our kids. I miss the Christmas tree. I haven't finished wrapping presents. Noah is anxious. Charlie is shoving things down. I feel like _shit_ …and I can't help anyone. I can't…I'm so…oh god…"

"Olivia, baby, take some deep breaths for me…"

"I'm…I'm gonna…" Before either of them knew what was happening, Olivia had puked all over the bed and all over Ed. He didn't even flinch, just helped her sit up and kept trying to calm her sobs. "I'm sorry…"

"Shhhh, baby," he said, standing up and tossing his sweats and boxers to the side. He quickly pulled on a fresh pair of shorts and scooped Olivia up into his arms, carrying her into the bathroom and running her a bath in Trevor's jacuzzi tub. "It's okay," he kept saying as Olivia finally lost her battle and allowed herself to cry harsh sobs. "It's gonna be okay. I've gotcha."

* * *

The next morning Olivia came out of the bathroom after her shower, wearing leggings and a big sweatshirt. She had dried her hair and pulled it back, but her coloring was still off. She wandered into the living room and came up behind her husband, who was staring out the window and sipping his coffee.

"Hey," she said softly, sliding her arms around him and resting her head between his shoulder blades. Ed put his coffee down on the windowsill and held Olivia's hands, closing his eyes and enjoying her embrace.

"Hey yourself," he said, still staring out at Central Park and the buildings in the distance. "Feeling okay?"

"Better than last night," she said, not quite answering his question. But her dodge gave him enough of a picture.

"Liv…"

"I know," she said quietly, pulling away from Ed and wandering into the kitchen, fixing herself a tea. "Look…just…fine, we'll stay here. But I don't wanna talk about it right now okay?"

Ed's eyes followed his wife, and his entire being ached. He wanted so badly to fix this for her, to get her home for Christmas; to their little boy, to their daughter, to their granddaughter. But he couldn't fix it. He couldn't make her better. He just had to ride this out with her, making sure she wasn't alone. And it was breaking his heart.

"Okay," he said, coming into the kitchen and stilling her movements. "Hey," he said, reaching up and cupping her face, searching her eyes and trying to convey just how much he loved her with a single look. "I'm gonna make this better. I promise."

Olivia, appreciative of his words but knowing he probably couldn't fix this, just smiled as she reached up to grasp his wrists, keeping his hands on her cheek.

"And I love you for it," she said, reaching up to kiss him. "Come on, let's get this over with."

* * *

Charlie was helping Noah squeeze the red icing onto his set of gingerbread cookies. The little boy was in deep concentration, his tongue sticking out slightly as he tried to outline the santa outfit. Lizzie, however, was on Trevor's lap, one hand covered in green icing as she licked her fingers and the other hand trying to line sprinkles up on her snowman cookie. Neither adult was speaking to each other. There was a huge elephant in the room about the quickly approaching Christmas Eve issue.

It was just after nine in the morning when Ed phoned Charlie, officially breaking the news about them having to stay in the city. Knowing her father was upset and her mother was likely devastated, Charlie took the news in stride, promising Ed that she would talk to Trevor and figure out what to do. But Lizzie had thrown a fit over having to put on pants and Noah was a little extra cranky because he hadn't slept well the night before, so the couple hadn't had a moment alone to talk, only adding to the tension that was mounting at the table.

"Charlie, I use da blue now?" Noah asked, carefully placing the red icing dispenser down and wiping his hands on a wet towel.

"Sure, pal," she said. "Wow, your cookies look so good!"

"Uh-huh!" he said, reaching for the blue and mumbling a thank you to his sister. "I make this one for daddy cuz he likes blue."

Trevor caught Charlie's eyes across the table, but he shook his head, signaling it wasn't the right time. Charlie, confused by her boyfriend's reluctance, politely excused herself from the table.

"No, keep working hard okay? I'll be right back."

Trevor followed Charlie with his eyes as she made a hasty exit, but quickly focused back on the two kids.

"Okay, a few more, then we should probably clean up and figure out something for lunch."

"PIZZA!" Noah shouted. Trevor just laughed, but shrugged. It was probably the easier option.

"Works for me, No."

The little boy finished his cookie and jogged over to the kitchen sink to clean himself up. He did a pretty good job, so Trevor gave Noah the okay to head off and play, leaving him to wrangle his two year old daughter. Instead of stopping at his car mat, Noah bypassed his toys and went in search of his sister.

"Charlie?" he called, nearing her bathroom and finding the door cracked a little bit. "You in dere?"

"Yeah, No," she called right as Noah peered his head in the door. "You finished with the cookies?"

Noah eyed his sister carefully. Charlie had been fighting her tears most of the day, and had retreated to the bathroom to try and give herself a moment to breath. But as soon as she heard Noah's voice, she quickly splashed water on her face and tried to hide the red in her eyes.

"I finished," he said. "You sad?"

Charlie gave Noah a smile and hoisted him up, sitting him on the counter and brushing his hair with her fingers, buying some time to come up with an answer. Her little brother was very perceptive, so often Charlie would find herself hesitant to lie or put up the same fronts she did normally. She wouldn't be totally truthful, however she found that with Noah it was best to allow a little honesty to filter into her child friendly answers. Taking a deep breath, she went for it, hoping it didn't further agitate his own anxiety.

"Just missing Mommy and Daddy a little bit," she said with a smile, moving in to blow a raspberry on his cheek eliciting some giggles. "But I'm okay, pal."

Noah giggled a little more and then leaned back, putting his little hands on Charlie's face.

"I miss dem, too," he said, eyes wide. "They comin' home soon, right?"

"Noah…Mommy still isn't feeling well," she allowed, again opting for honesty but beginning to regret it once she saw Noah's face fall. "But, how about this? Let's get all cleaned up and in our Christmas Eve clothes…then we will call them and see what we want to do tonight before Santa comes, okay?"

Noah puckered his lips, as if he were trying to decide if he bought his sister's plan or not. He eventually did and nodded with a big smile on his face.

"Gonna wear the elf jammies!" he exclaimed, but dove into his sister for a hug instead of getting down from the counter. "I love you, Charlie."

Charlie squeezed the little boy tight against her, kissing the top of his head and focusing her eyes up on the ceiling to get her tears at bay.

"I love you too, Noah," she whispered, giving him one more kiss before pulling back to look at him. "You're my favorite."

"You MY favorite!" he exclaimed with a giggle before hopping down and taking off for his room, yelling to Lizzie that she needed to find her elf pajamas. Charlie laughed to herself, took a deep breath, and examined herself in the mirror.

"Keep it together, Charlie," she coached, before headed out into the living room where she saw Trevor getting off the phone, a concerned look on his face as he turned a circle in the living room. "Trev? What's wrong?"

"That was your dad…" he began, not realizing how he sounded.

"Oh god," Charlie whispered, feeling her knees weaken. Trevor quickly backtracked.

"Sorry, no, everything's fine," he said, "well, it's not fine, but you know what I mean. Ed was just saying how upset your mom is…"

Charlie bit her lip, trying once again to stop her emotions from getting the best of her. Trevor noticed and quickly closed the distance between them, engulfing her in his arms and holding her close.

"You always read those stories, about families spending Christmas away from each other...and in hospitals...but you never think it's going to be your family," Charlie spoke, almost emotionless from her place buried in Trevor's chest and he felt his heart constrict.

"Baby…" he began, but she pulled away, kissing his chin and forcing a smile.

"I need a drink…"

As he watched her walk back into the kitchen, shoulders slumped and arms wrapped around herself, he once again began to examine the living room and a smile grew on his face. Pulling out his phone, he shot a quick text to Ed.

 _Hang tight. I'm bringing Christmas, and your family, to you._

* * *

Ed stood in front of the bedroom window, watching the snow fall more heavily down onto the city. He observed the scene, as the trees in Central Park began to get a white coating and the buildings started to seem more gray. He took a small sip of his coffee, having poured a generous helping of Bailey's into it, and scratched the back of his neck.

It had been a long day. Olivia was finally resting peacefully behind him on the bed, curled up on her side and clutching a pillow to her chest. Her coloring seemed better now that she was asleep, but Ed was still worried. She did okay during the actual treatment, only getting sick once, but her temperature still hovered just above where it needed to be. The nurse monitored her more closely during this drip, which both calmed Ed and also elevated his overall anxiety as he feared something was not right. But despite his worries, Olivia seemed to make it through the last part of this cycle okay, and they departed for home.

He tried to make small talk in the car, having opted to drive the short distance given a snow storm was predicted, but Olivia remained silent, resting her head against the window and watching the trees and brownstones pass. Ed finally stopped trying to get her to talk and just reached out to grip her hand as he pulled into the building's parking garage. She squeezed back tightly, but still didn't move her head. They had barely gotten in the door before she beelined for the bathroom, getting sick once again. Ed quickly put their bags down and grabbed a cool cloth from the fridge before joining his wife on the floor of the master bathroom.

"Okay, baby," he cooed, gingerly placing the rag on the back of her neck as he held her trembling body. She didn't throw up more than twice because there wasn't much in her to lose, but Olivia made no attempt to get up right away. So Ed moved them to where he was leaning against the side of the tub with Olivia curled up in his chest and he just held her to him, occasionally moving his lips across her damp forehead. His grip tightened slightly as he heard her take a shuddering breath.

"I just…I just want to be home for Christmas," she said, the tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. "I want my babies…"

"Oh, Olivia…" Ed managed to say, before having to reach up and wipe his own rouge tear from his cheek. The combination of his wife's illness, her absolute devastation, and his own sadness was becoming heavy. "I know," he said, unsure of what else to say. "I do, too."

"I'm…too sick…to get in…the car," she said, trying to get her feelings out in between her gasps for air, her right hand reaching up and gripping the collar of Ed's shirt tightly. "But it's…Christmas… _it's Christmas_. And I'm not with my children…my babies…"

"I know, baby." Ed wanted to tell her it was okay, that everything would be okay, that the kids were fine and happy, but he refused to lie to her. So he sat on the bathroom floor, holding his sobbing wife, and searching his mind for a solution. Finally, he eased his phone out of his back pocket without disturbing Olivia, and fired off a text to Trevor. "I'm gonna make it better, okay? I'm gonna figure out how to make this better, baby. I love you."

Ed snapped himself out of the memory, took another long sip of his spiked coffee, and turned to observe Olivia as she slept. Gently placing his drink on the nightstand, he knelt down next to her and softly ran his fingers along her face, tracing her freckles as he just watched her, grateful she was finally calm and sleeping. He must have stayed there for longer than he thought, because he finally shifted and realized his knees were hurting. Giving her a soft kiss just by her ear, he slowly stood up, grabbed his drink and went back to the window. Checking his phone, and not seeing an update from Trevor or Charlie, Ed let out a sigh and worriedly watched the snow fall harder, pushing away a nagging fear about how the kids, Noah in particular, would react to Olivia not feeling well upon arrival. He just had to hope that their presence was enough to lift her spirits. She had been getting a burst of energy around late evening over the last few days, so if this timed as well as he and Trevor had planned, it's possible the Tuckers would still be able to celebrate a semi-normal Christmas Eve.

"Come on," he said softly, as if they could hear him. "You can make it."

* * *

 ** _Does our TucksoNoahLie family get to spend Christmas together? Leave a review to find out..._**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Eleven_**

Olivia moaned, slowly coming out of a deep slumber, and further buried herself under the plush, down comforter. The room was dark, being it was pushing six at night. She had greatly underestimated just how comfortable Trevor's apartment was going to be. In fact, when she found how he was putting an entirely new bed and bedding set in the master suite for them, it made her even more hesitant. But he had spared no cost because for once, Olivia Benson-Tucker did not want to leave the bed; mainly because it was so comfortable, but also because she was slightly afraid if she moved she would get sick again. She was about to close her eyes when the light sound of footsteps running down the hallway got her attention.

"Maybe I'm still dreaming," she mumbled to herself as she slowly sat herself up, steadying her body against the wave of dizziness. Once it passed, she padded into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. "Gross," she said, looking the mirror at her pale skin. She quickly re-did her messy ponytail, gargled some mouthwash, and grabbed her sweatshirt to throw on before heading out into the living room, still assuming she had just made up the sound of children's feet running. As she neared the door, she heard what she thought was Christmas music and some soft giggling. It sounded like Lizzie, but she quickly shook herself out of the thought.

"Damn, I'm really missing my babies," she thought to herself as she took a deep breath and prepared to be disappointed at the empty living room.

Except she wasn't.

"Oh my god," she whispered, frozen in place as the view of Trevor's large Manhattan living room came into view from where she stood. Trevor was stretched, trying to string lights on the top of what had to be an eight foot Christmas tree. Ed was holding Lizzie up, so she could hang an ornament on the branch she chose. Noah was wrapping himself in tinsel, and Charlie was on the floor unwrapping some of their breakable ornaments and laughing at her brother.

All four of them, Ed included, were dressed in green and white striped elf pajamas that Olivia and Charlie had picked out a few weeks ago. Deck the Halls, the Chipmunk version, was playing the background and Noah would gleefully join the fa-la-la-la-las when the time came, giggling to himself as he continued to make himself into a tinsel mummy.

He was the first one to notice Olivia standing there.

"MOMMY!" he yelled, trying to shimmy out of his self-made costume. Charlie, still laughing at her brother, finally helped him unravel and Noah took off to his mother.

"Hi, sweet boy," she cooed, dropping to her knees and absorbing his hug, knowing she probably couldn't lift him up without a dizzy spell. "Oh I'm so happy to see you," she said, her eyes closing as she felt her son try to wrap himself around her body. "So, so happy."

"Merry Christmas, Mommy," Noah whispered, face buried in her neck. It almost brought Olivia to tears.

"Merry Christmas, Noah," she whispered back, "my precious Noah…"

Ed, Trevor, and Charlie looked on at the scene, all three feeling the immense relief at the fact they were finally all together for the holiday. Lizzie, spotting Olivia, soon squirmed to get down from Ed's grasp.

"Ollie!" she shrieked, hand flying around and feet kicking.

"Okay, kiddo," Ed exclaimed, setting her on her feet and watching her take off, much like Noah had, to his wife. Olivia reached one arm out, taking a much less heavy, but no less enthusiastic granddaughter into her arms. Sitting back on the rug in the middle of the hallway, Olivia pulled both of the young kids into her lap and rocked back and forth, whispering her love to them. After a few minutes, Olivia finally looked up, catching the eyes of her husband, and she offered him a teary, but happy smile.

"Thank you," she said, her voice full of emotion but also gratefulness. "Thank you…"

Ed just smiled, unable to speak due to his own emotion, but he nodded his head towards Trevor. Olivia picked up on the clue and stood up, walking into the living room with Noah and Lizzie running ahead, eager to get back to their decorating. She went straight up to Trevor and stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, before pulling back and looking around at the full living room.

"Thank you," she said to him. "This…this means everything…"

"It was a no brainer," Trevor said simply, "and I had a lotta help."

Charlie groaned, getting up off the floor and gathering up the glasses. "Who wants a refill?"

Everyone nodded, and she looked at Olivia.

"Want some tea? Sprite? I brought Cranberry Sierra Mist, for something holiday-ish?"

"Oh, that sounds good," Olivia said, her eyes brightening as she smiled at her daughter. "Need some help?"

"Nope," Charlie declined with a wink. "You stay here…supervise these crazies. I'll be right back."

Listening to the chatter of her family, Charlie smiled as she fixed everyone their desired drinks, humming along softly to herself with the tunes that played in the background. Before setting off back into the living room, she downed a quick shot of the bourbon from on top of the fridge, shook her head, and picked up the wooden tray of drinks.

"Thanks, sweet girl," Olivia cooed, taking a sip of the flavored soda. "This…this is really good," she said, almost surprised that she was enjoying it. Once everyone had their drinks, Olivia reached for Charlie's hand and pulled her down to sit next to her on the couch. She reached out a still clammy, but steady hand and played with her daughter's hair, just like she usually did.

"Merry Christmas, Momma," Charlie whispered, laying her head on Olivia's shoulder and letting out a relieved sigh.

"Merry Christmas, my sweet girl," she said. "I'm so glad you're here."

Ed overheard the exchange and came over, kissing both women on the top of the head, before straightening up. He took in the sight; snow still falling out of the window behind their freshly decorated Christmas tree, and every single member of his family in one room, and they were all smiling. "It's the perfect Christmas Eve."

* * *

The sun peeked in through a crack in the dark blue curtains, separating the Tuckers from the outside world. Ed was sound asleep on his side, one hand tucked under his face and the other hand resting on Olivia's hip. Olivia, however, was awake and watching her husband sleep.

She had woken up twice that night, profusely sweating and sick to her stomach. Each time, Ed diligently accompanied her to the bathroom, got her settled with a cold rag, then went back to change the sheets, throwing the dirty set in a pile under the window and making a mental note to wash them tomorrow and thank Trevor for keeping five sets of queen sized sheets on hand. But now, it was Ed's turn to rest. Olivia reached over to trace the lines on his face, admiring his high cheekbones and defined jaw. He was ruggedly handsome, even in crisis mode, and for a brief moment, Olivia forgot all about her illness and just basked in the knowledge that Ed Tucker was hers, and hers alone. Forever.

 _Forever._

The word echoed in Olivia's mind for a moment, and before she could stop it, she found herself questioning just how long forever was going to last. Startled by her mind going there and assuming it was just the effects of feeling so crappy, she shook her head and followed it up with a groan, as a wave of dizziness hit from the movement.

"Liv?" Ed mumbled, his eyes opening and his arms instinctively reaching for his wife. "Ya okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered sheepishly, "go back to sleep. I just moved too quickly, that's all."

"Liar," he said, eyes now closed again but a smirk forming on his face. "Come here."

Olivia rolled over into his chest, allowing Ed to engulf her in a tight embrace. She ran her fingers along his forearms and let out a content sigh.

"Merry Christmas, Ed," she said, kissing his lips before settling her head just under his chin.

"Merry Christmas, Liv," he answered, "what time is it?"

"Quarter after seven…I imagine Noah and Lizzie will be up soon," she mused. "Let's get up and start the coffee. I don't wanna miss anything today."

Ed kissed her forehead and sat them both up, rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the light shining into the room.

"Me neither," he said, standing up to stretch. Olivia just sat on the bed, continuing to admire him. Ed had slept in the pants of his elf pajamas, but had shed the shirt after her first night sweat. Luckily, Olivia anticipated her night sweats and decided to save her matching set to wear the next day. So the couple dutifully put on their holiday attire, chuckling at each other once they were dressed, and wandered out into the kitchen arm in arm. They stopped when they saw the silhouette of their daughter perched on the windowsill, her eyes focused on the sunrise over a snow-coated Central Park.

"You're up early," Ed noted as he headed into the kitchen to start the coffee. Olivia made her way over to Charlie and rubbed her back.

"You okay?" she asked, concerned at how dark the circles were under her eyes. But Charlie looked up and gave her a smile, leaning up to kiss her mother's cheek.

"I'm good," she promised, "But Lizzie is not a good bed-mate, so after being kicked for the hundredth time, I gave up and came out here."

"And apparently already started the coffee," Ed said as he joined them at the window, handing Olivia a steaming mug prepared just how she liked it and kissing Charlie's head. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Dad," she responded, before standing up and stretching. "Time for my own refill."

Olivia leaned against Ed and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, both of them remaining by the window and admiring the view, with the twinkling of their white Christmas lights reflecting off the glass.

"Calm before the storm," Ed mumbled, referring to the impending stampede of Noah and Lizzie as they discovered that Santa had visited. He allowed his head to fall on top of Olivia's, deepening their cuddle.

"Mmmmmm, but I can't wait."

* * *

Several hours later, colorful, metallic wrapping paper and bows littered the floor of the apartment. Noah and Lizzie were busy building an expansive train track on their new train table. Trevor was cursing under his breath as he worked to remove a purple camouflaged remote control car that Santa had brought his daughter, while Ed reacted similarly to Noah's new Star Wars action figures. Olivia had her back propped against the arm of the couch, and her feet were stretched out on Charlie's lap, who sat trying to read instructions to both her dad and Trevor at the same time. All five of them were back in their matching elf pajamas; green and white striped pants and a red top that looked like an elf jacket. Trevor even agreed to wear an elf hat, at the request of Noah, after Ed grumbled and shook it off of his head.

"This is nice," Olivia said, kicking Charlie softly to get her attention.

"It is," she allowed, finally giving up on trying to get Trevor or her father to follow any kind of instructions. "That casserole is smelling good, too. Think you can eat?"

"I hope so," she answered honestly. "The coffee and toast stayed down, so I'm gonna give it a shot." Olivia stole a glance over at the kids, making sure they weren't within earshot, before continuing. "But I just never know…one minute I'm fine, then the next…"

"That sucks," Charlie said bluntly, patting Olivia's ankles and giving them a little squeeze.

Olivia let out a laugh, appreciative of the candidness and attempt and making the morning feel a little lighter. "It really does."

"It's too bad I didn't think to tell you to bring the sleds," Ed declared, finally done opening the one package. He leaned against the couch, on the opposite side from where Olivia was resting, and took a break from the tedious work of present construction. "It's the perfect day out there."

Trevor, still mildly annoyed at the toy car, popped his head and and scrunched his face in thought.

"Ya know," he said, "there may be some in the basement…from a few years back when Tessa was visiting. If I can ever get this fu…er…car…undone, I'll go check. We can take the kids out after lunch."

Olivia smiled at the thought of Trevor and Ed taking the kids sledding, and despite knowing she couldn't join then, she felt herself get excited at their possible adventure.

"Oh, I hope so," she gushed. "They will have so much fun…just be sure to take lots of video."

Ed hearing the wistful tone of her voice, crawled over Charlie's feet so he could kneel by Olivia's face and kiss at her cheek.

"Whatever you want," he said, keepings his eyes on her and trying the evaluate how she was feeling. "Need anything?"

"No, not right now," she responded sweetly, "but thank you."

Satisfied for the time being, Ed moved further over and began to help Noah and Lizzie with their track construction. Olivia let out a content sigh as she watched the scene in front of her. Now that everyone was together, she couldn't imagine spending Christmas any other way.

* * *

Charlie brought a cool washcloth over to Olivia as she lounged on the sofa. The men had taken Lizzie and Noah to the park about an hour ago, leaving her to look after her dozing mother. It was pushing four in the evening when Olivia finally roused from her nap and unsteadily made her way into the living room, startling Charlie with how pale she was.

"Momma, are you okay?" Charlie had asked, helping her get situated on the couch and sitting on her feet right next to her.

"I'm fine," she said, but her words were breathy. "Just…feeling a little off…warm…dizzy…the usual."

Charlie made a little face at the term "the usual". She knew Ed and Olivia had been keeping the worst of this from them, but she didn't understand why. She was old enough to know what happened when someone went through chemotherapy, and had stated time and time again that she wanted to be there for them, to help them. Temporarily shoving aside that thought, she stood up and covered Olivia with a blanket, heading to get her the cold rag. Now as she returned to Olivia's side, Charlie noticed just how short of breath she was.

"Thank you, baby girl."

"Of course, Momma," Charlie leaned forward and fixed the compress so it covered a good portion of the top of Olivia's head. "Just try to relax. I'm right here."

Mother and daughter stayed like that for a few minutes, Olivia's eyes closed as she fought to regain control of how she was feeling. Charlie's eyes remained locked on her, looking for any sign that something other than normal chemo reaction was going on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Charlie finally asked, almost nervous that she would upset her. "You've lost almost all your color from this morning."

"I'm okay," Olivia replied, but knew Charlie could see right through her, so she tried to change the subject. "I just wish I was feeling a bit better. I've been hoping for some alone time with my girl."

"Momma…" Charlie whispered, also craving some one on one time with Olivia, but she knew that was going to have to wait. "It's okay. We have all the time in the world. Right now, I just want you to feel better. Think you can sleep some more?"

Olivia didn't even respond, she just nodded her head and closed her eyes again, succumbing to the exhaustion of the battle she was fighting. Charlie made sure the blanket was snug around her mother and took the washcloth to run more cold water on it. Placing it back on Olivia's forehead, Charlie wiped away a lone tear and kissed her cheek.

"I love you, Momma. I'm right here. You're gonna be okay."

* * *

It was almost five when Ed came barging in the apartment door, shaking off his snow covered jacket and boots, and beelining for the couch where Olivia was fitfully asleep. She had broken out into a cold sweat, her breathing was labored, and her face was ghostly pale.

"Charlie?" he asked, kneeling down next to Olivia and stroking her face, whispering that he was there and he loved her. Ed had bolted from Central Park upon receiving Charlie's concerned call, with Trevor promising to keep the kids out a bit longer so they were occupied. "What's going on? What happened?"

"I don't know, she was asleep and then all of a sudden she called for me…I was in the kitchen…I ran back in and saw her covered in sweat…so I called you…" the girl was near tears, rambling off how the evening had escalated, worried that she missed something or somehow made her mother worse. Ed remained calm and immediately called the on-call oncologist at Mount Sinai. After a brief explanation, he muttered a thank you and pocketed his cell again.

"Charlie, grab her some warm socks and a beanie," he instructed. "I'm taking her to the hospital."

* * *

 ** _Uh oh. *Ducks*_**

 ** _Review?_**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Twelve_**

"Fluids and rest?" Ed asked for the third time, watching the nurse attach another bag to Olivia's IV and check that it was flowing. Dr. Stevens, the on call doctor, skimmed her chart while patiently answering Ed's questions.

"Yes," she said calmly, dropping the clipboard to her side and making eye contact with the concerned man. "Dr. Kamal will need to examine the blood results further, but I suspect it is the drug combination that is making her sick. The fever is my main concern right now. I want to get that down and rehydrate her, keep an eye on her overnight. Assuming everything goes down tomorrow, you can take her home. But you'll have to follow up with Dr. Kamal about next steps."

Ed closed his eyes and brought Olivia's hand to his mouth, giving her a prolonged kiss as he tried to finally calm down. She was asleep, finally, after a relatively rough period in the emergency room.

Calling ahead, in Ed's mind, meant that a bed was going to be waiting for him once he arrived with his nearly unconscious wife, but that was not the case. Not only was the registering nurse borderline rude, he ended up sitting in an uncomfortable plastic waiting room chair, Olivia all but curled in his lap, waiting for someone to finally bring them back. It felt like hours, but was likely only twenty minutes, before a nurse rushed out with a wheelchair, apologizing for the wait and the oversight.

"A lapse in our communication," was her explanation. Ed almost threw a snarky comment, but decided to bite his tongue. He needed them to take care of his wife. At this point, Olivia's temperature had reached 103, so the nurse got an IV started while they waited for Dr. Stevens, who confirmed what Ed kept trying to tell himself, though he still fretted over worst-case scenario, that Olivia was having a reaction to the drug combination.

"It's common," Dr. Stevens assured Ed once more, watching the man as he refused to let go of his wife's hand. "She's going to be okay, Captain Tucker. I suspect once her fever breaks, and she goes through a couple of these IV bags, she's going to be begging to go home."

Ed smiled, though it was a teary smile. "You have no idea," he rasped, scooting his chair closer to Olivia's hospital bed and resting his arms next to her shoulders, one hand stroking her cheek.

"Okay, well, I'll leave you two alone," the doctor said, signaling the nurse to follow her out, "the nurse has my pager if you need anything. Try to get some rest."

Ed didn't even look up as the hospital door closed, his eyes stayed on his wife's face. Some of her coloring had returned since being given fluids, but she was still out cold. As much as Ed wanted her to rest, he had an intense urge to just look into her eyes in that moment; to be assured that she was okay. Feeling a little crappy, sure, but okay. Letting out a sigh, he realized he would have to wait for that moment. And he would.

"I'll wait forever if I have to," he whispered to Olivia, leaning over the bed and nuzzling her cheek with his nose, peppering her face with kisses as he went. "Just rest, baby. Rest. I'm right here. You're okay, Olivia, I promise. I love you."

* * *

Trevor slumped back into his living room with both kids finally asleep in the guest bedroom, but he stopped when he saw Charlie. Perched on the windowsill, her new favorite spot, and bourbon in her hands. She bypassed a glass this time and was just taking sips straight from the bottle. He knew she was upset, and he knew that Noah's anxiety had escalated it, but in that moment, his entire stomach dropped in worry.

Once Trevor had returned to the apartment with the kids, Ed and Olivia were already gone. Charlie had cleaned up and had a smile on her face, but Noah could read her like a book.

"Where's Mommy?" he asked, immediately upon entering and seeing that his parents weren't there. He shed his snow gear in the foyer, leaving it for Trevor to shake out and hang up, and beelined for Charlie. Noah crawled into her lap, smacked his little hands against her cheek, and pulled her face so they were nose to nose. "She not here?"

"Mommy wasn't feeling well," Charlie said, though her words were slightly muffled since Noah was squeezing her face. "So Daddy took her to the hospital. She'll probably sleep there, then come back here tomorrow."

As soon as Noah realized Olivia wasn't going to be home that night, he burst into tears, explaining all the Christmas movies they should watch and the toys they should play with. Charlie did her best to calm him down, but he wasn't having it. Noah rarely got this upset, so finally at a loss for what to do, she offered him a bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub and a bowl of ice cream.

"In da tub?" he asked, his eyes wide but still teary.

"Sure," Charlie shrugged, willing to do anything if he would just calm down. Accepting that proposition, Noah scurried to get his pajamas. After the bath and the ice cream, they all piled on the couch to watch Elf. Both kids fell asleep before Santa crashed in Central Park, but Noah had woken up when Trevor carried him back. So he stayed back there reading stories, until the little boy finally drifted back off.

One crisis solved, Trevor now faced his girlfriend and realized that Noah had likely been the easy problem to tackle.

"Charlie," he said, approaching her cautiously. She didn't flinch, her eyes remained looking out over the city, and she took another sip from the bottle of bourbon in her hands.

"What," she said, voice devoid of any type of emotion. Trevor perched on the edge, next to her, and reached out to touch her cheek, but she flinched away.

"Baby…"

"Noah asleep?" she asked, her eyes finally meeting his. He could see them swirling.

"He is," Trevor assured her. "Out like a light."

"Good," she sighed, taking another sip and turning back to look out the window.

"Charlie…" Trevor began hesitantly, "how…how much of that have you had?"

She didn't make an effort to move, look at him, or lie. "What does it matter?"

"Oh _babe_ …"

"Don't," she said, a slight crack appearing in her voice, proving to Trevor she was not okay but was trying her hardest to get there. "Don't push me right now, okay? Just…just let me be."

"No," he whispered, shaking his hand and taking the bottle. That finally got her attention, and she turned to fight him on it, but he won, moving the bourbon to the other windowsill and taking her hands in his. "I will do anything for you, for your family, to make this better. But I won't leave you alone. That I won't do. I'm not going anywhere."

"Everyone goes somewhere eventually," she muttered, ripping her hands from his and standing up, rather unsuccessfully.

"Whoa," Trevor said, catching her and holding her up.

"Let me go," she said, trying to fight his hold, but he just tightened it. It was more than a hug in that moment. It was a near pressure hold. Trevor was desperate. He could see Charlie spiraling down and trying to stay strong, but in that moment he needed her to know that she didn't have to.

"It's okay, Charlotte," he soothed as her resistance weakened. "Stop it. Your mom is okay, she just needs a different drug combination. Noah is asleep. And your dad sounded calm on the phone. You don't have to be strong right now."

Charlie didn't say anything, but she eventually went limp in his arms. Relieved, Trevor moved them to the couch and pulled her into his lap, prepared for the onslaught of tears and whys and lamenting, but they never came. He held Charlie tight in his chest, and she let him, but she remained silent.

* * *

Olivia worked to open her eyes, turning her head slightly, but her face was met with a soft cotton material.

"Ed?" she mumbled, feeling him stir next to her. Finally opening her eyes, a smile grew on her face. Ed was dozing in the hospital bed with his arms around her tightly.

"Morning," he whispered, his eyes still closed. He nuzzled her cheek and she laughed, feeling his morning stubble tickle her. He finally pried open his baby blue eyes and gave her a soft smile. "You're feeling better," he observed.

"Much," she responded, moving to kiss his lips, gripping his gray t-shirt in her fist. She went to lay her head back on the pillow, but Ed wasn't ready to let her go.

"You sc—… _I_ was scared, Liv," he admitted quietly.

"I know," she whispered, her eyes wide as she settled back and waited for him to say more, but he didn't. So she kept going. "I was too," she admitted, "but, I feel so much better today."

"That's good," Ed said, his eyes still piercing her, arms still wrapped around her body. Olivia could feel the desperation in his grip.

"Hey," she said softly, knowing her husband would remain as stoic as she needed him to, "it's okay, Ed."

"I just…" he began, looking down, almost sheepishly. "I can't stand seeing you like this. I can't stand not being able to fix this."

"I know," she said, opting not to say any more. She knew her husband. He didn't want to get mushy, but he always made sure she knew how much he loved her and needed her. It was a fine line he managed to toe very well, in her opinion. She watched as Ed pulled himself together, still laying in the hospital bed with her, and she gave him a smile. "Okay?"

"If you're okay, I'm okay," he said with a smirk, leaning in to kiss her. She returned it with more energy than he was expecting. They remained in a passionate lip lock until the clearing of a throat behind them caused Ed to jump back, nearly falling off the bed.

"Doc," he said, snapping out of his fluster and standing up. Blush flooded Olivia's cheeks, but she offered the doctor a smile.

"Can ya spring me yet?" she asked, her eyes wide and hopeful. But her expression dropped when the doctor shook her head.

"Not before we get you to keep some food down," Dr. Stevens said. "Hopefully by this afternoon, okay?"

Ed, seeing Olivia begin to formulate an argument, jumped in.

"Of course," he said, smirking at Olivia as she shot him an annoyed look. "Whatever you say."

* * *

It was after lunch and Charlie was losing her mind at the apartment. Noah had refused breakfast and was now refusing lunch, apparently on a self-imposed hunger strike until he got to see his parents.

"Why can't Daddy come home?" he asked. "Is he sick too?"

"No, pal," Charlie explained patiently, for the fourth time that day. "He's with mommy, making sure she feels better."

"She had to leave on Christmas…" he lamented, and while Charlie wanted to lament too, her main concern was cheering Noah up. He hadn't handled this short hospitalization well. She assumed it was because he finally had a glimpse of just how sick Olivia was.

"I know. It really stunk, didn't it?"

"Uh-huh," he said, finally done stomping. Noah came over and curled up in Charlie's lap. She reached up and pulled a blanket around them, leaning back into the couch and holding him close. "I just wanna see my Daddy…"

The words stung Charlie a little bit, but she understood. Noah had basically been in her and Trevor's care for the last week, and he was feeling a little slighted. Knowing that her dad needed to be with Olivia, she didn't hesitate to step up and be there for Noah, but her mind was churning on the couch. Kissing Noah's head, she stood up and laid him on the couch to rest.

"I'm gonna go check in with him, okay?"

"Okay, Charlie."

She snuck into the master bedroom and dialed Ed's cell. He answered on the first ring.

 _Hey Charlie._

"Hey Dad, how's mom?"

 _Much better. Awake, alert, her color is back. The doctor just needs her to keep food down then we can get out of here._

"That's great. Listen, Noah is…well, he's having a rough go. Can we swap places for a bit? Even if it's just an hour for you to take him to lunch?"

 _I…well…_

Charlie could hear her dad hesitate. She knew he didn't want to leave Olivia, especially given how she escalated while he was out sledding, but she didn't quite let up.

"I know you're being pulled in all directions," she offered, her voice softening with compassion, "but…well, I just think Noah needs to see one of you right now."

 _He okay?_

"I…he didn't sleep well, and he doesn't want to eat. He knows something is wrong and no matter what Trevor and I say or do, he's not gonna relax until you tell him."

 _I just hate leaving your mom…_

"I know, but I'll come up and hang out with her. I'm sure she wants you to shave anyways."

Ed let out a laugh and Charlie knew she had won the fight.

 _Okay. I'll head to the apartment once you get here._

"I love you, Dad. See you soon."

Charlie threw on an oversized sweater with her leggings and fished for her boots. She was still rooting through her suitcase when Trevor came into the room.

"Ya headed up there?" he asked, leaning against the doorway, still wearing gray sweat pants that hung low on his waist and a black v-neck t-shirt. It just accentuated the salt and pepper scruff he seemed to be growing.

"Yeah," she said, looking up and smiling. "Then dad will come back here and spend time with Noah. That okay?"

"Of course," he said, as if the question in itself was silly. "Just…I'm worried about you too."

"I'm fine," Charlie responded quickly, finally finding her boots and zipping them up. "And…I'll be even better when Noah is calm, and I can see for myself that my mom is feeling better."

Trevor pushed off the door and took Charlie in his arms, swaying them a bit and kissing the top of her head.

"I love you," he whispered, knowing she wasn't okay but that he couldn't push her. He had almost pushed too hard the night before, and was currently rethinking his strategy.

"I love you too," she responded, pulling back and kissing him on the lips. Trevor deepened it, cupping her face and taking his time exploring her mouth, as if to convey just how much he loved her. Charlie pulled away and gave him a shy smile. "I'll be back soon…I…Trevor…"

"Yeah?" he asked, still holding her face and searching her eyes.

"Just…thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything."

* * *

Charlie rounded the corner, following the signs for room 812 when a familiar face caught her attention.

"Charlie!" Jake exclaimed, his face curling into a smile. "Wasn't expecting to see ya. Didn't your mom finish her cycle the other day?"

She gave him a sad smile and leaned against the wall, taking a quick breather before finding her parents. "It was," she allowed. "She had a rough reaction to the drug combo, so she was admitted last night. Going to check on her now."

Jake's face fell and he stepped towards Charlie, but stopped, unsure if he was misreading the situation.

"I'm sorry," he said, quite sincerely, "I know that's hard to watch. Especially on Christmas."

"It was," she agreed, "but, I was glad to have her home for a little bit."

Jake's eyes fell a bit. His mom had been in the hospital since Olivia began her second treatment, Charlie had found out.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly, realizing she may have struck a nerve. "I didn't mean…"

"Hey, it's okay," he shrugged. "Look, I know you're in a hurry but…"

"Charlie?"

She turned around quickly at the sound of Ed's voice.

"Hey!" Charlie exclaimed, walking over and into his embrace. She could feel the tension radiating from him. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said, "we thought we heard your voice."

"Oh?" she asked, before realizing that 812 was right behind her. "Didn't realize I was right here. Dad, this is Jake."

"Hello," Ed allowed, eyeing the man and confused as to why his daughter was chatting with a stranger outside of her mother's hospital room.

"His mom is on the same treatment schedule as Momma," she explained, "so I've run into him a few times."

Ed's face fell in realization and he offered Jake a sincere smile. "Sorry to hear that."

An awkward silence fell on the trio, so Charlie quickly made her exit.

"Good to see you, Jake," she said, "Hope everything turns out okay…"

"Yeah…you too," he said, his tone revealing the disappointment that their conversation was cut short. Charlie didn't notice this and hurried into Olivia's room, making a beeline for her hospital bed.

"Momma," she gushed, leaning over and giving her a tight hug, feeling Olivia's arms wrap around her in return. "You look so much better!" she exclaimed, leaning back and taking her appearance in.

"Thank you," she said, her smile lighting up her features, something Charlie hadn't seen in a few days. "I _feel_ much better."

"Good."

"And, I think it is past time for your Dad to get out of the hospital."

Ed gave them a curt smile, clearly not too keen on leaving his wife's side. Charlie studied him carefully.

"Dad, she's okay," Charlie encouraged, "I'll take good care of her…and Noah is really excited that you are coming to hang out with him."

She didn't mean it to make Olivia feel bad, but she knew the statement would sting none the less, so she reached out and grabbed her hand before continuing. "I mean he's fine, but Dad, since Mom is feeling better, it would just be good if he had some time with you."

Ed still looked reluctant, and Charlie began to backtrack, offering her father an out if he really couldn't bring himself to leave Olivia. "But, ya know, if you don't —"

"No," Ed interrupted her, coming over and kissing her head before taking Olivia's hand tightly in his own. "You're right. You and Trevor have been great, stepping up with Noah, but a few hours won't kill any of us, right?"

"Right," Olivia said, leaning up and kissing her husband. "Give him a hug for me. Maybe I'll even be home this evening."

"Well, I won't put that idea in his head yet, but that's the goal baby."

Ed gave Olivia one more kiss before hugging Charlie and departing the hospital room. Charlie turned to Olivia as soon as the door latched closed, taking her hand and giving her a reassuring smile.

"Well, how about some girl time? I brought trashy magazines…"

* * *

 ** _You know what to do...#review_**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Thirteen_**

Noah and Ed were sitting across from each other at Sarabeth's. In front of Noah was a flight of three different ice cream sandwiches, and in front of Ed was a s'more dessert in a jar. After entering the apartment and catching his son as he leapt into his arms, Ed bundled him up and took him for lunch before surprising him with a trip to the Upper East Side's upscale dessert spot. Noah had taken his time, carefully selecting what he would like from the menu before then instructing Ed to get the s'more dessert so he could have a taste.

So far the little boy had been cheerful, smiling and laughing as Ed would randomly recite a cheesy joke. He didn't stop his comedian act just because they were at dessert.

"How do you make a Kleenex dance, No?" Ed asked, taking a bite of his chocolate creation and giving Noah a little smirk as he scrunched his face up in thought.

"I dunno," Noah said, shrugging and trying to stop a smile from spreading on his face ahead of the punch line.

"You put a little boogie on it." Ed delivered the line just like he would say anything other thing, and he admired his spoon as he said it. But Noah dissolved into a hit of giggles, immediately causing Ed to break his demeanor and a large grin formed on his face as he watched how happy and at peace his son was in the moment.

"Daddy, you so funny!" he exclaimed, taking a larger than needed bite of of ice cream sandwich with chocolate filling. He'd already declared that one his favorite.

"Ya like your ice cream?" Ed asked, dodging the compliment and checking in on the order.

"UH-HUH!" Noah responded loudly, attracting some attention, but Ed didn't mind. He was just glad Noah was calming down. "We take some to Mommy?" His question was innocent, but it pierced Ed's heart and sent him hurdling back towards their family's reality. He offered Noah a small smile.

"Mommy still isn't feeling too well, pal," Ed said softly, leaning over the table and taking one of Noah's little hands. "But maybe when she's feeling better, we will bring her here?"

"That good," Noah said, still eating his ice cream but his own mood had obviously dropped. "We goin' home tonight?"

Ed let out a sigh. "I'm not sure, Noah," he answered honestly. "Mommy is feeling better, but the doctors are still watching her."

"The cancer?"

"Yeah. Sometimes the medicine makes Mommy really sick," Ed explained gently. "Just like yesterday."

"Yeah…" Noah said, putting his dessert down and frowning. "I miss her."

"Well," Ed said slowly, having already run his idea by the doctor, "how about we finish here, then I'll take you to see her?"

Noah's face shot up, his eyes wide and a smile on his face.

"I done," he said immediately, getting down from his chair and fumbling with his jacket. "We go see Mommy right now."

Ed smiled, threw a tip down, helped Noah with his coat, and ushered his son out the door.

"Good idea, son."

* * *

"Well, I'm officially caught up on the world's gossip," Olivia said, tossing a magazine onto the bedside table and lovingly rolling her eyes at Charlie. "Ya know, when I was still at SVU, this kinda stuff drove me nuts."

"Yeah?" Charlie scooted her chair up and leaned in, eagerly awaiting what story Olivia was going to tell.

"Yeah," she sighed out, moving to run her fingers through Charlie's hair. "I was so convinced that this kind of…gossip, obsession…led people to do really bad things…"

"Well, you were kind of right…"

"I was," she allowed. "But also kind of wrong."

Charlie let out a little snort.

"Nope," she said, "my Momma's never wrong."

Olivia just gave her a smile, trying to catch the young woman's eyes but Charlie was an expert dodger. "How are you doing?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Well, the nurses ask every half hour, so you've heard my answer a few times…your turn."

"If you're okay, I'm okay," Charlie said, her Ed Tucker smile causing Olivia to almost laugh at her answer.

"You…are your father's daughter."

Charlie laughed nervously, pushing her hair behind her ear. "What do you mean?"

"He said the exact same thing to me earlier," Olivia said, her old detective tone coming out slightly. "I didn't believe him, and I don't believe you."

She didn't say anything, but Charlie reached out to take Olivia's hand and finally made eye contact. Olivia watched as tears swirled behind her daughter's blue orbs, but she didn't allow herself to release them.

"Hey…" Olivia whispered, feeling more and more desperate to reach her, knowing that it was her illness that had her this upset and withdrawn. But she kept hitting walls. "I'm…so sorry that I scared you last night. But you were…amazing. My amazing girl. And I'm getting better…stronger. And soon all of this will be behind us."

Charlie tried to smile, but her bottom lip began to quiver. Olivia watched her, patiently waiting on the outside but begging on the inside for the damn to break.

"It's okay, Charlie" she said softly ,scooting over on the bed and making room for charlie to climb up, but she hesitated. "Please…just let me hold you?"

Just as Charlie was about to give in and climb into the hospital bed with her mother, a knock on the door startled the pair and a jovial, plump nurse came in.

"Time for more vitals," she said, completely oblivious to what she had interrupted. "Your color is looking so much better, Mrs Tucker! You'll be out of here within the hour, I think!"

Olivia's face lit up and she smiled at Charlie, who squeezed her hand reassuringly and returned the grin.

"Oh that's just the best news," Olivia said, "I wonder if we are fast enough to surprise your dad and Noah?"

Charlie shook her head and pulled out her phone, already dialing Ed and feeling grateful for the emotional reprieve. "No way. Dad would kill me."

* * *

"MOMMY!" Noah yelled, breaking free from Ed's hand and darting across the hospital room. Charlie helped the boy climb up onto the bed and he collapsed against Olivia, his little arms wrapped around her neck. "Hi Mommy," he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Hi, my love," Olivia cooed, her eyes closed as she cuddled her son in the bed with her. "I'm so so glad you came." Noah didn't say anything, he just snuggled further into Olivia and let out a content sigh. "How was ice cream with Daddy?"

"Good," he said, making no attempt to sit up and leave the embrace, "I got THREE ice cream sandwiches. Dey called a fight."

"Flight, No," Ed said, smiling and taking the empty chair by Olivia's head. Charlie was in the wingback chair on the opposite side of the bed.

"Oh. A flight, Mommy," he said, craning his neck to look up at her, eyes wide and happy.

"That sounds so nice. What did Daddy have?"

"He say he didn't want anything, but den I wanted two, so he got one."

Olivia just let out a laugh and looked at her husband. Ed made no attempt to hide the fact he spoiled their son, so he just shrugged and smirked at her.

"Still Christmas," Ed said simply. "So he got two desserts."

"Did you save any for me?" Charlie asked, finally chiming into the conversation. She raised her eyebrow at Noah, causing Ed to laugh.

"I know it's impossible, but you looked just like Liv just then," he said, causing both women to smile and lock gazes.

"I'll take that," Charlie replied, but got back to the issue at hand. "Well, No?"

"Uh-uh," he said, shaking his head. "I eat it allllllllllll."

The room erupted into laughter right as the doctor strolled in.

"Well isn't this a sight for sore eyes," she said, smiling at the group before checking Olivia's IV bag.

"I hear we might get to spring her?" Ed asked, hopeful that they could all leave together. Otherwise, he would have a real fight on his hands with his son.

"You heard correctly," the doctor confirmed. "Olivia, I need you to take it easy okay? Eat light at first - soup, jello, pudding, toast, at least until you're feeling less queasy. Take naps. Don't push yourself. And call if your fever goes up again, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia responded, resting her cheek on Noah's head and closing her eyes in relief.

"Dr. Kamal asked that you call his office tomorrow and schedule a quick check-in next week, but other than that…you're good to go. Nancy will be in soon with discharge papers and your escort out," she replied, patting Olivia's leg and winking at Ed. It didn't take her long to realize Olivia would be less than thrilled about leaving in a wheelchair.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens," Ed said sincerely, standing up to shake her hand, "thank you so much, for taking care of my wife."

"My pleasure," she responded, heading for the door. "Have a Merry-Belated-Christmas."

The door clicked shut and Ed looked at Olivia, his eyes moist but bright.

"We're taking you home, baby," he said softly. Olivia just nodded into Noah's hand and glanced over a Charlie.

"Home, or the apartment, sounds good."

Several hours later, Ed punched the button for Trevor's floor in the elevator and leaned his head against the wall, smiling as he observed his wife's profile as she anxiously watched the numbers rise.

"Happy to be out?" Ed obviously knew the answer, but he just wanted to keep talking. Her voice was comforting.

"Mmhmmm," she said, turning her head and returning his smile.

"Your eyes are sparkling," he observed, reaching out to stroke her cheek before kissing her forehead. "It's good to see."

"It's nice to feel semi-normal again," she quipped back, leaning her body into Ed's and letting him hold her as the elevator slowed. "And…as nice as it has been to be back in the city, I miss home."

"Home misses you too," Ed assured her, kissing her lips and pulling back slowly. "Tomorrow."

The doors opened and Ed picked up the overnight bag, grabbed Olivia's hand, and led her down the hallway. Her pace quickened as she realized how close she was to be reunited with her family. As much as she had enjoyed the brief hospital visit earlier, Olivia craved being in her pajamas and in a warm, cozy living room surrounded by those she loved most in the world.

"I'm curious what Charlie's secret was," Olivia mused. "I was shocked Noah left as willingly as he did earlier…"

"Me too," Ed admitted. He and Olivia had talked some once the kids left, about how they felt Noah in particular was coping with this latest episode. Ed had been honest, admitting that the boy was anxious and worried. Olivia took it in stride, but was obviously deeply concerned about how her illness was effected her family. "He was pretty wound up at lunch. I think we need to try and be more open with him about some of this. He's perceptive."

As they approached the apartment, Olivia paused.

"I hate what this is doing to him," she whispered, causing Ed to lean into her and cup her face. "To everyone."

"Hey," he whispered, kissing her once more and lingering for a few extra seconds, "we'll get through it."

Once he pulled back, Olivia's eyes stayed locked on his. The couple allowed themselves a moment outside of the apartment to just be together, and breath. But Ed lingered a tad bit longer than Olivia had the patience for.

"I love you, Ed," she whispered, "but I need you to open this door…"

He laughed and turned the key, ushering his wife inside. Immediately their nostrils were hit with the scent of freshly baked apples and cinnamon.

"What…" Olivia's eyes grew and her smile widened. The living room was filled with green, red, and white holiday balloons, everyone was back in their elf pajamas, and a nice hors d'oeuvre spread was on the large coffee table.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Noah yelled, hopping off the couch and sprinting to Olivia. "AGAIN!"

"Time to finish up our Christmas celebration," Charlie said, standing up from where she was playing on the floor with Trevor and Lizzie, helping her parents understand what they were doing. But they were both stunned. Ed stood, stoic as usual, looking around with his jaw set, clearly trying not to show emotion. Olivia remained squatting down, Noah wrapped up in her arms, and trying not to cry yet again.

"I…I love it," she said, her eyes closing as she turned her head into Noah's. "Thank you, sweet boy. Merry Christmas."

"Again," he said softly, his little hands gripping Olivia's sweatshirt. It was apparent, that even thought he got some time with his mother in the hospital, that he was still struggling. "We watch the Grinch?"

"Whatever you want," Ed said, moving over and giving Charlie a side hug, kissing her temple. "Whatever any of you want."

* * *

It was just after midnight and the apartment was quiet, save for the occasional faint horn from the street below. Olivia had dozed off on the couch just before eight, and the family had left her there until the movie ended. Ed went through Noah and Lizzie's bedtime routine, having missed the tranquilness of that particular act, while Trevor and Charlie cleaned up quietly in the kitchen. Once the kids were asleep, he scooped Olivia up and effortlessly carried her to the master bedroom, making sure she her forehead was cool but the rest of her was warm, before kissing at her face and returning.

The three remaining adults shared a few drinks and made small talk, reminiscing about the kids playing with their presents or how much brighter Olivia seemed, but there was also a heaviness in the living room. Ed chalked it up to how stressful the last few days had been and didn't think twice about refilling everyone's bourbon before retiring for the night.

Now he was perched on the edge of the jacuzzi tub, making sure the water temp was just right, as Olivia slowly made her way in. Ed lit a few candles and helped Olivia out of her pajamas and into the tub, making sure there was enough oil to leave her feeling relaxed.

"Mmmmmm," she moaned, sinking straight into the water and resting her head against the rolled up towel Ed held in place for her. "Thank you…"

"Of course," he said, straightening up but staying where he was and watching the strained emotion drain from his wife's face. She had woken up about half an hour ago, and while she wasn't as sick as she had been, she admitted that she still wasn't feeling great. Ed suggested a bath and knew immediately she wanted one. "Just soak, baby. Let the last few days just melt away. I'm right here."

"I know," she whispered, finally opening her eyes and reaching out to grab his hand. "So am I."

Ed just smiled at her and they maintained eye contact for a little while until he became a little uncomfortable under her watch. She could see right through him.

"Talk to me," she implored, running her fingertips along the palm of his hand, soothing him.

"Just glad to have everyone under one roof right now," he shrugged simply, watching their joined hands move slightly above the water. "It's been a crazy couple of months…and I had hoped that the holidays would be relaxing."

"Me too…"

"But it's not your fault," Ed said quickly. He was terribly worried that Olivia was taking too much of this on herself, when she needed to focus her energy on her own battle. "I don't want you worrying about all of this…"

"Ed…"

"No," he said, not ready to hear her argument. "You are in for the fight of your life here. It's my job, mine and Charlie's and Trevor's, to take care of everything else. It's killing me to think that you are worried about us, on top of the cancer."

"I'm going to worry," she finally said firmly, "there's no way to avoid that, Ed. You're my husband. Charlie and Noah are my children. I will never _not_ worry, even when everything is okay. And as much as it's killing you to think that I'm worrying? It's killing _me_ to have Charlie…and you…hold back from me."

Ed's heart snapped as he gripped her hand more tightly and leaned down to nuzzle her forehead with his lips. " _Olivia_ …"

"You think I don't know that you're scared? That I don't see it?"

Ed was silent, but his eyes finally met Olivia's and they were pleading with her. He wasn't ready to deal with his fears, with his emotions, with the depth of Charlie's pain or Noah's anxiety. Ed Tucker wanted to solely focus on his wife's survival, but he knew that was no longer an option. Olivia was too perceptive, too smart, and way too strong for him to have expected otherwise.

"I see you, Ed Tucker," she said, sitting up and wrapping her arms around his waist, soaking his t-shirt. "I will always see you. And, we need to do this together…our children need us to do this together. And…well… _I just need you_ …"

Ed's breath caught in his throat as he fought the rising sobs in his chest. "I need you too, baby," he rasped out. "Forever."

"Get me out of this tub, Captain," she said, her voice low and needy, "…and into our bed."

"Liv…" Ed hesitated, he knew that tone. "You're…we're…can we?"

"I'm tired," she admitted, "but we can get creative."

Ed pulled the plug on the bath and swiftly grabbed an oversized fluffy white towel to wrap around Olivia. As soon as she was on her feet, he pulled her into him and crashed his lips to hers.

"Ed…" she moaned as his tongue swept through every crevice of her mouth. "Ed….the bed…"

He backed them into the room and caught himself before he landed right on top of Olivia, continuing to pepper her body with kisses. Her hands caressed his arms and shoulders, moving to grip his gray hair and steer him back to her mouth. They pleasured each other slowly and lovingly with their hands and lips before finally collapsing back into the plush pillows. Olivia was on her side, Ed spooning her from behind, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Hey," he whispered, settling his cheek against hers. He was as close as he could possibly get to his wife. "Ya okay?"

"I'm good. So good," she said, voice barely audible, tightening her own grip on his hands. "I love you, Ed."

"Love you too," he said, kissing her once more and closing his eyes. "Rest."

* * *

 ** _Please review!_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_Fourteen_**

Olivia sat in the swing in their backyard, bundled in gloves, a scarf, a beanie, and a down coat, watching Noah and Lizzie try to make snow angels in the leftover three inches or so of Christmas snow Sag Harbor received that year. She had been home from the hospital for a few days, and while she still needed a couple of naps per day, she found herself with a small burst of energy that afternoon. Ignoring Ed's protests that it was too cold, she bundled everyone up and ushered them out of the sliding glass doors to their back deck and smiled as Noah and Lizzie took off, enjoying the fresh air and not-so-fresh snow.

Snow in the city didn't stay white very long, maybe a day, but usually not even that. Aside from random spots in Central Park, Olivia always cringed when Noah would want to play in the snow too long after it fell. But that was when they lived in Manhattan. Being out on the island brought a new set of freedoms, including the ability for Olivia not to consistently bathe her son in anti-bacterial soap after he frolicked through a winter wonderland.

Leaning back in the swing, Olivia sipped her coffee and smiled over the mug at the two youngsters. Noah was laying next to Lizzie, reciting instructions on how to move her arms and legs to make a snow angel, but the little girl just wasn't quite coordinated enough yet, much to his dismay. So once he stood and inspected his masterpiece, he shook his head good-naturedly and tried to help his niece. To any outside observer, the Tucker family was totally at peace that day. Enjoying the sunshine and being together. But despite the picture they painted, the family was anything but peaceful, still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster that the Christmas holiday had brought them.

Once they had unloaded both cars, full of Christmas presents, luggage, and leftover food, the family had set to work trying to find places for all of the new purchases. Noah, as usual, had strong opinions about where his toys lived. Lizzie did not care one bit, and was happy to just run around the house in circles while everyone else got settled. The men, of course, refused Olivia's help and once Ed realized how frustrated she was feeling, abandoned the kids to continue to unpack and followed Olivia into the kitchen to make some coffee.

"Good to be home?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind and kissing her neck, opting not to think about the weight loss they were beginning to notice.

"Yes," she murmured, hitting the brew button and leaning back into the embrace. "I'm a little tired…"

Ed smiled into her skin and nuzzled a little bit, causing her to giggle. "Thank you for admitting that."

"Do I have a choice?" Her eyebrow raised, and though Ed couldn't see her face, he knew exactly what it looked like in that moment.

"You do," he allowed, "but I'm very happy with going the honest route."

She had turned around in his arms, reaching up to stroke his face before kissing his lips lightly. "You were finally honest with me last night," she rasped out, and Ed knew that his decision to let her know just how scared he was ended up being the right one. "I owe you the same."

"We are turning over a new leaf in this journey," he announced, "no more hiding."

"No more hiding," Olivia reiterated, a smirk growing on her face. "I nominate you to explain that to our daughter."

Ed let out a laugh, pulling Olivia in for another hug and swaying her lightly in the kitchen.

"Whatever you say."

Olivia smiled as she thought back to that conversation, but the shrieks of the children brought her out of the memory.

"LOOK!" Noah yelled proudly, coming over to his mother and pointing to the snow. "We did it! Lizzie Angel and Noah Angel!"

"Wow, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, pulling Noah into her side as best as she could given the amount of winter gear they both wore. "You are such a good uncle teaching her that. Look how proud she is!"

"Uh huh," Noah agreed, also watching as Lizzie stood and observed her little body's imprint in the snow. She leaned down and ungracefully tried to dust off the grass and dirt. "She did good. Just gotta practice!"

Just then a chill took over Olivia's body and she shivered, catching Noah's attention. "You cold, Mommy?"

"A little bit," she answered, kissing his cheek and moving slowly to stand up. "Let's go in and make some cocoa?"

"Okay!" Noah said, moving to grab Lizzie's hand and lead her inside, but she wasn't as ready to go.

"No, Unc! Snow!" Lizzie declared, digging her feet in and not allowing Noah to drag her across the yard.

"Lizzie, we gotta go inside. Mommy is COLD!"

"No!"

Charlie, who had been observing from the kitchen island, decided to intervene and she threw on Trevor's boots which were sitting by the door and trudged out, trying not to look too awkward in the oversized footwear.

"Okay, Lizzie bug…I think it's nap time," she announced, watching as the toddler slowly moved into tantrum mode. She picked her up and bounced her a bit, trying to get the tears to stop. Olivia moved over and stroked the little girl's hair, kissing at her cheeks.

"Hey, baby girl, we'll play again later okay? Ollie needs a nap too…"

Lizzie began to calm once she realized everyone was going inside, and finally stopped squirming. The foursome made their way to the back door, where Trevor had laid down some towels so they could drop their gear. He moved to pluck Lizzie from Charlie, but she resisted.

"I got her," she said with a small, tired smile. "I may have to lay down with her, so she will actually sleep."

"How about this," Olivia offered, laying her coat over the stool at the island, "I want all Tuckers in warm, dry clothes…then anyone who is ready for a rest, meet me in my bed. It's family nap time."

No one argued with the family matriarch and half an hour later Olivia was safely tucked in her bed with Lizzie and Noah. Lizzie was curled into her chest and already snoozing, while Noah played a game on the iPad.

"You gonna rest, sweet boy?" Olivia asked, her eyes closing against her will. She wanted to wait until Noah was asleep, but that plan seemed to be failing.

"When I finish this…" he mumbled, but he hit pause and leaned over Lizzie to kiss Olivia's cheek. "You sleep now, Mommy. I okay."

"I love you, Noah," Olivia got out, despite the emotion catching in her throat. "You are my sweet, brave boy."

"Yep," Noah said, though she wasn't sure he even heard her. He was busy trying to finish his game. Olivia allowed sleep to overtake her, surrounded by her family and finally feeling at peace.

* * *

"Hey, Daddio," Charlie said, padding into the kitchen. She had changed into leggings and a sweatshirt once the kids went to sleep and was now on the hunt for coffee.

"Hey kiddo. How ya holdin' up?"

"I'm holdin'," Charlie said with a little smirk, tasting her coffee and closing her eyes. "I don't wanna think about what life would be like sans coffee."

Ed let out a hearty laugh and shook his head. "Definitely not good for you," he quipped. "Or your mother, for that matter."

Charlie smiled and went to join Ed on the barstools at the island. He was toying around with his laptop, but he closed it and took his glasses off once she sat down.

"I'm worried about you, Daddy," Charlie finally said, not making eye contact. She didn't call him that very often, and it caused his heart to clench a little bit. Ed's mind went back to the conversation with Olivia a few nights ago, when she firmly and emotionally told him that their family needed to stop holding back and start being more honest. Not wanting to disappoint his wife, and hoping his honesty would yield to Charlie opening up as well, Ed took a deep breath before answering his daughter.

"Ya know," he began, reaching out to pat her hand, "I'm relieved to be home. That your mom is feeling better. That Noah seems a little more himself. But, I'm still…worried…about everything. Another reaction to the chemo, your mom's fever going back up and us being this far from the doctors in the city…how Noah is continuing to cope, how _you_ are coping…"

"It's a lot," Charlie breathed out, happy that her father was talking. She wanted to recognize how heavy this was for all of them.

"It is. For all of us."

They sat in silence for a little bit, the weight of their conversation and situation permeating the air a bit, before Ed cleared his throat, hoping Charlie would keep talking.

"How's Trevor? He's really stepped up."

"He has, hasn't he?" Charlie responded, resting her cheek on her hand and smiling softly. "He's been there, ya know. So…I think he really gets it."

"Speaking of, where is he?"

"I actually think he's still passed out in the bedroom," Charlie said, still smiling as she thought of how exhausted her boyfriend was after the holiday. "He almost fell asleep face-timing Tessa."

"Trevor was a life saver," Ed admitted. "Your mom was devastated when she realized she wasn't getting home for Christmas…"

"We all were," Charlie said, her voice cracking a bit. "Trev must have already talked to you about this possible plan."

"He had mentioned it, but I thought he was crazy."

"He is crazy," Charlie said, "but a good crazy. He's my crazy."

"Charlie…" Ed began, but hesitated for a bit, wondering if he was about to go too far, but he threw caution to the wind. "I hope that you're..well, leaning on him. More than you seem to be leaning on me and your mom. Because I gotta tell ya, she's… _we_ …are worried."

Ed winced as he watched his daughter's jaw set again, and he kicked himself. But he needed to know where she was, mentally, with all of this. He was watching her turn to bourbon and didn't have the heart to say anything about that yet, but he was desperate to make sure she was talking to someone. Anyone. He knew Olivia preferred she lean on them, but he also knew Charlie. She wasn't going to do that, at least not yet.

"I…"

Ed reached out and grasped her hand as a tear made its way down her cheek.

"I'm trying."

"Try harder?" Ed pleaded. "I…and your mom…we need you. It's killing me to see your mom struggle this much…I feel so helpless…"

Ed's voice cracked and it broke Charlie's heart a little bit.

"I know. It's okay, Daddy. The next few months may suck, but it's gonna be okay" she whispered, leaning her head on her dad's shoulder. Ed kissed her head and closed his eyes in slight relief as she said her next four words. "And I'm right here."

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay with both of them?" Charlie asked one more time, still reluctant to leave for the evening. Trevor and Ed had apparently conspired to get her out of the house, so around four when Trevor returned from a quick errand, he announced t Charlie that it was time to get dressed in "something other than yoga pants" because he was taking her out.

"We're fine," Olivia said for the fourth time. She was still groggy from her own nap and hadn't quite gotten another energy boost, so she was sunk into their couch watching M*A*S*H reruns and smiling as Noah and Lizzie played with the newly constructed matchbox car town. "Go out. Have fun. And maybe bring me back something chocolate?"

"Anything you want, Momma," Charlie said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Call if you need us," she hollered into Ed, who was fiddling with the slow cooker in the kitchen.

"We will," he tried to yell, but it sounded like a mumble, "damn thing…"

They all laughed, picturing his frustrated face at the broken kitchen tool.

"Okay, we're off," Trevor said, corralling Charlie out the door and locking it behind them.

"I feel weird about this," Charlie said as they climbed into the car and backed down the driveway. "Mom looks exhausted."

"She is exhausted," Trevor agreed. "But the kids are fine and you need a night out."

Charlie smiled at Trevor as they drove through the town, making their way to a little restaurant in East Hampton. Once they were parked, Trevor hopped out and opened the door for Charlie. He took her hand and led her into the darkened bistro. Light jazz music filled their ears as the waiter led them to a small, round table that Trevor had reserved by the window overlooking the brick sidewalk of the town.

"This is nice," Charlie said, smiling at Trevor and taking his hands across the table. "Thank you."

"It was a little selfish," he shrugged, giving her his signature smile, "I wanted to spend some time with you."

Charlie's smile faded a bit and she dropped her eyes, her fingers playing with his as she searched for a response.

"Hey," he said, feeling bad about whatever she was feeling. "I didn't mean it that way…"

"I know," she whispered, but her eyes didn't look up. "Things have just been so…"

"Fucked up?"

Charlie laughed and nodded. "Yeah. Exactly."

"I know," Trevor said. "And tonight, we get to make up for lost time. So…tell me what you want to drink; we'll put the order in and try to forget…even for a little bit…"

Charlie smiled and leaned over the table to kiss Trevor's lips.

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

Olivia wandered around the house, turning out all but the one light in the foyer, and making sure the door was locked but the alarm wasn't set. Trevor and Charlie had checked in a few hours ago and upon being told Lizzie was sound asleep, decided to hit up a popular dance spot. Ed was just so relieved they were out having fun that he didn't care what he had to do, they were staying out. Olivia smiled as she thought back to how he smiled when Charlie excitedly hung up, exclaiming to Trevor they were good to go.

"I just want her to be happy," Ed had said, shrugging and causing Olivia to fall even more in love with him. She wasn't sure it was possible, but she did. Daily.

She straightened the family photos on the mantel and let out a sigh before joining her husband in the bedroom. He was sitting up in the bed, wearing just sweatpants, and thumbing through one of the books that Dr. Stevens had recommended during her impromptu hospital stay.

"Anything noteworthy?" she asked, taking her robe off, tossing it on the corner chair. She fiddled with her now loose fitting sweat pants before crawling into bed with Ed.

"Not so far," he mused, tossing it onto the nightstand and taking Olivia into his arms, cradling her to him and kissing her hair. "Just that I'm supposed to make you comfortable. And warm. And safe."

"You already do that…" she murmured, slowly being lulled into a relaxed state by his hands caressing her back and shoulders. "You've always done that."

The couple stayed like that for a while, both awake but enjoying each other's embrace. Olivia trailed her fingers up and down Ed's arms and would occasionally bury her head further into his neck.

"I dunno what I'd do without you," she had whispered at one point, almost in a way that made Ed think she didn't realize she had spoken out loud.

"Well, lucky for you, you'll never have to find out."

Olivia popped her head up to look at her husband and he leaned down to kiss her. They stayed lip-locked for about half an hour. It was slow and relaxed, not leading anywhere, but accomplishing exactly what each of them needed in the moment - to be together.

"I'm a little worried about my next treatment," Olivia finally admitted some time later. The room was dark, save for the electric candle Ed had lit in their bay window. "The new drugs…how I'll react…I can't…I don't want to have another reaction."

"I don't want you to either," Ed said, his grip tightening. "We'll talk to Dr. Kamal on Wednesday. See what he says. Prepare. And just hope that this next combo is the right one…"

"What if it's not? I hate feeling this way…so weak and tired…"

"It will be," Ed insisted. He wasn't ready to think about having to endure yet another hospital stay, and another switch in chemo drugs. "I feel confident about this. But, Liv, the chemo is still gonna make you sick…"

"I know," she sighed out. She felt like her body was letting her down, but it was inevitable so she tried to divert her thoughts.

"I know that you know." Had Olivia looked up from where her head was against Ed's chest, she would've seen the smirk and the joking gleam in his eyes. But she pictured his face as she closed her eyes, content to soak up his comfort and confidence. She was just about to drift off when they heard the beep of the front door opening, and a small thud.

"Shhhh," they heard Charlie giggle. "Everyone's asleep."

"What time is it?" Trevor asked, in a louder than usual whisper. Again, they heard their daughter giggle.

"After midnight."

"God, I haven't been out this late in years…" Trevor grumbled, clearly still trying to take off his winter gear. A smile formed on Olivia's face as she heard the normalcy in their voices. She was craving that back in their lives.

"Me too…"

"Water?"

"No, bourbon…." Charlie must have left him in the foyer, because Ed and Olivia heard her creep into the kitchen and then the rattling of the liquor cabinet. It was quiet for a bit. They assumed the couple had made it back to their room, until another thud and another giggle.

"Trevor!"

"Sorry."

"Not out here…"

"Why not?"

"What if people hear us?"

"They are asleep."

"Bedroom…"

Olivia began to shake, her laughter was hard to contain, as she heard Ed groan at the thought of his daughter and her boyfriend taking off to their side of the house for adult-like activities.

"They need to move," he grumbled. Olivia just laughed even harder.

"Oh calm down, babe," she teased him. "You'd miss them."

"Yeah," he admitted. "You're right…guess they can stay put."

"We're all staying put," Olivia said right before her eyes closed again and sleep overtook her body, with Ed not far behind her.

* * *

 ** _Have things evened out? Or are more curveballs on the way? How about ya review first ;)_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Fifteen_**

Light filtered in through the blinds causing Olivia to mumble and roll over, burying herself into Ed's chest. He was awake, watching her, worrying about the next round of treatment that was starting that morning. Wrapping his arms around her and running his lips over her forehead, he glanced at the clock.

4:45am.

He closed his eyes, taking some deep breaths and trying to get himself to relax. Olivia was okay. Weak, but okay and safely in his arms. Yet his mind was set on taking him back to their appointment the previous week with Dr. Kamal.

"I know that was scary," he had begun, "but that was a relatively mild reaction to the drug combination. I'm not inclined to make major adjustments, but I have tweaked it a little bit."

"It was enough to cause an overnight hospital stay," Ed argued. He had leaned forward, ready to fight, but Olivia's grip on his arm tightened in a warning.

"It was," he acknowledged. "She was very dehydrated. That may happen again, Captain Tucker. These drugs….they kill the cancer, but they are incredibly hard on the body. It's just…a harsh reality of chemo."

Back in the present moment, Ed felt Olivia squirm a little against him.

"Ed…too tight…" she squeaked out, and Ed released his grip on her immediately, allowing her to resettle before gently embracing her.

"Sorry, baby," he whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"No," she said, moving her head back, kissing his chin, and settling on her pillow so she could look at him. "What's wrong?"

Ed let out a sigh. "Just a little worried. That's all. Nothing I can't handle."

Olivia just eyed him, her hand moving to trace the curve of his ear and scratch along his hairline gently.

"I know," she whispered emotionally. "You've been…so amazing. And I love you so much."

Determined not to let himself cry, Ed did the only thing he could think of in that moment. He dove at Olivia and pressed his lips against hers, his body against hers, and worked his tongue slowly into her mouth. He swallowed her surprised gasp, followed by her satisfactory moan.

They stayed lip-locked for a while, before Olivia's hips began to squirm against Ed. Her breathing had sped up, and Ed found himself rolling her onto her back and settling between her legs, moving his lips along her jaw line before he blew lightly into her ear, eliciting a giggle.

"Ya okay?" He asked, searching her eyes for any reason why she wouldn't want to continue. The treatment had taken a lot out of her and put a big damper on their sex lives. The doctor assured them that sex was safe and to maybe use a condom immediately after a treatment, but he had also said she may not feel up to it. So Ed wasn't pushing, but in that moment he felt this intense pull to be with his wife. He needed her, and she was giving him the green-light.

"More than okay," she whispered, "Make love to me, Ed."

* * *

"Okay Tuckers, just hit that little button if you need anything!" The too cheery nurse gave them both a wink and scurried off to another chemo cubbie, leaving Ed and Olivia to themselves as a slightly different form of drug filtered through her IV. Ed's chair was as close as it could be to Olivia's recliner, barely leaving room for his legs to rest between furniture, but he didn't care. Reaching out, Ed made sure the IV line was unobstructed, which is obviously was since the nurse just left, then his hand moved to trace patterns on Olivia's arm.

"How ya feelin?" he asked quietly, leaning over to nuzzle her cheek with his nose. Olivia smiled softly and closed her eyes at his gesture, wanting nothing more than to be in his arms forever.

"Okay," she responded just as softly and turned her head to smile at him. "So far."

Ed didn't move, and she could feel his breath hitting her lips as their noses stayed touching. "Good."

"I don't suppose you wanna read gossip magazines with me," she asked, her eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face. As much as she loved how much Ed adored her, he wasn't doing a good job at distracting her during treatment.

He let out a chuckle and pulled away, reaching for the magazine shelf and pulling a few off. "Let's see, what do we have here…People? Vogue? _Teen_ People?"

Olivia laughed and shook her head, reaching out and snatching People from his hands. "Let's start here. Read it to me?" She felt silly with the request, but hearing her husband's voice was soothing and she was nervous.

"Anything you want," Ed said, leaning over the arm of the recliner and flipping to the first actual article, beginning to read.

About an hour later, Ed had moved on the the previous week's addition of the magazine. Olivia was still listening, but her coloring had faded, so Ed would interrupt his article reciting to stroke at her face, hand her a drink, and check in on how she was feeling. He was just about to begin an article on how celebrity kids dressed for Halloween when the cheery nurse bounced back into their cubbie.

"And how are we doing?" she asked, humming as she checked on the IV bags and inspected Olivia's point of injection. "A little red…" she murmured, running an alcohol wipe over it. "Does it hurt? Burn? Itch?"

"No," Olivia answered quietly, wanting the nurse to just leave her alone so her treatment would finish and she could go home. The nurse stuck a thermometer in her ear, removing it quickly with the beep.

"Just under a hundred…" she observed, "Okay! Well, I'll be back in half an hour…but if anything changes, give me a buzz!"

She smiled and patted Olivia's shoulder, once again winking at Ed before scurrying off.

"I don't like her," Ed grumbled, tossing the magazine aside and leaning back into Olivia. "Too damn cheerful."

For some reason, the tone of Ed's voice sent Olivia into a fit of laughter. Her nose scrunched up, forming little wrinkles around her sparkling brown eyes as she looked at her husband. Ed's grumbly expression quickly washed away as he saw her pure laughter.

"I love when you do that," he whispered a few minutes later, after the laughter had passed and they were sitting in silence, listening to the sounds outside of the cubbie.

"Hm?" she asked, turning her head back to him and reaching for his hand. "Do what?"

"When you laugh like that," he said, a smirk forming just at the thought of her face. "Your nose gets all…crinkly and your eyes sparkle…and your smile… _God_ , Liv. It's one of my favorite things to see."

"I love when you make me laugh," she whispered, suddenly feeling self-conscious under his gaze. Ed, sensing the conversation was moving into a deeper territory than she needed during treatment, leaned back and picked up another magazine.

"Wellllll," he said, his word drawing out for a bit, "let's see what else can make that cute little nose of yours scrunch up…"

* * *

"You sure you're okay if we go in for the day?" Charlie asked, moving to where Trevor was sitting up against the headboard on their bed. Lizzie was asleep against his chest and despite Charlie pushing him to lay her down, he opted to just doze along with her.

"Of course," he said, stifling a yawn.. "Not gonna stay the night?"

"No," she said, "Noah needs to see Mom, but I don't think he needs to be around if she gets…sick…again."

"Makes sense."

Charlie hesitated, crawling over to where her boyfriend and daughter were and sitting on her feet right next to them. She ran her fingers through Lizzie's brown curls and bit her bottom lip.

"What is it?" Trevor implored, having known there was something weighing on her mind.

Charlie just shook her head slightly. "Am I…neglecting her? You? During all of this?"

"Hey…" Trevor said, moving to place Lizzie on the bed so her could take Charlie's hands in his. "You absolutely are not. This is…there's just a lot going on."

"Yeah, but…"

"No," he insisted, gripping her hands a little tighter and leaning in to meet her eyes. "Don't do this to yourself. You are doing the best you can…"

"I feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions…" she blurted out before she could stop herself.

"That's why you have me…and Amanda…and even Tessa. Let us help you carry this. Okay?"

"Okay," Charlie whispered, feeling an enormous amount of gratitude, but also a nagging, bubbling feeling of worry that should couldn't quite place. So she just leaned forward and kissed Trevor deeply, enjoying a brief make-out session before she departed for the day. "Love you."

"Love you, too," he said, pulling back and helping her stand up, patting her behind as she left the room. "You got the keys?"

"Yep," she said, now in the foyer digging through her purse. "Noah! Let's go!"

"I COMING!" he yelled, running through the living room, dragging a canvas bag behind him. His sneakers were still untied.

"Here, let me help ya," Trevor said, leaning down and tying the red Nikes. "What's in the bag?"

"Books," he said simply. "Wanna read with Mommy."

Charlie smiled, shouldered her purse, and clicked to start the car so it would begin to warm up. It was dreadfully cold on that January morning.

"She'll love that."

* * *

"This where the drug go?" Noah asked from atop Olivia's lap in her chemo-chair. Noah had been clingy before his parents departed for the city for a third round of treatment, and Olivia was fretting over the best way to try and ease his fears. Eventually, she landed on the side of he couldn't understand what they didn't allow him to see. After reading a few articles, Olivia had announced to Ed that she though Noah would benefit from a trip to the chemo-bay. They had debated back and forth for a bit before enlisting the advice of Dr. Kamal, a few nurses, and even Dr. Lindstrom, but after their extensive vetting, Ed and Olivia made the decision to let Noah visit Olivia while she was receiving chemotherapy.

He had been apprehensive when he first arrived, choosing to cling to Charlie's leg as he peered over at his mother, IV sticking out of her arm. Her coloring was pale and it was becoming more noticeable that she had lost weight, especially when she was sitting in the oversized chair, but eventually Noah warmed up and skipped over, dragging his bag, and climbed right up.

"Yes," Olivia answered calmly, running her fingers through his hair - it was becoming more curly as he got older. "The nurse puts the drugs in that bag, then they slowly come down this tube and into Mommy."

Noah slowly eyed the bag and followed the trail, almost as if he were following a specific drop as it flowed down and into Olivia's body. "Does it hurt?"

"No," she said, "maybe a little when they stick the tube in my arm. But that's it."

Noah just nodded and chewed his bottom lip, allowing his finger to lightly touch the tube. "And those drugs make that cancer go away?"

"Yes, sweet boy," Olivia whispered, pulling Noah into her chest and kissing his forehead. "The drugs…sometimes they make Mommy a little sick."

"Like at Christmas?" He asked, not leaving his place against Olivia, but straining his neck so he could peer up at her with wide, curious eyes.

"Sometimes," she admitted. As hard as this conversation was, both her and Ed were convinced that Noah needed the honesty from them. "They make me feel very yucky and tired. But…hopefully in a few more months, the cancer will be gone and I won't have to have these drugs anymore."

"That's good," Noah said softly, closing his eyes and snuggling in closer to Olivia. She just rested her chin on his head and closed her own eyes, willing the emotion down and relishing in the comfort having her son with her was providing.

"Liv, ya okay?" Ed asked, not having wanted to disturb them, but also wanting to check on Charlie's whereabouts. She had excused herself not long after their arrival, and Ed was worried that she seemed a little off.

"Yeah," she said with a smile, "hand me his bag? We're gonna read a bit…you just find Charlie."

Ed leaned over and kissed Olivia's lips then Noah's head, and handed her the bag before making a quick exit, smiling as he heard Noah's chatter fade.

"Let's read this one, Mommy…"

* * *

"Who was that," Ed asked, elbowing Charlie lightly as he moved to stand next to her just outside of the hospital entrance. This wind was chilly, causing Ed to rock back and forth on his heels and shove his hands into his jacket pockets. He watched his breath float into the air as he waited for Charlie's answer.

"Amanda," she said, her arms moving about more as she spoke. "She was just checking in, seeing if Noah and I wanted to have dinner with her and Jesse before heading back east."

"That might be nice," Ed responded, still watching the cars speed by them, gray snow flying off the wheels. "Your mom was pretty out of it when we got in from treatment last night. I assume tonight will be no different, if not worse."

"Yeah…"

"You okay, Charlie?"

"Sure," she shrugged, finally looking up and giving her dad a small smile. "I just…needed a break from Noah's questions. He's really curious about all of this, and talked non-stop on the way in. Not helping my whole denial plan."

Ed let out a chuckle and shook his head before taking a hand out of his pocket and braving the cold so he could pull his daughter into his side. "He benefits from honesty," Ed admitted. "But we all do. Can't live in denial forever, Charlie. Your mom is sick."

"Stop it," she whispered. "I know she is, okay?"

"This morning we were on our way out the door, and she stopped and started rooting in her purse for something," Ed said, his words coming out rather quickly. Charlie wasn't sure where he was going, but she followed along with whatever he spoke. "I kept trying to get her to tell me what she was looking for. After a few minutes of being frustrated, she finally closed her purse and looked at me. Her eyes seemed…confused. And she admitted she wasn't even sure."

"That's…" Charlie wasn't sure what word she was looking for, nor why Ed was telling her this. "Unlike her?"

"Dr. Kamal refers to it as 'chemo-brain'," Ed said simply, rubbing Charlie's back before shoving his hand back into his pocket for warmth. "Apparently it's something we should get used to for now."

"Chemo brain," Charlie whispered, shaking her head and kicking the toe of her boot into the sidewalk.

"Your mom laughed it off, but I could tell behind those gorgeous eyes that she didn't like that feeling," he continued on, not sure if he was saying too much but also glad to finally have someone to talk to about the morning's episode. "The farther we get into this treatment, the more real it is. To me, at least."

The duo stood there for a few minutes, watching the traffic and the people pass by. Ed let his mind wander to whether Noah and Olivia were still talking, or if they had moved on to books. Maybe the nurse was interrupting them all the time, as this particular one tended to do. It made him chuckle to himself, drawing Charlie's attention again.

"What is it?"

"Nothin," he said, figuring he had laid enough on his already spiraling daughter. "Why are you even out here? It's freezing."

"Nice to feel something else for a change," she murmured softly, unsure if Ed could hear her. But he did.

"Charlie…"

"Ya know, maybe dinner with Amanda isn't a bad idea," Charlie said quickly, changing the subject. "I'll text Trevor and see if he's okay with that plan."

"He will be," Ed said with a knowing smirk, once again putting his arm around her and leading her back into the warmth. He kissed her head one more time as they went in the automatic doors. "I like that guy."

Charlie smiled and leaned into her dad as they now waited for the elevator. "Me too," she sighed.

Ed paused and looked down at her. "What is it?"

"Nothin," she responded, then they both laughed at the mirrored conversation from a few minutes ago.

"Love you, kid."

"Love you too, Daddio."

* * *

Ed was on the couch, staring at a blank television set. His feet were propped on Trevor's mahogany coffee table while the hustle of the city continued along well below them and his right hand held a tumbler of bourbon. Olivia's head rested on his thigh, her fingers held a heavy, fleece blanket tucked under her chin. Ed made sure to keep his left hand hand on her as she tried to rest, her body quivering from both the chill and the fact that she had been sick all night. He took a sip of his drink, enjoying the burn as it went down his throat.

"Ed," Olivia moaned softly.

"Right here, baby," he responded, bending his body uncomfortably so he could kiss her hair.

"Where's Noah?"

"He and Charlie left a while ago," he answered patiently, knowing that her brain was a little muddy after the day.

"Oh," she said, growing quiet again. Ed assumed she had drifted off, so he took another sip.

"Ed?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"Charlie was quiet…"

"She was," Ed admitted. "Don't worry about that right now. We'll figure it out when we get back. Just rest."

She got quiet yet again and Ed could hear her breathing begin to even out. He made sure the blanket was snug around her entire body and took another sip of bourbon.

"Ed?" Her voice was soft his time, but he couldn't help but smile. He knew she wouldn't fall asleep that easily.

"Yes, baby?"

"Love you."

* * *

 ** _A/N: I am not a doctor. I am drawing from some personal experience and the knowledge of a few friends who have also unfortunately been down this road. So, yes, there are likely minor medical mistakes in my writing. I apologize if that bugs you, but I hope it does not take away from the story I'm trying to tell._**

 ** _That said - reviews are nice and you should leave one._**

 ** _Also, I really miss Tuckson._**


	16. Chapter 16

_**Sixteen**_

Trevor pushed Lizzie's stroller down the sidewalk, enjoying the peacefulness of a quiet morning in a small, quaint, downtown Sag Harbor. It was still quite cold, but Lizzie was bundled in her fleece stroller liner and Trevor was actually enjoying the briskness of it all. He stopped in a little cafe, grabbed himself a coffee and a muffin for when Lizzie woke up from a morning snooze, and continued on his way, occasionally sipping his beverage and peering in various windows. Trevor Langan wasn't a shopper. In fact, he hated it. But with Charlie and Noah still not back from Rollins' the night before, he wanted to get out for a bit before they arrived by home for lunch. His mind churned with ways to get Charlie to open up more. Trevor had thought he was making progress; they had gone out a few times and she had really let loose, had some fun in ways that he honestly had never seen her, but that also troubled him. And he couldn't help but wonder if her ability to actually let her guard down was because she trusted him, or because of liquid courage.

He sighed to himself and apologized to the brisk walker who snidely walked around him giving a scoff. "Geez, lady," he whispered, before shrugging and continuing along his way, keeping the slow and leisurely pace. Just ahead in the bay window of a corner store, something caught his eye. He moved closer, allowing his hand to come up and touch the glass as his eyes widened at the teardrop shaped diamond ring in the window.

"Its perfect," he whispered, but his shoulders dropped. Charlie was in no way ready for a proposal, or even a conversation about a proposal. In fact, despite seemingly being okay and on track as a couple, Trevor wasn't convinced they had fully worked through his stint in Witness Protection. Now add Olivia's cancer battle on top of an already heavy load, and Trevor caught himself wondering if Charlie would ever be ready to marry him.

Lost in thought, he hadn't noticed an older lady watching him from inside at the counter. She finally popped out, the door jingling as she opened it.

"Hi there," she said cheerfully. "We don't open for another half hour, but if you want to come in and take a closer look at that ring, I'm happy to make an exception for a handsome fella like yourself."

Trevor looked up, surprised at the woman's kindness, and gave her a smile.

"Sure," he said, peering at Lizzie to make sure she was still asleep, and steered the stroller in the door. "Couldn't hurt."

* * *

"Liv? Honey?" Ed asked, sitting next to where she was curled up in the bed. Her face was still pale, and there was a little yellowing around her eyes. She had slept most of the afternoon after her final drip of treatment number three. Ed knew she wanted to get home, but he was reluctant to put her in the car.

"Mmmmmm," she moaned, her face moving as she attempted to open her eyes.

"Keep your eyes closed," he whispered, his fingers lightly stroking her face before kissing her forehead. "I think let's stay here one more night….I'll make some soup. Then we'll head home tomorrow, okay?"

"Kids…" she murmured, trying to shake her head no but it made her dizzy. "Ed…"

"The kids will be fine," he assured her, his entire being aching as he watched just how awful his wife felt. The doctor, as they left Mt. Sinai that day, had assured Ed that this was just going to be the norm for a bit. Olivia's body was reacting to the drugs and he just needed to steel himself for a long few months. But even knowing this was normal did not prepare him for seeing his wife, the strongest person he had ever known, go down so quickly and so hard. However, he had to keep her from worrying. "I'll let them know we will be home tomorrow, okay? You just sleep, Liv."

"Don't leave me?" she whispered, her voice cracking at the end as she blindly reached for him. Ed immediately moved his hands to take hers and kissed at her fingers.

"I'm right here, Olivia," he assured her. "I'm right here. You're okay. You're gonna be okay. And I'm not leaving you. Ever."

He stayed right where he was, not letting go of her hands until he felt her grip loosen as sleep once again overcame her body. After a few more minutes, he quietly stood and went to the dresser to grab his phone. He would have preferred to call Charlie and explain the delay so she didn't worry, but he refused to leave Olivia's side. So he shot off a quick text, stripped down to his boxers, and climbed into bed behind his wife, gently moving her into his arms and kissing at her face.

"Okay," he said softly, also attempting to soothe himself. "We're okay, baby."

* * *

Trevor was perched at the island sipping a coffee when the beeping of the door signaled that Charlie was finally home. Anticipating a flurry of pitter-patter, he scrunched his brow at the silence. "Hello?" He stood and wandered into the room, finding Charlie quietly taking off her boots. But there was no sign of Noah.

"Um, you missing someone?" He asked, moving to take her bags and set them down out of the way, near the front closet. Charlie looked up and brushed her hair out of her face.

"Took him to school," she said. "His teachers have been lenient, but he seemed to want to go," she shrugged and looked around. "Where's Lizzie?"

"Still asleep," Trevor responded and guided Charlie into the living room. "Get comfortable, I'll bring us a drink and we can catch up."

Trevor disappeared for a bit and Charlie moved to check her phone. One new message.

 _Hey Charlie, your Mom isn't up for traveling. We'll come back out in the morning. Everything's okay, she's just tired. I'll give you a call later. Love, Dad._

Charlie turned her phone around in her hands as she took in the message. It seemed weird that he didn't phone her, but she supposed if Olivia was asleep he wouldn't want to disturb her.

"Trev?" she called, placing her phone on the coffee table and standing up to stretch. "I'm gonna change. Will you add some Bailey's to my coffee? Dad just texted…they won't be home until tomorrow."

"Sure babe," Trevor said from the kitchen, having already pulled out the Bailey's in anticipation of his girlfriend's request. "I'll meet ya back on the couch."

Charlie padded to the back and shed her bra and jeans, opting for some plaid sleep shorts and a sweat shirt. She paused, observing herself in the mirror. There were bags under her eyes and she didn't see a sparkle on her skin anymore. She poked a little at her cheek, shoulders slumped, before letting out a sigh. "Strong," she whispered to herself. "Keep it together."

It was probably about twenty minutes later before she re-joined Trevor on the sofa, but she stopped, noticing that her phone was in his hands and his face was screwed up.

"Who's Jake?" he asked, looking up at her. He didn't look angry, but his blue eyes had a hint of dread in them.

"Why are you asking me about him?" she put back, folding her arms around her stomach and opting to not sit down yet.

"Because he just called your phone three times," Trevor explained. "I let it ring the first two, but figured I should make sure it wasn't your dad."

"Did you answer?"

"No," he said. "None of my business. But…I _am_ curious."

Charlie let out a breath once she realized Trevor didn't seem mad. She hadn't meant to really hide the fact that she had given Jake her number, but there hadn't been a good time to bring it up. Until now.

"Jake…his mom is going through her second fight with breast cancer," she said softly, sitting next to Trevor and picking at the sleeve of his shirt, wanting the contact so she could soothe his worry. "I've run into him a few times, and we exchanged numbers yesterday, just in case either of us needed anything…"

"That's…nice," Trevor said, clearly trying to be okay with the situation. He absolutely trusted his girlfriend, and he knew that Charlie was likely to need that extra bit of support, but he couldn't dispute the fact that it bothered him just a little bit. He wanted to be her support, not this Jake guy.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "it's really nothing…and you know me, I'd never be the one to call him."

Trevor let out a laugh, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and kissing her head. "No shit," he said, his tone was teasing which put Charlie totally at east. "You barely even talk to me."

"I'm trying," she whispered, sensing what Trevor was feeling. "I really am."

"I know you are," he said, reaching up and cupping her face. "I'm not pressuring you. I just…I love you, Charlie. I wanna protect you."

"From Jake?"

"From _everything_."

She just gave him a sad smile and leaned in, allowing him to hold her close. They remained in an embrace for a few minutes before she squirmed and reached for her beverage, taking a sip.

"Mmmmmm," she said, eyes closing and sinking back into Trevor's arms. "This is…this is perfect."

"You not gonna call him back?" Trevor asked, surprised at her lack of reaction or worry that Jake had called that many times in a row.

"Honestly?" she murmured, taking another sip of her drink, "I can't handle anything else right now. I just need…some space. And to be with you."

* * *

The following afternoon, Ed quietly closed the door to his and Olivia's bedroom and came into the kitchen, rubbing his hand over his face and beelining for the fridge. They had returned from Manhattan about two hours ago, and Olivia was exhausted from the car ride. Being her brain was still a little fuzzy, Ed helped her into fresh loungewear, grabbed a cold cloth, and got her settled in their bed, making sure the TV was on low.

"I need a beer," he mumbled, shuffling items around until he triumphantly came out with an IPA. He popped the top and took a long swig, exhaling and closing his eyes as he felt the liquid go down. Over on the island, Charlie nudged Trevor and raised her eyebrows, clearly pushing him to say something. He cleared his throat.

"Hey Ed," he began, "ya ever play racquetball?"

The older man looked over at him funny, but eventually nodded as he walked over and joined them on the stools. "Years ago with some work buddies, but haven't in a long time."

"The local Y has some courts. Thought ya might wanna go this afternoon. Blow off some steam."

Ed paused, looking between Trevor and Charlie, and assuming that his daughter had made these plans for the men. Too tired to question and eager for a cancer-break, Ed readily accepted. Both men changed and headed out the door, Charlie smiling and locking up behind them. Mission accomplished.

"Okay, now that Dad's taken care of…" she whispered, moving around to clean up the clutter before the neighbor brought Noah and Lizzie back from school and daycare. "Tidy up, check on Momma, start dinner."

A few minutes later, Charlie softly knocked on her parent's bedroom door and slipped inside. Olivia was on her side, facing the door, but her eyes were open.

"Hey Momma," Charlie whispered, tip-toeing up to the bed and kneeling down next to her, reaching to feel her cheek and forehead just to be safe. "How ya feelin?"

"I don't know?" she said, her voice more than a mumble now but still very weak. "I'm afraid to move."

Charlie just smiled. "Well, ya don't have to. Want me to bring you some juice? Crackers?"

"Juice," she whispered before reaching a clammy hand out and twisting Charlie's hair through her fingers. The younger woman's eyes closed with emotion as she felt her mother's touch, though brief. "Where's Noah?"

Charlie patiently explained again where Noah was, Ed having alerted her to her mother's often fogginess. Olivia accepted the explanation, so Charlie ran to get her a drink and returned quickly, craving some one on one time with her mom. She helped her take a few sips through a straw then crawled into the bed on her other side. Olivia moved to sit up, and Charlie helped her. Eventually both women were propped against the headboard, a blanket over their legs.

"I wonder how your dad and Trevor are," she mused, and Charlie smiled. Chemo brain was funny, she thought. Olivia would remember some things and not others. But when she looked over, her mother's face looked almost wistful.

"You're so cute," Charlie said with a smirk, causing Olivia to look at her with mock innocence.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. Still flirting with Dad while feeling like crap," she announced. Olivia's pale face blushed a little and she knocked Charlie's shoulder with her own.

"Can't help it," she admitted, her fingers playing with the blanket. "He's been so good. So strong. You all have."

"You're the strong one, Momma," Charlie said quietly, taking her hand and looking her in the eyes. "We are strong because of you."

"I know this is hard," she whispered, reaching her free hand out and cupping Charlie's cheek. "So so hard. But I just…I hope you know how much I love you?"

Her voice cracked a little at the end. Charlie was too emotional, so she just nodded and moved into her mother's arms. Olivia pulled her daughter close to her, her hand holding the back of her head as Charlie nestled into the curve of her shoulder and neck. They stayed like that for several minutes, just enjoying being together outside of a hospital or a Manhattan apartment, but Olivia noticed that Charlie never fully relaxed.

"My brave girl," Olivia whispered, pulling back slightly to run her worried eyes all over Charlie's face, "my beautiful, sweet, brave girl. I'm right here. I'm always gonna be right here."

Charlie swallowed hard, not ready to have this conversation and knowing the kids would be home any second. She was terrified that once she let her emotion out, she would never reign it back in. So she continued to fight it and was saved by the sound of the front door opening.

"I know," she said, and used every ounce of strength she had to sit up and move from Olivia's grasp. The loss of contact caused her stomach to constrict, but she continued. "Lemme go intercept the munchkins before they crawl all over you with their germs."

Charlie made her way to the door and stopped when Olivia called her name again and went to stand up. "Charlotte?"

"Yeah, Ma?" Her eyes widened as Olivia made her way slowly across the room. She took Charlie's face in her hands and firmly kissed her forehead before pulling back and really taking a good look into those blue Tucker eyes.

"I see you," she whispered, using the same words she had with Ed on their daughter, and those words went straight to Charlie's gut and squeezed tightly. "I see you, sweet girl. And I love you so much."

"I…I love you too," Charlie croaked, emotions suddenly overwhelming her. She quickly pulled from Olivia's grasp again and slid out of the bedroom door. She made it a few steps before falling back against the wall with her eyes closed, hot tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She could hear Noah and Lizzie chattering to the neighbor as they rummaged through the snack drawer.

"Not now, Charlie," she whispered to herself continually until she had pulled it together enough to relieve their childcare. "Not now."

* * *

Ed piddled in the bedroom, putting away clean clothes and separating the dirty laundry into various baskets for washing. The water to Olivia's shower ran in the background and he made sure to listen for any sign she needed help. He and Trevor had returned home, sweaty and gross, and after they had both showered Charlie had dinner ready. All six of them ate around the dinner table for the first time in a long time, and Ed's smile grew as he watched Olivia take several bites of the chicken and veggie casserole. Charlie and Trevor offered to do bedtime with both kids, but Ed declined, having missed reading stories. He took both Noah and Lizzie, got them ready, and piled on the recliner to read several stories to make up for lost time. Eventually, both kids were conked out on his lap, so Charlie grabbed Lizzie and Ed stood with Noah to get them tucked in. Returning to his room, he noticed Olivia making her way into the shower.

"Ya okay?" he asked, afraid she'd have a dizzy spell, but she waved him off.

"I'm fine," she said, "just don't go too far."

He obliged, neatening and tidying what he could while listening for his wife. Once the room was clean, he dimmed the lights and threw on a fresh pair of sweats before settling in the bed. He had just begun to flip around on the television when he heard a gasp from the bathroom. Running full speed, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him.

"Ed," Olivia sobbed out, and his heart broke. She was in the shower, water streaming down her body and suds still in her hair. But in her hands was a large chunk of her brunette locks.

"Oh baby," he whispered, shedding his clothes and stepping in the shower with her, rubbing her back.

"My hair…"

* * *

 ** _You know what to do...review please!_**


	17. Chapter 17

**_Seventeen_**

Ed was wide awake in bed. Olivia was curled up into his side, her hand gripping his gray t-shirt. She had finally succumbed to sleep after a difficult couple of hours grappling with the fact that her hair had begun to fall out. But once she dozed off, Ed remained alert, stewing about the tone of her voice and the anguish in her eyes from the earlier trauma.

"I…I just…" she had said through little sobs and hiccups as Ed held her tightly in the shower. "I thought I wasn't gonna lose my hair…it's been… _months_ …"

"I know, baby," he whispered, trying to hold her even more tightly. He couldn't get her close enough to him in that moment. "But the doctor said the side effects are tricky, often different for each person. Maybe this new…tweak…in the drugs is what did it."

"I don't want to lose my hair," she finally cried, allowing herself to breakdown into full blown sobs, shattering Ed's heart. "I don't want any of this…"

"Shhh shhhh shhhh," Ed repeated softly in her ear, rocking them slowly back and forth under the warm shower water. He didn't know what else to say; he didn't want her to lose her hair either, but when given a choice between the cancer being gone - or her losing her hair - it was a no brainer. But he couldn't say that to his sobbing wife in that moment. So he remained a pillar of strength, holding her close and soothing her as best as he could.

"Ed…" she mumbled, buried under their covers and shaking him out of his tortured memory. His blue eyes shot to her face as she scrunched it up and rubbed her eyes.

"Right here, Liv," he said, rubbing her back softly. "Ya okay?"

"S'cold…"

Ed felt her skin and noticed it still felt a little cooler and clammy. "Okay," he said, moving to get up but her grip didn't loosen. "Liv, I'm just gonna turn the heat up a bit and grab your robe. Can ya let go of me?"

"Don't want to," she mumbled. Ed let out a little chuckle, leaning down to kiss at her face. Even battling cancer, she was adorable to him.

"I'll be right back."

He hurried to the thermostat in the hallway, knocking it up a few degrees before returning to their bedroom and wrapping Olivia up in her robe. He added some fuzzy socks to her feet and then climbed back in to his side of the bed, snuggling into his pillow and pulling Olivia back into his chest. His hands furiously rubbed her arms and shoulders to warm her up, and he heard her let out a sigh.

"I'm so…glad you're mine," she whispered, before completely passing out again. Ed just continued his movements, making sure she stayed warm while she slept, and a smile grew on his face. He was always going to be hers.

* * *

Later the following morning, Olivia was still bundled in her robe drinking tea at the kitchen island. She stared wistfully into the beautiful but cold day, wishing she had the energy to be out in it. Charlie was to her left, perusing a cookbook, trying to find a new but fun soup recipe that they could try, and Ed was mumbling at the garbage disposal as he tried to unclog it.

"I wanna shave my head," Olivia announced, out of no where. Ed dropped the screw driver and Charlie struggled to not spew her coffee at the sudden comment.

"You…want to shave your head?" Ed repeated, having prepared himself for this decision, but not quite that soon.

Olivia nodded firmly. "Yes," she said, reaching out and squeezing Charlie's arm as she watched her daughter's face fall, though she tried to hide it. "I don't want to go through the emotions I did last night as each piece falls out. Let's just…rip the band-aid. Get it over with. And maybe go scarf shopping later."

Charlie leaned her head on Olivia's shoulders and moved her free hand to pat her mother's. "Whatever you want, Momma," she said softly.

"What Charlie said," Ed implied, yelling in victory as he flipped the switch and the disposal whirled back to life. He washed his hands and arms, dried them, and sauntered over the the island. Leaning over, he kissed Olivia's lips and let his eyes rake over her brown locks. "I've got some clippers. We can test 'em out and do whatever you want."

"Maybe we should prep Noah first," Charlie suggested, still not moving from her place snuggled up next to Olivia. "He's…well…"

"I know," Olivia said softly. "He's struggling. Maybe we let him be a part of it, if he wants?"

"That's a great idea," Ed agreed. "Listen, how about you two bundle up and go find some scarves, or whatever it is you want, Liv. There's that new boutique downtown, easy in and out. I'll get things ready here, pick up Noah, and talk to him a little bit."

"Sounds great," Olivia sighed, turning to kiss Charlie's head. "When will Trevor and Lizzie be back?"

She checked her watch. "They left around 7:30…and I'm still not sure what all he planned to do in the city…so I'm not expecting them before dinner. He'll probably spoil her with fast food."

Olivia and Charlie made matching faces, but Ed just grinned.

"Hey," he said, indignantly, "that's what us dads do."

"Whatever you say," Charlie said lovingly, rolling her eyes. "Okay, I'm gonna shower real quick. Momma you okay until I'm out?"

"I've got your Daddy," she said with a soft smile, "so I'm perfect."

* * *

Ed parked his truck and made his way up to the sidewalk of the school. Noah was plenty old enough for him to use the carpool line, but sometimes Ed just liked to be more present. So he would stand amongst the other parents, keeping to himself but observing the scene, until Noah skipped out with his class. This afternoon was no different, despite the chill in the air. He watched as the preschoolers filed out first, followed by the elementary kids. Eventually he spotted Noah, bundled up in his navy blue North Face that Olivia insisted they buy him. Ed grumbled, thinking that the off-brand coats were just as warm, but Olivia was having none of this argument.

"I want him in that coat," she said, and Ed had stopped arguing. He hit "purchase", closed the laptop, and kissed his wife until the smile returned to her face.

"Daddy!" Noah yelled, bringing Ed back to the present, as he ran and leapt into his father's arms. "You picked me up?"

"I sure did," he said, knowing that Daddy pick-ups had been few and far between since Olivia's diagnosis. The excitement on his son's face made him resolve to try harder to make this happen. "Whaddya say we stop for a hot chocolate before going home."

"Cookie too?" Noah bargained, his eyebrow raising much like Olivia's. Ed just laughed. He knew he was toast.

"Of course, pal," he said, putting him down and patting his back as Noah hugged on Ed's leg. They were just about to turn and head towards the truck, when Ed heard his name called. Turning around, he realized it was the school's principal.

"Captain Tucker!" she exclaimed, a smile gracing her face as she shook his hand. "Haven't seen you in a while. Just wanted to come say hello, and check in on how things were going."

"Things are moving along," he allowed, glancing quickly at Noah who had become distracted watching the kids play on the playground inside the schoolyard. "In the middle of treatments now. Olivia's…a trooper…but it's tough. How has Noah been?"

"He will mention how his mom is sick on occasion, and talk animatedly about how his big sister is taking good care of him," she explained, "but I can sense an…underlying worry about him. Almost beyond his years."

"Yeah," Ed agreed, rubbing his face. "We've noticed that as well. You'll…give me a call? Or tell Charlie…if something seems off with Noah?"

"Of course," the principal assured Ed. "And don't hesitate to reach out to us with any concerns."

"Will do."

"There is one thing," she said, stopping Ed from turning to walk away. He looked at her a little worriedly. "The flu is making a nasty run through the school. I know Noah has had his shot…but just, something to keep in mind with your wife at home. A lot of the kids acquiring the flu also had their shot."

Ed''s face scrunched up in worry, as he began to wonder how he should approach this.

"You think I should keep Noah home?"

"Not necessarily," the principal assured, "but maybe have a conversation with Olivia's doctors. Decide what kind of exposure this gives her. We're happy to work with you and your family however we need to."

"Thank you," he said gratefully, reaching out to shake her hand again. "We really appreciate how wonderful you've been for Noah, and for us."

Ed grabbed Noah's hand and they walked off towards the truck. As he got Noah buckled in and started the engine, Ed let out a long sigh.

 _Hair conversation first_ , he thought to himself, feeling the weight pile on more and more. _Then we'll tackle the flu._

* * *

"Okay, No, let's make sure these things work." Ed was perched on a stool in their oversized master bathroom, facing the mirror. He had a white towel around his neck and Noah stood over him with the hair clippers. Olivia was perched on the counter, an amused smile on her face.

"Ed…you don't have to do this," she said once more, but loving how much he was in solidarity with her.

"Of course I do," he shrugged, giving her a smirk. "Gotta make sure they work first. Right No?"

"RIGHT, Daddy," Noah said, his eyes gleaming as he anticipated the pleasure of shaving his Dad's head. "READY?"

"I am, pal," Ed said, reaching out and holding Olivia's hand. "Keep a steady hand."

Noah stuck his tongue out in concentration as the clippers buzzed to life and he shaved off his dad's gray hair, right down the middle. After the first row was done, he paused and burst into laughter.

"DADDY! Look how silly you look!"

Ed and Olivia couldn't contain their own laughter as they looked at Ed, with just one line of shaved hair down the middle of his scalp. There was still about an eighth of an inch of gray hair left, given Noah's level of expertise, but that was just fine with Ed and Olivia.

"Noah…" Ed said between laughing. "Ya gotta finish the job. I look ridiculous."

"Reeeeee-diculous," Noah repeated, placing his little hand on Ed's head to steady it, before buzzing the clippers along his scalp again. "I do good job Daddy, don't worry."

Noah ended up getting most of Ed's scalp, give or a take a few spaces that Olivia lovingly took care of for him. After it was done, Noah proudly looked up at his dad in the mirror.

"You look handsome, Daddy!"

"I do, eh?" he asked, smirking and pulling Olivia in for a kiss. "What does Mommy think?"

"Never seen you look more handsome," she whispered, her eyes full of love and emotion as the weight of her own decision set in. "My turn?"

"Only if you want to," Ed insisted, gripping her hips more tightly and making sure this was what she really wanted to do.

"I want to."

"Okay, No," Ed said, "Let's clean this up…and you go have Charlie give you your bath, okay? I'm gonna do Mommy's hair, just like we talked about."

Noah got a little quiet, but nodded his head. He moved over to Olivia and hugged her waist, looking up at his with his big, curious eyes. Olivia ran her fingers through his curls and offered him a smile.

"You okay, sweet boy?"

"I okay," he said quietly. "Daddy said your hair will grow back once the cancer is gone. So it will be allllllll okay."

Olivia dropped to her knees and pulled Noah in for a hug, kissing the side of his head and willing her tears down until he had left.

"I love you so so much, Noah," she whispered, wanting to say more but just unable to formulate the words.

"Love you too, Mommy," he said, pulling back and patting her brunette strands softly. "I got take a bath now…Daddy take care of you, okay?"

Olivia let out a little laugh at how her seven year old was taking care of her. "Okay, sweet boy."

Once Noah departed, Ed helped Olivia to her feet and cupped her face. "You are sure?"

"I'm sure," she said tearfully. "It's hard…but I'm sure this is what we need to do."

Ed took a deep breath and tried to memorize his wife's face in that moment. He leaned down and kissed her deeply, prolonging the inevitable for a few more minutes, before she pulled away and patted his pecs.

"It's time."

* * *

Later that evening, Olivia was curled on the couch with Noah listening to him read his latest library book he brought home. She donned a pink, floral scarf tied around her head and to any on-looker, it would appear as if it was a fashion choice not a cancer side effect.

"Okay, this page for you to read, Mommy," Noah said, pointing to where she was supposed to begin. He was quite excited about his choice, as it was a book that "TWO PEOPLE HADTA READ" he exclaimed as he crawled onto the couch with his mother. It was becoming clear to Olivia that he was craving the time with her, and she was determined to oblige.

Olivia began to softly read the words, Noah following along and hanging onto every sound and inflection she made. He snuggled further into her side and nuzzled his face against her body. Ed watched them for a little while before excusing himself and going to check on Charlie, who was puttering away in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner.

"Here, I'll dry," he said, picking up some of the pots and running a towel over them. "Ya know we have a dishwasher, right?"

Charlie just shrugged, continuing to scrub the bake pan perhaps a bit harsher than she should. Ed stopped what he was doing, set the pot down, and reached out to still her movements.

"Charlie?"

She dropped the rag into the soapy water and her head dropped forward, her light brown locks falling around her face. She gripped the counter to the point her knuckles were white and took some deep breaths.

"Hey," Ed said, rubbing her back and keeping his eyes on what he could see of her face. "It's okay, kiddo. Talk to me."

She just shook her head, but finally looked up at him, biting her bottom lip. Tears swirled in her eyes as she took in her father's new look. He still had some hair, as Noah hadn't shaved his scalp too closely, but it was much shorter than she was used to. And yet another reminder of the new reality that their family was facing.

"Is your head not cold?" She finally asked, buying her some time to pull it together. Ed ran his hand over his head and smiled a bit.

"Nah," he said. "It's…different…"

"And Mom?" Charlie asked, her lower lip trembling. Ed's face fell as he realized Charlie was more bothered by this than he realized. She had excused herself from their bathroom shaving party, insisting that she wanted to start on dinner and call Trevor. He had just assumed she was okay, but apparently he was wrong.

"Your mom's getting used to it," he said slowly, making sure to keep her eyes. "And…she's loving all the colors and patterns of scarves you picked out with her."

"Okay," she said, shrugging her shoulders and turning back to the dirty dishes, but Ed caught her arm and stopped her.

"Charlie…"

"Please stop, Dad," she whispered. "I know you're worried, but I'm fine. I'm dealing with this. I'm being strong. I'm doing what I have to do. Please don't push me."

Ed dropped his hand, but his worried eyes still stayed on his daughter's profile. "I won't push you. But I won't leave you alone. I love you, Charlie. We're gonna get through this."

"Love you too," she whispered, offering him a small smile before handing him the over-scrubbed pan. "Now dry this, will ya?"

* * *

Olivia gingerly unwrapped her scarf while Ed watched from where he was laying in their bed. She softly ran her fingers over her now bare scalp, tracing little lines that she never knew were there. She picked up the recommended lotion and rubbed it in, before putting the cap back on and padding over to the bed. She crawled in, kissing Ed lightly, and turning over on her side leaving Ed was puzzled.

"Hey," he said, pulling her back over to him and tracing her cheek. "Why so distant?"

She just shrugged, her fingers picking at the material of his boxers. But her eyes wouldn't meet his. Ed leaned forward, kissing lightly at her face, his hands slowly tracing the outline of her side and hips.

"Do you know…." he whispered between kisses, "how beautiful you are?"

"I'm bald," she said plainly, though the tears were evident in her voice. Ed just shook his head and nudged her onto her back. He hovered over her, blue eyes filled with love, as he spoke to her.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," he said, "and you always will be."

He began at the top of her head, placing soft kissing along every exposed patch of skin, moving from her head, down her cheek, to her jaw, and finally burying in her neck. Olivia allowed tears to stream down her face as her husband took his time loving her, cherishing her and whispering to her how beautiful she was to him. Ed's point being made, Olivia's hips began to squirm and she slowly forgot what had been troubling her as her hands gripped his ears and moved his head from where he was situated at her thighs and back up to her face.

"Show me," she whispered, "show me I'm still beautiful."

"Your wish is my command."

* * *

 ** _I know the last few have been really heavy, and the next few are going to get even heavier...but I promise that it will be okay in the end._**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Eighteen_**

To say the last couple of days had been hard for the Tucker family would be an understatement. Two days before Ed and Olivia were set to leave for Manhattan for her fourth round of chemo, the school had called explaining Noah was experiencing flu symptoms. Ed, not thinking twice about it, immediately hopped in the truck and went to get Noah, taking him straight to the doctor. Once there, it began to sink in: Noah didn't need to be around Olivia.

"Doc, what's my best course of action here? Have we all been exposed?" he asked, worriedly while Noah was distracted picking out a lollipop from the jar.

"It's possible," the pediatrician said cautiously, "right now, Noah obviously doesn't need to be around her. And at this point, you are likely most at risk since you have been the primary care-giver."

"Well, how do I fix that? She has treatment in two days."

The doctor just eyed Ed, and that was when Ed realized his options were limited, and he didn't like it one bit.

"No," he said. "I need you to give me a shot…or something, because I have to be with her."

"Mr. Tucker…"

"It's Captain," he growled, surprising himself at the anger he was feeling. It wasn't the doctor's fault, but it was just piling on Ed and the thought of being away from his wife while she had a chemo treatment was just set to destroy him. "Sorry," he said, shaking his head and offering a remorseful glance. "I just…she's my wife. I…the chemo is hard on her. I can't…she can't be without me…"

The doctor gave Ed a sympathetic look. "I know this is hard," he said softly, trying to come up with something to appease the agitated man. "Why don't I give Dr. Kamal a quick call, see what he thinks?"

Ed took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. Noah had since crawled back into his lap and cuddled up, clearly not feeling well.

"Sounds good," Ed said quietly, the weight of his son's body bringing him a small, but reluctant sense of resolution. Once the doctor left, he felt Noah's warm forehead and gave him a kiss. "Okay, pal. Daddy's here. You'll feel better soon, okay?"

"We watch Thomas when we get home?" he asked, his voice was almost croaking as he went right into a coughing fit.

"Of course," he said, kicking himself. He knew flu symptoms came on quickly, but he was trying to figure out how he missed the early signs. "I love you, Noah."

Half an hour later, Ed had bundled Noah into the truck and was on the phone with Charlie, quietly explaining the situation.

"We're pretty sure it's the flu, waiting on lab results. Yeah. I know. The chances we are already exposed are decent, but right now Dr. Kamal is worried about your mom's immune system. I know. I know. I…"

Ed hesitated at Charlie's suggestion that she go ahead and bring Olivia into Manhattan with Trevor, who had to be in court. In Ed's mind, he was going to get home and have a chance to hug her and kiss her and reassure her, but he had also been handling a very sick Noah that afternoon and suddenly his stomach was turning flips at the idea he didn't need to kiss her goodbye.

"Yeah, Charlie," he said quietly into the phone, checking the rearview mirror and seeing Noah had since fallen asleep in his booster while they sat in the parking lot. "I…it's killing me to not be with your mom, but…"

He smiled, as he heard Olivia in the background, insisting that Noah not be without both of his parents and he knew she was right. There was a little shuffle, and all of a sudden her angelic voice rang through his ears on the phone.

 _Maybe we can push my treatment back, so I can stay home? He's going to want his Momma._

"No, Liv," Ed said firmly. "No. I know this is hard. I know it's excruciating. But I promise I'll take care of him…you _cannot_ get the flu right now. And you know it."

 _I…_

"Look, it's going to be hard enough for me to not be by your side every minute of this next treatment…" Ed was being firm and he knew it, but he also knew that often Olivia needed his brutal honesty. And if she wouldn't go on into the city for her sake, maybe she would for his. "I need to know you're going to be okay."

His theory worked.

 _I'll be fine, baby. I'll have Charlie with me, and she's about as bad as you._

Ed let out a chuckle. "It's only cuz we love you so much."

 _I know. I wouldn't want it any other way. And I love you too. And we'll FaceTime tonight once I'm settled in._

"Hey…it's gonna be okay, Liv. And…listen…if you need me…"

 _I'll call._

Her voice was soft, and she tried not to hide the waver, but Ed caught it.

"And you know I'll move heaven and earth to get there…"

* * *

Trevor breezed into the kitchen, poured a coffee to go, and walked over the the couch, kissing Charlie on the lips and Olivia on the cheek.

"You ladies need anything before I head off?"

"Nope," Charlie said with a grin, leaning up for one more kiss. Olivia just smiled as she watched them. "We're good. Gotta be at the hospital in a couple of hours."

"Okay," he said slowly, eyeing them both. "My cell will be on vibrate, either in my pocket or with my secretary. Call."

"Of course. Now, scoot. Love you."

Trevor smiled, returned the sentiment, and was out the door, locking it behind him. Charlie let out a breath and turned to look at Olivia, who was still thumbing through the Pottery Barn magazine.

"Lizzie needs this," she murmured, pointing to the purple reading chair.

"You spoil her…" Charlie said with a smile, shaking her head before reaching up to finger the fabric of Olivia's head scarf. "Ya know, you don't have to wear these Momma…"

"I know," she said, putting the magazine down and giving Charlie her full attention. "But I like them."

"You're beautiful."

Olivia blushed a little and blinked a few times before responding. "It's not about that. I loved fixing my hair. It was…I dunno…one of the only real _girly_ things I loved to do. Now, well, that's replaced by picking out which scarf goes best with my outfit. It's not about hiding. It's about feeling good." She shrugged; her explanation was so simple but it was beautiful. Charlie just leaned into her and rested her head on her shoulder.

"Love you, Momma," she whispered, closing her eyes as Olivia reached up to play with her braid.

"Love you too, sweet girl. Wanna leave soon and get a tea from that shop on the corner, before we enter my week or so of hell?"

Charlie sat up and grinned. "You read my mind."

* * *

Ed and Lizzie were sitting on the floor, building with her Duplo blocks when Noah came padding out of his room later that afternoon. He was still in his train pajamas, and his hair hadn't been brushed since the day before. Dragging his red and blue blanket behind him, he wandered over and plopped into Ed's lap, laying against his chest and sniffling a bit, before recommending to Lizzie where to put the piece she currently had in her hand. His voice was deep and rattly. Ed felt his forehead.

"Still warm, bud," he said, kissing the top of his head. "Want something to drink?"

"Yeah," Noah whispered. "Apple juice?"

"Sure. Just sit right here, okay?" Ed went to stand up but Noah shook his head.

"I come with _you._ "

Ed stood and lifted his unusually clingy son into his arms, heading into the kitchen. Lizzie watched them for a bit, knowing her Unc wasn't feeling well, but went back to building, her little tongue sticking out in concentration; something she picked up from Noah.

"When's Mommy coming back," Noah asked, his head buried in Ed's shoulder as the older man expertly secured his juice cup and closed the refrigerator one handed. He moved them back into the living room but sat on the recliner instead of the floor, opting to rock his son as he drank his juice.

"We talked about this, remember?" Noah was still silent. "Mommy went with Charlie and Trevor to have her treatment. Remember the IV you saw?" Noah nodded. "So she will be gone for a few days, while you, me, and Lizzie stay here and get rid of this silly flu."

"Silly flu…" Noah whispered, but he dropped his juice cup, suddenly uninterested.

"Gotta stay hydrated No, so ya get better."

"I miss Mommy…" he finally whispered, almost as if he knew he shouldn't say it, but the little boy couldn't help it. Soon Ed felt warm tears soak through his white t-shirt, and he held his son even tighter to him as they rocked softly.

"I know you do, bud," he said quietly, rubbing his back and keeping his lips pressed to his forehead. "I'm so sorry you're sick, and that she's sick. But I promise it's going to be okay. And I'm right here, Noah. Not going anywhere."

Noah took a deep, shuddering breath in an attempt to stop the tears, but they just started up again as he let one last sentence slip before he fell asleep. "I want my Mommy…"

Ed stayed silent, as the tears stopped and Noah's body went limp against his as he slept. He rested his chin on top of his mop of curls and watched Lizzie continue to build quietly, occasionally looking up at them to make sure everything was okay.

"I do too," he whispered, to no one in particular. "I do too."

* * *

"Okay Momma, almost there," Charlie whispered, her arm wrapped tightly around Olivia's waist as she unlocked the apartment door. The treatment had gone well, or as well as it could given the nature of it, but Olivia was weak trying to get home. Her coloring had faded, her eyes were swirling, and Charlie had been nervous she was going to throw up in the car. But she didn't. Finally getting the door open, she quickly ushered Olivia back into the bedroom, not even bothering to fully lock up yet. Olivia gingerly sat on the bed, and Charlie dropped to her knees to get her boots and socks off.

"Ohhhh god I'm dizzy," Olivia moaned, closing her eyes and trying to steady herself. Charlie hopped up, finished getting coats and scarves and everything off, and helped Olivia lay down, covering her with the thick, fleece blanket.

"Cold compress or warm?" she whispered, gently running her fingers along her face, feeling the clamminess of her mother's skin.

"Cold," she said. "And…gatorade? My mouth feels like cotton…"

"Okay." Charlie leaned down and kissed her head. "I'll be right back. Lay still, Momma."

Charlie quickly went out to the kitchen, grabbed a cool pack from the freezer and wrapped it up, then went to the cupboard for a room temperature gatorade. She quickly noticed a missed text from Trevor, as her phone was on the bar, so she shot a little update off and hurried back to Olivia.

"Here ya go," she said, sitting on the bed at her side and gently placing the cold compress on her head. "I gotcha a straw for the gatorade too. Can you take a few sips?"

Olivia struggled to sit up, so Charlie reached down and helped lift her up, hiding her frown that she seemed lighter, as she assumed it was to be expected. Olivia took a few sips before settling back down into the fluff of pillows and adjusting the cold pack, smiling at Charlie.

"Thank you for being here, sweet girl," she whispered, taking her hand and holding it tightly.

"I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else, Momma," she answered honestly. "You always tell me not to hide from you. But it's your turn not to hide from me. I can handle it."

"I know you can," she said, "and…it may get…rough…"

"Hey," Charlie whispered, reaching down and cupping her mother's face, like she had done to her so many times before. "It doesn't matter how rough it gets. You've got me. And Trevor. And we're all gonna be okay."

Olivia smiled softly as her eyes fluttered closed, her body exhausted from the first treatment that morning. "Love…you…Charlie…"

Charlie waited until Olivia was seemingly sound asleep before leaning down and kissing her cheek. She stayed right where she was for a while, watching Olivia sleep as her mind churned to the next few days ahead of them. "Love you too, Momma."

* * *

Charlie was perched on a stool at the bar, sipping a cup of coffee and scrolling her iPad when Trevor walked in later that evening. The apartment lights were dimmed and soft music played in the background, but other than that it was quiet.

"Hey you," he whispered, coming up and hugging her from behind, kissing the top of her head. Charlie put the iPad down and turned around in the chair, leaning up to kiss his lips.

"Hi," she said, pulling back and staring up at him, blue eyes sparkling. "How was court?"

"Good," he said, "not much of a case to fight. Should be over soon."

"That's my man," she said proudly. "No one fights Trevor Langan and wins. No one."

Trevor just chuckled and pulled her closer, leaning down for a deeper kiss. His hands began to wander her back, rubbing and tickling in all the right spots along her sides, sending shivers down Charlie's spine.

"Mmmmmm, Trev," she whispered, pulling back and taking some deep breaths. Her eyes were half closed and Trevor could tell that she wanted more, but as he leaned in to give it to her, she held her hands up. "Gotta wait," she said softly. "Momma's washing up, then coming out to Face Time the guys and Lizzie…"

"Ah," he said, adjusting himself and smirking. "I'm gonna shower, do a little prep for tomorrow…is there food here or do I need to order?"

"Plate's in the microwave for you," she said with a smile. "We just had some soup, but I grabbed you a steak-tip melt from the diner earlier."

"You…are a rockstar," he said, heading down the hallway allowing Charlie to watch him appreciatively. She just shrugged it off and went back to scrolling the news. A few minutes later, Olivia padded out of the bedroom. She had put on pink, plaid pajama pants and a gray hoodie. Her frame looked even smaller than before, if that was possible, but she had shed the scarf for the evening.

"How ya feeling?" Charlie asked, hopping up and helping her mother to the sofa, making sure she was comfortable.

"Okay," Olivia responded, though her voice was a little shaky. "Less puking than the last round so far…"

"Well, that's good?"

"I hope so," she said with a laugh before patting the cushion next to her. "Come sit with me, let's call the boys before I feel differently…"

Charlie grabbed the iPad and plopped down next to Olivia, cuddling up close before hitting call. After a few rings, Ed picked up and the faces of Noah and Lizzie came into view, causing Olivia's face to break into a large smile.

"There are my babies," she exclaimed, waving and blowing kisses. "Noah, how are you feeling?"

"I sick, Mommy," he explained from where he was leaning back against Ed's chest, his blanket pulled up to his chin. "I all sniffly and my throat hurt."

"I'm so sorry, baby," Olivia said softly, trying to get closer to the screen, almost as if to hug him herself. "Is Daddy taking good care of you?"

Noah nodded, nuzzling into Ed further. "Yep," he said. "I have ice cream."

Olivia let out a laugh and looked up at Ed, who was smirking at her. "Of course you did. And how's my Lizzie bug?"

"She good," Noah answered, before Ed could chime in. "But she sniffly too! So Daddy say we can all sleep in the grown-up bed t'night."

"Slumber party?" Charlie said exaggeratedly. "That sounds fun!"

"Fort?" Noah asked, all of a sudden remembering his old tradition with his sister. Ed just smiled and shook his head.

"Nah, we'll save that for Charlie."

"Okay," Noah said happily. "She better at da forts anyways."

The grownups laughed as Ed feigned an offended look, before getting a little more serious.

"Liv, how are _you_ feeling?" he asked, his eyes trying to study her closely, but it was hard even with the best of technology.

"Tired," she admitted. "Dizzy. Weak. But…not as much sick to my stomach yet."

"Okay," he said, his tone full of worry. "Don't over-do it…."

"Believe me, I won't," she said, before offering him a smile and pulling Charlie close to her. "This one is almost worse than you are about hovering."

"That's my girl," Ed said, slowly feeling at ease that even though he couldn't be there himself, Charlie was stepping up. He knew his kid, and even if she struggled she would make sure Olivia was okay. "You go rest," he finally said, desperate for a few more minutes with his wife, but he could see she was fading. "I'll call in the morning."

"Okay," she said softly, tearing up a little at the thought of hanging up the phone. But Noah and Lizzie put her at ease, both sitting up, smiling and waving at her.

"Bye Mommy!"

"Bye Oll-ie!"

"Night night, babies," Olivia said, followed by Charlie kissing at the screen.

"We love you," Charlie said, watching the kids occupy themselves and Ed bring the iPad closer.

"Hey, Olivia?"

"Yeah"

"I love you."

She just smiled, and leaned her face towards the screen, almost as it to touch their foreheads. "Love you too."

Once the call had ended, Charlie put the iPad on the coffee table and turned her body to face Olivia, who was staring longingly at the now darkened device. "It's okay to want him with you…"

"I know," she whispered, taking some slow breaths. "but I'm glad you're here."

"You need to lay back down?"

"No…" Olivia said slowly, her eyes looking a little confused but she shook it off. "Maybe a movie on the couch with my girl?"

"You got it."

* * *

 ** _You know what to do...#review_**


	19. Chapter 19

**_A/N: Yes, you get a double update today...and I better feel the love in the review section, or the next update may drag...and you're not gonna want that :)_**

* * *

 ** _Nineteen_**

"Momma?" Charlie whispered, kneeling down next to Olivia as she dry heaved into the toilet. "Hey, Momma, take a breath for me. You're okay."

She placed a cold rag on the back of Olivia's neck and used her other arm to help steady her. They had just gotten in from day two of the drip, and this one did not go nearly as smoothly as the first. Olivia got sick starting midway through the IV and hadn't stopped since they had arrived home an hour before. Charlie, not as familiar with the routine as Ed, had questioned the doctor extensively before leaving with her mother, and she had been assured that though it would be rough, it was normal. If her temperature broke 100 degrees or she was unable to hydrate, she should come back to the ER, but other than that they had to ride it out.

"Mmmmmm," Olivia moaned, resting her head on the toilet seat as a lone tear made its way down her cheek. "I'm…sorry…."

"Hey," Charlie whispered, leaning in so her nose and mouth were against her mother's sweaty cheek. "None of that. I'm right here. You're not alone, Momma. It's okay."

"Bed…" she managed to get out and Charlie quickly reached up to hand Olivia the mouthwash. She swished a bit, spit in the toilet, then moved to stand but Charlie had to practically lift her up off the floor.

"Okay here we go," she said, moving slowly, helping Olivia shuffle across the bedroom before slowly laying her down, trying not to jostle her again. She tucked the blankets firmly around her body and kept a hand on her cheek for a little bit, catching a few tears. "You can cry Momma, it's okay. I know you're miserable."

Olivia smiled, but let out a little sob and lifted her arms out of the blankets to pull Charlie down into her side. "My sweet girl…"

Charlie shifted a bit, settling back against the headboard and pulled Olivia's head into her lap, gently tracing patterns on her head, shoulders, and back. Olivia reached out and gripped her daughter's shirt, as her tears slowed and she finally settled down.

"Sleep, Momma," Charlie said softly, "it's just us. I'm gonna sit right here with you, okay?"

"Love…you…" Olivia whispered out before completely passing out from exhaustion after the day. Charlie strained to kiss her mother's head, before leaning back and looking at the ceiling, willing her own tears away. She meant what she said; she wasn't moving.

* * *

Ed smiled as he looked at the selfie Charlie had sent of Olivia asleep on her lap and her own face smiling into the camera with the caption "See, Daddio? I got this." He put the phone back on the coffee table and looked to the other end of the couch where Noah and Lizzie were both cuddled up with fevers and watching Peter Pan: their family's go to sick movie. The two kids were leaning against each other, sipping from their juice cups and occasionally coughing, then laughing at the scenes. Ed just smiled as he watched them, but felt guilty at just how badly he wanted to be the one cuddling his wife at the moment.

Charlie was keeping him up to date on how Olivia was, and when she had called earlier he could hear the slight apprehension in her voice at how sick Olivia had gotten. Despite his own inner turmoil, he calmed his daughter, assuring her it was normal and to call Rollins if she needed help and couldn't get Trevor. He had then broken the news that Lizzie had come down with the flu, not that anyone was surprised, and he lamented it was only a matter of time until he got it.

"You may be quarantined to the city for a while…" he finally admitted, and Charlie could hear the pain in his voice.

"It's okay, Dad," she said, turning the tables on the reassuring. "This too shall pass, and we will all be back together and you can go back to holding Momma."

Ed smiled, thinking back to just how in tune his daughter was to their family. He often didn't give her enough credit; sure she struggled, with good reason, but she was also rock solid ninety percent of the time. Charlie could take hit after hit and hold it together until it was safe to meltdown. And even then, her meltdowns were short lived and she got right back to fighting. So Ed's apprehension began to fade, and he smiled to himself on the couch as the kids giggled, thinking maybe a week of mother-daughter time was just what his wife and daughter needed. And to be honest, a brief few days of cancer relief wasn't the worst idea for him either.

"Papa?" Lizzie's little voice interrupted his thoughts and he looked over to see his granddaughter's sly grin looking back at him. He was toast, no matter what she wanted.

"Yes, sweet girl?" He responded, chuckling as he realized he sounded just like Olivia.

"Ice-ceam?" She asked, her eyes wide in anticipation. Noah pretended not to be listening, but Ed suspected he had put his niece up to the task of asking, and who was Ed to deny them.

"You betcha," he said, standing up, kissing both kids and padding into the kitchen to make up their bowls. "We are all spoiled rotten…" he muttered, but deep down he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

"You sure you're okay if I work late?" Trevor asked, holding his cell to his ear with his shoulder, cursing silently at his blue tooth ear piece that wouldn't work. "This case…I just…"

"I'm fine, babe," Charlie reassured him. "Mom is sitting next to me, alert right now, and Seamless is going to deliver us food shortly. Don't worry."

"Okay," he said reluctantly, trying to figure out if this was work he could do at the apartment with his girlfriend, but her tone seemed genuinely okay for the moment and he could use a few hours sans distraction. "Call me, okay?"

"Trev…" she said, getting his attention. He stopped piddling with the ear piece and closed his eyes, picturing her face and he smiled. "It's okay. Go win this case. I may text Amanda, just so you don't worry. Take your time. I love you."

"Love you too."

He hung up the phone and decided to just toss the ear piece, mumbling a "fucker" as he walked down the courthouse steps and towards his office. As he walked, he thought back to the night before and how tightly Charlie clung to him once she finally crawled into bed. It had been after one in the morning before she left Olivia's side, but once she was next to him, Charlie threw her leg across his torso and started kissing at his neck.

"I need you," she had whispered, and the tone of her voice had almost done Trevor in, so he spent the next hour doing nothing but pleasing his girlfriend. He listened to her cries and her muffled shrieks, and it just motivated him more. There was a deep sense of desperation in her and he was determined to relieve it, even just slightly.

A car horn blared, causing Trevor to shake himself out of the pleasant memory and he smirked, once again thinking back to her fully relaxed face as she rested against him once they finished, panting and thanking him. He remembered the ring he had purchased and hidden away in his office, and his smirk grew. Charlotte Tucker was his, and of this he no longer had any doubt, he just had to be patient.

* * *

"Want another drink?" Charlie asked, noticing Amanda's empty wine glass on the coffee table. She shook her head, so Charlie opted to not refill hers either and went back to the couch. "You didn't have to stop by."

"I know," Amanda said with a smile, nudging her friend's shoulder. "I wanted to. Though I can't imagine Olivia will want me to see her sick…"

Charlie just laughed and shook her head. "Probably not, but I'm not sure she's moving anytime soon…"

"That bad?"

"Nah, well, yeah…but the doctor keeps telling me it's normal. I finally gave her some of the stomach medicine they prescribed, and it knocks her out for hours usually…she isn't going to stir until well after midnight."

"I know its hard to see her like this," Amanda offered, hoping that Charlie would open up a little. Trying not to blow Trevor's cover, she wasn't going to admit that he had spoken with her earlier that day and asked her to stop by to check in.

"Charlie's fine, but…she's not…if you know what I mean," he had said, and Rollins nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. So here she was, looking at the young woman in front of her and noting her strength and poise, but the swirling emotion behind her blue eyes.

"It is," Charlie allowed. "It's like…she's always been…invincible. Through it all. She's always been my rock, and right there. Not wavering. And now…well…it's hard to watch this finally take her down…"

"The cancer isn't going to win, Charlie," Amanda said softly, but firmly. Charlie gave her a teary smile.

"I know," she said, and she believed it, "but…right now? It's…"

"Its shit."

The women laughed, and Charlie nodded her agreement. "Yeah, shit."

A phone buzzed on the coffee table and Charlie checked the caller ID, doing a double take. She hit ignore and turned her focus back to Amanda, but the blonde's suspicions were up.

"Who was that?"

"A…friend…that I met in the chemo-bay. His mom is in treatment too. And we exchanged numbers, but…he seems to be relying on me more than I do on him."

"Do you rely on anyone?" Amanda quipped, and Charlie smirked, but gave her an honest answer.

"I try," she whispered. "I rely on my family. On Trevor. But…maybe not as completely as I should. I don't know how to…"

She was about to continue, but her phone went off again. "I guess I should answer."

As soon as she picked up the phone, though, her face fell. Rollins watched in concern as Charlie nodded and said a few words, before mumbling "Okay, but just for a few minutes…"

She hung up and ran her hand through her hair, looking at Rollins a little apprehensively. "Apparently…the doctors have decided to stop treatment on Jake's mom…"

Charlie's voice cracked as she spoke, and her eyes teared up at the mere thought of ever being delivered that news. Amanda reached out and grasped her hand, steadying her.

"Hey," she said, "that's….awful…but that's not Olivia."

"I know," she whispered. "But he's…all alone at a bar down the street…and I don't wanna leave my Mom…but…I know what it's like to be all alone…"

"Why don't you run down there and have a drink with him," Amanda said, looking her straight in the eyes so Charlie knew it was a sincere offer. "Call Trevor, let him know I'll stay here, and have a quick drink. Then…I can text you in, what, an hour? So you have an excuse to leave?"

"Are you sure?" Charlie was hesitating. She truly felt Jake was harmless, and she couldn't fathom being in his position, so as much as she didn't want to leave that apartment, she felt a pull to at least give him company for a few minutes. "I…I shouldn't leave…"

"It's fine, Charlie," Amanda said. "You said yourself Olivia won't wake up for a bit. And I get a few moments of child-free peace until you get back. Maybe this will do you some good, too. Get out of your own head."

Charlie bit her bottom lip and eventually nodded. "No, you're right. Okay," she said, standing up and laughing at her outfit. "I should at least put on a bra…"

She moved to walked towards her bedroom, but stopped at the kitchen and turned around, offering Amanda a sincere smile. "I'm really grateful for you, Amanda."

"Back atcha."

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Jake," Charlie said, patting his arm and taking a sip of her gin and tonic. Jake was hunched over the bar, nursing what had to be at least his third whiskey. He hadn't spoken much, aside from thanking Charlie for coming, and she wasn't sure what else to say.

She had called Trevor on her way because despite it being totally platonic, meeting a guy at a bar seemed like something to tell your boyfriend. He had completely understood, encouraged her to go, and then offered to stop by on his way home and pick her up. Feeling secure with the plan, Charlie shot Amanda a text to update her and instructed her to call if Olivia even vaguely stirred, as she refused to allow her Momma to wake up without her there. Assured that everything was now under control, Charlie had taken a deep breath and entered to bar, finding a devastated Jake. She gave him a slightly awkward side hug and signaled for her own drink, and for him to get a refill, dropped her bag on the bar hook, and rested her head on her hand, watching him try to process his emotions.

"Sorry to drag you out," he slurred, "I know you don't wanna leave your Mom…"

"It's okay, Jake," she assured him, but her eyes narrowed. Something felt off. Shaking it off, and assuming it was her own nerves being away from Olivia, she focused on her distraught friend. "Talk to me?"

"My mom's gonna die," he said simply. "I'd prepared myself for this, from the moment we were told the cancer had returned. But…"

His words trailed off, and Charlie's heart broke. She leaned forward and put her arm around him, offering what little comfort she could, but didn't say anything. There wasn't anything to say.

"She's all I have," he shrugged, "I mean…my brother, but he's married."

"He's with her now?" Charlie asked, trying to get some more concrete information from Jake. She knew that talking about tangible things helped her, so she used that with her friend. It worked for a little bit.

"Yeah," he said, "he encouraged me to take a break. So I came here…and I just…didn't wanna be alone…"

"You're not alone," Charlie assured him, her blue eyes trying to reassure him, but when Jake looked up, all she saw in his eyes was a brokenness that almost scared her, and she couldn't figure out if it was because it mirrored her own, or if there was more to it. "Jake?"

He dove at her, pressing his lips to hers and catching Charlie by total surprise. She yelped and jumped back, immediately standing up and wiping her lips.

"What the fuck?"

Jake stood up quickly, but didn't move for a second. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I…Jake…I, this isn't like that," she said, her voice shaking, but it was strong, "plus I have a boyfriend…who is stopping by soon, actually."

"You never mentioned a boyfriend before," Jake spat out, and Charlie knew he had been drinking more than she realized. "Making him up?"

"Jake, stop this," she said, turning to the bartender and asking him to close their tab. "Put it all on my card, he needs to be cut off."

She grabbed her bag and turned to Jake, her eyes blazing at him. "You…drink this water. I'm going to the ladies room then putting you in a cab."

* * *

Ed sat on the chair in their master bedroom, staring out of the darkened window and trying not to wallow too much in how much he missed his wife. He took a sip of the bourbon and looked over to the bed, where Noah and Lizzie were once again passed out for the night. He smiled to himself, thinking of the frustrated sighs he would get from Olivia and Charlie when they realized their children weren't going to want to sleep in their rooms for a bit. Ed just shook his head. He didn't even care. His son and granddaughter were sick, his wife was sick, and his daughter was pretending to be fine, so he was going to spoil everyone as much as he could.

He finally stood up and stretched, slowly padding out to the kitchen to rinse his glass and turn off the lights. But as he walked through the now black hallway, a sense of dread bubbled up in his gut. Immediately returning to the bedroom, he didn't see any missed calls or texts, so he tried to take some deep breaths and tell himself he was being ridiculous, and to maybe lay off the bourbon at night. After months of consistently being on alert for Olivia, it felt weird to not have that to react to.

"They'd text if something was up," he said to himself, and he was confident of that. Charlie was updating him at every turn, and being as it was pushing ten at night, it was likely they were all asleep. Or he at least hoped they were. But the dread didn't go away. Taking one more look at his phone, he checked the kids and went to shower, assuming the warm, soothing water would wash away his bubbling anxiety.

* * *

Charlie marched back into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Hands shaking, she quickly shot Trevor a text, asking him if he could hurry. She explained that Jake was a little drunk and she didn't want to leave him, but she was uncomfortable. Trevor responded immediately, saying he was less than ten minutes away. He ended with an "I love you" which caused Charlie's heart to finally slow down.

Splashing water on her face, she took a few more minutes before finally exiting the bathroom, expecting to find a remorseful Jake at the bar. But she hadn't made it two steps before she found herself backed against a wall of the darkened hallway, the smell of whiskey on Jake's breath permeating her nostrils. Between that and the fear now in her gut, she thought she might throw up.

"Jake stop it," Charlie pleaded, officially scared and feeling frozen as she was cornered. She wiggled around a little bit, trying to relieve the tight grasp he hand on her upper arms, but it didn't work and she could tell she would have bruises.

"You wouldn't have come here if you didn't want this too," he whispered, licking the shell of her ear. Charlie let out a whimper and a few tears fell. "Come on, blow off some steam with me…"

"NO," she said firmly, turning her head and twisting enough to cause him to let go of her. She managed to create a little distance, but Jake grabbed one of her wrists firmly in his hand and his eyes narrowed as he looked her up and down. Just as Charlie was lifting her leg to knee him and make a run for it, she heard a commotion to her left and looked up to see a very angry Trevor Langan.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Her."

* * *

 ** _*Ducks._**


	20. Chapter 20

**_Twenty_**

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Her."

Jake immediately dropped his hands and backed up, shaking his head almost as if he hadn't realized what he was doing. He eventually backed into a stack of chairs, stumbling and falling backwards, as Trevor walked towards him, putting his body in between Jake and Charlie.

"Stand up," Trevor said, his voice even but it was firm. And very angry. The bartender watched from behind the wooden bar, making sure it was under control, but he also didn't have much motivation to intervene, as the tall, muscular man in a suit seemed to have it under control.

Jake shakily got to his feet and cowered a little, wincing as he assumed he was about to get pummeled. But Trevor didn't lift a finger.

"Look at me," he commanded, and Jake peered up into angry blue eyes. "I don't care how much you drink, or how fucked up your life is. You do not EVER treat a woman that way. Period. But you especially do not treat MY woman that way. What part of _no_ did you not understand?"

"I…"

"Let me help you here," Trevor said, suddenly having a hard time not punching him. But his main concern was the fact that his girlfriend was shaking behind him, and he needed Jake away from her. "Get out my sight. Right now. Before I beat the hell out of you for this. And do NOT call her, or come near her ever again."

Jake tried to peer around Trevor, maybe to apologize, but he wasn't given the chance. Trevor blocked his view, and moved as Jake did, making sure to keep his body between theirs. The bartender came around from the bar and held the door open for Jake, telling him not to return, before shutting it and nodding to Trevor. Turning around, Trevor's heart broke. Charlie was slumped against the wall, silent tears streaming down her face and she was shaking her head, not making eye contact with him.

"Oh baby," he said, moving quickly towards her and lifting her off of the wall and into his arms. Her entire body shook, almost to the point it scared Trevor, but he just held her firmly, one hand buried in her hair, as he rocked her and whispered to her. "You're okay. I'm right here. He's gone. It's okay, baby…I'm so sorry. God, I'm so sorry."

"T…Trevor…"

"It's me, okay?" He said, keeping her securely in his chest, but beginning to walk them out of the bar. "Come on, I'm getting you home."

Trevor nodded his thanks to the bartender and got Charlie outside and onto the sidewalk. As soon as the cold air hit her, she shuddered and trying to curl further into his body. Trevor had never seen her like this, and it was killing him not to ask her what all had happened, but it wasn't the time or the place.

"Hey, Charlie? It's okay. You're safe."

"Where's Jake," she mumbled, and Trevor was beginning to think she was in shock. Either that, or her body's natural reaction to danger was to just shut down. Not that he could blame her; she'd seen far too much of this.

"He's gone," he said firmly, "and he's not coming near you again."

"Momma?"

"She's home, asleep," Trevor said softly, kissing her head and beginning the two block walk to his building. "Come on, I'll getcha to her…"

"She's too sick…" Charlie kept mumbling little sentences, and Trevor just patiently responded and kept her close, making a short walk even quicker.

"But she's still right here," he promised, opening the door to his building and nodding at the concerned doorman. He stopped briefly, making sure the doorman knew to be extra vigilant, just in case, before getting them in the elevator. "Okay, almost there."

"I'm sorry, Trevor," Charlie said, finally dissolving into near hysterical tears once they were alone. "I'm so sorry…I don't wanna hurt you…I didn't want him to touch me…I'm sorry…"

"Hey," he said, cupping her face and making her look into his eyes for the first time that evening. "This. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

Charlie's tears streamed harder, but she nodded and curled back into his chest, willing the elevator to go faster. As soon as Trevor opened the door and got Charlie inside, Amanda was off the couch and her eyes widened.

"What the hell happened?" she asked, approaching Charlie and reaching to take her arm, but she pulled back.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I just…I need to sit down…"

Amanda looked at Trevor, a fear in her eyes that he had rarely seen, and he shook his head, assuring her that it was okay. "Jake…"

"Stop it," Charlie whispered. "Don't say it right now. Or just…go in the other room, I can't listen to it."

Trevor nodded for Amanda to follow him into the kitchen, where he quietly explained what had happened. He kept one eye on Charlie, who was curled up on the couch, head in her hands, body still shaking. Suddenly she stood up, moving down the hall.

"I need a shower…" she said quietly, but before she could take another step, she heard Olivia stir in the bedroom. Amanda went to open the door, but Charlie stopped her to question. "I should go in…"

"I can handle it," Amanda assured Charlie, a little afraid of Olivia seeing her daughter this upset given her current state. "And Trevor's here to help. You shower. It's okay."

Charlie reluctantly backed away from the door, turning to head towards the shower, her entire body aching for her mother, but she knew it would have to wait. Amanda was right.

"Charlie…" Olivia murmured, her eyes were open but they looked dazed. "What's wrong? Something's wrong. I woke up…and I had this feeling…and something's wrong."

"Hey Liv, it's Amanda, you okay?"

"Rollins? What are you doing here? Oh god…what's wrong?" Olivia tried to sit up, but she couldn't, her head falling back on the pillow in frustration. "I'm dizzy…oh god, I'm dizzy."

"Hey hey," Amanda whispered, kneeling by the bed and taking the woman's hand in hers. "It's okay. Charlie's here, just in the shower. And Trevor is right outside. You want something to eat? Drink?"

"I…" Olivia said, her eyes closed and her face scrunched up. It was the first time Amanda had seen her in over a month, and it was striking just how sick she looked in that moment. "Where's my daughter? What's going on?"

Amanda looked back to where Trevor was making his way into the room, moving to sit on the bed at Liv's feet and pat her leg gently. "Olivia, Charlie ran a quick errand tonight and there was a little incident. She's fine, no one is hurt, but she's just taking a quick shower and then she'll be right in, okay?"

"Incident…" Olivia whispered, her face showing an escalating panic, but the drugs were causing her so much confusion that Trevor could tell she wasn't completely with it. "What kind of incident? Trevor…what happened."

* * *

While Trevor and Amanda tried to keep Olivia calm, Charlie was in a scalding hot shower, finally allowing her body to dissolve into a fit of sobs. She couldn't catch her breath and the last hour replayed over and over in her head.

 _How could I have been so stupid,_ she thought to herself as she finally leaned against the shower wall and wrapped her arms around herself. She tightened her hold as she thought back to the groaning she heard from Olivia. She wanted her mother so badly in that moment, but she couldn't have her. She needed to pull herself together so she could go cuddle up and assure her that she was okay. But Charlie decided she was going to need a few more minutes before she could put her mask back on. So she turned the heat up a bit more and let the water sting her skin as she took some deep, steadying breaths and dried her tears. Eventually she stepped out of the shower, dried off, and threw on some old sweats and a t-shirt of Trevor's. Padding her way back out into the living room, she noticed the lights were dimmed and Amanda had left. Trevor was sitting at the bar, sipping on a coffee, his face screwed up in worry. As soon as he saw Charlie, he jumped up and went over to her, scanning her face closely as if he were looking for injury, before pulling her back into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered into her hair. Charlie just shook her head.

"Nothing to be sorry for," she said softly, pulling her head back and looking up at him. "You…you were there. You were right there…"

"I'm always gonna be right there," he promised. "Did he…did he hurt you? Touch you?"

"Nah, not really," Charlie said, shrugging it off and beginning the task of putting on the brave face, at least for the time being. "You got there before he could. I'm fine."

"Charlie, you think we should call your dad?"

She chewed her bottom lip for a little bit, debating in her head. "I…well…he doesn't need anything else to worry about."

"He might be upset if he somehow finds out, and we haven't told him…"

"How would he find out?"

"I don't know…"

"Trev… _I can't_ …my family has so much going on, the last thing they need is one more piece of drama from me…"

"Charlie…"

"I need to check on my Momma," she said, pulling herself from his grip, "while I still have enough strength to not cry hysterically in front of her…did you tell her anything?"

Trevor ran his hand across his face before answering. "Only that there was a little incident while you ran an errand, but that you were fine. She eventually made herself sick, between the worry and confusion, so Amanda gave her another dose of medicine and now she's asleep, or at least calm…"

"Okay," Charlie whispered, taking some long deep breaths and giving Trevor a fake smile. "I'm just gonna lay with her…I know I can't talk to her about this right now, but I just…I need my mom."

"Go," Trevor said, kissing her forehead and ushering her down the hall. "Curl up. Sleep. I'm right out here if you need anything. Either of you."

Trevor watched her go. She knocked softly on Olivia's door and slipped in, closing it behind her. Trevor ran his hand over his face and let out a deep breath. Life wasn't getting any easier.

* * *

"Hey Momma," Charlie whispered, crawling into the bed with Olivia and curling up next to her. She placed her head on the pillow, so they were nose to nose, and Olivia gave her a smile.

"Hey sweet girl," she whispered, though her brown eyes swirled she still tried to search her daughter's face for any sign she wasn't okay. "Are you okay?"

Charlie bit her lip, but gave Olivia a smile. "I am," she said. "I'm with you…and that always makes me okay."

"Something happened," she mumbled, trying to keep her eyes open and focused on her daughter, because she knew something was wrong. Something big. But her brain just couldn't focus. "I'm…what happened?" Olivia continued to mumble, and Charlie noted her worry but also her total confusion. There was no way she could tell her mom anything in this moment. "I'm sorry I'm so sick…"

The tears pooled in Charlie's eyes as she allowed herself to be pulled into her mother's hold, head tucked just under her chin. Charlie felt her entire body relax as Olivia's arms tightened around her, but she worked to keep her resolve not to let on the extent of what happened; not until this round of chemo was finished.

"No Momma," she whispered. "Don't be sorry. You're perfect. And you're gonna get better. And it's all gonna be okay…"

"Hey, that's my line right now…" Olivia muttered, burying her face in Charlie's hair and breathing her in. "I'm right here baby…I love you…"

"I love you too," she said softly, "and I'm gonna stay right here tonight, okay?"

"You better."

* * *

The next morning, Olivia came out into the kitchen already in her lounge-wear for chemo, still rubbing her eyes. Trevor and Charlie were standing close to each other, whispering softly in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to brew.

"Morning," Olivia mumbled, coming over and taking Charlie into her arms, kissing her head and hold her close. "How's my baby girl?"

"I'm okay," she whispered, unsure of what Olivia even remembered from last night. Trevor squeezed Charlie's shoulder and moved to get another mug down for Olivia.

"Why don't you two settle on the couch, I'll fix some coffees up for us."

"Actually, I may just go call Ed…while I'm still semi-with it," Olivia said, eyeing Charlie and trying to make out why she had this growing pit in her stomach. But she shoved it down and continued with her plan for now, making a mental note to quiz her daughter later. "I wasn't making much sense last night…I'm sure he didn't sleep well…and everything feels a little fuzzy…"

Charlie smiled, squeezed her mother once more and handed her the mug that Trevor just prepared. "Go talk to your man," she said, teasing and putting a smile on her face. "We'll be out here."

Olivia shot them both a funny look, but slowly made her way back into the bedroom, closing the door, but not before Charlie smiled as she heard her softly say "Hey you…" in a voice that she often reserved just for Ed. As she slowly turned around, Trevor moved to touch her shoulder and get her attention, but Charlie didn't look up.

"She has no memory that you said anything about last night," she mumbled, shaking her head, "I mean, you didn't tell her much…but she doesn't even remember you told her there was an 'incident'…"

"Hey…" Trevor said softly, moving forward to cup Charlie's face. "Hey, it's okay."

"No…" she said, shaking her head and moving away to grab her coffee cup, "it's not. What do I do?"

Trevor dropped his hands down to his waist and stood for a minute, trying to come up with a solution. He knew Olivia would react the same way to today's drip that she did yesterday, so he wasn't inclined to push Charlie into coming clean. But he also knew his girlfriend, and he knew she needed her mom. On top of all of that, was the worry of Olivia's wrath once she found out her daughter was assaulted and no one told her immediately.

"I don't know," he said honestly, shaking his head and wrapping his arms around her from behind. "Do you…do you think Jake will be at the chemo-bay today?"

Charlie tensed, almost dropped her mug, and Trevor could feel her not breathing. "No," she finally whispered, shaking her head. "They stopped treatment for his mom…he won't be there."

Trevor hesitated and checked his watch. If he made calls now, he could push his court time back and go to the drip with Charlie and Olivia, but his girlfriend read his mind. Turning around in his arms, she patting his chest, kissed his chin, and gave him a smile. "I'll be fine."

"Charlie…"

"I'll be fine."

* * *

"Rough night huh?" Ed asked into the phone, and Olivia felt herself smile at his voice. She missed her husband something fierce.

"Yeah," she whispered, "and I'm not even sure I remember the half of it…I think Rollins was here."

"Amanda?" Ed's voice was concerned. "Did she just stop by?"

"Ya know, I'm not sure," Olivia answered, her gut twisting as she tried to remember anything from the night before, but she was coming up blank. "I just…Ed…I have this feeling. And I don't know what it is. But something's wrong…something happened…"

"Olivia…" Ed said, trying to figure out a way to calm her anxiety, but he had the same feeling. "Look. Just…can you focus on your last cycle drip? And then we can revisit tomorrow, when you're a little more…"

"Not in outer space?" She quipped, finishing his sentence and giving them both a little chuckle.

"Exactly."

"Ed, _I miss you_ …"

"Oh baby," he rasped out and Olivia could feel the emotion pour out of him through the phone. "I miss you too…I'm so sorry…"

"It's okay," she said quietly, wiping a quick tear and swallowing hard, "Noah needs you. I'm glad one of us is with him. How's Lizzie-bug?"

"Sick," Ed admitted, "but she's a trooper."

"Like her Momma," Olivia said.

"Like her Ollie," Ed put back on her, and he couldn't see it, but Olivia blushed and smiled shyly to herself.

"Something's wrong with Charlie," Olivia said once more. "I just…I know it…I feel it…"

"Liv…" Ed said, knowing she was right and concerned himself, but he felt like he needed to downplay it for the moment, "I'm sure it's nothing. Just..focus on you…and see if she will open up tomorrow, once you feel better."

"It's not nothing," she whispered, "and I feel like someone said something last night, but I can't remember…" Olivia's voice cracked at the end and Ed could feel her frustration with her illness beginning to surface. "She's hurting and I can't even focus long enough to help her…"

" _Olivia_ …" Ed said, wishing he could just jump through the phone and hold her, soothe her.

"I'm fine," she said, straightening her shoulders and assuring her husband. "I'll be fine. And…hopefully I'll be more with it tomorrow so she will talk to me…"

"Hey," Ed called, getting her attention. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Olivia took a few moments to breathe, running her hands along the silk of the teal scarf she had picked for the day, mainly for a color pop to her all black attire. After collecting herself and shaking her head in disappointment that she couldn't place what had happened the night before, she stood up and wandered back out into the living room, smiling as she witnessed Trevor and Charlie kissing softly at the front door of the apartment.

"Eh-hem," she said teasingly, and the couple pulled back with sly grins. "Ready to go, sweet girl?" Olivia noticed Charlie's body language tense up and saw how Trevor reached out to rub her back comfortingly. "What is it?"

"Nothing, Momma," Charlie said, forcing her anxiety down and moving to bring her a jacket, kissing her cheek and eyeing the scarf. "I love that color on you…"

"Nice deflection," Olivia said, but she accepted momentary defeat and linked arms with Charlie. "Let's get this over with…"

* * *

 ** _You know the drill...hit review and there is more to come..._**


	21. Chapter 21

**_Twenty-One_**

Ed took the thermometer out of Noah's ear and smiled, showing him the digits. "Fever free, bud!"

Noah smiled and leaned into his dad, still sniffling a little but clearly feeling much better. "Mommy come back now?"

Ed pulled Noah closer into his side, kissing his head. The little boy had been such a trooper while he was sick, only asking for Olivia a few times at the height of his fever, but always happy to be in Ed's arms. It was particularly difficult on the nights when Olivia was also not well, because Face Time wasn't necessarily an option. Ed fretted over whether he would end up with the flu, prolonging their quarantine which was now on its fourth day, but their pediatrician seemed to think if he hadn't already gotten sick, he was in the clear.

Though Noah had been a warrior, Lizzie hadn't been so easy. Still too young to understand why her mother wasn't with her, she would cling to Ed and just cry at times, particularly when they were waiting for medicine to kick in, mumbling "mommy" with her thumb in her mouth. In fact, there was a time span of a few hours in which the little girl hadn't let go of her death-tight grip on Ed's shirt, meaning that wherever Ed went, Lizzie went. Both kids, just looking for comfort, regularly slept in the master bedroom with Ed, and they would curl up with each other to watch movies or look at picture books until one or both fell asleep. Ed felt like both of the kids' fevers broke early that morning, so he was cautiously optimistic as he hung out with Noah and debated what to do for lunch.

"When Lizzie wakes up, we'll check her temperature too," Ed explained, "and if she's still fever free, I'll call the doctor and figure out when Mommy can come home, okay?"

"Okay, daddy. I miss her."

"I know you do, Noah. I miss her too."

"We call her?" Noah asked, craning his neck and looking up at Ed, eyes hopeful and bright. Ed smiled in relief that his son was looking so much better, but shook his head.

"She's getting her drip right now," he explained, "but we will see how she feels later, okay? It may be tomorrow before we Face Time again."

Noah's face dropped, and he moved to pick at the blanket covering his legs. Ed could tell he was trying to tough it out, but it had been a long few days. Just as Ed was about to open his mouth to try and offer an ice cream consolation, a text came through from Charlie.

 _Hey, things are going pretty well right now. Is Noah awake and feeling okay? Mom wants to Face Time from the chemo-chair, in case things go south later._

Ed's face lit up; the timing couldn't have been more perfect. "Hey, No, let's call her right now."

Noah bounced on the couch a little and grabbed the phone from Ed's hand, expertly navigating the contact list, finding "Liv" and hitting the video call button. She picked up on the first ring.

"Hi my sweet boy!" Olivia's face came into the screen and it was all smiles. Noah started waving and blowing kisses immediately.

"Mommy! You getting da drip?"

"I sure am," she said, holding up her left arm, "see?"

"Uh-huh," he said, nodding his head and inspecting the screen. "That's the right one!"

They all laughed and continued a pleasant conversation, talking about the melting snow, what Noah was eating and drinking, how many times they had watched certain movies, and when Lizzie would wake up. The conversation progressed for about five minutes, before Olivia's eyes closed. Ed took the phone and studied her closely.

"Liv?"

"Yeah, just…dizzy all of a sudden," she said softly, handing the phone off to Charlie who smiled at her dad.

"Hey Dad," she said, "maybe we need to go…"

"Can Liv say bye to Noah?"

Charlie turned the phone around and Noah blew his mother one last kiss before they ended the call, Olivia immediately reaching for the bowl next to her chair. Charlie leaned forward, holding her mother's head as she threw up a few times. Exhausted, Olivia leaned back in the recliner with her eyes closed, but she blindly pawed around for Charlie's hand. She took it and squeezed.

"Right here, Momma."

"That..came out of nowhere."

"The doctor said that could happen. One minute you're fine, the next you're sick. Then you're fine again. It's okay."

Olivia groaned and Charlie grabbed the bin just in time, allowing her mother to continue getting sick as she pressed the nurse's call button. "Okay, Momma, hang in there. We're almost done okay? Just another hour or so, then you're done for a few weeks. I'm gonna get the nurse to come clean us up…"

* * *

Meanwhile out in Sag Harbor, Ed had hung up the phone and was busy making Noah lunch and trying not to think about how quickly the call had ended. Obviously he was worried about his wife and the fact that he still wasn't by her side, comforting her and holding her close. But there was something else that still felt off about the entire morning, and he couldn't help but go back to their conversation several hours before:

 _"_ _She's hurting and I can't even focus long enough to help her…"_

If something was truly up with Charlie, Olivia would never forgive herself for not being able to be there and support her, even if she was deathly ill. And the more Ed thought about it, the more he couldn't stand the idea of any of it: Charlie hurting alone and Olivia hurting because something was being hidden from her. Having had enough of this nonsense being quarantined from his wife, Ed picked up the phone and hit speed dial four.

"Trevor, we need to chat…"

* * *

Trevor raced uptown, hoping to beat Charlie and Olivia back to the apartment. After his phone call with Ed, which had him pining to get back to the girls already, Charlie had sent him a message and asked if he was able to come help her get Olivia home. She was dizzy, and Charlie was nervous, but deep down he felt like Charlie was just fried from the night before and the subsequent hours in a chemo bay. Trevor was easily able to pass his load off to his assistant, since the jury was still deliberating, and take off instructing them to only call if there was a major issue, or they reached a verdict. He hopped out of his cab just as Charlie called, saying they were around the corner, so he waited on the sidewalk, noticing how the late February temperatures was still frigidly cold.

Quickly approaching the car, he opened the door and bent down to gently lift Olivia out of the cab. Her face was pale and her lips were trembling, but she was a little more steady than he anticipated. Keeping both arms around her, he got her onto the sidewalk and turned back to help Charlie, but she had already paid the cabbie and rushing to them and steadying Olivia on the other side.

"Okay, Momma, almost there," she said, nodding her thanks to the doorman as he let them in and jogged ahead to press the up button on the elevator. Less than five minutes later, Olivia was tucked on the couch, having refused the bed, and was trying to keep her eyes open.

"Sleep," Charlie coached, sitting next to her and pressing her forehead against hers. "Get some sleep. I'm gonna be right here, okay?"

Olivia nodded and closed her eyes, though her hand still gripped the fabric of Charlie's sweater. Trevor observed the interaction from by the windows and once he thought Olivia was out, came over and helped Charlie up, pulling her into his arms. "Hey…you okay?"

"I'm okay," she responded softly, but her arms wrapped around Trevor a little tighter. "Glad you're here."

"Charlie…"

Something about the tone of his voice got her attention and she looked up, her eyes wide and curious. "You better not tell me something bad…I cannot deal with anything else."

"I spoke with your dad today…"

Charlie went rigid, backing up and narrowing her eyes. "You…Trevor!"

"Look, he knew something was going on and he was…God, he was a mess on the phone…"

Charlie shook her head quickly, getting him to be quiet before pulling him back into the hallway and away from Olivia.

"He didn't need that, Trev," she insisted, running her hands through her hair and taking deep breaths. "He's…"

"I didn't tell him everything," Trevor quickly said, jumping to his own defense but trying to get Charlie to calm down. "Just…the bare minimum. That Jake came onto you a little strong…"

Charlie bit her lip and wrapped her arms around herself, falling back against the wall and hanging her head. "That's all it was, really…"

"That's not all it was," Trevor yelled and Charlie winced, causing him to immediately regret the tone. "I'm sorry…I just…he _assaulted_ you."

"Yeah, I know that, I was there," she spat back at him and was about to say something else, when her mother's voice caused her stomach to drop.

"Charlie?"

"Momma! Why are you up?" She ran over, noticing Olivia was holding onto the column leading into the kitchen. Her brown eyes were wide and they never left her daughter.

"What… _"_ Olivia began to shake her head, hands shaking and Charlie was quick to reassure her, but she didn't end up having time. Right before she was about to downplay the event, Olivia's legs buckled and she threw up all over the two of them. Charlie grabbed onto her, Trevor running over, and they helped her down to the floor. He immediately went for a pot and a bunch of towels, as Olivia gave in from the treatment and heaved right in the middle of the hallway.

"Oh Momma," Charlie said, holding her as best as she could and rubbing her back. "I'm right here. You're okay, it's okay, try to breath. Almost done…"

* * *

Ed was pacing. Shifting his hands from the pockets of his worn jeans, to occasionally rubbing his voluntarily almost bald head, then stuffing them back in the pockets, he paced. Starting in the kitchen, he would round the island, then head into the living room where he'd stop to fluff a pillow or two, go down the hall to peek in on Noah and Lizzie napping, then head back to the kitchen and start the route all over. Ed was growing more and more impatient, waiting for Dr. Kamal to return his call and clear him to head into Manhattan.

As soon as he had hung up with Trevor, the growing pit in Ed's stomach grew. Trevor was holding back, and he could tell. His mind was rushing towards worse-case scenarios, regarding Jake and Charlie. Did that bastard hurt his daughter? Did he need to get the police involved? How was Charlie coping? But among his biggest worries was how Olivia was going to take the news, and it furthered his resolve to get into the city and be there in case she found out. Trevor had made it clear that Charlie was not dealing with it, just pushing through until Olivia was done with the treatment and their family had some resemblance of normalcy, whatever that was these days. Ed continued to fret, however, because he knew his wife and she had amazing instincts, even despite chemotherapy, about their daughter and particularly about this kind of stuff. He was convinced she would find out sooner rather than later.

Ed had already called Amanda, who was in route after handing over her current case to Carisi, because Ed just assumed that Dr. Kamal would be okay with this arrangement. He felt fine, the kid were fever free, and his family needed him. The only reason he hadn't piled everyone in the car immediately was the fact he was crippled with fear on what would happen if Olivia contracted the flu. So he waited and paced, moving to crack his knuckles just as his cell phone finally went off.

"Hey, doc," he said, finally sitting down on the couch and leaning forward, his finger running along the edge of the coffee table as he listened, nodding and occasionally giving the doctor an "mhmmm" or an "I understand". He hung up the phone and stood up, stretching and looking around the room before giving Amanda a quick call.

"You have an ETA? The doc said I'm good to go, and I can even bring everyone back to the house tomorrow afternoon…yeah…of course…I really appreciate this, Rollins. See you soon."

Figuring he still had a couple of hours, Ed began to throw a bag together and despite everything that was swirling around their family, he smiled. He would be in Manhattan and reunited with his wife by nightfall.

* * *

Olivia was finally tucked back in the bed and the sun was beginning to set over the Upper East Side. Charlie sat right at Olivia's waist, not moving and just watching her face, wishing that she was more lucid. All she wanted was to come clean to her mother about Jake, but it was clear that once Olivia finished throwing up and they were all cleaned up, that she didn't remember overhearing the earlier conversation. Or it didn't appear that way, at least.

 _Maybe that's for the best_ , she thought to herself, smiling softly at the fact that Olivia finally seemed somewhat in a peaceful slumber. Eyes scanning her mother's face, Charlie found herself spiraling down some kind of deep, dark pit and she kicked herself for it. Here she was, wanting nothing more than to curl up in her mother's arms and let her comfort her, make her feel safe, but she felt selfish. Olivia was fighting for her life, miserable, away from her husband and little boy, and Charlie was an adult. She had spent most of her life on her own and, in her opinion, had gotten a little too used to familial support. _Time to buck up_ , she told herself, but the yearning for her mother to be well, cured, and back to her old self didn't go away. So Charlie just continued to sit there, holding Olivia's hand and watching her take deep breaths, trying to be grateful for what she had in front of her. She was about to give into a few tears when the door creaked open behind her.

"You two…are a beautiful sight," Trevor said, shaking his head and moving slowly into the room, kneeling by Charlie's legs. "She'll be okay soon, babe, give it time."

Charlie took a deep breath but shuddered, trying to hold in her tears. Shaking her own head, she moved to kiss Olivia's cheek and lead Trevor out of the bedroom, leaving the door open a crack behind her. Trevor no sooner was in the kitchen with his girlfriend before he had wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head and encouraging her to just let her emotions out.

"Let it out," he said softly, feeling Charlie's body continue to tense, "I'm right here."

"No," she mumbled. "No no no no."

"Charlie…"

"I just…I can't do this anymore…"

Trevor was about to respond when they heard Olivia call from the bedroom, though Charlie couldn't make out what she said. Shooting Trevor an apologetic look she pulled from his arms and scurried into the bedroom, closing the door softly behind her. Olivia was curled on her side, covers thrown off, and sweating.

"Ed?" She called out, her voice weak and shaky as her hands reached out for whoever entered. Charlie's heart broke at her tone.

"No, Momma," she said softly, running quickly to the bathroom to grab a cool washcloth. Sitting on the bed, she dabbed at Olivia's forehead and beck. "It's just me, Charlie."

"Charlie…" she muttered, "where's…I want….Ed…."

"Oh Momma, I know you do." Tears welled in Charlie's eyes as she watched Olivia grimace and swallow, clearly trying to ground herself in reality despite feeling so terrible. "Soon, okay? I know this is just…it's awful…"

"Charlie…" she whispered, her eyes opening but still completely glazed and swirling with confusion. "Someone…hurt you?"

The tears poured from Charlie's eyes before she could stop them. Chewing her bottom lip, she shook her head, trying to calm Olivia. Now was not the time for this conversation.

"I'm fine Momma…I promise."

"Ed?" She called again, and Charlie knew she made the right decision holding back. Just when she was about to text and ask if Ed could Face Time, the door opened. Charlie's eyes widened as she stood up, leaving room for her incoming father, as she hadn't known that he was on his way.

Ed's eyes scanned the room, first landing on Olivia, but he fought his instinct to rush right to her. Making a quick detour, he moved to kiss Charlie's cheek and look her dead in eyes that mirrored his own. "You okay?" he asked, his head down a little but his gaze focused.

"I'm fine," she said softly, nodding towards Olivia. "Momma needs you right now…"

He gave Charlie one more look before turning and smiling, finally meeting the brown eyes of Olivia, though they were tired. She was watching him, face still a little sweaty, but she had a small grin on her face.

"Olivia…" Ed whispered, making his way over and sitting in the spot Charlie had abandoned upon his arrival. His hands reached out to cup Olivia's face and he leaned down, kissing her nose and lips before settling his forehead on hers. "Oh baby…I'm right here…I love you"

"Ed…" she sighed out, and Charlie smiled as she watched Olivia's body relax as she was finally in her husband's arms again. "You're here…"

"I am," he said simply. "Doctor cleared me. And I'm gonna stay right here."

* * *

 ** _#TucksonReunited #ReviewPlease_**


	22. Chapter 22

**_Twenty-Two_**

Olivia moaned lightly, rolling over and stretching her sore, tired body. Her lips smacked a little as she buried herself further into her pillow, not wanting to open her eyes. But as she turned, her body landed against another body. A familiar one. A safe one. Eyes slowly opening, a smile began to grow on her face as she reached out to trace the man's jawbone.

"Ed…" she whispered, shifting a little more and snuggling into his side, her arm draped over his torso. She kissed at the side of his chest before letting out a soft exhale. "You're here…"

She felt his body instinctively turn towards her, though he was still slumbering. His arms reached out and grasped at Olivia, clutching her to him as he settled back down, eyes still closed.

The couple stayed just like that until the sun began to filter in through the blinds. Bleary, Ed reached over and looked at his watch that he had taken off and left on the nightstand. Realizing he wasn't going to go back to sleep, he turned and kissed at Olivia's face; she was still out cold. Extracting himself carefully, he stood and stretched before tossing a shirt on with his sweatpants and padding out to the kitchen, stopping in the archway and watching the figure hunched over the sink. Her shoulders shook, hair falling out of a messy bun. Ed felt like he should let her have her moment, but what father could walk away from that, so he proceeded quietly.

"Charlie?" He called, right before he reached her. She jumped, almost violently, but didn't turn around. He could tell she was swiping at her face with the oversized sleeves of a sweatshirt Ed assumed belonged to Trevor. "Hey…it's just me."

She finally squared her shoulders and turned around, forcing a smile. "Coffee?" she asked, but her voice was raspy. Ed just stood there, looking at his daughter for a few minutes and debating whether he was going to push her, or let it go for the time being. Wisely, he chose the latter.

"Sure," he said, "how strong did ya make it?"

"It will bring ya to your knees," she joked, pouring him a mug and handing it over. Ed took a sip and smiled.

"You are definitely my kid," he smirked, enjoying the strong, bitter taste of the brew.

"You're up early?"

She shrugged. "Couldn't sleep. Trevor snores."

Knowing that wasn't the actual excuse, Ed just opted to silently sip his coffee in the kitchen and see what Charlie would say. But he didn't get much.

"How's Lizzie?" she asked, staring into her mug and shifting a little bit under Ed's gaze.

"She's good," he said quietly. "Missing you something fierce, though."

"I miss her too…" her voice trailed off and Ed noticed her quietly sniff a little bit, before moving by him and going to sit at the island, scrolling her phone and smiling at the pictures. "Sorta feels like my heart isn't even in my body sometimes, ya know? When I'm not with her."

"That's the thing about being a parent," Ed coached, coming over and sitting next to Charlie, both of their bodies in a near identical, hunched over pose. "You love them so much…and try so hard to make everything perfect…but in the end, your heart and soul are literally not yours anymore. Because they are out there, living their own life…"

Charlie swallowed hard, realizing that Ed wasn't just talking about her relationship with Lizzie - he was referring to her and some of how he was feeling in that moment. Not quite sure what to say yet, or how to start, she took a deep breath and moved to lean her head on his shoulder. Ed finally felt his body relax that extra bit he couldn't find the night before once he reunited with Olivia. Both of his girls were safely back with him. Moving slightly, he kissed Charlie's head and rested his chin on her temple.

"Hey dad?" she whispered, not moving from his shoulder.

"Mmm?" Ed mumbled, his eyes closed as he just sat there, trying to transfer some strength and peace to his daughter.

"Thanks for coming…"

He kissed her head once more and moved an arm around her shoulders, holding her to him before he answered. "I'm always going to be here for you, for our family. No matter what."

* * *

About an hour later Ed had meandered back into the bedroom, placing his second cup of coffee on the nightstand and crawling back in bed with Olivia. Resting on the headboard, he gently pulled her so she was sleeping on his lap and he closed his eyes, replaying his conversation with Trevor the day before and scrutinizing how quiet Charlie was that morning. He was just entering his own pit of anxiety when Olivia finally stirred, rubbing her cheek against his sweat-pant covered thigh before slowly sitting up and grinning at him.

"Good morning," he said with a smirk, leaning over to kiss her lips. "Feeling okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered, curling into his side, "but I'm still a little confused about the last few days…"

"What _do_ you remember?" Ed asked, patiently settling back, determined to let Olivia come to her own realizations but he was nervous about how much she may have overheard. Trying not to let his tension show, he took some deep breaths and buried his face in her cheek, inhaling her scent. "Tell me," he whispered. "I'm here."

Olivia's eyes were open, staring out of the window into the morning light, and her hand traced little circles on Ed's chest. "I hate feeling this confused, disoriented," she began, "especially when you aren't here. It felt…vulnerable…and I couldn't focus…like I was helpless, almost."

"You're not helpless," Ed said quickly. He had hoped to just let her talk, but he couldn't let that sit out in the open and not address it. "You…Olivia Benson-Tucker…are never helpless. I promise you that."

"Thank you for saying that," she replied, "and I know…it's just hard. The first day went okay, like I told you. I was a little weak, dizzy, but just hung out with Charlie."

"You two really needed some time together…"

"We did," she sighed. "As much as I missed you, and _god_ did I miss you and want you, that time with our daughter was precious…"

"She loves you, Liv," Ed said softly, treading carefully as he knew that bringing up Charlie was going to move into this unknown territory of her encounter with Jake. "I'm so…grateful…for how you just became her mother. You didn't have to. We could've blended our two families and kept a small distance…using step-mom and dad, or whatever…but you… _you're incredible_ …"

"Our family is incredible," she countered, "and…I dunno…I've always wanted to be a mom. Noah…was such a blessing, and I thought he was it for me. But…now I get to have a son _and_ a daughter…and a granddaughter…and I'm gonna take advantage of every moment I can."

"Liv…" Ed said softly, after they had ceased talking for a little bit. He ran his lips across the top of her head. "Do you…remember anything else?"

"I…I think I threw up on Charlie a few times," she admitted sheepishly, "but she's such a little warrior. Didn't even flinch. Stayed right with me. She's…a force."

"Takes after her Momma…"

"And her Daddy…"

They smiled at each other, taking comfort in just how strong they were as individuals, but also how strong they now were together.

"What else?"

"I remember feeling, _still_ feeling, that something was wrong," she finally said, swallowing hard before continuing. "Something more than…her witnessing my full on chemo hell…"

Ed thought about how to approach his next question. He wanted to know if she remembered overhearing anything, or Charlie saying something about Jake. But before he could figure out how to word it, his question was answered as Olivia shot up from his chest, her brown eyes wide and full of fear as she met his gaze.

"I remember…" she whispered, shaking her head, "I overheard Trevor say something to her…"

He reached out and cupped her face, giving her time to process everything, but he didn't say anything just yet.

"Where is she? Is she still here?" Olivia asked, her eyes moving all over Ed's face as her panic began to escalate.

"She is," he said softly. "Trevor ran out to grab stuff for breakfast, and I think she's piddling around in the kitchen, or maybe the other bedroom…"

"I…Ed, what happened?" she finally asked, steeling herself for something devastating. Ed gave her a sad smile and shook his head.

"I don't know much," he admitted. "Trevor just said that Jake, ya know the guy she met in the chemo bay?"

"Yeah…his mom…she's pretty sick."

"That's him," Ed confirmed, "apparently he had called Charlie the other night, really upset, so she agreed to meet him at the corner bar to make sure he was okay."

"That's why Rollins was here…" Olivia said, finally beginning to put some pieces together, but as she did, her hands began to shake. "Ed…"

"I'm not sure the extent of what happened," he said softly, his own anxiety taking a back seat while he tried to keep Olivia calm. "All Trevor gave me on the phone was that Jake came on too strong, and that she texted Trevor to come get her."

"What does that even mean, _he came on too strong_?" Olivia asked, her eyes narrowing then growing wide as she finally remember what she had overheard in the hallway that night.

 _He assaulted you._

 _I know that, I was there._

"Oh god…oh my god…Ed…what did he do to her?"

Ed shook his head, honestly admitting to Olivia that he really had no idea and it worried him. "She's holding back, that's for sure."

"The hell she is," Olivia said, moving to get off the bed and into the bathroom, steadying herself against a bout of dizziness before continuing with her resolve to freshen up and find her daughter. She shoved her toothbrush in her mouth and turned back to Ed, eyes blazing. "She's gonna tell me what the fuck happened the other night."

* * *

It took a few false starts, but eventually Olivia found her footing and felt steady enough to make her way down the hallway. She was still in her gray pajamas, matching fuzzy slippers donning her feet, but she had thrown a light purple scarf on just for her own comfort at that point. Knocking softly on the second bedroom's door, she entered as Charlie turned around from where she was making the bed.

"Hey Momma," she said a little too brightly. "You look well rested. Feeling better?"

"I am," she answered with a small smile, but then shook her head and moved forward, taking Charlie into her arms, holding her tightly and swaying a bit. "I'm so so sorry…"

Stunned, Charlie allowed herself to be held and she patted Olivia's back, trying to keep her own composure and figure out what her mother was apologizing for.

"For what, Momma?" she finally asked, leaning back and looking into teary brown eyes. "You have nothing to be sorry for…"

Suddenly, Olivia wasn't sure what to say. So she just kept her eyes on Charlie, one hand buried in her messy bed-head and the other rubbing up and down her arm.

"Momma?"

"Can you tell me what happened with Jake?"

Charlie's eyes slipped closed and Olivia felt her tense up. She kept her hands on her daughter and moved a little closer, her eyes scanning over the girl's face. But Charlie shook her head.

"It's nothing," she finally said, opening her eyes after forcing those words out. "I'm fine…you don't need this right now."

"You're wrong," Olivia whispered, almost harshly, before leaning her forehead against Charlie's. "I need _you_ …I need you safe and in my arms. And I need to know what happened, Charlie."

Charlie sat on the bed, clutching the throw pillow that she had been about to place, and Olivia sat right next to her. She kept one hand in her hair and the other moved to stroke her daughter's face.

"Please talk to me," she whispered, her lips trembling slightly as Charlie took a deep breath and began to talk.

"See," Charlie said after she had walked Olivia through the entire event, surprising herself at how she admitted where and how he had touched her in that back hallway. "Its nothing…it was just…I dunno what it was, but it's fine. Not a big deal."

Olivia was crushed. Absolutely crushed as she held her daughter, body still completely tensed up and showing no emotion. "Charlie…" she whispered out, kissing her face and willing her tears down for the time being. "It _is_ a big deal…"

Charlie just stared at the wall, refusing to give in and allow herself and relief. She finally had the moment she was yearning for over the last two days, but it was like her body refused to give in. She was conditioned to fight the emotion and letting go was not easy, but Olivia wasn't going to relent. She pulled back, holding Charlie's face in her hands and finally made eye contact. She saw how Charlie's blue eyes flinched once they saw hers brimming with tears, and with trembling lips Olivia finally spoke truth into her daughter's experience.

"He _assaulted_ you," she said passionately. "He assaulted you, when you were already hurting. And I…I'm so, _so_ sorry I was too sick and out of it, that I didn't even notice…that I couldn't protect you."

Those words pierced straight through Charlie's body and she felt herself begin to tremble, the emotion was barreling to the surface and she was helpless to stop it this time. As the tears began to flow, her body gave out and she allowed herself to fall from the bed to the floor, landing on her knees as she hunched over and began to sob silently, hands clutching her shirt against her chest. Olivia followed her down, sitting on the floor and moving to lean back against the bed. She bundled her grown daughter up and held her against her chest, rocking slightly and keeping her lips just above her ear.

"I'm right here," she whispered, playing gently with her hair and often moving her hands to rub at her arms and back. "Right here…shhh shhh. I'm so sorry."

Charlie grasped Olivia's sweatshirt and stayed right where she was, eyes open and staring off into the distance as she slowly stopped crying and got herself back under control. "Its…I'm okay, Momma. Please don't be sorry. I'm okay. I promise."

* * *

Olivia padded out to the living room and Ed hopped up from where he was sitting on the couch and went to her. She was a little pale and slow moving, and her eyes were red, but otherwise she seemed fine.

"Here, sit," he said, getting her situated in his former spot. "I'll getcha some water."

"Is there Gatorade?" she asked, and Trevor who was standing, nursing a late morning bloody mary and looking out the window, turned to Ed and confirmed.

"Picked some up this morning," he said, "bottom shelf in the fridge."

"Thanks, man," Ed said, moving to get the drink and quickly returning to Olivia's side. "Where's Charlie?"

"Shower," Olivia said, taking a couple of sips before leaning back on the couch. She wanted to close her eyes, but instead she eyed Trevor. "You should've told me sooner," she said, trying to be firm but she was too tired.

"Liv," Ed said, but she shrugged him off and zeroed in on Trevor who was staring remorsefully at the older couple.

"She's my daughter," Olivia emphasized, "I needed to know."

"Olivia," Trevor said, coming over and sitting on the arm chair, resting his face in his hands and revealing how torn he had been feeling. "You…you were struggling. And Charlie just…well…"

Trevor debated how much to reveal, but he knew the Tuckers well enough to know that honesty goes over best. So he just went for it, knowing he was essentially twisting the knife in both Ed and Olivia.

"You were so confused," he finally said, looking up at them, "and…Charlie was just barely holding it together. I couldn't deny her that little bit of control. She wanted to, believe me Olivia, she wanted you so badly…"

Olivia's eyes closed and Ed pulled her into him, trying to offer some comfort but knowing there was little he could do. This was just a no-win situation for all of them.

"She needed me," she exclaimed. "And I wasn't…I couldn't…"

"Okay," Ed said, rubbing her back and looking over at Trevor who had momentarily pulled himself together. "Look, we all did the best we could."

"You should've told me sooner, too," she said to Ed, but made no attempt to move from his arms. He knew she wasn't mad at anyone, except maybe herself. And definitely Jake. But her words stung just a little, so he finally tried to make her understand.

"Olivia, you were in no condition to hear this," he said gently, but honestly. "In fact, you barely remembered the few things you did hear. And Charlie is okay. She's here with us. Trevor got there in time…"

"In time?" Olivia questioned. "It still happened. I mean, sure, thank God it wasn't worse…but there was no 'in time' here, Ed. That bastard…"

Olivia trailed off as a dizzy spell hit her. She groaned and leaned into Ed, closing her eyes and trying to steady her head.

"Okay, baby," he whispered, moving to lean back on the couch and take her with him. He wanted to scream 'See, this is what we meant!" but he refrained, opting to just comfort his wife. They had a hard enough road ahead of him. Trevor nodded and excused himself, heading back towards the bedroom to find Charlie, and leaving the couple to try and make sense of the last week of their lives.

"I let her down," Olivia mumbled, eyes still closed as a few tears escaped down her pink colored cheeks.

"You didn't," Ed promised her, kissing her head and pulling a blanket over them as they rested together on the couch. "I promise you didn't. And you never could."

* * *

 ** _More to come...but review first, please!_**


	23. Chapter 23

**_Twenty-Three_**

Trevor let out a little whistle as he and Charlie observed the closed door to the bedroom that contained Ed and Olivia Tucker. They had retreated in there for the afternoon, Olivia insisting they would head back home that night after hearing the kids had been well for over a day. Rollins had let it slip that Ed had sent a cleaning crew in to make sure the germs were gone, and once Olivia heard that she was dead-set on returning. Ed, however, was not, so they had isolated themselves as they worked through the minor disagreement.

"I would not wanna be your dad right now…" he said, shaking his head and eyeing Charlie, his eyes sparkling as he continued his little tease. "Intentionally crossing your mother is not high on my list."

"Yeah," she agreed, leaning against his frame and letting out a sigh. "I'm not sure dad will win this fight, to be honest."

"Just glad to be off her list at the moment," he admitted, causing Charlie to turn and look up at him inquisitively. So he explained. "She was a little, uh, put out with me that I didn't immediately tell her what happened."

"I asked you not to," she whispered, cupping his face and searching his eyes. "And you…you've been so great. I…I don't deserve you."

"Stop it," Trevor growled, reaching up to grasp her wrists as she kept a hold of his face. "You deserve everything. And I will spend my entire life trying to give it to you, if you'll let me."

Charlie bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop the tears, but she smiled up at him. "I'm too fucked up," she whispered, shaking her head. "Especially now. And I love you so, so much, but…am I too difficult? Is it too hard to love me?"

Trevor reached out and ran his hands across her cheeks, down her neck, and to her shoulders. His eyes never left her face as he searched for how to respond. He eventually settled for a simple, "Not for me" before moving down and kissing her lightly. "Not for any of us; your dad, your mom, Noah, Lizzie, Amanda…and definitely not for me."

* * *

"Olivia, we aren't quite to forty-eight hours fever-free," Ed patiently explained as he watched her slowly pack her duffle, in anticipation of heading back to Sag Harbor to reunite with her son. "We can go back in the morning. Noah is fine with Amanda…"

Olivia let out a frustrated sigh and dropped a t-shirt into her duffle, before looking up at Ed with her arms crossed in front of her body. "Ed," she began exasperatedly, but no less firm, "twenty-four hours is plenty. Both kids are fine. You've done everything short of having the house fumigated. This last week has been nothing short of hell for me, for our family, and _I want to see my son_."

"Liv…"

"No," she cried, shaking her head then regretting it as she got a little dizzy. "I'm done arguing and being handled with kid gloves. This cancer is taking more from me than I could have ever imagined," her voice wavered and she reached up to swipe a rogue tear before continuing, "so I'm not going to stay here and just…let this disease keep hurting the people I love. I'm packing. I want you to get me in the car. And I want you to bring me, and our family, back home. Where we are all together. And safe."

Ed moved towards her carefully, reaching out and trying to pry her fingers apart so he could play with them, and hopefully calm her a little bit. "None of this is your fault, Olivia," he said poignantly. Olivia's shoulders began to tremble as she tried to hold herself together. Her head was down, but Ed continued, his hands gripping hers. "Noah getting the flu and missing you, while it was hard, it wasn't your fault. And he powered through, understanding why you weren't there. And he will be fine until tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, but…"

Ed cut her off, something he rarely did. "Olivia, look at me."

She took a steadying breath and looked back up into the blue eyes she loved so much; her safety, her home, and braced herself for what she somehow knew he was going to say.

"Charlie's assault was not your fault, either." Ed spoke slowly, keeping his eyes locked on hers in an attempt to make her believe his words. "It's awful, and we are going to help her get through it, but it was _not your fault._ "

"Maybe not," she said, her voice low and full of emotion, "but I'll never forgive myself…or this cancer…for keeping me from her when she needed me. Both of my kids…my babies…they needed me, Ed. And I was…so confused. And sick. And it's _not fair_."

Ed moved quickly, pulling her into his chest and holding her tightly as her body quivered and she gave in briefly to the emotion of the last few days. "It's not fair. None of this is remotely fair. I'm sorry, baby."

"It's not your fault," she said quietly, the tears slowly but she made no attempt to leave his embrace. "It's just all shit."

Ed let out a little laugh, his chest vibrating against Olivia's cheek. "It is. And I promise you, first thing tomorrow we will head back home. But, please…just don't fight me on this. Let me keep you safe. Spend the evening with Charlie. Do whatever it is your two do when you're together. See if she'll talk more. And tomorrow, we're all going home."

Olivia took a deep breath, undecided on whether she was ready to relent to her husband's request, but one look into his pleading eyes and she backed down. She rarely backed down, but in an odd way she understood his need to protect her in that moment. Their lives were so out of control that they needed to preserve whatever control they could. So Olivia Benson-Tucker relented, slightly.

"Okay," she replied softly. "But as soon as we are caffeinated in the morning, I wanna be on the road."

"Whatever you want, baby," Ed said with a smile, knowing that sentence was becoming his monicker before leaning down and capturing her lips, sealing the deal.

* * *

Several hours later, Ed made his way out of the master bedroom rubbing his hand over his face and grabbing a beer from the fridge. Trevor and Charlie were curled up on the couch, and he almost hated to interrupt them, but after a few swigs of his beverage he decided he didn't much care.

"Hey you two," he said wearily, plopping into the oversized arm chair and exhaling.

"Mom asleep?"

"Nah," he said, "but she kicked me out in hopes you'd go back there and keep her company. I think all of my hovering was getting on her nerves."

Charlie just laughed and kissed Trevor's cheek before standing up and stretching. She padded over and kissed Ed's head and gave him a smile. "She missed you something fierce, Dad," she said honestly. "Don't take the annoyance too personally."

"Nah, I won't," he said. "I think she just really wanted some time with you."

Ed winked at his daughter and nodded towards the hallway, sending her on her way. He watched her until she disappeared into the bedroom, then turned back to Trevor, eyeing the empty glasses.

"She drinking a lot, still?"

Trevor just shrugged, picking up the glass and twirling it in his hands as he decided on an answer. "Maybe a bit more than usual," he said. "But…it doesn't seem to be near the realm of worrisome."

"You'll help me keep an eye on her?"

"Always, sir."

* * *

Olivia was propped on a few pillows, under the fluffy duvet cover when Charlie snuck in and closed the door behind her. Opening her arms up, she shifted, signaling to Charlie she should climb in with her. Once mother and daughter were situated, shoulder to shoulder under the covers, Olivia reached over and played with Charlie's hair.

"How's my girl?"

Charlie just shrugged, suddenly not sure what to say. But Olivia patiently waited, her fingertips stroking the light brown locks while her other hand turned Charlie's chin so they were face to face. Leaning forward so their foreheads touched, Olivia smiled at her daughter. "That good huh?"

Charlie let out a little laugh. "Oh Momma, I love you."

"I'm feeling tired," Olivia said, decided maybe if she talked, Charlie would. "It's been a long day, and even though I feel more like myself, the room still spins on occasion and chemo-brain is a bitch."

"You're almost there," Charlie whispered encouragingly, moving to rest her head on Olivia's shoulder. "Only two more treatments…then you're done."

"I hope so," she let slip, before she could stop herself. Feeling Charlie tense up, she backtracked. "In fact, I know so," Olivia said confidently, kissing Charlie's head and keeping her lips against her forehead. "But right now, I wanna know how you're doing."

Charlie still didn't say anything, her eyes staring into the distance as she remained cuddled up next to Olivia.

"Talk to me, sweet girl. Please."

"I don't know what to say anymore," she whispered, almost despondently. Olivia shifted so she had a better grip on her, resting a cheek on top of her head and closing her eyes. She wasn't quite sure what to say anymore either, especially given the cloud of guilt that was hanging over her. There was so much she wanted to ask her daughter; was she sleeping at night, how much was she relying on alcohol, whether or not she wanted the police involved. But it just didn't feel like the right time and Olivia's brain was still so foggy she was afraid she'd somehow make it worse. So they sat there in silence for a while, neither woman particularly keen on moving, until Olivia let out a little groan. "Momma?" Charlie sat up quickly, eyes wide as she watched her mother smile and try to steady herself.

"Sorry," she said softly, opening her eyes again, "just…well, you know…"

"I do…" Charlie whispered, moving to finger the scarf Olivia still had tied on her head. "I…I dunno what I'd do without you," she finished quickly, voice cracking at the end. Olivia cupped her face tightly and pressed their foreheads together again.

"You'll never have to find out," she said, not taking her eyes off of Charlie.

"Promise?" she asked before she could stop herself. Closing her eyes, Charlie let a tear slip and shook her head. "Sorry," she said softly.

"No, don't be sorry," Olivia said, her own emotion catching but she remained strong. " _I'm_ sorry, Charlie. I'm sorry I was too sick the other night…"

Head popping up, Charlie's blue eyes went wide and she frantically shook her head, grasping Olivia's hands and holding them tightly, refusing to let her mother blame herself. "No, Momma," her voice shook, but it was firm. "No…"

Finally having her daughter's attention, Olivia spoke her next words slowly and wisely. "It doesn't matter the time of day, how old you are, or how sick I am…I will always, _always_ be right here. This cancer…it may be messing with us right now, but it won't win. I won't let it. And that is something I can promise you, Charlie."

* * *

Noah was perched on the couch reading to Lizzie when the beep of the alarm system rang through the house. Tossing the book aside, Noah was up in a flash and running across the living room and into the foyer.

"Mommy!"

Olivia knelt down, door still wide open as the cold, February air blew into the house, but no one cared. Noah crashed into his mother, little arms wrapping tightly around her neck as Ed moved behind her to make sure she didn't fall over, knowing she was still a little weak.

"Oh, my sweet boy," Olivia whispered, burying her face in his curls and breathing in his little boy scent. "Are you feeling better?" Pulling away briefly, she took her hands and ran them over his little body, checking for anything that might be out of the ordinary and scanning his face for any sign he wasn't well, but all she saw were his bright eyes and large smile as he nodded. Quickly pulling Noah back into her arms, she cupped his head and closed her eyes, thanking whatever higher power existed that her family was back under one roof. "I love you, Noah."

"I love you too, Mommy," he said, patting her on the back before pulling back and taking her hand. "Come on, I reading to Lizzie. We just got to the good part!"

With the mini reunion out of the foyer, Ed, Trevor, and Charlie were able to enter, drop all their bags, and close the door. Charlie stretched, looking around the house a bit as Trevor eyed her. She had been quiet and tense the entire ride home.

"You okay?"

"I'm great," she said, mustering up some fake enthusiasm before kissing her boyfriend. "I'm just gonna go unpack and maybe take a warm shower."

Both Ed and Trevor watched her walk away, Trevor rubbing his face before turning towards the older man. "Any ideas?"

Ed let out a sigh. "Not yet," he said. "Let's get settled and I'll talk to Liv."

Trevor stayed in a foyer a little longer, watching as Olivia settled onto the couch with Noah and Lizzie, Amanda smiling on the chair with Jesse in her lap. Then he glanced down the hallway towards their bedroom, where Charlie had already closed the door. Deciding to give her space, he shed he jacket and boots and went to scoop Lizzie off the couch, delighting in her squeals and excitement.

"Where's Charlie?" Amanda asked, her eyebrow raised at the young woman's absence. Trevor nodded towards the back.

"She's unpacking," he said, moving to blow against Lizzie's cheek, the sound causing her to give a heart belly laugh. Jesse, curious what the fun seemed to be, crawled from her mother's lap and trotted towards Trevor.

"Me next!" Trevor dropped to the floor, effectively smothering both little girls with raspberries as they erupted into laughter. Sensing her daughter was taken care of for a bit, Amanda excused herself to go check on Charlie.

"Mommy?" Noah asked, seemingly used to and ignoring the commotion behind him. Olivia just smiled and smoothed his hair down a little bit.

"Yes sweet boy?"

"I missed you," he said, snuggling into her side and tossing the book onto the cushion next to him. "But don't worry. I'm all better now."

Olivia's heart broke a little bit as she held her little boy and kissed at his head. Her children, her family, was having to be too strong for too long, and she had no idea how to help lift the weight. So she just stayed on the couch, holding Noah closely and praying to anyone who would listen to somehow throw her family a bone. _We can't take much more,_ she thought to herself.

* * *

"Knock knock."

The slightly southern accent filled the bedroom as Amanda let herself in and closed the door behind her, watching Charlie sit on the bed with her eyes closed.

"What's up?" she finally asked, looking up and forcing a smile, hoping that the blonde would just go away and leave her be, but that didn't happen.

"Nothin'," she said casually, leaning against the wall and eyeing her friend. "Just wanted to see how you were doin'. Been a rough few days."

Charlie let out a snort and shook her head, both hands bracing against the bed as she steeled herself to avoid whatever it was Amanda wanted to talk to her about.

"It has," she allowed. "Listen, thanks for keeping Lizzie and Noah…I know it wasn't easy to rearrange your work schedule."

Amanda waved her off. "That's what friends do," she said, eyeing her more closely. "You okay?"

"I'm pretty tired," she admitted.

"You, uh, you thinkin' about pressin' charges?" Amanda finally asked, trying to figure out how to break through Charlie's exterior, but the icy blue-eyed glare she got after that question made her wince.

"Why would I do that?" Charlie retorted, her voice deep and to Amanda it sounded like she had suddenly taken on an entirely different persona.

"You don't have to," she said quietly, backtracking and hoping to soothe her friend.

"I just want to forget this ever happened, okay?" Charlie stood up, moving to gather the pile of close on the bed and toss them into a laundry basket she had on the bed. "We have enough going on, without worrying about…whatever happened with Jake."

"You mean the fact that he assaulted you?"

"What do you want from me?" Charlie said, turning around, face full of anguish. "What does everyone want from me? I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. Mothering Lizzie, being a good girlfriend to Trevor, staying strong for my dad and for Noah, making sure my mom has everything she needs. I can't…I can't deal with this too, okay? So please…just…drop it. _Please,_ Amanda?"

"Charlie…"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, eyes closing at her own outburst. "You didn't deserve that."

"Neither did you."

Charlie just shrugged, dropping the laundry basket on the bed and picking at the material of one of her wool boot socks. "I do everything I'm supposed to do," she whispered again, "yet somehow, I'm still the perfect victim."

"Charlie…"

Grabbing the basket, Charlie brushed past Amanda and opened the door, avoiding eye contact. "I need to put this stuff in the wash."

* * *

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	24. Chapter 24

**_A/N: I apologize for the shorter-than-usual chapter. Life has knocked me off track a little bit which has caused me a wee bit of writer's block. I figured you all would rather have a shorter update than nothing at all, so here we are. I'll be back to normal shortly - but until then, enjoy._**

 **Twenty-Four**

"Well, Olivia," Dr. Kamal said as he rounded his desk. He sat down in his oversized leather chair and folded his hands across the folders littering the surface in front of him, and peered over ad Ed and Olivia who were seated in arm chairs across from him in his Long Island office. "Your levels seem normal, the jaundice around your eyes is much less than last I saw you. It's the iron that I'm concerned about right now, likely a strong, contributing to your dizzy spells. Have you been taking any supplements?"

"I got the ones you recommended before my first treatment," she said softly, patting Ed's hand that was lightly gripping her thigh. "But, I don't always remember to take them. And they don't always stay down."

"Okay," he said, thumbing through her charts and jotting something on his pad. "I'll give you a prescription iron pill. I think that's really going to help, Olivia. You'll get some energy, maybe boost your temperature."

Olivia nodded, her lips pursed together as she took some deep breaths.

"Just keep doing the best you can," Dr. Kamal advised gently. "Rest as much as you need to. Get fresh air when you feel like it. Do those gentle exercises to keep your muscles engaged. Eat whenever, and whatever, you feel like."

Ed and Olivia nodded, as they had been doing all of that as much as they could, but the doctor could sense their apprehension and desire to have the ordeal behind them. The Tuckers, in his experience, had often been exemplary patients. They followed the guidelines, Olivia was always accompanied by at least one family member for treatment, and everyone had always been kind and polite when he interacted with them. But they also gave off a sense of distance, almost as if despite the doctor knowing Olivia's body inside and out at this point, the family still wanted to make sure he didn't get too close. Ed, always the picture of a loving husband, would consistently give off a "do not mess with my wife" vibe in their appointments, and Olivia, while curbing her husband's protectiveness, clearly gravitated towards him and appreciated how fiercely he looked out for her.

Knowing they were both seasoned detectives gave Dr. Kamal even more insight into how they carried themselves. Battling cancer was brutal, painful, and ugly, yet the Tuckers kept their game faces when he saw them. While the doctor would occasionally get a sense that Olivia was struggling, or Ed was worried, he could never truly confirm it by looking at them. But in this moment, as they neared what everyone hoped was the end of this particular journey, Dr. Kamal began to see the worry display itself across both of their features, which was not surprising. Often times a patient and their loved ones focused so much on the treatment at hand, then once the treatment neared it's ending and they had to face the truth as to whether it was successful, the anxiety kicked up a few notches.

"You're in the home stretch, Olivia," the doctor finally said, causing the couple to give cautiously relieved smiles. "Two more drips, then we'll scan and make sure there's no trace of the cancer. And I have every confidence that those are the results we will see. Okay?"

Olivia nodded, but glanced at Ed, an unspoken anxiety passing between the two of them. Dr. Kamal took note. "What is it?"

"Doc, uh," Ed began, taking his free hand and rubbing it on his jeans before placing it on top of their already joined hands on Olivia's leg. "You seem confident, which is great, but…"

Olivia squeezed both of Ed's hands, hearing the slight tremble in his voice. Taking pity on his poor nerves, she took over his question. "What happens if this _doesn't_ work?"

Dr. Kamal nodded and took his glasses off, leaning forward to catch the worried looks of his patient and her husband. "I know you're nervous," he allowed, "and, there is no guarantee. All signs point to you being cancer free, Olivia, and you know that. But, on the off chance the drip doesn't work…there are other options. More chemo, different drugs, radiation. If the cancer is still in the breast, a mastectomy would be on the table. This treatment you are in right now is not a last resort, by any means. It's the first resort. Okay?"

He watched as Olivia glanced at Ed, blinking quickly as if to rid her eyes of tears. The couple smiled sadly at each other, and Ed nodded, signaling he was good. He had enough information.

"Okay," the doctor said, slapping his desk with his hands and standing up, shaking the hands of Ed and Olivia. "You call me, anytime, if you think of any other questions. Otherwise, unless any of your blood work in the next several weeks come back abnormal, I'll see you after your last treatment."

"Thank you, Dr. Kamal," Olivia said, her tone taking on a professional, no business element as Ed placed his hand on her lower back and ushered them out. "Have a good afternoon."

As the door closed, Dr. Kamal sat down and began to study his next patient's chart, all the while smiling to himself. Despite the nastiness life threw at the couple, he couldn't help but enjoy watching them together.

"Hard to find a love like that these days," he said to himself, filing Olivia's folder away.

* * *

Ed and Olivia took their time walking from the elevator, through the lobby, and out of the double doors, taking a right on the sidewalk towards the parking garage. Olivia's hand was firmly held in Ed's, his thumb occasionally rubbing the top in an attempt to soothe them both.

"We'll stop at Jim's on the way back home," Ed decided, "get your script filled and I need to get some batteries for Lizzie's remote control car. Looks like they left it on the entire time I was gone…"

Olivia let out a laugh and leaned against Ed's shoulder. He adjusted so his arm was wrapped around her waist and he kissed her head as they waited to cross the street. "I'm glad Trevor stayed one more day," she commented. "The three of them needed this time…"

"He's a good man," Ed agreed, moving them across the crosswalk and into the garage, suddenly trying to remember where he parked, as he was quite anxious when they arrived. "But, I'm a little worried about Charlie."

"Me too," she whispered, leaning against the truck as Ed unlocked and opened her door, helping her inside. He leaned across her, making sure her buckle was secure, then moved and cupped her face, kissing softly at her cheeks, nose, then lips before looking her in the eyes.

"I love you, Olivia," he said, using her full name as he often did when his emotions were a little deeper than he liked.

She just smiled and moved to run her index finger along his already grown back hair-line. "I love you too, Ed. Get me home and take me to bed, before the house comes to life again."

Dutifully, Ed climbed into the driver's seat, threw the truck in reverse, and began to make their way home, all the while sneaking glances over at his wife as she rested against the window. Grinning to himself he decided that once he got her home, he'd make sure she forgot all of the worries plaguing their family, even if it was temporary.

* * *

Charlie leaned back in the booth, Lizzie out cold on her chest and clutching her sweater. Trevor looked on, taking another bite of their dessert before spooning a bite for Charlie. She smiled sweetly at him as she swallowed the sweet treat.

"I love this place," she said quietly, looking around at the quaint but relatively fancy lunch spot. The booths has had backs and dark red, cloth lining that was outing by the extravagant gold frame. The tables were a dark wood, with colored glass in the middle, almost as if they had walked back a few centuries. The ceilings were high, covered with tin and intricate design. But the best part was despite the ambience, the menu was very much like a typical diner and was very kid friendly. Lizzie could climb around in their booth, color on the menu, and babble to herself and her family as they enjoyed their lunch.

"How are you?" Trevor asked, leaning over the table and rubbing Lizzie's back, his eyes staying on Charlie.

She shrugged. "I'm okay," she said. "I missed this little one."

"She missed you too," Trevor said, smiling and nodding towards where the little girl was fisting her Momma's shirt. "Clearly."

Charlie offered him a smile and pulled Lizzie closer, hoping Trevor would relent. But he didn't.

"It's been a helluva week," he said, unsure where to even begin. With Jake? The cancer treatment? Either one of those events would be enough to derail a human being, but both at the same time seemed extreme especially adding in Charlie's traumatic background. But she just shrugged again and her eyes narrowed, closely resembling the look Ed would often get when he was steeling himself.

"I've been through worse," she said simply. "Not much I can do at this point. It just…is what it is."

"I'm just concerned," he admitted softly, keeping one hand on Lizzie's back as he stretched further across the table to stroke Charlie's cheek. "It's a lot."

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment, relishing in just being with her own little family, before looking back at Trevor. "It is. It is a lot, and it's heavy."

"What can I do?" He was desperately searching her eyes and face for any sign that he could relieve any of her pain, but he knew it was likely fruitless, and her response proved as much.

"Unless you can cure cancer and erase my memory," she said, trying to laugh it off before realizing maybe she had gotten a little too dark. "Sorry, that was harsh. I didn't mean it. I just…"

Trevor was up and over on the other side of the booth before Charlie even knew what was happening. He pulled her into his side and kissed her head before resting his chin where his lips had been. He rocked his girls gently for a bit, trying the physically lessen the load Charlie carried, even for a moment.

"It's gonna be okay, Charlotte," he whispered.

"Sure," she said, once again shoving her tears down until they were no longer in public.

"It will be. I promise."

"I love you, Trev, but don't make promises you can't keep."

* * *

"Mmmmmmmm," Olivia moaned as she slung her arm around Ed's chest and curled up next to him. Ed eyed the clock, seeing they still had an hour before he needed to get Noah from school. Moving his hand, he traced little patterns on Olivia's head, his temporary fill in for playing with her hair.

"Ya okay?" he asked, his voice deep and husky. Once they had gotten in, Olivia quickly pulled him into the bedroom, but her desire may have been greater than her energy level. They kissed and teased and stroked each other, but eventually Olivia's energy began to wane. Seeing this, Ed started slowing them down and reassuring her.

"Ed…I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. Your energy will be back soon."

"But you're, well, you need this."

"No, I need you healthy. That's all I need right now. It's okay. Let's just lay here."

And they did, but eventually things picked up again and they managed a quick romp, bringing both of them to a much needed release, before Olivia succumbed to a mid-afternoon nap. Now she was stirring, and Ed just continued to trace the patterns on her head until she fully came into a sense of awareness.

"Good nap?" Ed tried again, wondering if she was drifting back off. As he strained his head, he noticed her eyes were open, but glazed. "Liv?"

She finally moved to where her chin rested on his pec and tried to focus her eyes on his. Ed patiently waited, stroking her cheek gently until she came out of whatever fog she was in.

"Sorry," she whispered, her voice still full of sleep and grogginess. "I forgot for a minute that we weren't in the city…"

Ed just pulled her closer and leaned down to kiss the tip of her nose. "Don't apologize," he said softly. "Take as much time as you need."

"I hate this," she moaned, letting her head fall back onto his chest and sighing. "I feel so…I don't even know."

"I know you do, babe," he said soothingly, making sure to keep rubbing at her back and shoulders. "It won't be like this forever."

"It's been a week since my treatment…" she groaned, clearly frustrated with the continued side effects.

"Dr. Kamal mentioned that the further you got into treatment, the longer the effects would last," he coached, but knowing his words wouldn't register all that much. Just as he was about to continue, Olivia interrupted him with a gasp and a moan.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh," Olivia's hands desperately gripped at him. "I'm so dizzy. Ed?"

"Right here," he said. "I'm right here. And we'll stay right here until it passes."

"Thank you," she whispered, a near whimper, and Ed just held her tighter hearing the tone of her voice.

"Just doing my job."

* * *

 ** _Leave some love in a review?_**


	25. Chapter 25

**_Again, so sorry about the lapse of updates...life is, well, you don't particularly care to read an A/N with an explanation. You just want the update! So here ya go - and I'll try to get back on track-ish. Enjoy!_**

 ** _Twenty-Five_**

"Good job, Noah!" Olivia exclaimed from her perch on the bleachers in the local YMCA's gym. Noah looked up from the balance beam and waved, before concentrating on making his way across again and doing another little jump.

Olivia had woken up with a little more energy that morning and had insisted that Ed take a breather and do some yard work since it was unseasonably warm that late February day. So she accompanied Charlie to take the two kids to their Saturday gymnastics class, though Ed hesitated to even call it that. It was more like organized chaos while the kids tried different skills and jumped around, getting rid of weekend energy. Lizzie had been going for a while and since Olivia had been sick, Noah had begun to tag along for convenience sake. Turns out, he enjoyed playing on the balance beam, so Ed had officially enrolled him as to not take advantage of the generosity the center had shown.

Charlie sat alongside of Olivia, carefully watching her two year old try to jump on the toddler sized trampoline under the careful watch of an older teenage worker. She smiled as Lizzie's face scrunched up in concentration, trying extra hard to keep jumping in the taped circle.

"She's such a little love," Olivia said softly, her shoulder bumping into Charlie's to try and get her attention, but she was lost in thought. "Charlie?"

"Hm?" She pried her eyes away from Lizzie and smiled softly at her mother, reaching out to lightly run her fingers over the navy silk scarf she had chosen that day. "Your eyes are sparkling today," she whispered.

"I feel good," Olivia replied, keeping her voice down and her eyes on her daughter. "You sleep okay last night?"

"Yeah. I got enough. Could go for another coffee after this."

"I'm sure the kids won't turn down a stop for a muffin."

"Or a cake pop."

Olivia just laughed. "Ed has spoiled us all."

Charlie went to respond, but a scurry of movement caught her attention and her smile grew. Noah had hopped triumphantly off of the balance beam and after he was high-fived by his instructor, he moved to watch Lizzie who had since gotten off of the trampoline and wandered to one of the lower, child sized bars. Her little chubby legs worked hard as she tried to jump and hold the bar, but being so little, she couldn't. Before an instructor could get to her, Noah ran over.

"Lizzie!" He said, taking her hand. "Gotta use da chalk. See? Like this." Noah demonstrated how to rub the white chalk on his hands and Lizzie followed suit. "Okay. Now you ready."

The instructor had paused, obviously curious to watch the young uncle in action. Noah squatted down and lifted Lizzie up about a foot and the little girl squealed as she grabbed the bar.

"Hold on tight!" Noah grunted, still trying to hold her up before the both collapsed on the mat, cackling loudly. "Oops! You okay, Lizzie?"

"Yep!" She replied, still giggling as she hopped up and clapped. "Again, again, Unc!"

Olivia and Charlie kept watching as Noah tried to lift Lizzie again, this time with the help of an instructor. Obviously, the two year old was not going to be able to hang onto the bar for long, but she was trying so hard no one could deny her the attempts. Charlie's smile just grew as she watched the entire scene play out and eventually Olivia began to focus on more on her than the kids.

"You still seem far away, sweet girl?"

Charlie shrugged.

"Just thinking."

"Excited to go away for a few days?" Olivia tried not to pry, but Charlie didn't seem all that excited about the several day getaway Trevor had planned for their family of three. Or at least, she didn't appear that way to Olivia, but for the first time in a long time, she was having trouble reading her daughter and it frustrated her.

"I am," she said, finally turning to look back at Olivia and she smiled. "It will be nice to just…breathe I think."

"You've had a rough few weeks," Olivia said in a whisper as she reached out and began to twist strands of Charlie's hair, just like she always did.

"Yeah."

"Charlie…"

"Are you and dad okay with us going away?" She asked, already knowing the answer but feeling guilty leaving her parents behind while Olivia was still sick. "Though, maybe you want to get rid of us for a bit."

"Never," Olivia said firmly, cupping her cheek briefly to make eye contact. "I…when all of us aren't together, or at least nearby, I feel…less whole. I need you. I need my family. But, I also need you to take this break…and like you said…just breathe."

"I hope I can."

"Try," Olivia pushed in a rare instance. "For me?"

Charlie smiled and leaned over to gently hug Olivia, noting the time and realizing the kids were almost done. "Promise."

* * *

Ed had just finished securing the deck furniture after he had taken the covers off to clean everything from the recent snow storms. He carefully checked each chair, making sure nothing was out of place or rusted, ensuring that there were no surprise collapses when his family began to use the deck again.

It was still early in the season, he thought to himself, but after spending some time in the workshop out back, he needed to do something more hands on, more distracting from the fact he was at the house by himself. It was a feeling he was no longer used to, and he didn't particularly like it. He started by giving all the backyard play equipment a good pressure-washing, ridding it of the dirt and grime from the outdoors and then ended on the deck, inspecting his grill along with the furniture. Ed smiled to himself as he thought back to the summer, before their most recent nightmare had begun, and how many evenings Olivia would join him on the swing, once Noah was settled in front of his nightly shows, and watch the sunset over the trees in the neighborhood.

Ed had been alone most of his adult life. Even in his initial marriage to Lisa and in the early days of Charlie's life, he was a loner. Working all hours, visiting late night pubs to avoid his house. It was a feeling he had gotten used to over the years, much like Olivia and even Charlie to an extent. But now, after several years of being with Olivia, Noah being around, and having his daughter back, he found the silence uncomfortable. He longed for assurance that even when chaotic and rough, he had his family within his grasp. Ed felt that pull to reach out and touch Olivia, whether on the arm or lower back, in an effort to remind himself that she was his. He thought back to this morning as she began to stir awake in his arms, and how he would generally move to brush her hair out of her eyes, or tangle his fingers in her locks. Ed was trying so hard to not let on how much some of these side effects were bothering him, but it was getting difficult. The hair had been devastating, but as much as he was hurting, he knew his wife felt even worse. So he shoved it down. But as he traveled briefly down memory lane, his heart constricted as he realized how much he missed Olivia's hair. Those long, gorgeous brown locks had been a loss, but at least he still had her. He had his wife. She was alive and next to him, and for that Ed was eternally grateful. He had every intention of making sure it stayed that way for the next forty or more years.

Letting out a sigh, Ed looked out across their expansive backyard. The white fence was lined by tall hedges, giving them a deep sense of privacy. Several pieces of play equipment were strategically placed for the kids, and Ed even began to calculate when he could turn the fountain on in their pond without it freezing. He was ready for a sense of normalcy to return to their lives, even if it was just the serene sound of the water flowing through the yard.

Finally he turned to head back inside, realizing he was just letting himself stew. As he closed and locked the back door, Ed heard noise coming from the foyer. Checking his watch, he knew it wasn't time for the girls to be back with the kids. Instinctively Ed reached for his gun and rolled his eyes as he was reminded it wasn't there.

"Who's there?" He bellowed out, approaching the foyer slowly. He immediately relaxed and let out a chuckle when Trevor appeared, having tossed his shoes on the mat by the door. "Hey, Trevor. Wasn't expecting you this early."

Trevor slapped Ed on the back. "Not sleeping real well these days, being away from…everyone."

"I hear ya," Ed agreed, almost relieved to find he wasn't the only one. "Want a strong coffee? I'll put on a fresh pot."

"Sounds great," Trevor responded. "I grabbed some bagels if you're hungry?"

"You're speaking my language, man," Ed got to work on the coffee while Trevor pulled a couple of bagels out and threw them in the toaster. "You guys ready for the trip?"

Trevor nodded, then shrugged. "I suppose so," he said, leaning against the counter and rubbing his chin as he drifted into thought. "Charlie seems excited, or she's at least pretending to be for my sake."

"It will be good for her. For all of you. To just…get away from this for a bit."

"I think so, too," Trevor admitted, before the men camped out on the island and grew silent, save the sound of bagels being devoured.

* * *

Olivia wandered out of the bathroom in fresh pajamas and smiled. Ed was tucking a fresh pair of sheets back on the bed and he had placed a cold bottle of water on her nightstand. Night sweats were one of her least favorite things to deal with, given the unpredictable and very interruptive nature. She would finally drift into a deep sleep when all of a sudden she'd wake up, dripping in sweat and unable to focus her eyes. Each time, Ed diligently got up and went to run a cool shower, helping her in, and then going to change the sheets and have a drink waiting for her. If she had been feeling particularly weak, often he would rush through that process and head back into the bathroom and perch on the side of the tub, keeping a watchful eye as she showered. But on this night, Olivia still had a little strength, so Ed had taken his time.

He smiled as she wandered over to his side of the bed and leaned against him as he dropped the pillows back in place.

"Thank you," she whispered. Ed pulled her tightly into his chest, kissing her head and noticing a little bit of fuzz beginning to surface on her scalp.

"Of course," he said. "You feel much cooler."

"The shower always works."

"Good," he whispered, moving to kiss behind her ear and then twice on her neck. "Come on, let's get back in bed."

Olivia moaned.

"You don't want to lay down?" Ed asked, pulling back a little and peering down at her face. It was in a grimace. "Liv?"

"Can we…I know it's late but…can we lay on the couch? Just for a little bit?"

Ed smiled and tried not to let out a relieved sigh that something wasn't wrong. "Absolutely baby," he said. "I'll grab pillows and your favorite blanket from the chaise."

Olivia looked up, her brown eyes sparkling like they had been the last few days. "It's a date."

Ed settled on the couch, laying back against a few pillows placed at the end and pulled Olivia into his side, wedging her between his body and the back of the couch. He pulled the warm, fuzzy blanket over them and rubbed at her arms, shoulders, and back, placing little kisses on her forehead.

"Better?" He asked, and she nodded, letting out a satisfied groan.

"Yes," she said. "I just…I didn't want to get back in that bed…"

"I know."

"I'm tired of being sick," she moaned, further nestling her head into Ed's chest. "And you're just…so great. You're a dream…"

"Nah," he said, his nose rubbing against her face as he tried to soak her in. "This is no dream baby. This is real. We are real. You are getting better. And in a few months, well, this will all be behind us."

"I hope so," she said softly, and Ed could hear the small twinge of doubt in her tone.

"I know so," he said confidently. "Tell me…where should we go once you get the all-clear?"

Olivia smiled, her eyes closed but not feeling that sleep would come anytime soon. Ed was trying to get her to talk and refocus her brain in an attempt to help her relax. She was happy to let him.

"Someplace warm," she said. "With all of us…"

"Sounds perfect."

"But…maybe Noah could stay with Charlie and Trevor a few nights…" Olivia said, a smirk growing on her face as she felt Ed's chest bounce as he chuckled.

"Consider it done."

"We have to make up for lost time…"

"Olivia," Ed sighed out, trying to pull her tighter but it wasn't quite possible. "We haven't lost any time. It's okay."

"But we have," she insisted, her hand clutching at his shirt. "We barely acknowledged Valentine's Day, I have little to no energy to make love, and half the time when it's just the two of us, I'm sick…"

"Shhh, shhhh," Ed said, resuming the soothing pattern of his hands rubbing her back as Olivia's body shook slightly in her attempt to fight off sobs. "I don't care what we do when we're together…as long as I'm with you."

"This is my favorite place," she mumbled, clearly her body giving into exhaustion suddenly. "In your arms…"

"Good," he said softly, trying to soothe her into another deep slumber and preparing to stay uncomfortably on the couch until dawn. "I want to be your favorite place to go, when you have good days…and bad days…"

"Love you," she mumbled.

Ed smiled. "Love you too, baby. Sleep."

* * *

Lizzie was softly but securely tucked into Olivia's chest as she padded into the foyer to check the status of the kids' departure. Trevor had their overnight bags stacked up and was loading the SUV with the other guys, while Charlie made sure she had everything in Lizzie's diaper bag.

"Got everything?" Olivia asked softly, swaying and rubbing her cheek against Lizzie's head. Charlie stopped and admired the sight.

"I think so," she said with a smile. "She loves her Ollie so much."

"The feeling is mutual," Olivia said, kissing her head. "Gotta soak up my cuddles before you leave."

"You sure you're okay? We can stay. Trevor won't mind."

"I'm fine, baby girl," Olivia said, returning Charlie's smile and trying to assure the worry she saw in her blue eyes. "It's only a few days, and you're just a quick ferry ride and drive away."

"Yeah," Charlie said, then smiled. "And I've always wanted to go to Cape Cod…though, maybe in the summer." She laughed a little at her joke, and Olivia knew that she meant nothing of it. Her daughter, though hesitant at the moment, had been talking about Cape Cod for a while, and clearly Trevor had taken note. He booked them a nice cottage, timed the off-season winter ferry schedule, and planned the whole thing out.

"You'll have a great time," Olivia assured her, moving to pull Charlie into her side and cuddle her two girls. She held onto them a little longer than usual, but no one minded. "Just be sure to send lots of updates and pictures. And videos!"

"Of course, Momma."

Trevor bounded back into the foyer and clapped his hands. "All set?"

"Ready!"

He took a sleepy Lizzie from Olivia's arms and moved out to the car, where Ed and Noah had been helping him pack. Taking advantage of a brief moment, Olivia reached out to grasp Charlie's arm.

"You'll call me…if you need anything?" Her brown eyes looked worried, but Charlie leaned forward to kiss Olivia's cheek and smiled with confidence.

"I promise. But we're all good. And we will be back on Wednesday. You won't even have time to miss us!"

"I always miss you."

A few more hugs and kisses took place in the driveway and then the SUV was out of sight, leaving Ed, Olivia, and Noah on the sidewalk.

"Can we get pizza for dinner?" Noah asked, looking up at both of his parents with hopeful eyes.

"Absolutely, bud," Ed said, wrapping an arm around his wife and bringing them back inside. As he closed the door, Olivia shivered a bit and wrapped her arms around her waist. "Ya okay, baby?"

"I'm fine," she said softly, kissing his cheek. "Just…feels weird with them gone. I like us best when we are all together."

"Me too."

* * *

 ** _Plenty more to come, but first leave a review!_**


	26. Chapter 26

**_Twenty-Six_**

"Ed?"

He heard Olivia's voice calling from their bathroom and assumed she was fresh out of her shower. Checking in on Noah who was enjoying his day off with a waffle in front of his latest Lego Star Wars DVD, Ed made his way into their bedroom and peeked in the bathroom door. Olivia was standing in a towel, revealing the significant weight loss in a way Ed hadn't really seen lately, but he shook it off. Her face looked concerned as she studied her shoulder.

"Whats wrong?" He asked, coming to stand next to her, meeting her eyes in the mirror.

"I have this bruise," she murmured, fingering the spot gingerly and showing Ed. "I have no idea where it came from…"

Ed moved the her other side and looked closely at the spot, his breath hitting her neck and sending shivers down her spine. "Sorry," he rasped, before leaning down to kiss at the bruise and standing back up, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his nose to hers. "Have you been taking the iron pills?"

"I'm trying," she said, before admitting that she wasn't remembering as regularly as she should.

"That's likely part of it," he said. "I'll try to help you remember."

"Maybe I need one of those old lady pill boxes," she chuckled, but not in a humorous way. Ed pulled her closer.

"Nah," he said. "You just need your husband to step it up."

Olivia reached up and ran her fingers along Ed's defined cheekbones, closely observing his features. "I don't know what husband you're talking about, because mine has stepped it up more than I can even explain."

"Yeah?" Ed asked, smirking and raising his eyebrows at her, signaling that he wouldn't mind her continuing as they shared a brief, semi-normal morning moment.

"Yeah," she whispered, standing on her toes and placing little kisses starting at his jaw, moving all along his face. "He's." Kiss. "Absolutely." Kiss. " _Perfect._ "

Ed let out a growl before covering her mouth with his, kissing her deeply and urgently. Olivia sighed into the kiss and melted into his chest, allowing him to devour her in that moment. Lightly gripping his ears, she held his head in place, demanding that the he continue until they needed air.

Parting with light smack, Ed took a deep breath before placing more chaste kisses on her lips and eventually opening his eyes. Her sparkle was still there.

"God I love you," he said, still kissing at her lips, then moving down her neck. "So much."

"Mmmmmmmm, Ed," she moaned softly, loving the feel of his lips on her body.

"I can't get enough of you," Ed rasped, sucking at the spot where her neck met her shoulder and allowing his hands to wander under her towel, lightly tickling at her hips and sides.

"I need you," she whispered, desperate for more of his touch and feeling like her body was burning with a fire that she hadn't felt in several months. "Please."

"I'm right here," he said, not taking his lips off of her shoulder and using his foot to shut the bathroom door out of habit, reaching out blindly to turn the lock. "I'm right here."

* * *

"Wow…" Charlie said breathlessly, her body slumped with her back against a wide windowsill that overlooked the large body of water. "I can't feel my legs."

Trevor snickered, his face still buried in her neck as his tongue flicked at her sweaty skin and his fingers tracing light circles on her lower back.

"Mmmm, Trev?" Charlie moaned.

"Hm?"

"That…feels good and all, but everything's still…a little sensitive."

"Sorry," he mumbled, stilling his hands and ceasing movement with his tongue. He moved to where his chin rested on her shoulder and his eyes slowly opened, focusing on the scenery out of the window. "And you thought we would get bored on a rainy day."

Charlie let out a laugh but made no attempt to move from the window and Trevor's arms. "Thank God baby girl still takes long naps…"

"I'm surprised you didn't wake up up."

Charlie playfully slapped his arm and leaned back a little, trying to catch a glimpse of Trevor's face. "Love you," she said quietly, kissing his lips before slowly peeling herself from his grasp.

"Love you too," he said, his eyes staying on her body as she stood up, wavered a little bit, laughed it off, then headed back towards the bedroom.

"Gonna shower," she said with a wink, "maybe check on Lizzie and join me?"

Trevor's smile grew and his blue eyes lit up. "On it."

She watched as he disappeared into Lizzie's room, across the hall from the expansive master suite that the cabin had. Humming to herself, she went and haphazardly reached for a suitcase and opened it, planning to root around for an outfit. Her hands landed on a large pair of tennis shoes, signaling that she had grabbed the wrong one. Laughing to herself, and thinking just how mind-boggling her romp had been just now, she was about to put it away when a little box fell out.

Charlie froze. It looked like a ring box. Hesitantly, she stored the suitcase again and reached down to pick up the dark brown, wooden jewelry box. Turning is around in her hands, she debated whether or not to open it. A pit formed in her stomach, knowing what it was but also not expecting it. Ultimately deciding to not open it, and wait for Trevor to get ready to talk to her about it, she was getting ready to shove it back into Trevor's shoe when he walked in.

The couple stared at each other for a while, Trevor's eyes wide as he realized what Charlie had discovered, and hers curious, and also a little scared.

"I, er, how'd you find that?" He finally asked, unable to think of anything else to say at the moment.

"Um," she was suddenly nervous that he would be upset, so she scrambled to come clean. "I wasn't snooping. I just grabbed your suitcase by mistake, and…you scrambled my brain earlier. Twice," she added with a little smirk, causing his cheeks to flush. "So I didn't realize until I grabbed your shoe…and this fell out. I didn't open it."

"Hey," Trevor rushed to reassure her, cupping her cheeks in his large hands. "It's okay. I'm not upset. Just…stunned." He paused to collect his thoughts. "I…well…I didn't mean for you to find it. In this way. Right now."

"Is it…" her voice trailed off, unable to finish her question, but Trevor knew what she meant. Taking a deep breath, he reached out to take the box, opening it and showing it to her. Charlie let out a gasp, her eyes widening at the ring.

"Yeah," he said. "I was out with Lizzie a while back, and this was in the window. It was, still is, perfect. And, I know you aren't ready. But I had to get it."

Charlie was silent, but she no longer looked afraid so Trevor decided to keep going and really let her in on how he was feeling.

"You're it for me, Charlotte," he said, reaching out and stroking her face. "And I'll wait forever if I have to, but I really _really_ hope that one day, you'll let me put this on your finger."

"I…" Charlie stumbled over her words, knowing she needed to say something but terrified of it being the wrong thing. She went with honesty. "I don't know what to say?"

"You don't have to say anything right now," he assured her, closing the box and placing it on the dresser behind him. "I…I'm sorry you found it."

"I'm not," she whispered. Trevor's eyes widened. "I may not be ready right now. But…I can't imagine my life without you. And…I'm trying, Trev. I promise you I'm trying."

"Hey," he said, pulling her closer to him and placing his forehead against hers, making sure they were still eye to eye. "I know you are. I'm trying too. It's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Charlie let out a little whimper and a tear escaped down her cheek. Trevor quickly kissed the little droplet away and pulled her tightly into his chest, swaying back and forth.

"Maybe," he began, his voice hesitant but also confident. "Maybe before we leave, we can…try to talk more? I want you to talk to me, Charlie. I want to be here for you, in every way I can. But you've gotta let me in, baby."

"Okay," she said quietly, much to Trevor's surprise.

"Okay?" He repeated, making sure he heard her correctly.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Okay. But…shower first?"

He grinned. "Absolutely."

Charlie began to make her way into the bathroom, but stopped and turned around, winking at Trevor who was watching her every move and having picked the ring box back up to put it away.

"Hang onto that ring."

* * *

"Okay No," Ed said, looking over his shoulder and pointing to the card for him to play. "Play that one."

Noah triumphantly laid the card down. "Uno!" He exclaimed, his eyes twinkling at his mother and his smirk, seemingly identical to Ed's, growing.

"Uno, huh," she said, twisting her lips and deciding her next move. She played a wild card in hopes of picking the color he didn't have. Ed and Noah watched her carefully, the tension mounting at the table, before she declared her choice. "Yellow."

"YES!" Noah yelled, tossing the card and pumping his fists into the air. "We win, Daddy!"

Ed gave him a high five and kissed the top of his head, before looking at his wife who wore a mock frown as she sat back in her chair dramatically.

"I need Charlie back to even out this fight," she grumbled playfully. Noah just smiled even more.

"But me and Daddy ALWAYS win," he exclaimed, causing the adults to laugh.

"You really do," Olivia said, shaking her head and winking at Ed. "Another round?"

Ed got busy cleaning up the cards and placing them in the battery operated shuffler when the doorbell rang. Puzzled, Olivia eyed him and noticed he didn't even flinch.

"Are you expecting someone?" She asked, still confused and not wanting to just open the door if they hadn't invited anyone over. Ed just shrugged before meeting her eyes. Her smile grew. He had invited someone, and apparently he wasn't telling her. Standing up, she ruffled Noah's hair and moved to the door, wrapping her purple cardigan further around her body. She inspected herself in the mirror, not worried about answering without a scarf on her head, and slung the door open, jaw dropping at the sight.

"Nick!" She exclaimed, immediately pulling him inside and wrapping him in a hug. "Wow. What a surprise! I…when did you get into town?"

"Last night," he said, holding onto her a little longer before letting her go and pulling Rollins, Jesse, and Zara in behind him.

"Zara! You've grown so much!"

"Hi Olivia," she said sweetly, handing her a bouquet of flowers and hugging her waist. "These are for you."

"Dey FLOWERS!" Jesse explained, shadowing every move of the older girl. Amanda and Nick laughed.

"Come on in," Olivia said. "Noah! Come meet our guests!"

Noah came galloping in, crashing into Olivia's side as he was initially shy in the presence of Nick and Zara. Jesse, however, was not.

"Hi, Unc!"

"Why do you call him Unc?" Zara asked in confusion. The adults went through introductions and just as the kids were getting comfortable, Ed came wandering in to join the group.

"Hey Amaro," he said, reaching out to shake his hand. "Glad to have you out here."

Pleasantries out of the way, Ed took everyone's coats and stored them in Noah's room before coming back out to join the crowd in the living room, taking his seat right next to Olivia and placing an arm around her shoulders. The kids had already gone into the corner where Noah's car village was set up, leaving the four adults to catch up.

"When's your next treatment?" Nick finally asked, breaking the ice on one of the real reasons he had flown across the country with his daughter.

"Next week," she said, her voice not revealing any sense of nervousness or apprehension. "Only two more left."

"Going okay?" He asked, before shaking his head and smiling sheepishly. "Well, maybe that wasn't the best wording."

Ed's hand gripped Olivia's shoulder a little tighter, but she just smiled and comfortably answered.

"Its…going," she said honestly. "I have good days and bad days. Some really bad days. But, overall I think I'm pretty lucky so far."

The room was silent for a bit, Nick taking a real good look at his longtime friend and former partner. Her face was slimmer and her usually rosy and olive toned skin was more pale with a hint of yellow the allowed her freckles to show more prominently. There were dark circles under her eyes, more defined by the patchiness of her eyebrows and lashes. But he saw the light still in her deep brown orbs, and Nick found it reassuring. She was still the Olivia Benson he remembered.

"Cancer is gonna be real sorry it decided to mess with you," he joked, and the room shared a little laugh.

"Damn right," Ed murmured, kissing her head and keeping his lips there. Olivia squirmed at first, unsure if it would make Nick uncomfortable given his history with Ed, but he just smiled and leaned back in his chair, perfectly at ease with the situation. "It's still relatively warm out. Was thinking I'd throw some burgers and brats on the grill here in a bit."

Olivia looked up at him with a smirk. She saw right through him, trying to get more meat into her diet.

"Sounds great," Nick said. "We picked up some salads at the deli on the way in."

"And I got some seltzer," Rollins chimed in, knowing that often that was what Olivia was wanting with meals.

"Sounds good to me," Olivia responded, suddenly hungry and ready to share a meal with her friends and family.

* * *

While Nick and Ed hung out by the grill, sipping on beers and trading old cop stories, Olivia and Amanda worked on putting a salad together at the kitchen island. Noticing her friend seemed tired, Amanda offered to hang out inside with her under the guise of "prepping" even though most of what they brought was ready. They transferred potato salad, macaroni salad, and a Caesar salad into serving bowls and matched utensils, before Olivia sat back and let out a yawn.

"How ya really doing?" Rollins asked, wiping her hands and taking a sip of her soda, eyes focused on Olivia.

Olivia sighed and rubbed her forehead, internally debating how to answer. Her instinct said to brush off Amanda's question and assure her that she was fine, but for some reason she hesitated. Perhaps it was because of her growing worry about Charlie doing the same thing. So, in an effort to put that karma into the universe in hopes she was rewarded, she answered honestly.

"I've had a little more energy recently," she said, "but still not a lot. My iron is low, which is why Ed is pushing the whole hamburger thing."

"They got you on supplements?" Rollins eyes widened a little bit in surprise at Olivia's straight forward answer, but she recovered quickly, honored to be given a chance at being her confidant again.

"They do," she responded, popping a piece of yellow pepper into her mouth. "But, I'm not great at remembering to take them. Doing better, though. Pretty sure that's why I have this burst of energy, because I've taken them more consistently over the weekend."

"Energy is good," Amanda said. "You look pretty good."

"Well, anything was better than the last few times you saw me," Olivia said, raising an eyebrow and watching as Amanda gave her a sympathetic look.

"You understandably had a pretty shit go," she responded, not missing a beat, and patting Olivia's arm. "You know I'm always here, right?"

"I do," Olivia said, giving her friend a light, semi-awkward side hug. "You've proved it a lot recently. Especially with Charlie."

The women sat silently, sipping their drinks and picking at the salads, before Amanda spoke again.

"How is Charlie?"

Olivia hesitated, causing Amanda to scrunch her face up in worry.

"Liv?"

"She's…" Olivia paused, picking at the napkin a little bit, before shaking her head and looking at the ceiling, trying to hide the sudden and unexpected onslaught of emotion. "I don't know," she finally said, her head falling a little as she shrugged her shoulders. "She just won't talk to me."

"Oh, Liv," Amanda sighed, shaking her own head. "I think she's worried about you. And she doesn't want to put anything else on you, until you're better."

"But that's the thing," Olivia argued, her voice suddenly hoarse and full of emotion. "I'm her mother. I don't want her to hide. It's…killing me…to think that she may be struggling _so much_ , and I can't reach her."

There was a pause, until Olivia sipped her drink and exhaled. "But then again, maybe she's actually doing okay? I've…I feel like I've lost my instincts with her."

"There's a lot happening right now," Rollins assured her. "It's…understandable. This kinda struggle. And, Charlie has me. And Trevor."

"She's talked to you?"

Now it was Amanda's turn to pick at her napkin. She'd spent the last few weeks debating on whether to tell Olivia about Charlie's emotional outburst with her when they returned from Manhattan.

"Amanda?"

Finally deciding that her fear of Olivia's wrath was greater than her fear of Charlie being upset about being ratted out, she went for it, prepared for the backlash.

"When y'all got home from the city? I talked to her for a bit. And she said something…that really stuck with me. Still kinda bothers me."

Olivia's stomach dropped. "What was it?"

"She said, basically, that it didn't matter what she did, or how hard she tried, she was still a perfect victim."

Olivia's body froze, but she couldn't control the tiny whimper that escaped as she took in the information. "Oh, sweet girl…"

"She still seeing her therapist?"

"I think so," Olivia responded, her head beginning to spin. Not only had that line gutted her, but now she wasn't even sure how often Charlie was seeing her therapist. "I…I feel like I don't know anything right now."

"It's okay, Liv," Amanda reassured her, rubbing her back a bit. "That's why you have us. Let us help you. Charlie's strong as hell. She'll be okay."

"She is," Olivia said, nodding and swallowing hard to keep her emotions in check. "And she will be. But…she needs _me._ "

* * *

 ** _...review?_**


	27. Chapter 27

**_Twenty-Seven_**

It was just after nine at night. Ed and Olivia were curled up together on the oversized chair in the living room, an old black and white movie playing in the background. Noah had gone to bed about half an hour ago, anticipating the return to school the next day. Olivia had tucked him in, since she often was not awake at bedtime these days, and returned to find the dimmed lights and a juice on the table next to where Ed was waiting for her. The couple was content to just stare at the screen, not paying attention, and be with each other. Occasionally Ed would lean down to kiss her head, but that was really it.

"You think it will keep trying to grow back?" Olivia asked out of the blue, referring to the patches of fuzz that kept appearing, then disappearing.

"Probably," Ed admitted, "but I wouldn't expect it to stay, or grow much more, until we finish treatment."

Olivia sighed. "Just in time for summer."

Ed couldn't help but let out a laugh. He loved her sense of humor, even in the darkest of times.

"No really," she insisted, now smiling. "Hair is hot. This couldn't have happened when it's not 30 degrees?"

"Life is not fair."

"Sure isn't," she mused, the conversation taking an abrupt turn. Before Ed could come up with a way to turn it back around, Noah came padding out of his room. His hair was sticking up all over and he rubbed his little eyes, one hand dragging his blanket behind him. Olivia sat up, opening her arms and allowing him to run right into them. "What's wrong sweet boy?"

"My tummy hurts," he said softly, immediately tucking his head into Olivia's chest and curling his body completely into his mother.

"Okay, Noah," she whispered, settling back in the chair with Ed and holding her son close to her, running her hands thought his curls and down his back. "Do you think you may throw up?"

He shook his head.

"Need to go to the bathroom?" Ed asked, feeling his forehead and letting out a sigh that the boy was cool. The last thing they needed was another sickness go through the house.

"No," he said. "I just want my Mommy."

Olivia's heart constricted and she kissed his forehead firmly.

"Mommy's right here," she said, leaning against Ed and preparing to let Noah stay curled up with her for as long as he wanted. "You just relax, baby boy. I'm right here."

"Kay," he said, letting out a little yawn as he finally began to relax. "Love you, Mommy. You're my best friend."

She choked back a sob, burying her face in his hair and breathing in his scent.

"You're mine too, Noah. I love you so much, sweet boy. So so much."

Ed rubbed Olivia's shoulder as he watched the little boy begin to doze off against his mother. She rocked him slightly, keeping her face against his head and occasionally whispering to him until Ed eventually moved to take him from her. Olivia refused.

"No," she said, rubbing his little arms and tightening her grip, even though she knew Ed would never take him without her okay. "He's usually never like this. Just leave him for now."

"He misses his Momma."

Olivia went to argue that she was right there, but stopped just as she opened her mouth and her face fell. "Right…"

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean-"

"No, Ed, you're right. I'm not right here…for either of them."

"Stop it," he growled, though his voice still in a whisper. "You are. You are fighting tooth and nail to continue to stay right here with them. That is what they need. Don't do this to yourself."

"I know," she snapped, "I know that it's not my fault. Deep down, I get it. But I feel like I'm watching them both struggle and there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"Sure there is," he shrugged. "You're doing it right now." Ed nodded towards where Noah was now peacefully sleeping against Olivia's body and smiled. "You gave him exactly what he needed. And you always will. You're an incredible mother, Olivia."

She gave Ed a teary smile before leaning further into him. Ed pulled a blanket up over their legs and Noah's body and switched the lamp off.

"Rest," he said softly, likely speaking to both of them. "Just rest."

* * *

Charlie fixed up two oversized mugs with the mulled wine she prepared, threw some cheese and crackers on a plate, and wandered out into the all season sunroom. The rain had cleared out, making way for a perfectly clear night and the moon reflected off of the water at the perfect angle. She got everything set up on the coffee table and reached for a flannel blanket, wrapping up in the corner and waiting for Trevor to finish putting Lizzie down for the night. Watching the waves, she noticed the pattern of reflection coming off of the moon, how it would highlight different heights of the water and often twinkle with the ripples. She fixated on one spot, allowing her mind to drift off as she sipped her beverage, hoping for a little liquid courage for the evening. Trevor, as usual, had not pushed her to talk to him any more than she already had, but she hadn't forgotten. Charlie was determined to try and open up more to him, and being this was their last night away, she decided she would go all in.

"Hey," he said, his voice soft by deep, as he trudged into the sunroom and plopped onto the middle of the sofa, tangling his feet with hers under the blanket. "Same recipe?" He asked, taking a sip of the warm alcohol and letting out a prolonged and relieved sigh.

"Yeah," Charlie whispered, one more large sip slipping down her throat before she put her mug down and cuddled into his side. "I like this one. When we can find the right spices."

"Never knew Star Anise was a thing," he mumbled, letting out a chuckle as he remembered his frustration at the market earlier trying to get everything on Charlie's list. "Smells like licorice."

"It does, kinda," she admitted, her foot beginning to trail up and down his ankle and calf. "Thank you for finding it."

Trevor let out a soft groan and turned, placing his mug next to hers before moving to devour her mouth. They stay lip locked for a few minutes, just enjoying being close to each other and the slight taste of wine the other had. Eventually Trevor pulled back and ran his index finger across Charlie's forehead and down her nose, before tracing her lips. "Talk to me?"

Charlie took a deep breath and smiled softly at Trevor, or was still staring at her intently, his eyes soft, yet still intent. "Where…uh, where do you want me to start?"

"Wherever you want," Trevor said, taking her hands and holding them tight. "Just let me in."

Hours later and well beyond midnight, Trevor was still sitting on the couch in the sunroom, though he was now in the corner. His feet were propped on a coffee table that was littered with empty mugs, cracker crumbs, and Kleenex. Little dribbles from the mulled wine were stuck to the surface, but Trevor paid no attention. He'd clean it later. What mattered was his girlfriend, who was now fitfully asleep, head on his lap, and hand gripping his arm tightly to her chest.

Charlie had walked him through a lot last night, some of which he already knew, but a lot of which he surprisingly didn't, or just had never heard spoken. She talked about growing up in Florida and how her mother was never around, how she treated her and how she turned her against Ed. She moved onto college, and how she was so excited for a chance to start over only to be decimated by everything that happened and continued to happen once she arrived on campus. Most details of her ordeal with Josh and company Trevor already knew, but Charlie dove in head first and actually revealed a few horrifying details that she had never talked about before. Eventually she even came clean to him about the current aftermath from Jake, and how she had trouble shaking the feeling of his breath on her neck and his hands on her body.

"I know I don't need to rely on alcohol," she said, "and often times it just makes everything worse. But…if I get to that perfect place, ya know the one before drunk but after tipsy?"

Trevor chuckled and nodded, knowing exactly what she meant.

"That's one of two places that everything feels okay, at least for a brief second."

It took everything in Trevor not to break down. But he stayed strong, for then she moved onto the part that finally caused her to lose her composure.

"I've always been alone, ya know?" She had said, her voice soft and beginning to waver. "And it sucked, but its just how it was. No friend could deal with the trauma: they'd either bail once I even began to talk about it, or they'd bail after a few weeks when I hadn't divulged everything. I was never worth the work for people. I get it."

"Oh, Charlotte," Trevor exclaimed, his heart slowly beginning to break apart.

"But now? I…I'm not alone. There are people who have actually stuck by me. They don't get tired of me. They don't bail. They don't whisper behind my back, unless it's just me being stubborn. You…and my parents. Amanda. You're just there. And now…"

As a tear made its way down her cheek, Trevor had felt her body shudder as she finally admitted what he knew was causing her the most anxiety right now.

"I won't be able to handle it…if I lose my Momma," she said, her voice breaking at the end as she allowed her body to briefly give into her bubbling sobs. Trevor had held her tightly, giving her the usual reassuring lines of "she has a good prognosis" and "no reason to think that way," but eventually he quieted and just held her until she sat back up, her blood-shot eyes looking up at him.

"Sometimes I feel like everything I touch becomes cursed. I can't have anything good. And…this is just the latest. I know it is stupid, _I'm_ so stupid, but it makes me terrified for Lizzie. What am I bringing into her life? Am I failing her? How do I make all of this shit just stop and leave us alone?"

Her words had gutted Trevor, and still did, as his memory continued to replay the last few hours. It was overwhelming, at best.

"Ninety percent of the time, I hate myself. And I don't know how to fix that. Momma…and now you…help. But, if I thought I wasn't fixable before? It just keeps piling on."

Trevor held her, comforted her, but aside from assurances and "I love yous", he remained silent. It hadn't been the time for him to talk or convince her of anything other than that he was right there. As he gently brushed her hair out of her face and tucked the covers under her chin, he silently vowed to figure this out. He knew he couldn't fix everything, but he was determined to try.

* * *

"Did Amaro say how much longer he was in town?" Ed asked the next morning, fixing up two coffees while Olivia cleared Noah's breakfast.

"A couple more days," Olivia said. "I think their flight is Saturday. Zara has grown up so much."

"Beautiful girl," Ed noted, coming over to rub Olivia's back and hand her the drink.

"Thank you," she said, looking up while she sipped her coffee. "That was such a great surprise. Really…lifted my spirits."

"Good," he said with a smile. "Feel up to walking Noah to school with me? Or do you want to rest?"

She paused. Their sleep had been disturbed, at best, the night before between a clingy Noah and Olivia's night sweats. Olivia had finally fallen asleep hard around four in the morning and hadn't stirred until a little before eight, unusual for her even during her sickest moments. So Ed knew she wasn't feeling herself at all, but he was also hesitant to leave her for some reason. An odd sense of separation anxiety was plaguing the entire family, really, perhaps residual effects from her most recent treatment and the flu debacle.

"Yeah," she said softly, "I think so. Fresh air would be nice. It's still not that cold out."

"Want your beanie or your scarf?"

"Beanie."

"Okay," he said, kissing her head and placing his still half-full mug down. "I'll grab it so we are ready when Noah is done brushing his teeth."

Olivia stayed at the island, sitting down on a stool and losing herself in her thoughts again as she waited for the men in her life to get ready to go. Turns out, she didn't have to wait long. Noah came scurrying into the kitchen, shoes and backpack on, crashing into her legs and resting his hands on her lap as he looked up at his mother.

"Hi Mommy. I ready!"

"Lemme check those teeth," Olivia said, holding his chin between her thumb and index finger and inspecting his pearly whites as he grin widely at her. "Great job, No."

"I know," he shrugged. "Dr. Carlson say I gotta brush, brush, brush!"

Olivia smiled. She loved these mundane moments with her son. "He sure did."

Ed came out, tossing her a blue beanie and a coat. "Okay, Tuckers, we ready?"

"Mommy, you comin'?" Noah asked, his eyes widening in surprise. Olivia had rarely been handling pick up or drop off for multiple reasons, so that made Noah's morning extra special.

"I am," she exclaimed, standing up and taking his hand. "I hope I didn't forget the way…"

"That's okay," Noah responded, marching out the door and dragging Olivia down the driveway while Ed trailed behind, a smile gracing his face. "I show you. Don't worry."

The trio walked the ten minutes and several blocks to Noah's school, both parents hugging and kissing the little boy before he scampered across the lawn and into the front door. Ed was getting ready to leave, but noticed Olivia lingering, her arms across her chest as she watched the front doors of the school.

"Hey," he whispered, sauntering up beside her and kissing her cheek. "Ya okay?"

Olivia nodded, but didn't respond at first. She just kept staring so Ed let her, silently supporting her by placing a hand on her lower back. The couple stayed that way for a bit, before a voice startled them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Tucker!" They turned, and Ed relaxed a bit, seeing the principal's smiling face. "Great to see you. Olivia, how are you?"

"Today's a good day," she responded sweetly, a small smile on her face. But she remained guarded with her hands across her chest, and Ed sensed that there was something stirring inside of her. "Warm out. I've missed drop offs."

"We've missed seeing you around the school," the principal responded, reaching out to pat her shoulder. "You look great, though. Things are going okay?"

Olivia nodded. "As far as we know. Two more to go."

"Well, keep us posted," the principal responded cheerfully, before readjusting her shoulder bag. "I better get in there, I'm not usually this late! Please, don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything."

"Thank you," Ed responded. "We appreciate how great you all have been with Noah so far."

"Of course!"

Ed watched the principal scurry off, before wrapping an arm back around Olivia and leading her away from the school.

"You okay?" He asked out of the side of his mouth, still looking forward. He correctly sensed that she didn't want to attract any attention.

"Tired," she admitted. "I need to lay down."

"Gonna make it back to the house? Or do you wanna sit here, and I'll go get the car?"

"Nah, I'll be fine," she said softly. "Just don't let go."

* * *

Ed came in from his mid-afternoon gym visit and the house was quiet. He toed off his tennis shoes and headed to the kitchen, fixing a cold glass of water and downing it before heading quietly into the bedroom, correctly assuming that his wife was still asleep. Giving her quick glance, he swiftly hopped in the shower to wash off after his long, hard workout. It was the one thing he was keeping up because otherwise his stress levels were getting too high. So at least three times a week, he made it either to their local Y's gym or the gym in Trevor's apartment building. Usually he took his time beating up on a punching bag, bench pressing some weights, and then using the treadmill for the last half hour. But today he skipped the treadmill, for some reason feeling a pull to get home.

Showered and a white towel around his waist, Ed came out of the bathroom, his hand slinging water droplets from his buzzed hair cut.

"Hi," Olivia said, her voice deep and gravely from her sleep. Ed smirked at her.

"Hey there," he said, coming over and kissing her head, frowning when he realized she was a little warm. "You okay?"

"I think so," she said, but closed her eyes again. "So tired."

"Okay," he said, a little concerned but the concern had yet to hit the worried stage. "How about I get dressed and lay with you for a bit before I have to go get Noah?"

Olivia smiled and nodded. Ed quickly threw on some sweats, leaving his shirt off as he knew she loved skin to skin contact, and towel dried his hair. Placing his phone on the nightstand, he crawled into bed and felt a surge of pride as Olivia immediately moved into his arms and relaxed.

"I'm ready for Charlie to be back," she murmured.

Ed had to strain to hear her words, but he did. "After dinner," he reassured her. "Try to rest, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, succumbing to her complete exhaustion.

* * *

 _ **Is something brewing? Leave a review!**_


	28. Chapter 28

**_Twenty-Eight_**

Trevor rubbed his face as he quietly tip-toed out of the bedroom, leaving the door open just a crack. He made his way into the darkened kitchen and assuming no one else was awake, grabbed a rocks glass and the bourbon from the top of the liquor shelf. Two ice-cubes splattered into the bottom of the glass before he poured a generous helping of the brown liquid, taking a large sip and exhaling, still facing the refrigerator. Trevor was lost in thought, grateful Charlie was asleep but still concerned about the amount that she was trying to carry. It wasn't until he heard a throat clear behind him that he realized he wasn't alone.

"Can't sleep either?"

Startled, Trevor turned around and saw Olivia's form in the soft light, bobbing a tea bag up and down in her large light blue mug. Her face was creased with worry, but she managed to give him a soft smile.

"Nah," Trevor admitted, running a hand through his hair and taking another smaller sip of his drink. He came over the the island and sat across from Olivia, resting his elbows on the light colored granite. "Just…a lot on my mind."

"Tell me," Olivia implored, desperate to reach at least one person in her family. She wrapped her hands around her warm mug and leaned down a bit, trying to catch Trevor's downcast eyes. "Did something happen in Cape Cod?"

"No," he said honestly, "it was a really nice time. And I think Charlie really…opened up. Let some guards down with me."

Olivia forced a smile, which surprised Trevor. He had assumed she would be relieved to hear that.

"You okay, Olivia?" He asked, cocking his head to the side a little bit and leaning forward, almost matching her position. "I thought you'd be glad?"

"I am," she said, nodding and looking down, her fingers tracing the pattern on her mug. "I just…" she trailed off, shrugging her shoulders as she took a sip, hoping to avoid having to say anything further. Luckily, Trevor read her mind.

"You wish it was you she was talking to?"

"Yes," she sighed out and the relief that Trevor understood was evident in her tone. "She's…she's my girl, ya know? And I'm so used to just being able to read her, and know what's going through her head."

"I know…"

"And I don't know if it's this…disease, or her walls, or both, but I just can't stand it." Olivia's words were strong as she shook her head and opened up to Trevor just a tiny bit. Trevor let her statement sit for a bit, wondering if there was more to it, but after a few minutes, he decided to respond.

"I'm just so relieved she finally talked, really talked, to me," he said honestly. "I want to help her. And I know that she's your little girl, and I never, ever want to get in the way of that. I just…I think she's trying not to put anything on you right now."

"I hate this disease," Olivia ground out, almost venomously, as she moved to swipe as a rogue tear making its way down her cheek. "I fucking hate it."

"I do too."

Olivia took a few minutes to pull herself together, finishing her tea and then giving Trevor another curious look.

"Is that why you can't sleep?"

"Is what why?"

"Charlie opening up…whatever she told you. It's keeping you awake?"

Trevor hesitated. Olivia was wicked smart, and he knew that this was her way of trying to figure out just how deep Charlie's pain was at the moment. But he was trapped, and she knew it because he watched her try to hide a smirk.

" _Olivia_ …"

"I'm. Her. Mother."

"Let me carry this. Let me help her. Just until you're better. Please?"

Olivia just shook her head, still frustrated but apparently too tired to argue. She patted Trevor's hand and stood from the island, putting her mug in the sink. "She's asleep?"

"Out cold."

"Gonna stay up a while longer?"

"Yeah," he said, rubbing his face a little more. "Clear my head."

"Goodnight, Trevor."

Olivia walked through the living room, but took a detour. Instead of heading into her bedroom, where a dozing Ed Tucker was waiting for her return, she tiptoed down the opposite hallway and snuck a peak at Lizzie. The toddler was asleep in her bed, complete with rails up, flat on her back with her limbs flung all directions. Olivia smiled, tucked her blanket back up around her and kissed her forehead before closing the door and taking a deep breath.

She crept in, closing the door behind her, knowing that if Trevor came back he would know that she came in since he had left the door open a crack, and she stood there for a few minutes watching Charlie sleep. The young woman was on her side, curled in a ball, facing away from the door. Olivia kept her eyes on Charlie's form, watching as her body rise and fell with each breath she took. Swiping at another rogue tear, Olivia let out a sigh and carefully crawled into bed behind her daughter. She gently moved her hair away from her face, twisting the light brown strands in her fingers, before laying down behind her and spooning her tightly. She rested her head so they were cheek to cheek and closed her eyes, feeling her body relax knowing that at least in that moment, Charlie was at peace.

"I love you baby girl," she whispered, trying hard not to let more tears escape. "And I'm…so sorry about all of this." Olivia paused, trying to collect herself before continuing. "I'm here. I promise you, I'm right here. And I'll be right here through it all. Please…don't shut me out. Please."

Olivia stayed right where she was, her cheek on Charlie's as the younger woman slept. And that's exactly where Trevor found them an hour later, except by then they were both sound asleep.

* * *

Several days later, Noah was sitting at the dining room table munching on his cereal and legs kicking the chair as he bobbed his head back and forth to whatever song he was humming. Charlie was moving to pack his lunch and check his backpack before Ed walked him to school, the way he always did before he and Olivia departed for the city for treatment.

As relieved as Ed was to be back to their "routine" of him accompanying his wife, he could tell the separation anxiety was making a large ripple in his family. Not surprisingly, Charlie was choosing not to make another trip into the city during Olivia's treatment. She hadn't said anything, but Ed assumed it was out of fear of running into Jake, so he just hugged her tightly and said okay, and that Noah would understand. He did, but it was making the departure just a bit more difficult, and Charlie knew that, so she took extra care with his lunch.

"Hey No," she said, a smile on her face, "how about an extra treat for lunch?"

His face lit up and he bounced in his seat. "Like what? Ice cream?"

"Now how am I gonna get ice cream not to melt in your lunchbox."

Noah burst into giggles at the thought. "Oh, right Charlie. Hmmmmmm." He scratched his head and threw out some other suggestions. "More cookies? A cupcake? TWO CUPCAKES?"

Charlie was laughing at this point, and tossed another cookie and a chocolate bar into his lunch box, zipped it up, and went to sit next to him at the table.

"Good?" She asked, reaching out and giving him a high-five.

"That good," he confirmed, a cute little grin forming on his face. "Don't tell Daddy."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"Noah!" Ed called, hustling into the kitchen and filling his to-go coffee cup. "Get those teeth brushed, we gotta go."

"Okay," he said, his voice falling and his shoulders slumping. "I give Mommy a hug, then I ready."

Ed watched his son scurry off and then his daughter as she cleaned his breakfast up and brought the dishes to the sink.

"You gonna be okay while we're gone?" He asked, moving next to her and gently nudging her shoulder.

"Of course," she said in a chipper tone. "We'll be fine."

"Cuz if not, we can figure something out."

"No, we won't," she said, leaning onto her father's strong frame and momentarily enjoying his comfort and security. "This is what we have to do. So we will be okay. And, if we aren't, I'll make us okay."

"Charlie…"

"I love you, Daddy," she said, cutting him off and smiling up at him. "You take care of Momma. She's the priority right now."

Ed shook his head in disagreement, kissing her forehead. "No, we are _all_ important."

"Right now, what I need the most? And what this family needs this most? Is for Olivia to beat this."

"She will," Ed ground out, hugging Charlie even tighter. "She will."

Meanwhile, Noah skipped into Ed and Olivia's room and headed straight for the bed where Olivia was awake, but resting. She was not at all excited about heading back into the city.

"Hi Mommy," Noah said cheerfully, crawling up into the bed and curling into her lap. "I come to say bye before school!"

"Sweet boy," she whispered, burying her face in his hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Mommy," Noah said, his little body going limp in her embrace and his voice getting softer. "You almost done?"

"Almost," she promised. "This one, and one more."

"Then it's all gone?"

"That's the hope!"

"Good," Noah said. "I don't like that cancer!"

"None of us do. But you've been so brave and strong, Noah. And I'm so proud of you."

"I'm proud of you too, Mommy!" He said, squeezing her neck tightly one more time before reluctantly hopping down from the bed and patting her leg. "We FaceTime tonight?"

"You betcha," Olivia said, winking and forcing a big smile for her little boy. "Have a good day at school, okay?"

"I will! Bye Mommy!"

"Bye sweet boy," she whispered, but Noah had already run out of the room, yelling to Ed that he was ready.

* * *

Ed took up his rightful place at Olivia side, his chair as close to her chemo recliner as possible as he played with her fingers and tried to make small talk. She had been quiet ever since they left for the city, and though he knew what was bothering her, Ed honestly was no longer sure how to fix it. So he just sat there, right next to her, tracing patterns on the hand that didn't have an IV stuck in it and made sure she knew she wasn't alone.

So far she hadn't gotten sick or complained of being dizzy, but they were only an hour into day one so Ed knew that it was inevitable. Not much of a religious man, he spent most of that hour praying to anyone and anything that would listen to make this particular round easy for his wife. She needed, and deserved, a tiny respite. But he wasn't optimistic.

"Ed?" she whispered, turning her head lazily to the side and giving him a soft smile.

"Yeah?" he replied, his tone just as soft as he kissed her hand but didn't let go. "Whatcha need, baby?"

"Ginger ale?"

"Coming right up," he said, standing up and kissing her forehead, nose, cheeks, then lips, just unable to keep himself from touching her. "No ice?"

"No ice," she confirmed and smiled at him, watching him hurry off to get her drink. Once he was out of sight, she let out a frustrated sigh and closed her eyes, trying to ward off this uneasy feeling that she could no longer pin on her treatment. Reaching into the pocket of her hoodie, she pulled out a small stack of pictures that Charlie had snuck in her bag that morning. She had found them on the car ride in and immediately teared up at the gesture as she perused through the images of her entire family. There were a few of just her and Ed, one made that she wasn't aware of. Charlie must have snuck a photo of them as they were walking on the beach several years ago, hand in hand, the sun in the background. Another one was of just Olivia and Noah, faces lit up in giggles, Noah looking at the camera and Olivia looking at him. Two contained Olivia and Charlie, one of just the two of them with Olivia kissing her cheek and Charlie smiling with her eyes closed, and another of Olivia flying Lizzie like an airplane, into Charlie's arms. There were several others, but all of them had the same theme - their entire family together, safe, loved and happy. Olivia continued to look through them, carefully examining each one again and again as the uneasy feeling began to dissipate. She had pretty much calmed herself down when the rustling of the chemo-bay curtain caught her attention.

"Can I help you?" She squinted at the young man who almost looked like a deer-in-headlights as he stood awkwardly, looking around the area.

"Oh, uh, sorry," he sputtered, "wrong one."

He was about to make a quick exit when he froze and the sound of Ed's voice boomed through the area.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Olivia's eyes widened as she realized who the young man in front of her was. She attempted to get up but was quickly reminded of her IV as the needle pulled in her arm, causing her to wince and curse.

"Olivia?" Ed asked, hearing the commotion and shoving Jake out of the way to get to his wife. "What are you doing?"

Olivia frustratingly flung herself back into the chair and huffed, gesturing to Jake who was still, for some odd reason, standing there like he had a death wish. "Trying to keep you from killing him," she explained. "But…it didn't go as planned."

Ed let out a little chuckle and kissed at her face, before squeezing her hand and turning back to Jake.

"I'd suggest you leave. Before I call hospital security."

"I…I just…I wanted to apologize…"

"No," Olivia hissed. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to come near my daughter, or any of us, again. You're lucky we didn't have you arrested. Now go."

"Ma'am."

Ed stood up, his chair flying backwards and his chest puffing out as his face reddened in frustration. "My wife is having chemo. You're upsetting her. Leave." He narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth, grunting the last word in a voice that showed he meant business. " _Now_."

Jake nodded and backed out of the chemo bay. The Tuckers remained silent, Ed returning to his wife's side and going back to tracing little patterns on her hand and arm, an attempt to soothe them both. Olivia turned her head towards him and opened her mouth to offer some comfort, but instead she let out a little moan.

"Ed…"

He quickly grabbed the plastic bin and got it to her just in time. When she was finished getting sick, he called for the nurse to come clean everything up and cupped her face, trying to lighten the mood for the time being.

"I think ya coulda taken him," he said with a smirk, and Olivia grinned.

"Yeah, well, maybe it's better this way. I can't have ya shooting this one like last time."

"Tell ya what," Ed quipped back, knowing the situation wasn't funny but at this point they needed to get through the next few hours, so he kept the comedic relief going. "I won't shoot him…if _you_ promise not to strangle him with your IV line."

Olivia paused, pretending to give his proposal special consideration.

"Or…." Ed continued, "We are cops. We could cover our tracks."

"Ed!"

"Fine."

* * *

Later that night, Ed was leaning with his back against the sink of the bathroom while Olivia rested her head on the cool surface of the toilet. She hadn't gotten sick yet, but she was so nauseated that she refused to move. So the couple had spent the last hour chatting and sharing silence on the tile floor of the bathroom suite.

"I wanted to kill him," Olivia whispered, "when I realized who he was. I just wanted to kill him."

"Me too."

"Did we do the right thing? Not getting the police involved?"

"It was Charlie's choice," Ed reminded Olivia, repeating a conversation they had a few times before. Each time, a different one would question their decision to not interfere with Charlie's processing. "And we have so much going on…"

"I know. And I know, deep down, that maybe it was the right thing to do…but it just…"

"Goes against everything we stand for?"

"Yeah…"

"If she changes her mind, we'll support her," Ed reasoned. "And she has lotsa witnesses."

"True."

"Liv," Ed whispered, moving over and leaning down so they were nose to nose, with the toilet as a background. He noticed her face was feeling warmer than it was a few minutes ago, but brushed it off for the moment. He'd come back to that once he reassured her. "It's gonna be okay."

A tear slipped down her cheek. "You promise?"

"I promise."

* * *

 _ **Review?**_


	29. Chapter 29

**_Twenty-Nine_**

"Charlie?"

"Yes Noah?"

The little boy crawled up onto the couch with his sister and sat on his knees, eyes wide, while Charlie braced herself for some kind of deep and philosophical question.

"Where's the syrup?"

"What do you need that for?" Charlie asked slowly, but she pretty much already knew. Noah's sly little grin sealed the deal. "Trev!" she yelled playfully into the other room.

"What?" Noah shrugged. "I just giving us ice cream."

Trevor came out, arms up and looking innocent. "Hey, I'm not the boss here."

Noah just burst into giggles. "No, Mommy's the boss. Then Charlie. Then Daddy. THEN you, Trevor."

Charlie laughed and hugged Noah close, winking at her boyfriend.

"A new thing of syrup is in the pantry," she said, "but don't over do it!"

"I won't!" Noah yelled, scampering off leaving the couple alone. Charlie tried to give Trevor a look, but failed and broke into another smile.

"Just tryin' to keep them happy," he said simply. "One more night, then they are back tomorrow."

"I know. Thank you. Everything good?"

Trevor came over and kissed her briefly, looking into her eyes and scanning for anything she may still be hiding.

"Yeah, I've got it. You relax."

Trevor went to help Noah, then Charlie watched as they marched back into the master bedroom with a tray of ice cream, where Noah was going to cuddle on his parents' bed and watch cartoons to fall asleep. Feeling confident that Trevor had everyone managed, Charlie turned the orange pill bottle around in her hand and contemplated taking the new, stronger anxiety pill her therapist had prescribed that morning. She heard Trevor comment about the cartoons, and knew he would stay with Noah until he fell asleep, so she popped the pill under her tongue and let it dissolve, closing her eyes in anticipation of what she hoped was a state of relaxation.

An hour later Trevor softly crept out of the bedroom, closed the door, and headed into the living room. He stopped at the sight. Charlie was curled up against the arm of the couch, an ivory blanket wrapped tightly around her, and she was sound asleep. Not wanting to disturb her, he went to grab a beer and popped it open in the kitchen, before coming back and stretching out on the chaise, turning ESPN on low. The house was quiet, his beer was cold, and Trevor found himself getting completely absorbed in the college basketball game, completely missing Charlie's very soft whimper as she clutched the blanket even more tightly to her chest.

 _Ring Ring_

 _The sound of Charlie's cell phone startled her awake. Sleepily rubbing her eyes, she cursed having taken that pill an hour before as she saw that it was her dad calling._

 _"Dad? What time is it? Is everything okay?"_

 _"Charlie…"_

 _"Oh god. Daddy?"_

 _"Listen. Your mom's in the hospital right now. Her fever spiked today and it won't go down. The doctors are trying everything they know, but…"_

 _"No…no buts…"_

 _"Charlie I think you guys need to come into the city."_

 _Charlie heard her dad's voice break on the other end of the line, and she let out a little sob and shook her head. "Okay," she said, her entire body beginning to shake. Trevor noticed and came to sit next to her, rubbing her back, his face full of concern. "Okay, we're on our way."_

 _"What is it?"_

 _"Its Momma," she said frantically, running her hands through her hair and standing up, beginning to run to the room to wake Noah. "Daddy needs us. Get Lizzie, we gotta go."_

 _Trevor sped west on Long Island, turning what was typically a three and a half hour drive into well under three. The kids had both fallen back asleep but Charlie was fretting, constantly texting Ed and biting her nails waiting for an update._

 _"Trevor…"_

 _"She's gonna be fine."_

 _"No…" Charlie said, a tear beginning to make its way down her cheek. "I…I have a bad feeling…"_

 _Trevor reached over to hold her hand as they flew through the Queens-Midtown tunnel and squeezed. "Don't think that just yet, okay?"_

 _"He wouldn't do this if it wasn't bad."_

 _Trevor didn't have a response, as he knew she was right, so he just stepped on the gas and barreled up FDR Drive, which was barren at three in the morning. He dropped Charlie off at the entrance to Mount Sinai, promising to park and get the kids up as soon as he could, and Charlie took off, calling Ed and getting directions._

 _He didn't answer._

 _Charlie ran faster through the all too familiar corridors until she came upon the hallway to the Oncology ward and froze. She could feel them; her mom and her dad beyond those double doors. And suddenly her chest constricted and she was unable to breath or keep walking, completely terrified of what she was about to find._

 _Trying to take some deep breaths and steady her legs, she slowly walked towards the doors, hands trembling as she opened them. And that was when she saw her dad, slumped down in a chair with his head in his hands._

 _"Oh God, Daddy," she whispered, shaking her head as she slowly moved towards him. He looked up, and his face said it all as it was covered in tears and his eyes were red._

 _"No," she whispered, stopping in her tracks and falling against the wall as she shook her head and the tears came in torrents. "No, please…"_

 _Ed couldn't speak, his tears just streamed harder as he shook his head and watched as Charlie collapsed onto her knees on the tile floor._

 _"Nooooooooooooooooo."_

?

"Charlie?" Trevor asked, now kneeling by her side as she rested on the couch, tossing and whimpering a little louder now. Her face was scrunched up in tension and a few tears had fallen down her cheeks. But he couldn't get her to wake up.

 _Charlie weakly made her way into Olivia's room and let out a harsh sob as she saw her mother, face white and body completely still laying amongst the crisp sheets. Her legs shook as she walked over and ran her hand down her cheek, feeling how cool it was._

 _It broke her._

 _Collapsing onto the bed, Charlie clung to Olivia's body, burying her head in her chest and letting out heart wrenching sobs._

 _"Please don't leave me, Momma. Please. I can't do this. I can't. Please. Someone help her. Don't go. Please. No. No no no no no no."_

"CHARLOTTE!"

Her eyes snapped wide open as she gasped for breath, frantically looking around the living room, suddenly confused about where she was.

"Momma?" she breathed out, tears beginning to flow quickly. Not knowing what to do, Trevor tried to lean over so he was in her line of sight.

"Just me," he said softly, "You're okay. It was just a dream."

"No," she gasped, bordering on hysterical as she sat up and searched for her phone. "Where's my dad? Are they okay? Where's Momma? Oh god, Trevor…"

"Charlie, everything's fine," Trevor tried to explain, still not sure what the hell had just happened other than a nightmare. "They are both at the apartment in the city, sleeping off the last drip before they come back tomorrow."

"But he called me…and said she was…she was in the hospital…and I got there…and…"

Finally it clicked what her dream had been about. Trevor wasted no time hopping up onto the couch and fully engulfing Charlie in his arms, holding her tightly and kissing her head as she completely came undone.

"She's fine," Trevor promised. "She's just fine. I'm so sorry, baby. It's okay. Take some deep breaths for me."

"I…can't…" she huffed out, and Trevor was getting concerned she was going to hyperventilate.

"Charlie, listen to me," he said, pulling back and holding her upper arms so she would look at him, but the pain on her face completely shattered him. "Your mom is fine. She's okay. She's asleep right next to your dad, where she belongs. Okay?"

Charlie didn't say anything, but he could tell she was trying to take in his words and breathe more deeply. So he stayed just like that, breathing in and out with her and getting her to calm down. After a few minutes, she had calmed a good bit, but shook her head before dissolving into tears.

"Oh god," she cried and Trevor moved quickly, pulling her into his chest and laying back on the couch, making sure she was securely tucked into his body. "I…it felt so real."

"I know," he whispered, his lips on her forehead as his hands rubbed her arms and back. "Keep breathing, sweetheart. I'm right here. It's okay. Everyone's okay. Shhhh shhhhh shhhhhh."

* * *

Ed was wide awake, sipping a bourbon in the darkened living room of the apartment. The only light filtering in was from the buildings on the other side of Central Park. Eyeing the clock, he saw it was still before midnight and he worried that Olivia had been asleep for too long. He really wanted her to sleep through the night, for her sake and also his. Ed Tucker was exhausted.

This round had not been easy. After the run in with Jake, Olivia's anxiety had gone through the roof about Charlie and Noah and how she felt she was failing them as a mother because of the cancer. Unfortunately, that anxiety made for a bad mixture with the drips. She was sick non-stop, and at one point earlier that day Ed was afraid she was going to bruise her intestines with how violently she was heaving. Finally, at the end of his rope and fed up with the lack of urgency he saw in the hospital staff, he demanded they page Dr. Kamal. The doctor arrived within the hour to a very frustrated Ed Tucker, and a still sick and slightly pale Olivia Tucker.

"What seems to be the problem," he had asked, his eyes looking at his patient with concern as he pulled up a chair. Olivia gripped Ed's hand tightly and tried to smile, but it didn't quite work.

"She can't stop getting sick," Ed said. "I mean, she's usually sick…but this feels extreme."

"Hmmm," the doctor said, checking her numbers and reaching her a blood pressure machine. "Let's just poke around a little bit."

Ed rubbed his face and let the doctor do his thing, watching as Olivia struggled to keep her eyes open in the chemo chair.

"Everything seems okay," he finally said, "Unfortunately, this just happens sometimes. Scary, but not abnormal. I am concerned about dehydration, though. I'd like to get her some fluids before you go, if that's okay?"

"Of course," they both said in unison causing the doctor to smile.

"Everything else okay?" he finally asked, eyeing Ed and concerned as to why he was paged. The Tuckers were not the patients that usually panicked and had him paged.

Ed fidgeted a little bit, but finally answered honestly.

"She's been violently ill for two hours," he explained. "None of the nurses seemed all that concerned when I would mention it. They would breeze by, drop off fresh bins, and sorta brush me off. I guess…well…"

He trailed off and eyed Olivia, who was looking at him with as much concern as she could muster in the moment.

"Go on," Dr. Kamal prodded, wanting the complete story.

"I know, and understand, that these nurses see hundreds of patients each day. And to them, Olivia…she's just another number. Another face. But to me? To our family? She's our _entire world_. She's everything to me. And it…well, this was the first time that I felt like that point was not clear to the staff."

Dr. Kamal smiled at the couple and tapped a few notes into his phone.

"Some of our rotations are a little more…friendly…than others," he said. "And I completely understand, Captain Tucker. I assure you I'm going to do everything I can for you both. And please, page me any time you feel this way. Okay?"

Ed smiled in relief and shook the doctor's hand.

"Thank you."

"You're most welcome. I'll order the next IV bag and check back in myself after about an hour."

Ed was still lost in thought, thinking back to the earlier hospital incident and he found himself suddenly grateful that they had Dr. Kamal on their team. Just as he was about to let his mind wander further, Olivia stirred from where she had been asleep on his lap. Ed continued to trace little patterns on her collar bone until she opened her eyes and offered him a smile.

"Hey sleepyhead," he said with a smirk. "How ya feeling?"

"Mmmmm," she moaned, stretching a little before turning and burying her face in his stomach. "Better. A little confused, but better."

"Hungry?" he saw her face as he mentioned food, immediately regretting it and moving on. "Thirsty?"

"Do we have Gatorade?"

"Trevor stocked us up," Ed said with a smile, carefully standing up and placing Olivia's head on a pillow, tucking the blanket around her. "I'll be right back."

As he passed the side table into the kitchen, he saw his phone was blinking. Quickly checking, it was a message from Charlie.

 _Sorry, I know it's late. Just saying hi. Everything okay?_

Ed fired off a quick "Everything's fine. Love you", before heading into the kitchen. He grabbed a drink and some crackers just in case, and came back to his rightful place under Olivia's head, but she sat up instead. Leaning fully against him, she sipped her drink slowly and tried to focus her eyes.

"Hey," he said, a little grin on his face, "Can ya muster up a smile? I think our daughter wants some extra assurance."

"Anything for my girl," Olivia said, smiling softly into Ed's camera. He fired off the selfie with a "we'll see you tomorrow", tossed his phone on the coffee table, and stretched out with Olivia in his arms.

"Only one more left," he said.

"Yep. One more."

The couple sat in silence, the only sound was the faint street noise of Fifth Avenue down below. Finally, Ed switched on the TV and found a late night show. Kissing Olivia's forehead, he snuggled them down further into the leather sofa and pulled the blanket up.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

* * *

"Hey," Trevor whispered, coming into the kitchen where Charlie sat on a stool in the dark, staring out into the vastness of their backyard. He reached out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinched.

"Sorry," she whispered, but her voice was raspy and empty of any kind of emotion.

"Don't be sorry," he said, now carefully moving a stool around so he was facing her. "Tell me what you need? What can I do?"

Charlie was silent for a minute, chewing her bottom lip. She finally took a deep breath and looked up at Trevor, their blue eyes meeting, and he felt his heart flutter. She was breathtaking, even in her darkest moments. But what struck him was the depth of the pain he could see swirling in her eyes and on her face, and he didn't know what to do.

"I don't know," she shrugged, voice still not reflecting any kind of tone. "Noah didn't hear me? Lizzie?"

"No," he reassured her quickly, again reaching for her and this time she allowed him to take her hand and squeeze. "They are both still sound asleep."

"Good," she said, "That's the last thing Noah needs…"

"It's the last thing you needed, too."

Charlie went back to staring out into the distance, her eyes not focusing on anything in particular. They were hollow.

"Why don't you take a shower? I know that sometimes helps…" Trevor was willing to try anything to soothe his girlfriend, but he knew that night it was likely fruitless.

"Is this what I get?" she finally asked, not moving and not looking at him. "For opening up? All of my worst fears coming to life in my dreams?"

"Oh babe…"

Charlie shrugged him off. "I get it," she said. "I opened the wound, or wounds, that I had worked so hard to cover up. And here I am."

"You can't heal without opening them, Charlie," Trevor said softly. "And I know you know that."

"I do," she admitted, but decided to keep letting him in slowly to the thoughts that consistently swirled in her mind. "But…at what point are the wounds just too deep? Too painful? Too numerous? Too toxic?"

"Don't say that," he said, more emotion than she'd ever heard in his voice. Almost as if the mere thought broke his heart.

"Sorry," she said quietly, realizing that perhaps her darkness was a little too much for her boyfriend that night. "You're right."

Trevor, feeling guilty for shutting her down like that, leaned forward and kissed her forehead before standing up. "I'm gonna run you a bath, and we'll go from there. Okay?"

"Thank you," she said, forcing a smile and watching him wander back down the hallway. She waited until the sound of running water was faint in the background and moved towards the liquor cabinet, grabbing her newly purchased bottle of gin and a glass. Slumping back down on her stool, she poured a generous serving and took a long sip before remembering she still had that anxiety pill in her system.

"Whatever," she mumbled to herself, shrugging it off as she just didn't have the capacity anymore. "It doesn't matter. One more, then pull it together for another day."

* * *

 ** _You know what to do...#review_**


	30. Chapter 30

**_Thirty_**

Olivia woke up panting, trying to sit up but immediately groaned as dizziness overtook her.

"Liv? You okay?" Ed popped up and leaned over her, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and trying to figure out what was wrong. But as he finally woke up and got a good look at her, he noticed the swirling was back in her eyes. "Okay, just lay still for a bit."

She fumbled around for his hand so Ed grabbed onto her and held tightly, settling in against the headboard and kissing her head.

"I'm right here."

"Ed…" she groaned, and he knew what that meant. Grabbing the bin next to their bed, he got it in front of her just in time as he also tried to hold her body up so the vomit wouldn't get all over her pajamas and bed. It half worked.

Half an hour later, Olivia was showered off, in fresh pajamas and crawling back into a newly made bed with her husband.

"Sorry," she whispered, moving immediately to tuck herself into his chest and grip his side.

"Stop apologizing," he growled out.

Olivia let out a chuckle, as she had been about to say "sorry" again. Ed caught on and grinned, kissing her forehead and tugging her even closer.

"What woke you up?" he asked, curious as to why she was so startled.

"I'm…not sure, actually," she responded. "I assume some kind of dream, but I can't remember."

"Well," Ed cooed, relieved she didn't remember whatever it was that startled her in hopes that she would be able to get back to sleep. He had been completely out cold when she woke him up and he could feel his body begging him to rest more. "Must not have been that bad. Think you can close your eyes again?"

Ed smiled, as all Olivia did was mumble a response before she fell asleep against his chest again, her breath coming out in puffs on his chest. He pulled the comforter up around them and tried to settle back in. Eyes closing, he began to drift off until a familiar, yet still unknown anxiety rippled up through his entire being. It had been happening off and on ever since they had arrived in the city, and though he wasn't positive, he assumed it had something to do with the continued theme of separation anxiety plaguing his family.

"Dammit," he exhaled as he rubbed his face in frustration. "So close."

* * *

Arms wrapped around Charlie's middle, Trevor rubbed his cheek against hers as they rested together in the tub. She had been quiet, almost too quiet, ever since he had come to get her from the kitchen and get her situated. Perhaps, he thought, that was his own fault as he had lashed out just a bit when he spotted the gin in her hands.

"Charlie!" he exclaimed, coming over and snatching the glass from her hands. She jumped violently, standing up with her eyes wide at his tone. "Sorry," he said, calming down a little bit, but not a lot. "Sorry, I just. You took that pill and you're chasing it with gin?"

"It's fine, Trev," she played it off, but began to notice her body was going a little numb. It was a welcome feeling, but also why her boyfriend was standing in front of her so terrified.

"It's not fine," he hissed, rubbing his face and trying to take deep breaths. "I…dammit, Charlie."

She had since gone silent. Out of guilt, Trevor had slipped into the tub behind her, holding her close and letting the silence wash over them. He refused to back down from calling her out on mixing pills and alcohol, but he also refused to let her feel more alone than she already felt.

Trevor smiled as Charlie hugged his arms closer around her stomach. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, her head lolling back and forth. He could tell she was completely out of it, and despite his nerves, felt deep down she would be okay after sleeping it off. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said softly into her ear, his breath tickling her neck, but she barely felt it. Her body was essentially limp. "I just want you to be okay. You…you scared me."

He felt her shoulders begin to shake as she tried to turn in his arms, burying her face in his chest and letting her body be overtaken by harsh sobs. "I know," she cried. "I'm just…everything's so fucked up. It's too hard. And I don't want you to leave me…"

"Never," Trevor said forcefully, one hand tangling in her hair to keep her plastered against his chest. "I'm never leaving you. I promise. It's okay. You're gonna be okay."

"I'm not," she mumbled, and Trevor could tell the effects of whatever combination was really setting in as her speech was slurred and her body was heavy. "I'm not…"

He pulled the plug with his foot and slowly helped her up and out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel. He picked her up, loving how she instinctively still nestled right into his neck, and carried her into the bedroom. Once they were both settled and comfortable under the covers, Trevor resumed his position of spooning her tightly, making sure they were cheek to cheek.

"I'm right here."

* * *

The next day was show and tell at Noah's school. The little boy had thought long and hard about what or who to bring, given he was a big second grader now. He had to bring something "REALLY GOOD" as he put it. Ultimately Noah decided to bring Trevor, much to everyone's amusement.

"Yep, Trevor good. He's a LAWYER and VERY TALL."

So at a little before one that afternoon, Trevor kissed Charlie and Lizzie goodbye and went off to Noah's second grade class for the afternoon, excited about a few hours with the kids and to see what Noah would end up saying during his introduction. Charlie kept a smile on her face a few minutes after the door closed as she watched Lizzie try to put together her Duplo blocks.

"Almost nap time, baby girl," she said softly, moving over to help her build a little bit. Lizzie eyed her suspiciously, almost as if she knew it was almost time to go to sleep and she was not amused. Cautiously, she allowed her mother to help her build and clapped happily once they had constructed a tower tall enough for her to run into and knock over. After a few more tries, Charlie scooped her daughter up from the pile of blocks and kissed all over her cheeks, continuing to make her giggle and squeal until she realized they were in her room and it was time for bed.

"Nooooooooooo Momma," she wailed, as Charlie rocked her a little bit to get her to calm down.

"Gotta get some sleep, Lizzie," she cooed, stroking her cheek and smiling as her tears slowed and her eyes began to close. "Good girl. Ollie and Papa will be home when you wake up and they are so excited to see you. Get that rest. There ya go. I love you, Elizabeth Margaret."

Confident the little girl was finally ready for her nap, Charlie snuck out of the room and softly clicked the door closed. She stood outside for a minute, breathing deeply and listening for any indication Lizzie wasn't down, but it remained quiet. With a sigh, Charlie grabbed the basket of laundry, popped it in the washer, then headed to the kitchen to figure out dinner. She briefly paused as she passed the liquor cabinet, wondering if a small drink would be such a bad thing, but shook her head, memories of Trevor's face the night before still burned in her brain.

"No, Charlie," she said to herself, admittedly still feeling a little of the effects of her questionable decisions the night before. "He deserves better than that. They all do."

She puttered around, finally deciding on a nice looking skirt steak she could season and pop in the crockpot. "What would I do without this thing," she laughed to herself, pulling the coveted kitchen gadget out of the cabinet and perusing for the right spices. A few minutes later, it was all ready to go and slowly simmering on a low, six hour setting. Biting her bottom lip, she now had to figure out sides, but just as she was about to rummage through the freezer, she heard the beeping of the alarm and the low, rumbling voice of her dad.

In that second, her entire body relaxed as she tried to contain herself and walk slowly towards the entrance, not wanting to alarm her parents by accosting them upon arrival. But after her dream and subsequent evening, as soon as Charlie laid eyes on her mother, she made a beeline for her.

"Momma," she gushed as she hurried into her open, waiting arms, wrapping her own tightly around Olivia's waist and settling her head on her shoulder. Olivia, also feeling a deep sense of relief now that she was home and with her family, stroked her hair and pressed her cheek against her head.

"Sweet girl," she whispered, eyes closing as Ed moved to take their luggage to their room. "It's so good to be back with you. I missed you."

Charlie didn't make an attempt to move, and the continued clinging hug peaked Olivia's curiosity.

"What's wrong, Charlie?"

"Nothing," she whispered, reluctantly peeling herself away from Olivia and offering her a semi-convincing smile. "I just…missed you."

"Well," she said, holding Charlie's cheeks in her hands and shaking them a bit, causing their smiles to grow. "I am back for a while and aching for some time with my best girl."

Charlie felt a funny feeling bubble up in her gut just then, almost as if her instinct was telling her to brace for something. "Well," she said, mustering up some cheer, "I need to figure out sides for dinner. And you…"

Charlie paused, truly taking in Olivia's appearance. She didn't look any worse than her last cycle, but she still winced a little bit at the yellowing under her eyes and the tired features that marred her face.

"I'm a little tired," Olivia said for her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her into the living room. "How about we put your dad on vegetable duty and you come lay down with me for a bit?"

Charlie gave her mom a side hug before breaking away from her grasp, both of them feeling a little emptier at the loss of contact. Olivia looked at her with confused eyes, but Charlie just smiled.

"No, you need to rest and I'm betting Dad does too," she reasoned, and Olivia reluctantly went along with it. "But I'll be right here whenever you wake up, okay?"

"Okay," Olivia said, studying her daughter closely. She could tell something was different, but didn't quite have the energy or stamina to question it.

"Roasted veggies okay?" Charlie asked, turning to head quickly into the kitchen.

"Sure," Olivia whispered, watching her disappear around the corner before letting out a sigh and heading in to see Ed. Not bothering to change since she was already in sweats, she crawled into bed and signaled for Ed to finish unpacking later and join her.

Never one to deny his wife, Ed happily dropped the duffle, shed his shirt, and hopped up on the bed, taking her into his arms and kissing her lips.

"Naptime?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows and eliciting a laugh from Olivia. "Okay, well, maybe not _that_ kinda naptime."

Olivia smiled and moved up to kiss his lips and move down to his neck a little bit.

"Or…maybe that kinda naptime?"

"Maybe," she sauntered, still sucking at his neck just under his ear as he let out a little moan. "Not sure if it will be the…normal…naptime, but how about I get you to relax while I still have a little energy left."

"Olivia," he protested, hating when they did anything in bed that couldn't be reciprocated, but she put a finger over his lips and shook her head, a gleam in her eye.

"Uh uh," she said. "This is as much for me as it is for you. Now, stop talking…and relax," she whispered as her hands and lips began to roam.

* * *

The sound of laughter filled the Tucker house as Olivia roused from her nap several hours later. Stretching and groaning, she turned to find herself alone while darkness filtered in through the windows.

"How long did I sleep," she mumbled, noticing it was just before six at night and letting out a frustrated groan. "Great, I missed the entire afternoon."

Dragging herself out of the bed and pausing momentarily to let the dizziness subside, Olivia moved into the bathroom to freshen up before joining her family. She padded out to the dining room and couldn't help the smile that formed on her face. Noah was standing by the table, animatedly telling some kind of story to Ed, Trevor, and Charlie. The men were laughing a good bit, and as Olivia eyed Charlie she could tell the young woman was trying, but the light in her eyes just wasn't there.

"What am I missing?" Olivia cooed, sliding onto a chair next to Ed and allowing him to snuggle up next to her, tabling her worry about Charlie.

"Noah was telling us about his show and tell presentation today," Ed explained, nodding to the little boy. "Tell Mommy, No."

"Trevor came for show and tell," he explained, "and so when it my turn, I stood up and introduced him, even though he wouldn't pretend to be a giant…"

Olivia snorted her laughter and looked at Trevor. "And why not?"

"I guess being tall is a show and tell worthy skill…"

"Wait, it gets better," Ed said. "No, what else happened."

"Then I tell everyone that Trevor special, because he died and then came back to life."

Olivia's eyes widened and she glanced at Charlie, who just shook her head with a smile. "It didn't cross my mind he would say that," she murmured, casting an apologetic glance at her parents. "I was under the impression he went to show and tell because he was tall and a lawyer."

"Ah, no worse for the wear," Ed shrugged. "And now, a few of the kids think Trevor is Jesus."

"Oh my god," Olivia groaned, her head falling onto Ed's shoulders as she laughed at the ridiculousness that was their life. "We're gonna get called in, aren't we?"

"Maybe," Ed replied, but he didn't seem to be worried. "Trevor, you're a good sport."

Trevor just laughed and shrugged, giving Noah a hug before standing up. "I do what I can," he said. "Sometimes, you just have to laugh about it all." He wandered over and opened the oven to check the vegetables. "Alright, who's hungry?"

* * *

"Its peaceful isn't it," Olivia murmured softly, leaning against the doorframe and smiling at Charlie who was standing over the little girl as she slumbered later that night. "Watching them sleep?"

"Yeah…" she whispered, still not taking her eyes off of her daughter.

"What's wrong, Charlie?" Olivia asked, having waited all evening to call her daughter out on whatever was obviously bothering her. "And don't give me 'nothing' or 'the usual'. I can see it. Something's wrong."

"Momma…"

"No," she shook her head, immediately regretting it as she let out a breath and gripped the door frame. Charlie rushed over, eyes widened, and wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist.

"Okay, Momma," she said softly. "Come on."

Turning to blow her sleeping daughter a kiss, Charlie then lead Olivia out of the room and down the hall, getting her settled on the couch.

"You need something to drink? Eat? Your pills?"

"No," Olivia said, her frustration with her daughter's evasiveness and her own disease beginning to surface. "I want you to _talk to me_."

Before Charlie could even react, Olivia had hunched over and thrown up all over their feet and the floor.

"Oh my god, Momma," Charlie gasped, rushing into the kitchen to get a pot and a roll of paper towels. By the time she got back, Olivia had her head in her hands and tears were streaming down her face. "It's okay, Momma," she said over and over, covering everything with paper towels and then moving to get Olivia off the couch. She held her mother tightly, moving slowly towards the bedroom, pot in hand, until Ed greeted them with a worried look.

"What happened?" he asked, suddenly alarmed at the scene and the smell.

Olivia's shoulders shook, unable to stop the tears, and Charlie handed her mother off into her father's arms.

"You take care of her," she said, rubbing Ed's back and kissing his cheek comfortingly. "I'll clean up out here and bring her some Gatorade."

Ed gave Charlie an appreciative glance before getting Olivia into their room, in fresh clothes, and in the bed. "Okay, baby," he soothed, running his hand over her forehead and cheeks. "You're okay."

Her tears just streamed harder.

"I'm not," she cried. "I…just wanted…to spend time…with my kids."

Ed instantly pulled her close, afraid she was going to make herself sick again with her intense cries.

"Shhhhhh, baby," he soothed, her body still shaking in his arms. "It's okay. They understand."

"They shouldn't have to understand! Fucking cancer," she gasped, clinging to his shirt so tightly her knuckles were right. "Just make it stop, Ed. Give me back my health. My energy. My ability to be a mother to my babies. To make love to you. I can't stand this…"

Ed's heart shattered as he held his sobbing wife, feeling all of her pain and frustration but unable to do anything about it.

"Soon, baby," he soothed. "Soon, I promise you. It's all gonna be okay."

* * *

 ** _Well? A tiny reprieve? A little bit of fluff mixed in? Does it earn me a review? What comes next?_**


	31. Chapter 31

**_Thirty-One_**

Ed and Trevor sat side by side at the kitchen island, both men still in their respective pajamas. Ed's hair had slowly grown back, but not enough to really be messed up from his attempted night's sleep. Trevor, however, was another story. His dark brown locks were sticking up everywhere, only getting worse as he occasionally rubbed his hand over his head. Neither man spoke much, aside from an occasional grunt or sigh as they sipped their freshly made coffee and pretended to peruse the newspaper, trading articles back and forth as if they actually read the words. Finally Ed tossed the paper down, leaned back, and let out a groan.

"Those two…" he said, trailing off and unable to find the right word for the women in their lives.

Trevor shook his head along with Ed. "Are impossibly stubborn," he finished.

It was a little after six that morning and neither Ed nor Trevor had gotten much sleep. Ed was awake most of the night as Olivia had stayed relatively worked up, emotional and unfortunately sick. She finally calmed down around four and drifted off, but Ed hadn't been able to shake the shear devastation she was finally showing. Up until that moment, for the most part, she had handled her diagnosis and treatment like every other unfair and unimaginable challenge life had thrown at her: head held high and fighting it head on. But Ed had known better. He knew the cancer was getting to her, particularly as they watched the impact it had on their loved ones. She constantly worried about Noah and how being away from him was affecting him, as well as the little boy taking in her often sickly appearance. Then there was Charlie. Ed would be lying if he said he wasn't a little proud of how Charlie had been steeling herself in front of Liv, unwilling to put more weight on her mother as she fought the cancerous battle, but now as he sat and watched his black coffee swirl in his mug, he kicked himself for being wrong about that. He should've known Olivia wouldn't stand for her family not leaning on her, sick or not. And now it seemed to be backfiring in the form of total frustration from his wife and a near despondency from his daughter.

"Maybe I shouldn't have pushed Charlie to remain so strong," Ed mused. "Last night…Liv was just at her wits end with worry about our girl." Ed began to pour his thoughts out to Trevor, something that he still found a little odd. But at the same time, he was a comforting and a reliable place to relieve some frustration and bat around ideas. "Those two…they need each other in a way I often don't see or understand."

"Everything they've been through…separately and together," Trevor mused, "it is just rare, in my experience, to see two people come through the fires they have and somehow find each other and hold onto the relationship in a healthy way."

"Liv is just…she's extraordinary," Ed gushed. "She's a fighter and stronger than anyone I've ever known. Definitely stronger than I am. But this cancer…" His voice trailed off, not wanting to get that emotional with Trevor, but the younger man caught on.

"No one knows the toll it takes on anyone until you face it," he said quietly. Ed raised his eyebrows and watched him for a bit.

"Probably hard on you too," he allowed, suddenly feeling bad that no one had really acknowledged that Trevor had been down this road before with his own parents.

"I hate seeing Olivia, someone I've always looked up to, fight this," he allowed. "It brings back a lot, watching my mom do the same thing years ago. But…"

"Charlie?"

"Yeah…"

"I know," Ed said, both men almost identically hunched over the island, both holding their mugs the same way, as they stared out the back window as the day began to brighten. "I don't know the right thing anymore," he finally admitted. "I can't fix any of this."

"You're wrong," Trevor said firmly. "If there's one thing I learned when I did this with my mom, is that you fix it by being there. You can't be superman, and that's not what they need anyways. They just need for you, for us, to be there."

* * *

Olivia stirred quietly, turning over and opening her eyes to reveal she was alone in the bed. Light softly beginning to filter through, she correctly guessed it was around seven in the morning. Still not confident in her ability to move without getting sick, she nestled her head back into the pillow and let out a sigh. Just as she was about to go down the road of feeling sorry for herself, she heard the bedroom door click open and the soft pitter-patter of little feet.

"Mommy?" he asked softly, coming to stand patiently at her bedside. Olivia rolled back over, opened her eyes slightly, and smiled at her son in his octopus pajamas and subsequent bedhead.

"Hi sweet boy," she whispered, her voice deep and hoarse from the emotional night. "Sleep good?"

Noah nodded, regarding her carefully. "You okay, Mommy?" he asked, his head cocked to the side, almost as if he was debating whether he was going to go for morning cuddles, or just run get his dad.

"Mmhmm," she affirmed, lifting the comforter up and inviting him to join her. "Come on, Noah. Rest a little more with Mommy."

Noah happily obliged, longing to be in his mother's arms in this serene setting. He settled in gently, resting his head on Olivia's chest as she tightly wrapped him in her embrace, kissing his mop of slightly curly hair.

"You gonna sleep a little more?" she asked, as she felt her eyes become heavy, both out of exhaustion and also a sense of relief to be able to hold her son.

"Uh-huh," he replied in a whisper. Noah's eyes fluttered closed, along with Olivia's, and that is where they remained for the next couple of hours.

* * *

Being it was a Saturday, all five Tuckers and Trevor stayed in their pajamas for the day. The six of them camped out in the living room, movies running continuously in the background. As the house had stirred to life that morning, it became increasingly apparently that every single member of the family was utterly exhausted. Movement was slow and no one made an attempt to cook breakfast. They merely picked at cold leftovers or dry cereal. Even Noah turned down an offer for pancakes, instead choosing to munch on a cold slice of pizza under a blanket on the large, oversized chair. No adult made an argument, they all just quietly decided that day was a lazy day.

Olivia eventually settled on the couch, half laying and half sitting up in the corner, going between dozing and just watching the kids play. Charlie sat opposite her in nearly the exact same position. Ed was stretched out in his recliner, remote in hand, and he kept his tan, fuzzy slippers on his feet, though he refused the blanket Olivia kept offering him. Trevor had started on the floor, his back against the couch where Charlie was lounging so she could occasionally play with his hair. But once Noah went to play with Lizzie under the large window, he confiscated the the larger chair and powered up his laptop, browsing work email and occasionally sending a simple, one-worded answer back to whoever was reaching out.

It was the perfect way for them to spend the day, Ed decided as he observed the scene. Everyone was in the same room and somewhat okay. He lived for these moments, where nothing specifically was wrong and his family was just together. A moment of peace in a very ugly world.

"Charlie, can you get this thing to work?" Noah came over, obviously frustrated with a robot toy he had gotten that year for Christmas. Apparently the robot was going to be some kind of Godzilla feature in the middle of his and Lizzie's constructed town of cars and Lego. Charlie knocked it around for a bit, checking all the switches, and smiled as Noah jumped up and down when the toy finally turned on. "Thanks sister," he said, eyes wide as he kissed her cheek. "You da best."

He hopped back over to the play area and got to work with Lizzie, both kids giggling and making noises as they acted out their own little universe. Charlie was lost in thought until she felt her mother's foot kick her lightly.

"Ya need anything?" she asked softly, eyeing how tired Olivia was looking and longing to somehow help her.

"No," Olivia said with a smile and a shrug. "I have everything I need in this room. Just wanted to say hi."

Charlie's smile grew, and it was authentic. Unable to express just how grateful she was to be in the current moment, she untangled herself from her blanket and moved to settle in next to Olivia. Both women propped their feet on the coffee table and settled their heads with each other; Charlie's on Olivia's shoulder with Olivia resting her head on Charlie's.

"Love you, baby girl," she whispered, closing her eyes again as Charlie continued to just relax.

"Love you too, Momma."

Ed, overhearing the little exchange but trying not to move as to not disturb the moment, also felt his entire body begin to relax. Glancing at Trevor, who seemed wide awake and content to keep an eye on things, Ed let himself drift off to sleep in the recliner, secure knowing that his family was okay for the moment. Plenty still needed to be addressed, talked about, worked out and confessed, but not in that exact moment. Right now, Ed decided, just like Trevor said earlier, what was needed was just being together.

* * *

 _Ding Dong_

The sound of the doorbell rang throughout the Tucker household. Charlie stood and stretched a little bit, still in her gray leggings, pink sweater and matching fuzzy slippers, before making her way to the door.

"Must be our dinner," she called over her shoulder to no one in particular, just to the general crowd of Tuckers still sprawled out in the living room.

"We've been home all day, and we somehow didn't manage to cook a thing," Olivia observed, her tone amused as she eyed her family, still perfectly happy as to how they had spent their time.

"It was a necessary day," Ed said, finally prying himself out of the recliner and plopping down next to his wife, kissing at her cheek and rubbing her shoulders. "It was perfect."

"It was, wasn't it?"

Trevor took that moment to go help Charlie get all the food set up in the dining room, leaving the couple a few minutes alone amongst the not-so-watchful eyes of Lizzie and Noah, who were still absorbed in their make believe play land. As he approached Charlie, he noticed she was humming softly to herself, busy sorting out all the Italian dishes she had ordered.

"Got extra soup in case Momma still isn't quite hungry," she said, hearing Trevor walk up and handing him the two large containers of vegetable soup. "Maybe grab some extra bowls? Soup actually sounds good to me, too."

"Sure," he said, but first he put everything down and spun her around, leaning his forehead down so it touched hers. "But first, how are you?"

She shrugged but stayed in his arms, allowing him to sway them a bit. "Today was good," she said softly, and then continued honestly. "I just needed time with Mom when she's not so sick, even if its in total silence."

"I know," he whispered, kissing at her face and squeezing her to him before releasing her back to the food set up. "In a weird way, I think we all needed today."

"Yes, we did," Ed said, coming in and not one bit sorry interrupting their little moment. "I know its Italian and I'm running the risk of stains, but your mom doesn't want to move. So. Living room it is. Maybe bring the roll of paper towels."

He grabbed the box with various meals, tossed some plates and forks on it, and handed it to Trevor. "Mind taking this to the coffee table?"

Trevor knew how to take a hint. He winked at Charlie and padded off to the other room, suddenly very popular with Noah and Lizzie, as Ed and Charlie could hear them babble about their picnic from the kitchen.

"Everything okay?" Charlie asked, concerned as to why Ed sent her boyfriend away.

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Just wanted to check in on ya. See how you were doing."

"I'm good," she said, putting on her usual smile to appease her parents, but that wasn't what Ed was going for.

"Charlie," he said, rubbing his face a bit before resting one hand on the counter and studying her intently. "I…look, I'm sorry if I pushed you to…bury things."

"Dad…" she tried to interrupt and stop the blame game, but Ed clearly wasn't having it.

"No," he insisted. "I thought I was doing what was best for your mom. For all of us. Just having us tuck our heads and power through, but turns out, well…it stripped Liv of the very things that give her purpose. The things that give her a reason to fight."

"What are you talking about?" Charlie whispered, confused as to Ed's total one-eighty on the whole staying strong mantra. "She's not…giving up, is she? That makes no sense!" Charlie's gut twisted at the very thought, but Ed was quick to reassure her.

"No, no," he said, reaching out and grasping her upper arm. "Not at all. She just, well, it's really bothering her that you aren't talking. That you are so clammed up…about everything. Her illness, your drinking, Jake…"

Ed tapered off as he felt Charlie tense up and her jaw stiffen.

"I'm not tryin' to upset ya," he said, shaking his head and letting out a harsh little laugh. "God, I just can't win can I?"

Charlie relaxed and reached out to grab her dad's hand. "Chill out, dad," she said playfully, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. "I know what you mean. You didn't tell me to do anything. There's just a lot going on, too much going on, and I haven't wanted to feel any of it yet. Okay?"

"I get it," he said. "I really do. But…"

Ed paused, taking time to think through what he wanted to say. But in the end, he went with his gut. And he knew he was right.

"Can you try, Charlie? Please try to talk to your mom. She…she needs that. More than anything."

Charlie stood silently, taking in her dad's words as he grabbed the leftover necessities for their living room dinner and headed back to where they were already chowing down, leaving her to mull over his request.

* * *

"Knock knock," Olivia said, smiling in the doorway of Charlie's room. She was propped up on pillows, scrolling through her iPad. Charlie tossed her reading glasses and tablet on the nightstand and sat up, smiling at her mother as she padded in. "Can I join you?"

"Of course," she said. "The boys finally get out of the house with the kids?"

Olivia laughed. "Finally. After a few false starts, they are on their way to a frozen yogurt wonderland."

Charlie moved over and patted the space by her on the bed, delighted that Olivia's face lit up at the invitation. She crawled into the bed and under the plush gray blanket, reaching out to grab Charlie's hand.

"Oh I've missed our time, sweet girl," she said, her eyes searching Charlie's, trying desperately to read her the way she had always been able to.

"Me too," Charlie responded softly, but her voice cracked and Olivia moved to kiss at her cheeks and pull her close.

"I'm right here," she cooed, "I'm always right here. Even when…well…I'm puking all over you."

Both women laughed a little bit, easing the tension and somehow stumbling back into their old groove of mother-daughter time. Olivia was content to just hold Charlie in the silence for a bit, lightly rubbing her back and stroking her hair, and Charlie was happy to soak it all in. But eventually, she felt things begin to bubble up. And instead of fighting it, she cautiously began to talk.

"I'm scared," she admitted softly, staying put in Olivia's arms but moving to pick at the fuzz on the blanket.

"I know you are," Olivia whispered, reaching one hand up to cup her cheek so they could make eye contact. "And ya know what?"

"What?" Charlie eyes were wide, as if her entire world hinged upon what Olivia said next.

"I am too," she said, not flinching or breaking their eye contact. She was going all in. "Of the cancer, sure. Of the upcoming scans, definitely. But you know what scares me the most right now? What has just gripped me with a fear that I can't handle?"

"What is it Momma?" Charlie asked, mesmerized and concerned, yet honored her mother was opening up to her in this way. "Tell me."

"That I'm losing you."

Charlie's face fell as she gasped. "What? Oh Momma, no…."

"I know you're trying to be strong, but I don't want you to be. At least, not when I'm here and able to be your Momma. And I don't know how else I can make that point clear to you."

Charlie's head dropped, guilt overcoming her as she realized that in her fight to keep her Momma healthy and unburdened, she had somehow made it worse.

"Don't do that," Olivia said, both hands now cupping her face as she stared straight into Charlie's heart and soul. "Don't feel bad. I just want us to get back to where we were. When I could read your thoughts and sense if you were okay. I need that back, more than anything right now."

The pair stayed just like that, looking at each other and gathering strength from one another. Until Charlie finally took a deep breath and slowly uncorked the bottle.

"I'm struggling, Momma," she admitted tearfully, and as much as it hurt to hear the words, Olivia felt her entire body relax in relief.

"I know baby," she said, her thumbs catching the few tears that had begun to fall. "I know you are."

"You've been through so much," Charlie began, "and somehow, you survived. You made it. And here you are, a whole person and more. And I'm scared I'll always be like this. My life will always be…one trauma after another. And I don't…I don't know how to survive sometimes. How do you do it, Momma? How did you keep going without just…popping all the pills?"

Olivia took a deep breath and pulled Charlie into her chest, leaning back against the pillows and getting them comfortable. She ran her hands through her hair and kissed her forehead before imparting some long overdue Olivia Benson-Tucker advice. And as she spoke the words, she began to feel more herself than she had since her diagnosis.

"Surviving isn't pretty. Its not some glorified process that feels good and leaves you all warm and fuzzy. You don't just wake up one day and miraculously feel better, ready to slap on the survivor label. Its ugly. Its painful. Its raw. And it is so so slow. Its two steps forward and one step back. And its a fight. A gritty fight that may ease up at times, but never truly goes away. You can do it, sweet girl. I know you can. I believe in you. We both can do this, because we already are. And I'm gonna be right here with you, beside you every step of the way, fighting like hell."

* * *

 ** _I've written a decent amount over the last few years - some good, some not so good. This chapter may be my most favorite work. I sure hope you enjoyed it. More to come! But first, review?_**


	32. Chapter 32

**_Thirty-Two_**

Just after eight, Ed and Trevor quietly opened the front door and made their way inside of the Tucker home. Noah was out cold on Ed's shoulder, mouth covered in chocolate, and Lizzie was in the exact same position in Trevor's arms. The house was quiet, the only light coming from the recessed lighting over the mantle and the faint glow from the kitchen, where Ed had left the island lamp on.

Assuming the girls were still chatting and not wanting to interrupt, Ed and Trevor exchanged knowing looks and went to their respective sides of the house to clean up their children. Padding into the bathroom, Ed stood there for a moment calculating his move: waking Noah up for a bath, or merely trying to clean his face and getting him into pajamas and his bed.

"Tomorrow's Sunday," he mused to himself. "Perfect shower day."

Deciding to keep it simple, Ed carefully sat Noah on the counter, supporting his back and head as the seven year old lolled around, still asleep, clearly worn out from their lazy day. He gently ran a warm washcloth over his little face, getting the bits of chocolate syrup off of his skin before stripping his shirt off and picking him back up, carrying him into his room. Ed took special care picking out his favorite pajamas and getting him ready for bed, before tucking him in and taking a moment to watch his son sleep peacefully.

As Noah had gotten older, his desired room decor had changed slightly. His walls were now a soft green and Olivia had ordered various car decals to make a design on the larger wall opposite his large window. And although he still had his toy chest and large rug with the car town on it, Ed and Olivia had recently opted for new furniture, giving him a double bed and a dresser that he could grow into, but in the moment it seemed a little old for him.

It was a little bittersweet, he thought to himself, as Noah got older. His budding personality was steady, only getting bigger and even more enjoyable, but Ed found himself sad that soon the little boy may not be as cuddly or excited for yogurt runs with his dad and niece. Shaking off the melancholy, Ed leaned down to kiss Noah's forehead before backing out of the room, making sure his nightlight was on and his door was closed.

Ed's next stop was his own room, changing out of his sticky clothes and into sweat pants and a t-shirt. He brushed his teeth, splashed water on his face, and slipped into his slippers before padding across the house. Trevor had already moved into Lizzie's room, so Ed made a left and knocked softly on Charlie's door, hoping he wasn't interrupting anything too serious, but needing to let them know they were home.

"Come in," he heard his daughter call softly. Opening the door a crack, Ed smiled. Olivia and Charlie were cuddled up on the bed, Olivia's fingers still softly combing through the younger woman's hair as usual, and the soft glow of a show on the mounted television was the only real light in the room, aside from a very soft lamp on the nightstand.

"You two okay?" He asked, opening the door a bit wider but not intruding into the space just yet.

"Yeah," Olivia cooed softly. "Watching a little HGTV in between bouts of chatting and catching up. How was the yogurt run?

"A total success," Ed reported with a proud grin. "Both kids are cleaned up and out cold."

"Noah's asleep already?" Olivia asked, a slight disappointment in her voice.

"Didn't even budge when I changed him into pajamas," Ed said softly. "But I'm sure he'll welcome you for a goodnight kiss, even in dreamland."

That seemed to appease his wife for the time being, so Ed began to back out of the room. He noticed the tear streaks down Charlie's cheeks, but her eyes seemed dry for the moment. Not wanting to ruin whatever was transpiring between mother and daughter, he blew them a kiss and closed the door again, running into Trevor in the hallway.

"Asleep?"

"Out like a light."

Ed grinned and slapped Trevor on the back as they headed towards the kitchen.

"Great," he said. "I could use a bourbon to celebrate a quiet house."

* * *

"Sorry you missed Noah tonight," Charlie said quietly. Once Ed had left, a silence had fallen in the room and the two women had remained in place, both lost in thought. Charlie knew Olivia had been trying to be there for every bedtime she could stay awake for recently, and the guilt was seeping in.

"No sorries sweet girl," Olivia said. "Sounds like it was boring since he was already asleep. I'll go get my cuddles before heading to bed a little later."

"I feel like sometimes I take up too much of your time," Charlie confessed a little hesitantly. "Especially as an adult."

Olivia sat up a little bit and looked at her, eyes both stern and loving simultaneously. It was a look few people mastered as well as Olivia Benson-Tucker.

"You don't take up nearly enough of my time, sweet girl," she said. "And I know there's still so much you haven't said. So much I haven't heard. And I'm expecting many more of these moments in the not so distant future."

Charlie smiled and moved to kiss Olivia's cheek.

"Thanks Momma."

"Don't thank me. This is my job. And I love it, and you, more than I know how to express."

* * *

Olivia finally made her way into their bedroom a little after eleven. She had made it her mission to lay down with Noah for an hour or so that night, then to check back in on Charlie before finally allowing herself to head to bed herself. Exhausted, but finally feeling some relief from her worries, she smiled as she walked over to Ed's side of the bed and leaned down to kiss him.

"Everyone's asleep and okay?" He asked, taking his glasses off and tenderly stroking her cheeks, bringing her down for another kiss. "You save the world yet?"

Olivia laughed and crawled into bed, still on Ed's side, nestling herself securely against his frame and letting out a sigh. "Noah's asleep, miraculously since I tripped over his cardboard dreidel costume on my way out."

She felt Ed's chest rumble as he laughed. "Why do we still have that thing?"

"Noah likes it," Olivia answered simply. "I'm so glad Charlie recorded that event. He was so cute."

The parents smiled as they thought back to the videos Charlie sent them of Noah's holiday sing-a-long at school back in December. His friend Elijah had been asked to wear the annual cardboard dreidel costume while they school sang several different Hanukkah songs, but at the last minute he got nervous. So Noah happily popped a second dreidel on and went up to the front with his friend, surprising both Charlie and Trevor as they watched proudly while Noah and Elijah spun around and around in front of the school. Eventually they each fell, shockingly on the same side, and the students cheered as they yelled out the letter.

Ed tugged Olivia closer, knowing it was a bittersweet memory that she missed this past year, and kissed her forehead. "Maybe he'll do it again next year," he whispered softly.

"Maybe," Olivia said, slithering up his body and kissing his chin. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"You're not, but I'll let it go for now," he said with a smirk, situating them so that Olivia was on top of him, straddling his lap as he leaned against the pillows and headboard. "So Noah's asleep, the cardboard dreidel is still intact…how's Charlie?"

Olivia sighed.

"Let me guess," Ed replied, answering his own question to keep Olivia's spirits up. "She's 'fine' too?"

"She's talking some." Olivia adjusted so she was propped on her elbows on Ed's chest, running her index finger in between his pecs. "But there's still so much bottled up inside of her."

"Still seeing her therapist?"

"She is."

"That's something Liv," Ed said encouragingly, rubbing her bad and smiling up at her. "It's just gonna take some time."

"Yeah."

Ed was concerned with Olivia's short answers, so he tried another approach. "Those kids… _our kids_ …they love you so much, Olivia. And Charlie is always gonna need her Momma. Even when you struggle to reach her. I promise you, she's still gonna need you."

"I know."

"But?"

Olivia shrugged.

"Nothing," she finally said softly, beginning to place little kisses on his chest. "Nothing."

"Liv…" he groaned, not convinced that the conversation was over, but her lips on his body sent pleasant chills up and down his spine and he was losing resolve to continue talking. "Baby that feels good…"

"I just need you to love me right now," she said, moving up to his neck and then gently biting at his ear. "I need you."

Ed let out a grunt and slid his hands down to her behind, lightly massaging and tickling until she was grinding against him.

"I always need you," he whispered directly into her ear, causing her to whimper in anticipation. "And I always will."

* * *

Charlie tossed around in the bed trying desperately to get some sleep, but she was wide awake. Frustrated that even after talking with her mom, albeit holding back a tiny bit, she still was not able to relax and close her eyes, she finally flung the covers off and went to sit up. Trevor felt the shift and opened his eyes, reaching his hand out to caress her lower back.

"Babe, you okay?"

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly. "Just can't sleep."

Trevor rubbed his face and sat up, moving behind her and kissing her bare shoulder blades where her cut up ESPN t-shirt had fallen down her arm. "Talk to me?"

"My mind is just going non-stop. About…nothing and everything."

Continuing to kiss at her, Trevor rubbed her arms in comfort. "I was hoping you'd feel a little better after talking with your Mom."

"I do," she emphasized. "I've missed that…more than I realized."

"But?"

"But…I still held back," she admitted, finally leaning back and into his arms, allowing him to hold her and rest his head on hers as she spoke. "Which surprised me. I'd been waiting, I dunno, how long? To talk to her? To really talk to her like that. But…there were parts of me I couldn't reveal."

"A lot has happened," Trevor reasoned. "It's going to take some time for you to get it all out."

"Maybe."

"Talk to me. What's bothering you right now?"

Charlie shrugged, but made no attempt to move from the safety of Trevor's arms. "I wish I knew."

Trevor let out a grunt that almost sounded like a chuckle. "Wanna go down the list of possibilities?"

Charlie let out a laugh and swatted at him, appreciating how he could match her often dark sense of humor. It was a favorite survival technique that the two of them were using together, and more frequently these days.

"No," she said, rolling her eyes. "I would not. But that's for that offer."

Trevor squeezed her a little tighter and kissed her ear before pulling back slightly.

"Want me to get each of us a little pour of bourbon?"

Charlie's eyes shot open, surprised he was bringing it up.

"Relax," he said. "A little isn't gonna hurt." He kissed her nose in reassurance. "I just want you to sleep."

Tempted to turn straight to alcohol, Charlie sat quietly for a bit before scooting back further against Trevor and moving a little bit, teasing him.

"How about," she said slowly, turning around and moving her hands under his shirt and up his chest. "We try something else first?"

Smirking, Trevor had her on her back in seconds, placing kisses all over her face and neck, spreading her legs with his and settling on top of her.

"Best idea you've ever had."

* * *

Olivia was sprawled out, half on the bed and half on her husband, fully sated and drifting off to sleep.

Ed was wide awake. His wife had been more energetic and enthusiastic that evening, finally giving them some sense of normalcy in their sex life, but as Ed was moving relatively gently inside of her and kissing at her neck, he began to notice a few subtle differences and was concerned that perhaps her lymph nodes were swollen. Not wanting to alarm her and interrupt one of their few instances of sex, he tucked the worry away and continued pleasuring her. But now that she was asleep, his worry began to creep back up.

Carefully he allowed his hand to move up and gently trace patterns on her shoulder, neck, and cheek, not wanting to wake her up but also wanting to poke around. Eventually his hand settled on the side of her neck and he pressed gently in a few places, confirming his original observation. They were swollen.

"Mmmmm, Ed?" Olivia stirred, as he was no longer pretending to be gentle in his prodding. "What are you doing?"

"Liv…"

She sat up lazily and eyed him, her face still pale but her cheeks finally had some rosy flush to them. Ed tried to quell his worry, but she was too sharp for him, even with chemo brain.

"What?" She asked, eyes wide and searching his face.

"Your lymph nodes feel a little swollen," he whispered, still pressing along her neck and carefully examining her. Throughout her battle, Ed had busied himself becoming an expert in all possible things to expect. From side effects, to what foods are better, to how to tell if she's having a reaction, he was a text book's worth of knowledge. On top of that, he also knew his wife and he knew her body. Ed still hadn't quite gotten over how he hadn't felt the original lump in her breast all those months ago, so he was now even more adamant about making sure every part of her body, down to the very last freckle, was tucked away in his memory so he would know if something came up.

And something was up.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked, sitting up and settling them both against the headboard again, his fingers not leaving her neck.

"I feel great, Ed," she assured him. "Even better after the last hour…"

Ed felt his face flush, but he wasn't going to let her deter him. "Scratchy throat? Soreness? Anything?"

"No," she said softly. "It's fine, Ed. Probably just from holding in my shrieks."

"Dammit, Olivia," he finally said, his frustration apparent and startling her. "Don't just brush this off."

"Ed…" Her eyes were wide as she watched him and finally took in just how anxious and worried he was. "I'm sure it's fine, baby. Calm down. It's the middle of the night. We can't do anything about it until tomorrow anyways, okay?"

He didn't say anything, he just wrapped Olivia up in his arms and held her against his chest, planting kisses on top of her head.

"Baby," Olivia whispered, rubbing his chest and side to try and get him to relax. She could almost hear his heart beating quickly and felt helpless about how he was reacting to what she viewed as not a big deal.

"You don't get to brush this off," he whispered, voice shaking with an intensity Olivia hadn't heard from him in a while. "You don't get to say this doesn't matter. I've read everything I need to know. And I'm taking you to see Dr. Kamal first thing tomorrow morning."

"Ed," Olivia cautioned, not sure how to proceed, but felt the need to de-escalate, even for a brief moment. "We don't have an appointment."

"I. Do. Not. Care." He growled. "He will make time. And if it's nothing, fine. I'll apologize. But I will not apologize for doing everything in my power to make sure you're okay."

"Okay," Olivia said, just trying to calm her husband down at this point. "Okay, we'll go. I'm sorry. It's okay, baby. We'll go."

"Thank you," he croaked, burying his face in her neck and clinging to her body. Olivia just let him clutch at her, occasionally scratching his neck and head, trying to calm him down.

"I'm gonna be okay, Ed," she whispered. "You'll see."

"I know," he said, pulling the comforter over their bodies and calming himself by the feel of having Olivia in his arms. "I will not accept any other outcome."

* * *

 ** _Well...review?_**


	33. Chapter 33

**_Thirty-three_**

Ed was frantic.

Dr. Kamal had been more than gracious when he had called that morning, demanding to be seen. In fact, the doctor told him to bring her right into the office so he could see what was going on. They had waited about an hour before being called back, but the doctor gave them his undivided attention which had calmed Ed slightly.

He stood protectively over Olivia, holding her hand and kissing her forehead when he was able, while the doctor and nurse poked, prodded, and drew some blood.

"The blood work likely won't tell us much," Dr. Kamal had admitted, "but I want to run it anyways, then go from there."

"What's your gut telling you, doc?" Ed asked, desperate for anything to quell his anxiety.

"I honestly don't know," he had replied, which did nothing to help the other man calm down. "Let's just go one step at a time. I would, however, like to go ahead and admit her…"

"Admit me?" Olivia asked, eyes widening as she tried to sit up, protesting the fact that what she thought had been a routine check up to appease her husband was now turning into yet another hospital stay. "Is that necessary?"

Dr. Kamal's eyes were kind and calm, which helped soothe the couple a little bit, but not enough.

"We're gonna need to run some scans, Olivia," he said gently. "And given your treatment having just completed a cycle, I'd like to just be cautious, okay? It's no reason to cause any alarm. I just want to keep a closer eye on you until we know what we're dealing with here."

"Dealing with…" she had murmured, allowing her body to lean against Ed instead of falling back on the exam table. Olivia let him hold her as tightly as he wanted, as she knew that this development was scaring him. Still feeling like it was nothing, she reached up and stroked his cheek.

"Deep breaths, baby," she coached, worried at how worked up he was getting. "Let's take it an hour at a time."

Their arrival to the oncology wing at the Long Island hospital was a blur. They had not had to endure a stay in this facility, outside of her initial surgery, and Ed was unfamiliar with the corridors and staff, adding to his already mounting worry. Olivia was quickly settled into a private room with ample space, and Ed planted himself on the bed right next to her, unwilling to let go of any contact until the nurse came to take her for tests. He kissed her repeatedly, caressed her cheeks and arms, and professed his love for her more than usual. Olivia tried to reassure him, and she succeeded somewhat, but once her bed was wheeled out of the room and the door had closed, Ed unraveled. He was now sitting in the chair, staring at where the bed had been half an hour before, and holding Olivia's scarf against his face as he allowed his mind to go places it hadn't gone before and he was powerless to stop it.

Ed Tucker was still frantic, and now terrified.

Realizing he needed to do something other than sit alone and think of worse case scenarios for the next couple of hours, he finally broke down and called Charlie.

 _Dad? How is she?_

"Hey kiddo, listen they had to admit her…"

 _What? Admit her? Why?_

Ed could hear the panic in Charlie's voice and did his best to answer calmly.

"Just while they run some tests, figure out why her lymph nodes are swollen."

 _Daddy…_

"I know," he responded, unable to really offer any other assurance as he was worried himself. "Listen, uh, she's gonna be back there for a while and, er…"

 _I'm on my way. I'll bring coffee._

Ed just smiled.

"Thanks, Charlie."

 _It's gonna be okay, Dad. I'll be right there._

* * *

Charlie traveled the hospital hallways, grateful they were unfamiliar otherwise she would be even more drawn back to her nightmare the week before. It was similar enough as it was, but after steadying herself with Trevor, Charlie was able to squash most of it and cough the residual shaking up to the reality that her mother needed more scans. Pausing at the door, she took a few more minutes to compose herself, knowing that Ed was needing strength from her. Knocking lightly, she entered without waiting for his answer.

"Hey dad," she whispered, approaching him as he stood by the window, hands in his jean pockets.

He barely turned around before respond. "Hey kiddo."

Charlie moved to stand next to him, arms touching, and they both admired the view of the hospital courtyard.

"How long as she been gone?" She winced at her choice of words, but they didn't seem to effect Ed.

"Not even an hour," he replied softly. "It all just happened…so fast."

Charlie reached down to take her dad's hand and squeezed, encouraging him to keep talking. And he did.

"When I realized her lymph nodes were swollen last night," he said, his voice raspy as he fought to keep it from breaking. "I couldn't breathe, Charlie." He turned and looked at his daughter, into eyes a mirror image of his own, both sets swirling with worry and fear, but Charlie's seemed a little calmer than Ed's in the moment. "This whole time I've been so focused on just…getting us through. The next step. The next hurdle. And that is what has gotten me to this point. But in that moment, and right now, I just…the fear…I've never felt anything like it."

Charlie swallowed, unsure what to say, as she was feeling the same kind of fear. So she remained a silent, steady support, allowing Ed to finally release some of the feelings he had been harboring for the duration of Olivia's illness.

"I know that you've…you feel the same," Ed said softly, moving to kiss the side of her head and he closed his eyes, drawing strength from having his grown daughter right next to him as they faced this next mountain together. "And I'm sorry that our foundation has been so shaken, and so…different…that we all haven't been able to process together."

"Dad," she finally said, reaching up and patting his cheek, making sure he was looking at her once again. "We're all doing the best we can. And the most important thing right now is helping Momma fight. And win," she said with emphasis, but Ed could hear the tears bubbling up in her words. "And once we get her through these tests, once we know that she's not going anywhere, then we can come back to all of this…and process and cry and scream together."

Ed just admired Charlie for a few minutes, a small smile beginning to grow on his face. "I'm so proud of you, Charlotte. Maybe I don't say that enough."

She just shrugged.

"I know," Charlie responded quietly. "You don't have to say it."

The returned to silence for a little bit longer until Charlie looked over and saw Ed's shoulders shaking, eyes closed and face pinched as he very clearly tried to hold back the tears.

"Daddy…" she moved to rub his back and hand him a tissue, letting him have his moment. "You're okay. Just let it out for now. I'm right here."

Ed shifted, placing a hand on the window, almost as if he needed to steady himself for the onslaught of emotions that came barreling to the surface. He stood just like that for several minutes; hand on the window, head down, shoulders shaking and tears flowing. Charlie remained stoic, one hand on his back and the other handing him another tissue as he needed it, until he was able to pull it back together.

As Ed straightened up, he pulled Charlie into his side and held her tightly, chin on her head.

"She'll be okay," he whispered, for both of them. "She just will."

* * *

Charlie was flipping through pictures on her phone, regaling her parents with stories of Noah and Lizzie as they all settled into the hospital room. She was lounging on the arm chair, legs thrown over the side, and passing the phone around for Ed and Olivia to look at the images and videos as she would recount the various adventures the children had gone on together.

"They are so creative," Olivia said, a wistful smile on her face as she watched the video of Noah slaying a dragon in a castle, only to have Lizzie run in and finish it off, her uncle cheering her on. "And I love how headstrong she is already."

Charlie let out a sarcastic laugh. "I guess I do too?"

They all shared a knowing laugh, before Ed gave his two cents and brought some seriousness to the conversation. "You do," he coached. "She's a Tucker woman. And all three of you are incredible."

Just as Charlie was about to let a wise crack slip, unable to handle much more weight than they already had, Dr. Kamal knocked and came strolling into the room, chart in hand, and observing Olivia's IV bag.

"Feeling a little better, Olivia?"

The tests, while minor and not intrusive, had proven to be hard for the woman as she was still coming off of her chemo drip the week before. They had a few false starts in the scan machine, including the need to clean everything up and start again. Eventually Dr. Kamal had popped in and advised a medicated drip to help her relax and soothe her queasiness. It had proven effective, but had made Olivia a little loopy and sleepy.

Once she had returned to the room, she slept off and on for the next hour. Charlie watched as her father situated himself right next to Olivia's bedside, grasping her hand, and not moving until she woke up and gave him a smile. Her heart clenched at just how much they loved each other, and it intensified her fear that if something were to happen to Olivia, their family would not survive it.

But that fear had temporarily abated, as Olivia was awake and in a relatively good mood, happy to talk about the kids and tell some of the same stories from their past holidays and vacations that made them all laugh.

"Remember Noah getting rid of, whatever the fuck his name was?" Ed had brought up at one point, referring to their trip to Barbados, when Noah had decided Enrique was not to be around his sister.

Charlie just laughed. "That was so funny. He's just great. And he was _so_ protective. Even at four."

But now the fun memories had faded a bit, and the three Tuckers sat nervously as Dr. Kamal poked around a little bit, asking Olivia some questions, before he moved to stand at the foot of her bed.

"Okay," he said, "I can't tell much from the initial readings. Which isn't good or bad, it just means I need to wait for the prints to fully develop."

"How long are we talking, doc?" Ed asked, rubbing his forehead with the hand that wasn't clutching at his wife.

"Tomorrow morning," he predicted.

"What are the possibilities?" Olivia asked, needing to have the whole picture.

Ed's grip on her hand tightened and Charlie steeled herself, finally reaching out to take Olivia's other hand in both of hers.

"Well, seems like you all know the obvious answer, and we are going to hope that isn't the case," Dr. Kamal began. "Other possibilities are side effects from the drip or other medication, your body developing or fighting off an infection, or just plain old cold and flu symptoms."

"Are any more likely than the other?" Charlie asked, needing something to hold onto in that moment.

Taking a deep breath, Dr. Kamal took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes before answering. "Hard to say," he admitted honestly. "All signs have been pointing to this treatment working wonderfully for you, Mrs. Tucker, so it would surprise me a little if the cancer has spread."

Ed pulled Olivia's hand up to kiss it, as the doctor continued. "That being said, I'm concerned. You are showing no other flu symptoms, the drug combo hasn't produced this before, and your blood work was still elevated. Let's just see what the scans say tomorrow, okay? There are options, Olivia, no matter what this is."

The family sat quietly for a moment, letting the information sink in, and Dr. Kamal began to gather his stuff. Olivia stopped him.

"Can I go home?" she asked, her eyes pleading, desperate for a way to feel normal while they agonized over what her scans were going to say. "Please?"

Dr. Kamal stood, thinking for a little bit, and took a deep breath. "I'd prefer not," he replied honestly. "You're already here and settled," the doctor explained, "and I'd just like to keep an eye on you until we know what we're dealing with."

Disappointed, but understanding, Ed, Olivia, and Charlie all shook the doctor's hand and thanked him, before sitting in silence for a little bit once he left. Finally, Olivia broke the silence.

"What time is it? Who is getting Noah?"

Charlie checked her phone. "Almost two. And…I can go. Or Trevor."

Olivia turned and looked at Ed, her eyes telling a story of what she preferred and Ed nodded, letting out a reluctant sigh.

"Let me get him," he said, "and talk to him a little bit. He might deal with the overnight stay better if it comes from me, help calm his anxiety."

Charlie smiled, patting Olivia's hand. "Okay, I'll be on Momma duty until you get back."

Ed shook his head with a smirk and lovingly admired the two women in front of him. Trying not get emotional leaving his wife at the hospital with all the uncertainty around them, he stood up and kissed her face before landing on her lips for a deeper smooch. Charlie smiled as she watched them, before clearing her throat, causing a little laughter from the three adults. Ed shot her a look before kissing Olivia once more and backing towards the door.

"I'll be back soon," he promised, his eyes staying on his wife's face. "And I'll bring some soup for dinner."

* * *

Charlie had dozed off hunched over the bed, head resting on Olivia's arm. Olivia herself had been sleeping peacefully, still feeling the effects of the medicine from earlier. But she suddenly startled awake, causing Charlie to jump up and look around quickly before settling her worried blue eyes on her mother.

"You okay?" she asked, standing up and cupping Olivia's face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied breathlessly. "Or, nothing that I remember. Must've been another weird dream."

"Having more of those?" Charlie asked, yawning and stretching, before resting back on her elbows, still right next to Olivia. She didn't want any distance between them.

"Yeah," Olivia replied, reaching out to play with Charlie's hair and study her face. "I blame chemo. It's an easy target right now."

Charlie smiled sadly at her and reached up to grasp Olivia's hand, holding it to her face. "Talk to me?"

"That's my line."

They both smiled at the now familiar exchange the two of them shared, tossing those lines back and forth and waiting on each other to open up.

"No, really," Charlie pushed. "Are you doing okay? With all this…uncertainty and waiting?"

Olivia bit her bottom lip and Charlie knew she had struck an emotional nerve. But she was surprised when Olivia began to talk.

"I'm doing okay, myself," she said cautiously, testing the waters but saw her daughter's eyes were clear and she was able to handle the rest. "But it's…killing me. Absolutely killing me to see how petrified your father is."

Olivia's voice broke at the end of her sentence, as she truly could not handle just how scared her husband was to lose her in that moment. Charlie, surprised at how emotional her mother had become, quickly toed her shoes off and crawled up into her bed, resting against the pillow and pulling Olivia into her, holding her head against her chest.

"It's okay, Momma," she whispered. "I know he's scared. And I know you're scared. We all are."

"I hate that," Olivia said, reaching up and swiping at her tears with a frustrated sigh. "I just…I can handle this goddamn disease." As she spoke, her teeth were clinched and her words were angry, yet sorrowful. "But I can't handle what it's doing to you. And seeing the fear in your dad last night…and today…it just…it's a lot to handle."

Charle was quiet, still holding her mother tightly in her arms and occasionally kissing her head, just as she would do if the roles were reversed. Finally, sensing Olivia had calmed a little, she spoke softly, but still strongly.

"Momma, you are so loved. And so cherished. And yes, this disease…seeing you so sick…it scares us. More than we'd like to admit. But you're the glue. You keep us all together and sane. We need you. And, I dunno what these tests will reveal, but you have to promise me, please, that you will fight it tooth and nail. With that Olivia Benson tenacity that the legends speak of."

Olivia laughed at the use of the word legend, but she knew that her career and her life had been regaled to others. Her legacy was one of strength, hope, and now love. And it made her smile with pride as she situated them a little different on the bed, so she could now hold her daughter in reverse order.

"Charlotte Tucker, I promise you," she whispered directly into her ear, "I promise you I will fight. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," Charlie responded, her own emotions freezing her in place and her desire to be with her mother made her even less likely to move. "I love you, Momma."

* * *

 ** _This upcoming week is tough for me and I promise to do my best to continue to update regularly, but if they slow a tiny bit I apologize. Perhaps reviews and encouragement will keep the focus here on the story instead of the week, who knows. But don't you worry...this story is mapped out totally, and you'll be sick of my regular updates again before you know it :) Now. Review!_**


	34. Chapter 34

**_Thirty-four_**

Ed was stretched out on the hospital bed, Olivia resting comfortably on his chest, his fingers lightly tracing along her ear. They had been in that exact position for almost eight hours, and Olivia had slept straight through. Ed, however, was dozing off and on, continually waking up as nurses came in and out. Just when he would convince himself everything was okay enough to fall asleep, a beep or noise would startle him. So now he just laid there patiently, content to hold his sleeping wife as the sun rose.

"Well, good morning," their overnight nurse came in, still incredibly cheerful much to Ed's shock. The woman had yet to stop smiling.

She has to be on something, he thought to himself, before nodding at her.

"Morning," he whispered, careful not to move at all for fear of waking Olivia.

"Here," the nurse said, handing Ed a paper cup. "Brought ya some coffee. You've been awake most of the night, honey."

"Just want good results," he muttered, but the nurse heard him and came over to pat his arm.

"I see how much you love your wife, Mr. Tucker," she observed, careful not to offer any assurance or falsities. She'd seen far too many families receive devastating news to do that. Instead, she spoke truth to what she saw. "And she is totally at peace with you. It's a beautiful thing. You just gotta stay positive."

Ed looked down at Olivia's profile while she slept. Her favorite purple scarf was still tied on her head, as it had become a real comfort to her while she received treatment. And he loved how the color contrasted with her skin, even while it was more sickly and pale.

"She's incredible," he said simply. "And she's everything."

"Well," the nurse said, bustling about and writing down her numbers. "My shift ends soon, so I likely won't see ya again today. And hopefully for your sake, I won't see ya again at all!"

Ed let out a chuckle and kissed Olivia's forehead before responding. "Thank you, for everything you do."

"Just doin' my job," she shrugged, winking at the gray haired man before making her exit, closing the door softly behind her. Once she was gone, Ed leaned his head back against the bed again and looked up at the ceiling, taking some deep breaths. Realizing his mind was not going good places, he took a sip of his coffee and went back to just staring at Olivia, memorizing anything and everything, all over again. He counted her freckles, admired how good her coloring was for the moment, probably due to the intravenous fluids. Remembering the nurses's advice, he began to force himself to envision a few months ahead, as her hair would have grown back back and her energy returned. Being able to watch her chase Noah and Lizzie around as Spring took hold, or perhaps he could take them all away somewhere to celebrate her full recovery and put the entire ordeal behind them.

It was then, as a smile grew slightly on his face, that she stirred against his chest.

"Mmmmmm," she moaned, rubbing her face against his t-shirt. Ed ran his hand, not holding coffee, down her back as she began to wake up. "I smell coffee," she muttered, causing Ed to let out a hearty laugh.

"Hey sleepyhead," he cooed, kissing at her face as she sat up slightly, grinning up at him. "Ya want a sip? The overly happy night nurse snuck me a cup."

"Flirting with the nurses while I sleep, huh?" Olivia teased, an eyebrow raising as she reached for his coffee cup.

"Nah," he said simply. "I have everything I want right here."

Taking another sip of his coffee, Olivia just smiled, moving to put the cup down on the bedside table before moving back into his arms and curling up.

"I love you," she whispered, nuzzling her face against his shoulder. "So much."

Ed settled back into the bed and pulled the blanket up over their bodies before rubbing her arm and squeezing her a little tighter.

"Love you too," he responded. "It's gonna be okay."

* * *

Charlie came in from dropping Noah off at school and made a beeline for the coffee pot. Trevor, having set Lizzie up with a morning cartoon, was perched at the island and perusing the paper as Charlie fixed up her drink.

"How was drop off?" he asked, folding up Newsday and giving his girlfriend undivided attention.

"Ugh," she said, pouring in a tiny bit of creamer before stirring and going to plop down across from Trevor. She took a sip of her drip before continuing. "He's just clingy. Doesn't understand this impromptu hospital visit. Had a lot of questions."

"Anything you can actually answer?" Trevor asked, knowing often times Noah would ask things like "will the cancer ever go away", and they were questions that even with professional guidance, the family struggled to answer well enough to appease the young mind.

"This time they were mostly doable," she responded, moving her hands around as she spoke. "Things like if he could see her this afternoon, where Dad was staying, if she has another IV in her arm, is she throwing up. Then he moved on to debating what to draw her in art."

Trevor smiled, his eyes watching Charlie as she spoke to him.

"So by the time we got there, he only needed a couple of big hugs before he felt like he could walk inside," she finally said, twisting her lips a bit as she thought back to the earlier scene with her little brother. "He's such a trooper. But they have my cell, and your cell, if something comes up."

"Good."

"Wait," Charlie said, suddenly realizing something. "You're due back at work today!"

Trevor shook his head and leaned across the island, stilling her hands and holding onto them, kissing each of her knuckles.

"Nah," he said. "I'll go tomorrow. I'm needed elsewhere today."

Charlie froze for a moment, looking into the eyes of the man in front of her, before standing up and moving around the island and into his arms, kissing him.

"Thank you," she whispered, pulling back slightly and rubbing her nose against his. "Just, thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"Hey," he said, cupping her chin and kissing her once more. "You more than deserve me. And I'm right here."

She nodded, swallowing her building tears and moving into his arms, allowing Trevor to hold her tightly and ease her fears just slightly about what the day could bring.

* * *

It was nearing one that afternoon. Ed was slowly losing his mind as they waited for the doctor to come by with the test results and Olivia, worried as well, was now doubly worried about her husband.

Charlie had dropped by with soup and sandwiches, giving all three of them some time to just be together and try to pass time as they waited. Olivia was still hooked up to an IV and a monitor, but she was mobile so Ed set up the little table by the room's large window so she could be more in the sunlight. The trio munched on the food, chatting about Noah, Lizzie, and various other light hearted things.

But that distraction had only lasted so long. Once Charlie departed, planning to hit up the grocery store as her own way of passing the time, Ed began his pacing. Olivia was settled back in the bed, feeling good but still relatively weak and tired which was par for the course. She had just gotten comfortable and closed her eyes, when a knock startled the couple.

"Good afternoon, Tuckers," Dr. Kamal said, strolling in and moving over to the machine, checking Olivia's vitals and poking at the bag. "How are you feeling, Olivia."

"I'll be better if you can give me some good news," she muttered, desperately reaching for Ed as he made a beeline for her side. He perched on the bed, preferring to hold her against him as she squeezed his hands where they met around her stomach. The couple looked at the doctor expectantly.

"The cancer hasn't spread, Olivia," Dr. Kamal finally said, popping the heavily weighted cloud that had been looming over Ed and Olivia for the past couple of days. "Looks like it's a reaction, possibly to the drugs. But nothing to cause any major concern, or to really cause us to change things up for your last treatment."

The doctor continued to talk, but Ed had stopped listening as soon as he heard _The cancer hasn't spread, Olivia_. Eyes closed, he pulled Olivia as tightly to him as he could, lips planted on the side of her face.

Olivia was in the same state. Though she had refused to admit it and deep down still felt this was not serious, she had been scared. Perhaps it was more watching how it affected Ed, but hearing those words finally allowed her to breathe. It was the news that her family needed so desperately in that moment. She gripped Ed as tightly as she could, hoping to comfort him and remind him that she was right there with him. As the couple stayed just like that, sitting on a hospital bed with Olivia's back against Ed's chest, Dr. Kamal finally paused his speech and gave them a few minutes to process the news.

"I'm okay," Olivia muttered, turning her head slightly to try and find Ed's lips. He eagerly kissed her, but kept it brief since they were not alone. Burying his face in her neck, Ed took a few steadying breaths, trying to pull himself together at least until the doctor left.

"I love you," he whispered directly into her ear, before kissing it and lifting his head, relieved but tired eyes finally meeting those of Dr. Kamal, who just smiled at the couple.

"Glad to finally be the bearer of good news for you two," he said, hoping to lighten the mood a tad.

"Can I take her home?" Ed asked, trying not to sound too desperate, but in that moment all he wanted was his family back under one roof.

"You can," he said. "I think you could all use some time together. But Olivia, I want to caution you to take it easy. We still have one more cycle to go, okay?"

"Were you able to tell if, well, everything else was better?" she asked, curious as to what the scans could reveal.

"No," he said. "We only scanned your neck area. I want to wait until your treatment is fully completed before doing the rest, okay? But, given your blood work and these results, I still have a lot of optimism here."

Olivia's eyes closed as she leaned back, not wanting to be out of Ed's arms anytime soon, but he had finally pulled himself together enough to have some questions.

"Anything we need to watch for, reaction-wise here doc?"

"Not particularly," he replied. "Unless she starts running a high fever, or is sick more violently and frequently than you're used to, everything should be okay. Just keep doing what you're doing, and don't hesitate to call me if you have concerns. Just like you did yesterday."

Ed smirked and kissed Olivia's neck before teasing her. "See? I'm not a crazy person."

She reached up and patted his head where is rested against her. "I know you're not," she said softly before turning to the doctor. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're quite welcome," he said. "Hang tight, I'll have you sprung from here shortly."

The doctor shook their hands and then made his exit, presumably going to get her discharge papers started. As soon as the door clicked, Olivia turned around and wrapped her arms around Ed's neck, holding him tightly.

"I'm okay, baby," she said a few times. Ed kept his face buried in her neck, and she could feel the hot tears of relief begin to fall from his eyes. "Oh Ed, it's okay. I'm okay. Shhhh, baby. I'm right here."

"I love you, Liv," he whispered, his breath hot on her skin as he struggled to regain his composure. "I love you so fucking much."

"I love you too," she said. "Almost there, baby. We're almost there."

* * *

Charlie had just climbed back into her SVU after packing the back full of groceries and household goods when her phone rang. She fumbled around, nervously anticipating it being her father. Finally finding it buried under her wallet, she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and picked up.

"Dad?"

 _Hey Charlie, where are you?_

Her stomach dropped.

"In the car, in the parking lot of the market. What's going on?"

 _Scans are clear, Charlie. Cancer hasn't spread. It's just a small reaction from the chemo._

Charlie let out a sob, her entire body relaxing as she slumped against the steering wheel, trying to take deep breaths so she could hear what her father was saying.

 _We are waiting on discharge papers now. And your mom really wants to pick Noah up, so we'll handle that, okay?_

"Okay," she whispered, swiping at her face to try and stop the tears streaming down her face. "Thank god…"

 _I know. I just…I'm so relieved._

"Me too."

 _You gonna be okay to drive home?_

"Yeah," she said, pulling down the sun visor and working to dry her face and steel herself for the drive. "I'll be fine. I'm just…god…"

 _It's okay, Charlie. It's gonna be okay._

"Tell Momma I love her? So so much."

 _You know she loves you too. We'll see you at home. Love you._

"Love you too," Charlie croaked, hanging up the phone and taking a few deep breaths before calling Trevor to relay the good news and let him know she was going to be a little while longer.

* * *

Ed hustled around to Olivia's side of the car, but a jubilant Noah had beat him to it. The little boy gallantly opened the car door for his mother and gave her his little hand to help her out.

"Here, Mommy," he said. Ed rested against the front of the car and smiled at the sight. "I gotcha," he recited, imitating all the times he witnessed his dad help his mother. Olivia stepped out of the car and Noah immediately went to close the door for her. Ed moved to her side, steadying her with an arm around her waist, and the couple let their son lead them into the house.

"Hello?" Noah called. "We home!"

Little footsteps came bounding through the living room and into the foyer.

"Unc!" Lizzie shouted, seeing Noah first and flinging herself at him. "Unc home!"

Noah hugged Lizzie before extracting from her grip and patting her head.

"Gotta put my backpack up," he said. "But you say hi to Mommy!"

Lizzie Tucker's face light up the second she set eyes on Ed and Olivia. Noah momentarily forgotten, the little tyke ran the few extra steps and lifted her arms up happily.

"Ollie! Papa! Home!"

Ed immediately lifted his granddaughter into his arms, blowing raspberries in her cheek and causing her to laugh, before helping her lean over to hug Olivia.

"We're home, sweet Lizzie girl," Olivia cooed into her ear, kissing her chubby cheeks and stroking her hair. "Oh I missed you, my love."

"Ollie," Lizzie cooed, Ed still having a grip on the tyke, but struggling. "My Ollie."

The two adults smiled.

"Okay, let's get you two settled on the couch," Ed remarked, not sure Olivia was ready to handle carrying the toddler around. Once they were settled and Lizzie was babbling something to Olivia, Ed moved to make sure Noah was okay unpacking his school stuff then went into the kitchen where Trevor was stirring a large pot. "Smells good."

"Split pea soup," he said, putting the lid back on and slapping Ed on the back. "Glad you're home. What a relief."

"No kidding," Ed grunted, moving to the fridge and popping open a beer, taking a long swig. "Damn."

"Well, you're home now," Trevor said. "Relax. Dinner is on the stove, house is clean."

"Where's Charlie?" Ed asked, suddenly realizing one of their expected greeters was missing.

Trevor checked the time on the stove.

"Hm," he said. "She should be here soon. I think she had another errand to run, although she never told me what it was."

Ed just shrugged and took another sip of his IPA. "Probably just needed to breathe a little bit. I could hear it in her voice when I called earlier."

Trevor just smiled. "It's been a hard couple of days. Months. Well, years really. She's earned some time to breathe."

Ed smiled at Trevor, appreciating just how well the man loved his daughter, before heading into the living room and plopping into his recliner. Noah had crawled up on the couch and was showing Olivia and Lizzie his artwork from school. Content to just be a bystander for the moment, Ed reclined his chair, set his beer on the side table, put his hands behind his head and just watched his family with a smile on his face.

* * *

Several miles north of the Tucker home, Charlotte Tucker cut her car engine off and sat back in her seat. The sun was beginning to set over the waterfront park, but she didn't care. Not thinking twice, she got out of the car, keys in pocket, and headed down the wooded, sandy path to a clearing right on the shore. Charlie tossed her shoes on the sand and walked towards the water. It was cold, but not as cold as it could be with temperatures right around fifty degrees during the day, but it had begun to drop as the sun lowered in the sky. Desperate to feel something other than her emotions and be some place in which no one knew her name, her story, or her struggles, Charlie rolled up her pant legs and stood in the wet sand, allowing the frigid waves to crash over her feet. No one needed her and no one was worried about her in that moment. It was a place where she could just exist, for a few minutes, and not feel anything. Her long brown hair blew in the wind as she took sharp breaths, finally allowing her body to tremble and sob.

* * *

 ** _You know the drill...#reviewsmatter_**


	35. Chapter 35

**_Thirty-Five_**

"Shouldn't she be back by now?" Olivia murmured, still on the couch with Noah and Lizzie resting against her reading picture books and pop up books to each other. Dinner had been finished and cleaned up, Trevor leaving a helping in a deep bowl for Charlie once she got home. He had since retired into the back room, stating he needed to catch up on work emails before going back into the office tomorrow. Over the last twenty minutes, Olivia's worry had ramped up a couple of notches seeing as it was pushing eight at night and there had been no peep from their daughter.

Ed sat up and took his reading glasses off, tossing his book aside and checking his watch.

"Yeah," he said, rubbing his face and standing up with a groan. "She should." Ed moved over to kiss his wife's forehead before moving to the back of the house, presumably to see if Trevor had heard from Charlie. Olivia tried to return her attention to her son and granddaughter, smiling at Noah's sweet voice as he read to her, Lizzie paying very close attention. But her gut was stirring, and Olivia bit her lip as she stretched for her phone, careful not to jostle the kids, to check and see if Charlie had perhaps messaged her.

She hadn't.

Hitting "dial", Olivia held the phone between her ear and shoulder and closed her eyes as the call when straight to voicemail, signaling the phone was either off or out of range. Neither helped her growing worry that something was wrong. As if reading her mind, Lizzie twisted her body and head so she was looking up at her Ollie.

"Where Momma?" she asked, her little voice sweet and soft and her blue eyes wide, as if whatever her grandmother said in response was her lifeline. But Noah got to her first.

"She just doin' grown up things, Lizzie," he said simply. "Boring grown up things. While we play."

Lizzie giggled and cuddled further into Olivia's side, thumb going into her mouth and using her other hand to point to a picture. Noah took the instruction in stride, beginning to read the page again, giving his own interpretation of the drawings.

Olivia awkwardly bent over to kiss Lizzie's mop of brown curls and take in a deep breath. Surely her daughter would be coming through the front door any minute. A rustling in the hallway, followed by heavy footsteps, caused Olivia to situate the kids against each other and rise, heading into the kitchen to see what was going on.

"Nothing?" she asked Trevor, watching him shake his head as his mind churned about what to do.

"She needs space," he said finally. "That much I know. So I'm…hesitant to go find her. But…"

"But nothing," Ed insisted. "It is after eight and she hasn't checked in. That's not how family operates. Or this one, at least."

"Ed," Olivia cautioned, reaching out and squeezing his arm. She knew he was tired of worrying and Olivia was concerned it would manifest as anger at Charlie. That was the last thing any of them needed; Ed saying something he didn't mean and Charlie further pulling away.

"Sorry," he said, looking at Trevor as he threw his coat on.

"I'll check some of her favorite places," he reluctantly agreed. "If she calls or returns, let me know? But I have to say…I'm not that worried yet."

"If she gets upset, just blame me," Olivia said with a little smirk. Trevor laughed.

"Good call," he quipped, knowing his girlfriend could never stay mad at Olivia, but he also didn't want her to feel bad if she was, in fact, just taking some time for herself. "Okay, I'll be back."

He left the house and Olivia watched through the large window as his car backed down the drive and finally disappeared down the street and around the corner. She smiled as she felt Ed's arms wrap around her middle and his lips press into the side of her head.

"You know she's okay, right?" he murmured.

"She never does this," Olivia insisted, refusing to allow the men to convince her to relax.

"That girl has a lot on her," Ed explained. "Let her breathe."

"She can breathe here, at home," Olivia finally responded firmly, leaving no more room for argument and Ed didn't make one.

* * *

Olivia puttered around the kitchen, pretending to wipe down counters and rearrange the coffee mugs that hung under the cabinets. Ed had the kids in the bath and the house was otherwise quiet, which just gave her too much time in her own thoughts, so she busied herself, consistently checking her phone to see if Trevor or Charlie had contacted her.

They hadn't.

Finally running out of things to clean and re-clean, Olivia collapsed onto a stool and let her forehead fall onto the cool countertop on the island. She didn't think Charlie was in some kind of life or death danger, but she knew that the young woman carried mountains and knew what that kind of weight felt like. She worried that when it got too heavy, instead of turning to her family, Charlie still turned away to protect herself, and others. Olivia's biggest fear in the moment was her daughter being somewhere alone, lost in her own thoughts and pain. It was a feeling that Olivia felt often in her younger life, before she had allowed Ed into her world. And it was a feeling she hated even more so now, knowing her daughter also struggled with it.

That excruciating, hidden inner pain was a bear that Olivia fought to slay with every fiber of her being, but it just kept coming back. Less so with Ed by her side, and her family surrounding her, but it still crept in on occasion and she had to fight hard to stifle it. To remind herself she wasn't alone and that she was so deeply and incredibly loved. After a lifetime of being alone and dealing with incredible pain on her own, Olivia understood the struggle Charlie was facing. That kind of hurt doesn't go away overnight, but it can go away if you're lucky. Which is exactly what Charlie and Olivia were.

 _I'll be damed if I can't convince Charlie of the same thing_ , she thought to herself just as she heard the front door rustle. Popping her head up, she moved swiftly through the living room and felt her entire body relax as she laid eyes on her daughter.

"Charlie," she breathed out, moving quickly to where the girl was taking her jacket off, hanging it up, before toeing off her tennis shoes. Olivia reached her, cupping her face and searching her eyes. The were red, irritated from crying, but otherwise clear. Olivia didn't say anything, she just pulled her into her arms, holding her tightly with one hand on her back and the other gripping her hair.

"Momma," she mumbled, returning the hug, relieved to be holding her mother knowing the cancer hadn't spread, but then she pulled away to look at her curiously. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she brushed off, thumbs stroking Charlie's cheeks. "Where were you?"

Suddenly Charlie realized her error. "Oh, fuck," she said quietly, moving from Olivia's grip and digging in her bag for her phone. "Did you try to call? Where's my phone?"

"Charlie," Olivia said, watching the girl begin to panic as she searched for her device. Olivia reached out to still her movements, gripping her forearm and causing Charlie to look up from the table in the foyer and meet the eyes of her mother again. "Its okay," she emphasized. "You know me. I just worry."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, shaking her head and pulling Olivia into her again. "That's the last thing you needed and I don't know where my phone is and I just needed some space to clear my head and I lost track of time and oh my god, Momma I'm sorry I wasn't thinking…"

Charlie was rambling and Olivia could hear the remorse and worry in her voice as she kept going. So she stopped her.

"Hey," she said, pulling back and moving them to the couch. Olivia grabbed her own phone, fired off a message to Trevor, and got situated on the couch with her girl. "I know. I get it. It's okay. Just maybe next time keep your phone within reach?"

Olivia raised her eyebrow, signaling she was serious but also playful in her rebuke and Charlie laughed.

"Anything you want, Momma."

"Good to hear," Olivia said. "Right now, I want to know what's going on in your pretty little head."

"I'm just glad you're okay," Charlie whispered, not wanting to go into too much in the moment, but she needed Olivia to know how relieved she felt. "So, so glad. I need my Momma."

"Oh sweet girl," Olivia breathed out, resting her head against Charlie's as they sat together. "Everything's okay. And…I need you too."

* * *

Ed paused in the opening to their hallway and watched his wife. She was curled up in the corner of the couch, light blue scarf tied on her head and her blue-framed glasses perched on her nose, reading on the iPad. Her toes peeked out from under the fluffy, gray blanket. Olivia was so engrossed in whatever she was reading, it took her a while to realized she was being watched.

"Hey," she cooed softly, smiling at her husband who was smirking at her. He pushed off the doorway wall and came over to her, leaning over and taking off her glasses before kissing at her face.

"You're so cute," he said in between little kisses. "So fucking cute…"

His lips finally landed on hers and he used the hand that wasn't still holding her glasses to brace on the arm of the couch, kissing her deeply before pulling back and nuzzling her nose.

"Our son has requested his Mommy," he finally said, standing up and helping her off the couch. She kissed him one more time before rounding the coffee table and heading to see Noah, turning and smirking as Ed swatted her behind while she passed him.

"Later," she whispered, winking and disappearing into the hallway, quietly entering her son's room to watch him for a minute. He was tucked into his big bed, the baseball lamp still on next to him. He was holding a few of his stuffed animals, clearly carrying on some kind of conversation between the four of them. Olivia was content to just watch him play, completely at peace, until he noticed her standing there and gave her a smile.

"Hi, Mommy!"

"Hi sweet boy," she said, moving into the room and sitting on the bed, running her fingers through his hair. "Ready for bed?"

"Yep," Noah replied, carefully placing his animals next to him before snuggling into his mother's chest, a little hand reaching up to pat her cheek. "You feelin' better?"

"So much better," she said, kissing his head and holding him close. "And pretty soon, I'll feel better all the time."

"Good," Noah said as he rubbed his eyes and stifled a yawn. "I don't like it when you're sick."

"Me neither," Olivia whispered, closing her eyes and pressing her lips together to shove her emotion down. "Me neither. But I promise you, this is almost over. Okay? You've been such a good, brave boy and I love you so much, Noah."

"I love you too, Mommy. Will you stay 'til I fall 'sleep?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

Charlie crawled across the bed and plucked the laptop out of Trevor's lap, placing it gently on the nightstand before moving onto his chest and into his arms.

"Can I help you?" He asked teasingly, running his fingers along her lower back, just above the waistline of her flannel shorts.

"Lizzie's asleep," she reported. "And you go back to the city tomorrow, so no more work until then."

"Oh yeah?" He smirked and shifted, so they were side by side, facing each other.

"Yeah," she whispered, turning her head and kissing the pad of his finger that he was tracing her face with. "Hey…I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to worry anyone."

"It's fine, babe," Trevor shrugged it off, having not been the one overly worried to begin with. "I know you just needed time."

"Yeah, but…I should've called and that's on me. I'm not…normally this…I dunno the word…"

"Charlie?"

"Yeah?"

"It's _okay._ "

She fidgeted a little. "Is it sometimes…too hard…to be with me?"

Trevor sat up, eyes wide, and pulled Charlie up next to him. He took both of her hands and squeezed. "What are you talking about?"

"Am I too hard to love?"

His heart broke. "No," he growled out. "Not at all. Charlie…you are worth every bit of challenge I face to be with you. Every tear I dry, every assurance I give, every protection I can provide…I'd do it, and will do it, a million times over if it means I can see you smile and go to sleep next to you each night."

Tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks, but Charlie stopped them, refusing to let them fall.

"I know we all have this…vision…of a perfect life," she said, her voice low and full of emotion and the unshed tears. "The kind where nothing is wrong and we are always happy and in love and the pain is gone. And, I'm just…so sorry…that I can't give that to you."

"Charlie…"

"I'm never gonna be that girl. I'm always gonna be damaged. And as hard as I try, I can't change that."

"I know," he said simply. "I don't care. I love you. I love you, and everything about you, including the dark spots. We have plenty of happy moments, babe. And sure we all want perfect, but _you_ make this perfect. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I love you, Trevor. So much," she said, tossing her sleep shirt aside and pulling him on top of her. "And…I wanna be with you forever."

"Yeah?" he asked, already sucking on her neck and smirking at her breathy moans and pants.

"Yeah…" she breathed out, pushing his head up and looking at him, reflecting all the trust in the world. "Once my Momma is better…I want that ring…"

"Deal, baby," Trevor said, diving back down onto her lips and moving quickly to strip them of the rest of their clothes. He had never felt more invigorated than in that moment.

* * *

"Ed," Olivia moaned, her head to the side as his tongue explored the side of her neck and his lower body rubbed against hers. "That feels so good…"

He stayed right here, kissing and licking every inch of her neck and collar bone, eternally grateful that there was no cancer in that spot he found a few days back. His hands lightly ran up and down her sides, teasing the sides of her breasts and tickling her sensitive spots.

She let out a little whimper and adjusted so her pelvis would hit his. Turning her head back to look at him, she held his face in her hands and gave him a smile. "Make love to me," she pleaded in a whisper. "Please."

Clothes were thrown, moans were heard, sheets rustled and sweat poured from their bodies as they tossed around, pleasuring each other and enjoying the burst of energy Olivia was feeling. They jostled for control, Olivia moving on top of Ed, smirking down at him before he flipped her over and pinned her arms above her head, licking the space between her breasts as he moved agonizingly slow inside of her.

"More," she breathed out. "More, Ed."

He wasn't used to her wanting this kind of sex while she had been sick. In fact, when she was even able to find the energy, it had been so slow and soft. No that Ed minded. He loved taking his time with her, and he would never, under any circumstance, hurt her. But he missed how feisty she could be in bed, and he was getting a small glimpse of what life would be like for them once she was done with treatment.

Ed stilled fully inside of her, and looked down at her face: cheeks flushed, sweat dripping down her neck, and her eyes wide as she waited for his next move.

"I love you, Olivia," he said, still not moving but kissing her softly.

"I love you too, Ed," she breathed out. "But…I need you to fuck me…"

He chuckled. "Lemme know if you need to stop," he warned, before slowly pulling out and watching her face contort and change as she reveled in the pleasure of the friction.

"OH…" she yelped as he pushed back inside of her, more firmly and quickly than before. "Oh yes. Just like that. Don't you dare stop."

"Never," he growled, moving faster and faster inside of her, still pinning her hands above her head. It only took a few more minutes before both of them had an intense, near simultaneous release, and Ed collapsed on top of her, head in her neck, both panting and breathing heavily.

"I've missed this," he whispered.

"Me too."

"When you're better, we're going away for a weekend. Just us. And getting a soundproof cabin."

Olivia laughed and ran her fingers through his hair. "Whatever you say, baby."

"I love that sound."

"Sex?"

Ed chuckled. "No, well…yes, but that's not what I meant. I meant your laughter. It's…beautiful."

"You make me laugh. My family always makes me laugh. And it's the best medicine."

"We're forever gonna make you laugh," he mumbled, face still against her skin, tickling at her body again and causing her to squirm and giggle. "I'm foreverrrrr gonna make you laugh…"

She let out a gasp as his fingers moved between her legs.

"And I'm foreverrrrr gonna make you sound like that too."

* * *

 ** _Still debating what comes next, so leave a review and lemme know your thoughts! Also, Happy Holidays._**


	36. Chapter 36

**_Thirty-six_**

Ed was at the kitchen island shuffling through a couple day's worth of mail when the beeping of the alarm sounded and he heard footsteps, followed by some laughter. Keeping the one brochure in his hands, he padded through the living room and smiled as Olivia helped Noah with his winter gear and Charlie helped Lizzie.

"How was your outing?" he asked, coming over and kissing Olivia's cheek before taking all of their jackets and hanging them up.

"Good," Olivia sighed. "Found the supplies Noah wanted for his art project, including his much requested green, but not bright green, poster board. Which was a chore. Oh, and we picked up stuff for dinner, too. Mexican sound okay?

Ed's smile grew. His wife had been having a good couple of days with lots of energy and a healthy glow about her skin. Olivia had managed to do school drop off and pick up, not missing a beat with her son, and Ed could tell how much that energy had meant to her. She smiled more, her eyes sparkled more, and Noah was eating up having his mother seemingly back in full force.

The fatigue would get to her by evening, however. Though it was easily disguised from Noah, the rest of the family could tell. Charlie would do most of the cooking, Ed would clean up, and Olivia would relegate herself to reading stories in the big bed, much to the delight of the two younger Tuckers. In fact, the night before they had grown very quiet and when Ed went to peek in, all three of them were asleep, under the blankets, with the book still open on Olivia's stomach.

Now, as he eyed his wife, she still had some energy in her features so he took a chance. "It does sound good," he said slowly, "but I was hoping maybe you'd be up for dinner out? Just the two of us?"

Her brown eyes grew wide with a cautious excitement. They hadn't had a date night without it being full of cancer side effects in a long time. "Oh," she exclaimed, looking down at Noah. "But I promised Noah a fiesta…"

"It's okay," Charlie piped in quickly. "I can make all the food and we will just have a fiesta for three. How does that sound Noah?"

"I still wear da hat?" he asked, beginning to root through the bags for the ninety-nine cent sombrero he insisted upon buying at the market.

Charlie smiled. "Of course. It's not a fiesta without a hat. And you two can join us when you get back."

Ed turned his attention back to his wife and she could see the hopefulness in his eyes. Ed Tucker had been the backbone of their family throughout her illness, never once complaining or asking for anything, until now. And even in this moment, Olivia knew if she told Ed she was a little tired, or anxious to go out in public for fear of getting sick, he'd concede and would be just fine. But as she continued to gaze into his blue eyes, she found herself unable to deny his simple request of a quiet dinner out with his wife.

"A date night sounds good, babe," she finally replied, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips. "Wanna call around for a reservation? Maybe Francesca's or Brickyard?"

"Sure," he said, finally ushering everyone out of the foyer and towards the kitchen. "Coffee is on, but Noah…" he said, hands stretched wide and revealing the mail stack, a smile on his face. "You got some mail, buddy!"

Noah's face perked up as he climbed onto an island bar stool and started looking for his name.

"What is it, Daddy?"

Ed handed him the brochure he was still carrying. "It's about baseball sign up. Ya wanna play again this year?"

Noah examined the brochure carefully, turning the pages and looking at all the pictures. Olivia noticed that he was quiet and went to sit by him, running her fingers through his hair.

"You liked baseball, didn't you sweet boy?" she asked, trying to figure out what he was thinking.

Noah nodded. "Yep," he said. "It fun. You hit da ball then RUN RUN RUN and touch alllllll da bases, and everyone cheers!"

Ed and Olivia smiled.

"You did great, pal," Ed encouraged, and took a moment before continuing. Noah hadn't wanted to do many activities since Olivia's diagnosis. Everyone Ed and Olivia had consulted advised it was normal, and that perhaps Noah's way of coping was not to busy himself and to make sure he was always where he felt safest. Children had a natural way of adapting to scary things, and Noah's way may have just been to stay right with his family, at home, as much as he could. But with Olivia's illness hopefully almost over, both parents were hoping Noah would want to try baseball again. "You'll get to stay on the same team, with Coach Ray."

"He's nice. I like Coach Ray," Noah reminded them. "He say 'just keep your eye on da ball, Noah' and I did and then I got a hit!"

"Coach Ray is smart, isn't he Noah?" Olivia said, leaning over to kiss him on the forehead. "Do you want us to sign you up?"

"Yeah," he said, though his voice was soft.

"You sure, bud?" Ed asked, eyeing Olivia who still hadn't taken her eyes off of her son.

"I sure," he said. "But…Mommy you will be better and can come, right?"

 _A-ha_ , Ed thought. They were finally getting somewhere.

"Noah," Olivia began, biting her bottom lip as she searched for the right words. "Mommy has one more treatment. Then I'll have some tests to make sure that cancer is gone. But…" she paused, still wondering if she was saying the right thing. But she refused to give her son false hope and shatter his trust in her. "Even if the cancer isn't quite gone, and I need some more help, I'll still come to every game, okay?"

"Promise?" Noah asked, looking up at her with wide, curious eyes. Olivia gave him a smile before pulling him into her chest, holding his little body tightly as she rested her cheek on his head.

"I promise, sweet boy. Mommy will always be your biggest fan."

* * *

Ed was seated across from Olivia at a round table for two, situated by the window of one of their favorite upscale restaurants. Knowing Olivia couldn't drink, they had both opted for a sparkling water and the waiter, seeming to understand, brought their drinks in a nicer wine glass. Ed and Olivia toasted to the "home stretch," as Ed kept referring to the last treatment that way. Their eyes didn't leave each other as they took their required post-toasting sips, but Ed immediately reached for his wife's hands after they set their glasses down.

"I've missed this," he said softly as he played with their intertwined fingers. He immediately regretted his words, however, as he watched Olivia's face fall. "Oh, baby, I didn't mean…"

"Stop," she whispered, shaking her head and giving him a teary smile. "I've missed this too. And…I want you to be honest with me. Always. Even when it may sting a little."

"You've been through so much," he rasped. "I hate adding to it. None of this is your fault, Liv. It just…"

"Sucks?"

Ed chuckled and squeezed her hands in appreciation for the candid relief in an otherwise heavy conversation.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I'm just so happy to be here with you, ya know?"

"I do know," Olivia allowed, leaning forward and nuzzling his nose with hers. "I'm happy to be here with you, too."

The couple munched on a light appetizer platter with various cheeses and crackers, enjoying lighthearted conversation, something they hadn't had in a while. Ed would make a wise crack about someone on the street and Olivia would look, roll her eyes, then agree with his observations, causing a smug grin to grace his features. Occasionally another patron would eye the couple, likely with a hint of pity seeing the scarf on Olivia's head, but the pair ignored the looks and focused on each other, basking in the hope of being near the end of the journey.

Finally, once their main dishes were cleared away, Ed ordered them both a cappuccino and leaned over to take Olivia's hands again.

"Olivia," he began, taking a deep breath and breaking eye contact, instead focusing on how her hands fit just perfectly in his larger ones. He held them tenderly but strongly, assuring her that he had her back in every way he could. "I know the next two weeks, with treatment on Monday and then…that wait…"

His voice cracked a little and Olivia gripped him tighter, but she didn't speak. Instead, she gave him the time and space he needed to open up.

"It will be excruciating," he admitted, looking up and into her deep brown eyes. "For both of us. And I just need ya to know…that I'm gonna be right there. Even when I'm a mess myself. I'm gonna be _right there_."

"I know you will."

"And…and even if the worst happens, and we have to keep fighting…" he finally allowed, a tear sneaking down his cheek as he moved his shoulder to brush it away. "I'm never gonna leave your side. We're gonna beat this. I…I _promise you_ Olivia Margaret. We are gonna beat this."

Olivia swallowed hard, but didn't speak. She couldn't without bursting into a fit of sobs in a public restaurant. So instead she let his words sink in, allowing herself to feel loved and supported in a way she used to only dream of. After a few minutes, finally feeling stable enough, she leaned over and kissed lightly at his face before ending with a short but sweet smooch on his lips. Sitting back in her chair, she moved a hand to trace his cheekbone.

"I love you, Ed Tucker. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he said, glad she allowed him that tiny moment of emotion but also grateful she seemed to understand his need to go back to regular date night. The waitress dropped off their hot beverages, and again Ed decided to toast.

"To always being together," he said, softly clinking his mug against Olivia's as her smile grew.

"Always."

* * *

Charlie was just coming out from checking on Noah in his bubble bath when the front door opened, revealing Trevor carrying several shopping bags. She rushed over to help him, giving him a kiss hello then smiling as she heard Lizzie's voice as she ran in from where she had been playing.

"Daddy!" she yelled, and suddenly Charlie was grateful she had taken his bags because their daughter launched herself into his arms and cuddled into his neck. "Hi Daddy."

"Hey Lizzie-love," he coed, rocking her softly and smiling down at Charlie who was still watching them. "Didja have a good day?"

"Yesssssss," she responded, her little voice still soft and somewhat high pitched, like most two year olds. "Miss you."

"Missed you too, little lady," he said, bouncing her a bit before placing her back on her feet and watching her toddle back off to her toys. "It's quiet," he observed.

Charlie wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him again. "Noah is in the bath and Dad took Mom out for dinner."

"Good for them. Also…do I smell tacos?"

"You do. Still out, but in the containers. Go fix yourself a plate. Relax."

"You're the best, babe," he said. "I'm just gonna grab my suitcase, wash up, then I'll be right out."

"Great," she said. "I'll go drag Noah out of the bath before he turns into a giant prune, and I'll meet ya at the table?"

"It's a date."

The couple went about their next tasks, Charlie bargaining with a pouting Noah about getting out of the tub. She ended up having to promise three extra chapters, in addition to his usual two, but he finally got out and into his pajamas. Noah combed his hair and brushed his teeth, humming softly as he went about his routine, before scampering out and heading to the toy corner to play with Lizzie until they were both relegated to bed. Seeing the kids were occupied, Charlie moved to sit at the table with Trevor as he happily ate his four, overstuffed tacos.

"Four?" she asked, raising an eyebrow jokingly at him.

"They are good," he managed to say, though his words were jumbled because of the large helping of chicken, quac, and cheese in his mouth. Charlie let out a little chuckle and moved to wipe the corners of his mouth with a napkin.

"You're so cute," she cooed, kissing his cheek and settling back. Trevor finished his bite, took a sip of his Corona, complete with a lime wedge, and leaned back in his chair to look at Charlie. "Talk to me," she implored, knowing something was on his mind. "What's going on?"

"A case has come up at work," he began, and he immediately backtracked realizing he started the story in the wrong way, given that his last major case had resulted in witness protection. "Let me start again," he got out and watched as Charlie let out a laugh, though it wasn't quite the laugh he loved most. "My partners and I are working on a pretty big case, and it seems it's a bi-coastal thing."

"Wow," Charlie breathed out, leaning her cheek against her hand and rubbing his arm with her other one. "Sounds…intense."

"It is," he allowed. "But I think we've finally found the break we need. Several witnesses who are willing to talk…but it may take some work to gain their trust."

"That's great," Charlie exclaimed, and Trevor could tell she meant it. "But what's the other part you don't wanna tell me?"

"They live in Carlsbad," he said, watching her closely as she reacted. It took a few minutes but as her face fell slightly, he knew she understood what he was saying. "I know it's…bad timing. But it just feels so good being back in the swing of my job…"

"You'd go there?" she asked, confirming her thoughts. "How long?"

"Probably a few weeks."

"Wow," she whispered, rubbing her forehead but also taking a deep breath. "You think you'll get them to talk?"

"That's my hope."

"I believe in you, Trevor," she said with a small smile. "And…maybe the timing is a little off, but things have been so…hard here lately. Southern California probably sounds great to you."

They both laughed a little bit before Trevor shoved his plate out of the way and leaned completely over into Charlie's space, holding her hands and looking into her eyes.

"I won't go if you don't want me to. Just say the word."

"Go, Trevor," she said quietly, and he could hear the sincerity. "It'll be fine."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

He smiled and kissed her, smiling even more when she opened her mouth and deepened the kiss. Finally pulling away, they both sat back down and then Charlie narrowed her eyes.

"What else?"

Trevor fidgeted.

"Well," he began, "Tessa is out there, and I was thinking that maybe, I'd, uh…I mean if it's okay with you…maybe I'd take Lizzie?"

Charlie felt her stomach tighten, but she tried not to have an outward, negative reaction.

"For the whole time?" she managed to get out, and Trevor nodded. "Wow," she breathed out. "That's…that's a long time…"

"I know it is," he said quickly. "And…it's fine if you say no. I just…I've missed so much already, and I know Tessa wants to see her. And I know you're still not…in a good place…to deal with her."

"Trev…"

"Look, I don't want you to be mad. I just want you to be honest."

Charlie sat there quietly, pondering his request. But at the core of her thoughts was the fact that he was Lizzie's parent too, and he honestly didn't need her permission to take his daughter on a trip. So even if her heart was screaming to keep Lizzie at her side, at all times, she trusted Trevor and deep down wondered if having that break would be good for all three of them.

"Okay," she said softly, nodding her head and watching as Trevor's eyes widened in shock.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she confirmed. "You should take Lizzie. She'll love being in the warmer weather, and letting Aunt Tessa spoil her."

"You'll be okay?" he asked one more time, even though his gut was telling him she wasn't lying to him. Her blue eyes were clear, despite a tiny hint of worry, so Trevor relaxed.

Charlie gave him a big smile and patted his shoulder. "You know me," she said. "I'm always okay. You two go have some fun. But you better bring me back some good presents."

* * *

 ** _Review, please!_**


	37. Chapter 37

**_Thirty-seven_**

"You think everything's okay with them?" Olivia asked, helping Ed change the sheets on their bed that evening. Noah was content in front of a movie, munching on some popcorn, so Olivia had joined her husband as he got the house ready for their departure to the city and subsequent return after her treatment.

"Hard to tell," he said, tucking the last corner of the top sheet and signaling for her to hand him the comforter. "Trevor's a good guy and he's been rock solid. So I'm surprised he took off like this. But, at the same time, maybe he needed a break."

Olivia let out a grunt and shook her head.

"You're probably right," she admitted. "I just hope Charlie was really okay with him leaving. And taking Lizzie."

Ed paused and looked at his wife. She had a wistful look on her face.

"Doesn't seem like you are okay with it?"

She smiled and gave him a soft shake of her head. "No, not really," she whispered. "But, I'll talk to Charlie when she gets back. And if she's okay, I'll be okay too. I just know her well enough to know that, even if she wasn't okay with it, she would never voice that."

Ed checked his watch before putting the pillows in place and moving to the chair by their bedroom window. Olivia immediately followed him and plopped into his lap, allowing him to hold her and breathe her in.

Charlie had departed with Trevor and Lizzie several hours ago, deciding she wanted to see them off from JFK herself. It was about three hours to the airport from their Long Island home, and Ed tried to insist he tag along, but his daughter politely declined.

"I'll be fine," she had said, finally convincing him to back off. "We need some time, just us."

Ed reluctantly let it go, but Olivia had been able to tell he was concerned as the afternoon and evening pressed on. Of course, she was too.

"She should be back sorta soon," he noted. "Their flight took off on time and even giving her an extra hour for traffic puts her back here around ten."

Olivia smiled and curled further into her husband.

"I love you," she said. "Try not to worry so much."

Ed let out a laugh. "Look who's talking."

"Touche, Captain."

The couple remained in each other's arms, enjoying the silence and the dull noise from Noah's movie with his occasional giggling filtering down the hallway and into their room. Eventually Ed grew tired of not talking and longed to hear his wife's voice.

"Ready for the last one?" He asked, unsure of what else to say. Olivia had been relatively open about her anxiety to end this treatment and be done with cancer once and for all, but Ed was still convinced she was holding back just a little bit.

"I am," she said softly, nuzzling her face into his neck. "I'm not ready to feel shitty again, but hopefully this will be the last time. And…I'm glad all of us will be there. Together."

Ed shifted a little bit, but kept his arms securely around Olivia's waist.

"I just hope it's not too much for Noah," he wondered aloud, rehashing the same debate they had the night before, until they decided ultimately they wanted the four of them under the same roof.

"Me too. But, we'll be there. And if it is, you or Charlie can help distract him."

Ed sighed.

"It will be fine, babe," Olivia soothed, running her hand on his chest, in an attempt to comfort his anxiety. "You'll see. When we are together, it's always okay."

* * *

Noah's face was plastered to the large windows in Trevor's Manhattan apartment. The family had just gotten settled in that morning and Olivia was taking a quick shower before her and Ed departed for the first drip of her final series.

"You remember when we lived in the city, No?" Charlie asked him, plopping onto the window set next to where he was perched on his knees.

"Yep," he said. "All da big buildings. And we ride the train underground!"

"We sure did," she said. "I miss it sometimes. Do you?"

Noah took one more look out over Central Park and the buildings that surrounded it, before turning around and sitting by Charlie, both of their backs now against the window.

"No," he finally said. "The other school was no fun. And now we have a BIG YARD and me and Lizzie can run around and I play baseball!"

Charlie smiled and pulled her little brother into her side for a quick hug, shaking him a bit and causing some laughter.

"It's a good life, huh?"

"Yep. A goooooood life."

Just then, Ed came in from the bedroom and stretched.

"You two have plans today?" He asked, hoping they had things to occupy their time other than sitting in the apartment and stewing.

"I'm thinking the history museum," Charlie mused, a smirk growing as Noah reacted to her idea.

"DINOS!" He yelled, jumping up and doing a celebratory dance. "Good idea, Charlie. Let's go right now."

Ed and Charlie laughed at his excitement.

"In a minute," Charlie said. "Dontcha wanna say bye to Mommy?"

Noah stopped and looked at the two adults.

"Yes," he said. "She gonna get da drip that makes her sick?"

Ed knelt down and took his son's hands, Charlie choosing to make a quick exit and give them some time.

"She is, pal," Ed said in his soft voice, primarily reserved for his son. "But remember, the drip may make her sick right now…but it…"

"Makes the cancer go away," Noah recited, interrupting Ed and showing that he remembered. But for some reason, it broke Ed's heart a little bit with the tone of his little voice. Not knowing what else to say, he pulled Noah into his chest and kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, Noah," he said softly. "And so does Mommy. And we want you to enjoy the dinosaurs with Charlie today, then maybe we can have some yummy pizza for dinner. Okay?"

Noah pulled back slightly, his eyes lighting up at the thought of pizza. "Mommy too?"

"She may not feel that great, or eat the pizza," Ed cautioned, "but Mommy will absolutely be here with us tonight. Okay?"

"Okay, Daddy."

* * *

A few hours later while their children happily explored The Museum of Natural History, Ed and Olivia took their usual place in the chemo-bay. The nurse already had them set up and the drugs had been slowly dripping into Olivia's arm for about half an hour. Ed, per usual, had pulled his plastic chair as close to her recliner as he could get and he was tracing circles up and down the arm that didn't have an IV. Olivia was still feeling okay and she had her head turned so she could watch her husband, both of them content to just stare into each other's eyes for the moment. Ed watched as Olivia's eyes began to glaze over and tried to move even closer.

"Ya okay?" He rasped, moving his fingers from her arm up to her face, tracing her jawbone. But Olivia didn't answer, she just kept looking at him, giving him a silent _no_. "Okay," Ed said, moving so they were nose to nose. "Okay, baby. I'm right here. It'll be okay, Liv."

"I don't wanna do this," she said, her voice almost too soft to be heard. But Ed heard his wife loud and clear, including the building tears behind the words, and it snapped his heart in two.

"I'm here," he kept promising, not knowing what else to say, because they both knew she had to go through this last treatment, as well as the next several days of feeling confused and consistently being sick. "I'm gonna be right here, okay? I'm not gonna let anything happen to you."

"Ed…" she moaned, and he knew that moan. He tried to quickly move for the usual mauve-colored bin the nurses left with them for when she got sick, but he didn't move in time. Olivia threw up several times, unable to catch her breath in between and getting it all over both her and Ed. "I can't…breathe…" she said, and Ed could hear the panic in her voice as he finally got her the bucket and she continued to throw up harshly. He quickly stripped his now-gross sweater off, tossing it on the ground, leaving him in his gray t-shirt, and instantly moved to Olivia, rubbing her back and whispering to her.

"Take a deep breath, baby," he coached. "You're okay. Just calm down and try to breathe."

Eventually the vomiting stopped and Olivia collapsed back against the chair, tears streaming down her face. By that point two nurses had joined them, and were working quickly to clean the area. Needing to get Olivia's clothes changed, they briefly unhooked the IV and allowed Ed to get her into a fresh t-shirt and yoga pants. Ten minutes later, she was settled back in her chair, IV flowing, but this time Ed had sat down first and was now holding her in his lap.

"Ed…your legs…are gonna fall asleep," Olivia tried to meekly argue, but Ed wasn't having it.

"I'll be fine. You're the priority right now." He said, kissing her cheek. "Now, let's get this drip done, and get you home and in bed."

* * *

Noah was skipping along the sidewalk, holding Charlie's hand as they made their way out of Central Park and onto Fifth Avenue. After leaving the museum it was still light and relatively warm, so they opted to cut across the park, pausing momentarily for Noah to run around a few coveted play areas. Now as they emerged, Charlie admired their surroundings and looked down at Noah.

"What kinda pizza ya want tonight?" She teased, knowing the little boy only had one favored topping.

"EXTRA CHEESE" he yelled, jumping a little bit and tugging her hand. "We go ta Joe's?"

"Nah," Charlie said with a smile. "Joe's is at home. We'll go to the place on the corner from the apartment. Want anything else?"

"Cookies?"

"Deal."

The duo crossed the street at the direction of the walk signal and made their way towards the popular spot on Madison and 83rd. Charlie had called ahead so their order was ready; a large cheese pizza and a couple of pasta dishes, along with a side of plain pasta in case Olivia was up to eating. The waitress, clearly amused with the cute, polite child as he waited for his sister to sign the bill, snuck a few treats in the bag and winked at him.

"Cookies and brownies," she said. "No nuts, don't worry."

Noah's face lit up as he looked at Charlie.

"Cookies AND brownies, Charlie!"

She laughed, thanked the lady, and handed Noah the bag with the pastas and treats. "Hold this tight, Noah," she instructed. "And I'll get the pizza."

"Okay," he said, happy to have a grown-up job. The pair strolled the small walk back west, only having to pass a few building entrances before entering Trevor's. "Dis a fancy building, Charlie. Trevor like fancy?"

She chuckled and nodded to the doorman who held the double doors open, ushering Noah towards the elevator and allowing him to hit "up."

"Sometimes," she responded. "Trevor works very hard so he can keep this apartment."

"I like it."

"Me too."

Noah hummed a little bit as the elevator rose, occasionally making faces at himself in the mirrored walls of the elevator. As the car beeped, alerting them to the arrival on their floor, Noah got out first and led the way, his head bopping from side to side. Charlie followed behind, opting to watch her brother's pure bliss of life instead of catching up to him. She knew that he understood their mother was sick, but it was like he was able to compartmentalize better than every single adult in their family, and still make the best of his outings. Proving her point, Noah paused at the door and let Charlie catch up.

"Don't wanna knock and wake up Mommy if she not feeling well," he explained as Charlie opened the door and let him in, noticing the apartment was dimly lit and quiet. Noah had made a good decision.

"Good call, brother," she said. "Put the bag on the island and go wash up. I'll check on mom and dad."

Charlie knocked lightly and, hearing no response, cautiously opened the bedroom door, her heart constricting at the sight. Olivia was curled up on her side, though she couldn't see any of her features, because she was completely ensconced by Ed's body, his arms holding her securely, both adults sounds asleep. A light snore would escape each time Ed let out a breath, and Charlie saw the flutter of Olivia's sleeve as the air passed by her. Deciding they needed their rest, she backed out slowly, making sure the door closed silently behind her, and made her way back into the kitchen. With Noah still in the bathroom, she dug around for the hidden bottle of bourbon and threw back a large sip, sighing out in relief.

"A couple sips won't hurt," she reasoned, taking one more before stowing the bottle and locking the cabinet again, just in time for Noah's return. The little boy climbed onto a bar stool and looked around, his face scrunched up in thought.

"Where Mommy and Daddy?" He asked, confused as to why it was still so quiet.

"They are asleep," Charlie explained. "Tired from the hospital. So why don't get fix our plates and watch some cartoons while we eat? They'll be up soon."

"Ooooh! Great idea, Charlie!" Noah said, carefully selecting the largest slice of pizza in the pie, grabbing a napkin, and carrying his plate to the couch, still just humming away.

* * *

Ed groggily padded out from the bedroom, rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. Charlie was just cleaning up as he entered the kitchen, moving to kiss her head and open the fridge.

"Everything okay?" She asked, eyeing him and noticing he looked out of it.

"Yeah," he replied, grabbing one of Olivia's gatorades for himself and taking a few swigs. "Slept too long during the day, that's all. Where's Noah?"

"Tub," Charlie reported. "He likes this big bathtub, and he was covered in brownie and ice cream."

Ed just laughed and grabbed the container of ravioli to warm up. "Of course he was."

Charlie finished the last dish, dried it, and put it away before turning around and leaning against the counter, watching her dad watch the pasta spin in the microwave.

"How did it go today?" She finally asked.

Ed just shrugged. "About the same. She made it about half an hour before getting sick. Then she was just completely out of it. Finally kept her anti-nausea pills down long enough to fall asleep and hasn't stirred since."

"And you?" Charlie prodded, knowing her dad was pushing himself to be the strong one. He just shrugged again, opened the microwave to stir his dinner, and put another minute on the timer.

"Today during treatment, right before she got sick…she looked at me. Her eyes looked so tired and she said _'I don't want to do this'_ , and it gutted me Charlie," he said, pouring a little bit of his pain out, knowing the load he carried was too heavy. "And I can't do anything to help her."

"Nonsense," Charlie said quickly. "Maybe you can't make her physically feel better, but you're right there next to her. And she needs that. She needs you."

"She needs all of us," Ed countered.

"Good thing we aren't going anywhere then, huh old man?" Charlie sassed back, causing Ed to smile a little bit. "Listen. You sit out here, eat your pasta, drink a beer, don't let Noah prune…and I'll go sit with Momma for a bit. Let you take a breather. Okay?"

Ed smiled and pulled Charlie into his side for a quick hug. "Love you."

Charlie just winked and brushed passed him, slipping into the bedroom. Ed waited until he was alone and let a long sigh out, dropping his head and bracing against the counter.

"A few more days," he whispered, trying to bury the mountain of anxiety that kept threatening to surface, that same anxiety that told him the treatment may not have worked. But he shook his head as the microwave beeped, refusing to let his mind go there. "A few more days."

* * *

Charlie crawled into bed with Olivia and leaned against the headboard, watching her sleep. The older woman began to mumble a little bit, so Charlie moved to caress her head and whisper to her.

"You're okay Momma," she said. "I'm right here."

"Charlie?" She mumbled, attempting to open her eyes, but she winced.

"It's me," Charlie confirmed. "What do you need?"

"Water," she whispered. Charlie leaned over her mother's body and got her bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and lifting her head up gently so she could take a sip. She quickly cleaned the dribble with her sleeve then re-screwed the cap, leaving the bottle back on the night stand.

"Better?"

"Much."

"Here," Charlie whispered, opening her arms and adjusting their bodies. "Come here…"

Olivia moved so her head was laying on Charlie's lap, and she patted her leg.

"Sweet girl," she mumbled, right before she nodded back off. "My sweet girl."

"Just rest, Momma," Charlie said, letting those words go right into her soul. "Just rest. We're all right here."

* * *

 ** _Please leave a review! Takes little to no time and means the world to us writers. After all, it is the only way we know if people are still interested and reading our stories. Thanks._**


	38. Chapter 38

**_Thirty-eight_**

Ed startled awake. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings, but once he did he immediately turned and saw that Olivia's side of the bed was empty. He reached a hand out and felt the sheets were cold, so she'd been up for a while. Cursing himself for sleeping through whatever caused his wife to stir, he first checked their master bathroom as he also needed to make a pit stop. After he had washed up, Ed threw a sweatshirt on and quietly made his way out to the kitchen. It was totally dark, save for the light glow of what seemed to be the end of a dvd. He tip-toed around the couch and smiled. Charlie was out cold on her back, arms splayed above her head. She had kicked the blanket off so Ed carefully picked it up and covered his oldest child back up. Moving to stand up, he caught the sight of an empty tumbler on the coffee table. Sniffing it, he quickly concluded it was bourbon but didn't have the heart to pass judgement given what they all were going through. He simply straightened up the table, kissed her forehead, and took the glass to rinse and place in the dishwasher.

Now assuming Olivia was asleep in the room with their son, Ed felt almost excited to go witness the sight. It did not disappoint. Though still quite pale, Olivia was curled on her side with one arm slung around a snoozing Noah, who had his little hands tightly gripping his mother's sleeve. Ed padded quietly over, wanting to replace the bunched up covers, when he noticed Olivia was actually awake and gazing at Noah's sleeping form.

"Hey baby," he whispered. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I think so. I don't remember how I got here…"

Ed sat down on the bed and rubbed at her back, carefully studying her features for any sign of something being horribly wrong. He saw confusion, exhaustion, and love…but nothing that alarmed him just yet.

"It's peaceful watchin' him," he allowed, seeing if she'd open up at all. She didn't, but instead let out a soft groan, her eyes closing as she fought another wave of dizziness.

"Come on," Ed said, standing up and leaning over to help lift her off the bed. "Let's get you settled somewhere else, in case you get sick…"

Olivia sighed and Ed immediately regretting his words.

"Sorry, Liv…I just…"

"No, you're right," she whispered, the emotional evident in her voice. "It would scare him too badly…"

"Bedroom?"

"I wanna sit up," Olivia requested, so Ed led her out towards the living room.

"Charlie's out cold on the couch," he informed her. "How about we settle on the recliner?"

Olivia just nodded and allowed Ed to practically carry her down the hall and to the recliner. He tucked a furry white blanket tightly around her body and felt her forehead for a bit before kissing at her cheek.

"Where are you going?" she whispered, already beginning to fall back asleep now that she was comfortable and somewhat vertical, which helped her dizziness.

"Just gonna get a pillow from the bedroom," he said, kissing her lips again. "I'll sleep over on the sofa."

"Ed, it's too small," she insisted. "Sleep in the bed, baby. Its okay."

"Uh uh," he shook his head. "I'll be just fine. Stop worrying."

Ed quickly went to get his pillow and grabbed Olivia's head scarf, her pills, and the small pot they kept by her side of the bed, just in case she abruptly got sick. By the time he made his way back out to the living room, the soft snores of both his wife and daughter filled the room. Smiling to himself, Ed got cozy on the two-seater sofa, his feet perched on the arm rest, and he turned ESPN on mute. He wasn't going back to sleep any time soon.

* * *

When Charlie's eyes fluttered open the next morning a smile immediately grew on her face. Tom and Jerry was playing softly on the television, and Noah was happily curled on the sofa with Ed, sipping what she assumed to be juice. Ed's head had lolled back against the sofa and he seemed to be snoozing. To her right, Olivia was curled in a ball on the recliner, looking quite small under the large white blanket, but she appeared to still be sound asleep.

"Mornin' Charlie," Noah whispered, barely heard in the large room.

"Hi pal," she said, kissing his forehead. She debated whether to move him to the couch so her dad could get more comfortable, but Noah was so content that she left him for the time being. "I'm gonna make coffee. Hungry?"

"No. I stay here."

Charlie smiled and messed his hair a bit. "Okay. I'll be right back."

She made her way into the kitchen, the soft sounds of the cartoons fading as she moved away, and got to work putting on a pot of coffee and looking in the fridge for something she could throw together for breakfast for her family. Realizing Olivia wouldn't eat much, she settled on a simple bacon and eggs with toast. Charlie got to work, fixing up her coffee with a splash of Bailey's once it was done, and as the frying pan heated up Ed padded into the room.

"Sleep okay?" she asked him, not bothering to move from where she pushed bacon around and sipped her coffee with her free hand. Ed kissed the back of her head and moved to pour his own cup.

"My neck hurts," he grunted, letting out a little chuckle. "Your mom tried to tell me to sleep in the bed, but I was too stubborn. Now I'm paying for it."

"Momma's usually right," Charlie said with a smirk, turning off the frying pan and moving it to the back, allowing the bacon to sit for a bit while she shifted to look at her dad while they chatted. "You know that, though."

Ed smiled and nodded, a sense of pride in his movement. "I do."

The duo both stood in the kitchen, sipping their coffee and staring at nothing for a while, before Ed shifted and ran his hand over his head, like he often did when he was nervous to bring something up.

"Spill it, Dad," Charlie said.

"Noah…when he came out this morning. He seemed quiet and clingy," he began to explain, and Charlie could see where it was going. Instead of interrupting, however, she waited for her dad to arrive at his question on his own. "I was wondering, well, look he doesn't need to be at the hospital…"

"No," Charlie agreed strongly. Noah did not need to see how sick his mother got, no matter how much the little boy wanted to be with his family.

"Any chance you wanna take your mom today?" Ed finally got the words out, and then continued, his ramblings getting faster and more jumbled. "I feel terrible. I always want to be with her - I need to be with her. But Noah, well, it's not fair to him. And I think he senses more than we realize. And I know that you take care of your Momma just as diligently as I do…"

"Dad…"

"No, I know what I'm asking. I know its hard. And I'm her husband…I should…I should be the one…" his voice broke, and Charlie felt crushed. She put her coffee down and moved to Ed, wrapping him up in her arms and patting him on the back.

"Daddy, it's okay. It's okay."

The pair stayed like that for a few more minutes, allowing Ed to pull himself together, before they pulled apart and Charlie handed him a paper towel.

"It's okay to need a break, Dad," Charlie said gently, and she could tell her words finally penetrated his mind. "Look, I'll take mom today. I've been wanting some time with her anyways, and we can use that as the reasoning. And you just hang with Noah. Binge watch cartoons or hit up a playground. Whatever you want. Okay?"

"Are you sure?" Ed asked, knowing what he was asking of his daughter in that moment. The unspoken elephant in the room being Jake, and Ed was reminded in that moment that they still hadn't told Charlie of the confrontation, but he felt it needed to wait until Olivia was better though she disagreed.

"I'm sure," Charlie assured him, but she could tell where his mind was and decided to just rip the bandaid. "I read a couple weeks ago that Jake's mom had passed. It'll be fine."

Ed was a little stunned at the revelation that Charlie was in the know about Jake's life, and he expressed as much. "I, uh, didn't realize you were…keeping up?"

"Just the paper. Some random online searches," she explained, shrugging her shoulders and moving to take a large gulp of her spiked coffee. "I learned a long time ago that even if it paralyzed me at times, its better to know where they are and what they are up to. It's the only real way to protect yourself."

"Charlie…" Ed began, feeling like the conversation had moved beyond Jake.

"It's fine," she said, shrugging off the pained look in her father's expression. "Should we do scrambled eggs or fry 'em?"

Ed had to shake his head a little at the abrupt change, but he took the hint. "Scrambled," he finally got out. "Your mom may actually eat them that way."

"You got it," she said. "Go shower. Run hot water over your neck to ease the tension."

Ed walked out of the kitchen, but looked back and watched Charlie at work. Her shoulders were tense and her jaw was set, as if she could keep the world from hurting her if her body wasn't able to be softened. It felt awkward leaving the conversation just how it was, but Ed wasn't sure what else to say in the moment. So he let out a little sigh and headed to the master bathroom's shower, making a mental note to talk to his wife during one of her lucid moments later. She'd know how to proceed.

* * *

"You okay, sweet girl?" Olivia asked, her head turned to the side, but resting heavily on the pillow set up in her recliner. Charlie had assumed Ed's normal position, the plastic chair pulled up to the side of the recliner and she sat hunched over as her hand lightly rubbed Olivia's arm, potentially a comfort for them both.

"I am," she responded, but her voice was a little hoarse. "How are you feeling? Still okay?"

"Surprisingly, yes," Olivia responded, her tone giving Charlie a little chuckle. "I'm usually ankle deep in puke and dizziness by now."

"Maybe it will last…"

"I'm not overly confident, but I'll enjoy my time with you right now," she said, reaching her IV burdened arm over to play with Charlie's long brown, slightly wavy locks. Deciding not to waste time, she got straight to the point. "Jake can't get to you here, not anymore."

Charlie tensed yet didn't move, choosing instead to give Olivia a sad but appreciative smile.

"I know," she whispered, "but we don't hafta talk about that now…not while you're…"

"Charlie?"

"What, Momma?"

"I don't wanna talk about how I'm feeling right now," she admitted, gripping Charlie's hand as she poured her thoughts out between them. "I'm tired of my illness being the focus. I wanna talk about _you_ …about how _you're_ doing…if you'll tell me?"

"Is it weird I'm a little relieved that Trevor is gone? And that he took my daughter?" Charlie spoke without making eye contact, and instead traced little patterns on their joined hands on the arm of Olivia's chair.

"Not at all," Olivia coached. "You have a lot on you right now…you always have. He lightened it a little bit by taking Lizzie…and it's okay to feel relieved."

Charlie shook her head and bit her lip. "It's so selfish. I'm that girl's Momma. I need to be there for her…but I can't help but be glad for a tiny reprieve from that worry, and from feeling like I need to keep Trevor happy…"

"Charlie…" Olivia began, but stopped. She wanted to interject, but she also didn't want to stop the flow of information.

"I don't even know what I want anymore."

"Hey," Olivia finally said, shifting over and using one hand to pull Charlie's head closer, so they could be forehead to forehead. "It's okay, baby girl. Let yourself enjoy the breather from that part of your life."

"Then there's the part of me that is worried this is a sign Trevor can't handle our life the way it is," she whispered. "And I feel like I need to face that when he gets back."

"What do you mean by that?" Olivia asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be. Would Trevor take her daughter and granddaughter and move further away? Would he issue some kind of ultimatum, needing a sense or normalcy? Was Charlie's trauma becoming too much? She shook away those thoughts, fully believing in Trevor's devotion, and focusing back on Charlie.

"I need to figure out what would make him happy, and get myself to a place where I can give that to him…"

Olivia opened her mouth a few times to respond, but never found the right words, so she let it go for the moment. Instead she continued to grip Charlie's hand even tighter as she watched the young woman shake her head and struggle to keep her composure.

"What is it?" she implored, desperately wanting Charlie to just dump the thought on her, whatever it was.

"It's too hard," she whispered. "It's always so hard. And I'm just tired, Momma."

"I know you are," she said softly. "I know you are…"

Charlie was about to open her mouth to go a little deeper, to finally let some of her darkest thoughts out, but she watched as Olivia winced, her eyes closing as she gripped Charlie's arm tightly.

"Momma?"

"I…ohhhhh, I'm sorry sweet gi-…"

Charlie reached for the bedside bucket and got it up to Olivia's chin just in time. The heaving was near violent, and Charlie held the bucket with one hand while her other hand stroked Olivia's head, shoulders, and back, trying her best to soothe her mother as best she could.

"It's okay, Momma. You're okay. I'm right here. Try to breathe…it'll be over soon…"

* * *

Charlie struggled to get Olivia in the apartment door, choosing to leave it open and help her back in the bed, before coming back for their stuff. The rest of the treatment had been rough; Olivia once again needing a hydration drip before leaving the hospital. Ed had checked in a few times and worriedly called to offer to trade places, but Charlie insisted they were fine and she could handle it. And she did. Getting Olivia settled in the bed, she placed a bottle of water and a pot next to her, tucked the covers, kissed her head, and snuck out to grab their stuff while she slept somewhat peacefully.

The apartment was quiet, Ed and Noah obviously not back from their shopping trip, so Charlie allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts as she wandered back to the foyer. Not thinking anything of it, she grabbed the bags and ignored the still open door. As she moved out of the foyer, however, footsteps startled her.

"What the…" she gasped, jumping, dropping the bags, and turning around before letting out an embarrassed laugh as she saw Ed and Noah coming in the open door.

"We scare ya Charlie?" Noah asked, concerned as to why his sister looked so terrified at their presence.

"Charlie?" Ed asked, eyeing her with a concerned face, but she brushed them off.

"I should've shut the door, so it's my fault," she said with a shrug, moving to grab the hospital gear she had dropped. "Come on in, you have your hands full too!"

"Where's Liv?" Ed asked, dropping the groceries on the counter and anxious to get to his wife.

"Settled and sleeping in the bed," Charlie said with a soft smile, her hands still shaking but she hid them. "Go check on her. I'll put this stuff away with Noah."

As Ed disappeared, Noah trotted into the kitchen, putting the one bag he carried on the floor and began to unpack.

"Here Charlie, we got more chips," he said triumphantly, pulling out the green bag with a smile.

"What happened to the other ones?" she teased, touching his nose with her own smile.

"Me and Daddy eat them today," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"All of them?"

"YEP!"

"You and Daddy are silly," Charlie continued to tease, realizing it felt good to just laugh after her minor panic at the front door.

"I know," Noah shrugged. "So are you and Mommy!"

"Silly Tuckers."

Noah giggled as he continued to unload his bag, mumbling to himself.

"Silly Tuckers…"

* * *

Ed closed the bedroom door softly, toeing his shoes off and making a beeline for his sleeping wife. He crawled in behind her, moving to kiss at her neck before settling his cheek against hers as he held her tight.

"Mmmm, Ed?" she mumbled, shifting a little before turning over and resting her head on his chest. "You're home…"

"I'm right here, baby," he soothed. "Ya okay?"

"So…dizzy. Hot…confused…"

"About what?"

"I…I dunno…Ed?"

"Right here."

"Okay…" she whispered, closing her eyes again and drifting back into a fitful sleep. Ed remained just where he was, holding his wife's body tightly against his own. He allowed his eyes to drift upwards, almost as if he were praying into the heavens to anyone who would listen.

"Please let this be over soon."

* * *

 ** _Almost there. Review, please?_**


	39. Chapter 39

**_Thirty-nine_**

"You seem out of it," Tessa finally remarked after spending the last ten minutes trying to talk to her older brother. They had met for an early dinner along one of the lesser-known boardwalks between Carlsbad and Los Angeles. Lizzie had busied herself in the sand next to their picnic style table, and Tessa finally stopped talking and just sipped her cocktail as she watched Trevor swirl his own concoction around, take a sip, then swirl some more. Realizing he still wasn't hearing her, she raised her voice a little bit. "Trev!"

"What?" he startled, shaking his head and finally meeting her eyes as he came into the realization he was lost in his own little world. "Sorry, sis."

She just reached out and gripped his forearm, giving him a small smile. "It's okay. You've got a lot going on. Wanna talk about it?"

Trevor and Lizzie had been on the west coast for almost two weeks now. Lizzie, despite missing her mother, was adjusting well to the warm temperatures. Tessa would take her to the beach or the park almost daily while Trevor went and worked on his case. Evenings were typically spent on FaceTime for a little while with Charlie, before Trevor would put the girl to bed and then dive back into his case. Despite feeling a little reprieve from the weightiness of life back east, Trevor did very little talking about what was going on. Instead, he focused on updating Tessa on Lizzie's accomplishments and listening to her talk about her latest cases from the medical world, and toss around the idea of travel nursing again.

But Tessa had been able to tell as soon as they were off the plane that Trevor's head and heart were not fully present. And it was time she called him on it.

"I think you should talk about it," she pressed, when he politely shook his head and signaled for the waitress to bring them another round. "It can't be healthy to have all of this bottled up. And I imagine I don't even know the half of it?"

"It's not bottled up," he said simply. "I talk to Charlie."

"About Charlie?" Tessa put back, not worrying about upsetting her brother in this case. She knew she was right.

"Tess…"

"Look, I don't mean anything by it," she defended honestly. "I just know it can't be easy."

"Life isn't easy."

"No," she allowed. "It's not. But…for some reason…life is much harder for some people than it is for others."

"Which isn't very fair."

"It's definitely not."

Trevor just shook his head and looked at his daughter who was busy pretending to make sand creations with the plastic cups and bowls the restaurant had given her. One bus boy even dropped off a shovel as he passed, helping the little girl in whatever she was doing. Lizzie Tucker had won hearts as she diligently set to work, and it made Trevor proud. But as he watched his daughter navigate the sand with a perseverance she obviously got from her mother, his mind drifted back to his earlier conversation with a particularly hard shelled and jaded young woman.

 _"_ _What makes you think you will get a different result than anyone else?" Daniella had asked, her brown eyes wide and terrified as she sat at her kitchen bar and spoke bravely with Trevor, someone who up until a week ago had been an absolute stranger._

 _"_ _I can't guarantee results," Trevor admitted, his fingers lightly tapping against the countertop as he searched for the right words. After a week of getting to know Daniella, hearing her story piece by piece, he finally had her comfortable enough to really talk about the idea of going to court, and he did not take that opportunity lightly. "Look, you have every reason to not trust this system. And I understand that more than you think."_

 _Daniella scoffed, but then shook her head and shot him an apologetic look, imploring Trevor to continue. She was listening._

 _"_ _What I can promise you is that I will help you. And stand by you every step of the way. And I will do everything I can to get you some kind of justice."_

 _Daniella swallowed hard, and Trevor could see he almost had her. So he took it one step further._

 _"_ _Hey," he said, reaching out and taking a chance, patting her arm and squeezing gently. "You're strong. Stronger than I am. And I believe in you. You're a survivor."_

 _Daniella snatched her arm back, surprising Trevor as he tried to figure out his misstep._

 _"_ _I hate that word," she growled. "Survivor. It's like…nails on a chalkboard."_

 _He wasn't sure what to say, so wisely Trevor chose to sit and let her keep talking. And that was when she delivered the line that was still haunting him, even over dinner with his sister and daughter._

 _"_ _People thrust that label on me as if I should be proud; like I want, or asked for, that title. When the reality is the cruelest part of what they did to me was letting me survive; forcing me to live with it, and relive it, every second of every day. Forever."_

"Hey, Trevor," Tessa said, worried that he was off in some kind of dark abyss. She wasn't wrong.

"Sorry," he said. "Sorry, Tessa. I just…my head isn't here right now."

"It's okay," she said. "Let's table this…and just…enjoy the scenery okay?"

"Okay," he said softly, once again settling his eyes on Lizzie and starting to calculate the soonest possible departure from California. He wanted to be with Charlie.

* * *

"How is she?" Charlie asked quietly from where she had been standing in the kitchen, waiting for her dad to come out of the back room. She could hear her mother getting sick, followed by the tears and the confusion. Scurrying to keep Noah occupied, she had started a movie for him and he was seemingly entranced, but every now and then, she saw his head turn around and look down the hallway. He knew what was going on.

"Asleep," Ed said, his voice barely existent. "Finally."

Ed brought Olivia home, officially, from her last treatment, or at least that was their hope. But by the time he got her in the apartment door, Charlie could tell that her mother was completely fried. Her face was white, her eyes were glassier and yellower than she'd ever seen, and Ed was practically carrying her over the threshold. Feeling thankful they had curbed the welcome home banner until she was more lucid, Charlie rushed ahead of them to get the bed ready, but Ed took her straight to the bathroom. Realizing Noah was at the door, Charlie ushered him out and closed the bedroom door behind her, but the violent nature in which Olivia was sick caused the sound to travel well into the apartment.

"Is Mommy okay?" he asked her, his eyes wide and fearful. Charlie picked him up and walked over to the couch, holding him close and rocking a bit.

"She is. This was her last drip, remember? So she's just…very sick right now. Getting rid of all that cancer in her body. But it will be over soon, and she will be okay."

"Throwing up is bad," he said. "It feels yucky."

"It does," Charlie allowed. "And mommy may feel yucky for a while, but it's gonna be okay. I promise."

"I believe you, Charlie," he sighed out and leaned his little body against hers, his hands playing with her bracelets.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Charlie asked, not sure how else to distract him.

"Home Alone?" Noah seemed to perk up at the thought.

"Anything you want, pal."

Back in present time, Charlie poured her father a bourbon and refilled her own. "Here," she said, passing him the tumbler and they clinked their glasses before taking a long sip.

"How's Noah?"

"He heard a lot of what happened. Been sorta quiet. I was waiting for you before I talked to him more than just the usual 'It will be okay' line."

Ed exhaled and his eyes dropped.

"Just…" he began, taking another sip before placing his tumbler on the counter and kissing Charlie's forehead. "I pray to God this is the last time we ever have to do this."

Charlie stood in silence as she watched Ed round the island and make his way to the couch, plopping down next to Noah and tickling him a bit, eliciting some giggles, before he pulled him onto his lap for cuddles. Not wanting to intrude, Charlie poured a little more alcohol, wandered back to her room and put her pajamas on, then carefully snuck into the master bedroom where Olivia was finally asleep, and peaceful. She put her glass on the nightstand that Ed used and crawled in the bed, under the covers, and right next to Olivia. Reaching out, she grasped her mother's hand and held on tight as she allowed the alcohol and the comforting presence of Olivia's light breathing lull her into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Sun began to filter through the room-darkening curtains in the room where Ed and Olivia slept. She had been up a few times during the night but finally settled into a deep slumber around four in the morning, allowing Ed to relax. From where he was spooned behind her, arms around her middle, he felt her begin to stir. Not opening his eyes, he planted little kisses on her neck before burying his face where his lips had just been, breathing her in.

"Morning," Olivia said, her voice deep and hoarse from both sleep and being sick.

"G'morning my love," Ed whispered, his breath tickling her skin and causing chills to run down her arms. "How are you feeling."

"I'm not sure yet," she quipped. "Ask me again when I actually decide to move…"

Ed let out a little laugh, took one more deep breath of his wife, and sat up. He rubbed his eyes, checked the clock, and stood up to stretch.

"What time is it?" Olivia asked, as Ed moved to throw some clothes on.

"After ten," he said. "Just wanna check on Noah…didn't realize it was so late…"

"Can we go home today?" Olivia asked, her body still completely engulfed in the pillows and blankets on the bed. Ed smiled and came over, kneeling down to kiss at her face and stroke her cheek.

"Yep," he said. "I'm taking you home."

"For the last time," she said with a smile, fully aware she needed more tests, but the relief of being through her last scheduled treatment was nearly overwhelming.

"From here," he corrected. "I'll be taking you home for a long time, still, baby."

"I love you," she croaked. "You've been…and still are…so amazing."

"You're the amazing one," he responded back, kissing her lips again. "I'm just along for the ride."

"Go check on our kids," Olivia said as she rolled onto her back and stretched her sore, tired body. "Then maybe meet me in the shower?"

Ed winked at her. "It's a date."

* * *

Noah was in the backseat of the SUV, happily kicking his legs and humming along to the soundtrack Ed was playing softly in the car. They had just turned off the main freeway and were winding through the curvy, two-lane highway that would eventually bring them home. The ride had been quiet, save for a few obscenities from Ed about the traffic and the occasional observation from Noah. Olivia seemed to be lost in thought, her head lolling between looking out of the window at the passing scenery, to observing Ed as he drove them carefully home.

Charlie had left the apartment earlier that morning, offering to take Noah, but the little boy was clinging to his parents, so she departed solo, apparently having something to take care of that the rest of them didn't know. Olivia was slow getting ready, making sure she was up for the three plus hour ride home, but as she moved around, the excitement of being in her house, surrounded by the trees and the familiar photos and decor outweighed any hesitance that she would end up sick during the ride. So Ed had happily packed them up and they departed.

"Still feeling okay?" he asked, watching her out of the corner of his eye. "Wanna pull over up at the store?"

"I don't think so," she mused, knowing they still had about an hour. "I really do feel okay. Tired. Sore. But not sick."

Ed smiled and reached one hand over to grasp hers, bringing it to his lips for a kiss before settling them back on her leg.

"No, ya need to stop? Or can ya make it home?"

"I make it home, Daddy," he said, obviously just as eager as his mother to get back to their house, with his toys. "You drive faster?"

The adults chuckled and Ed sped up just a little bit, appeasing his son and causing Olivia to roll her eyes.

"Not too fast there, Gordon," she joked and Ed cracked up, both at the fact she even knew a NASCAR driver but also that she felt good enough to tease him.

He squeezed her hand. "Never. Too much priceless cargo in my care."

Olivia blushed and looked down at their hands, opting not to continue the little conversation. Even after all the time they had been together she still, at times, got uncomfortable with just how much he loved her and admired her. The little comments, though necessary and easily able to penetrate even her deepest insecurities, still often felt out of place to her. She assumed she would always feel that way, at least a little bit, because of the traumatic first half of her life, but with Ed, he slowly peeled away all of those layers and loved each and every one she revealed.

A while later, the car came to a stop in their driveway and Olivia slowly opened her eyes, unaware she had dozed off as she thought about her husband. Smiling, she unbuckled her seatbelt and allowed Ed to come around and open her door, helping her to her feet. Noah had run ahead and was already knocking on the door with the knowledge Charlie was inside.

"Hurry up, Charlie, I gotta goooooooo!"

Olivia and Ed chuckled as they slowly meandered up the sidewalk. Just as Ed was digging for his keys, Charlie opened the door with a smile on her face. Noah barely said hello before he took off for his bathroom, but he must have stopped because Ed and Olivia heard a little "WHOA" coming from inside the house.

Curious, Olivia shot Ed a look and he just shrugged, allowing her to enter ahead of him. As she rounded the corner from the foyer, Olivia stopped dead in her tracks and dropped her jaw.

"Oh…my…" she managed to get out.

"Welcome home," Ed whispered, coming in behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach, and smiled at the job Charlie had done. Pink flowers of all kinds and shades littered every available space in the home. Large bouquets of roses were in vases and stationed on the coffee table, mantle, and a couple of the side tables. Lilies and peonies were in baskets, as well as vases, some hanging in front of windows and some scattered along the sideboard and the tiled space in front of the fireplace. If Olivia had to guess, her living room now contained over fifty bouquets, all arranged expertly and lovingly, and she could not help the tears that began to pour down her cheeks.

"Oh my god," she whispered, slowly walking further inside and looking around, taking in the sight of her welcome home. She stopped at a few bouquets, touching the petals and smelling their scent. Turning around a few times, she finally caught the eyes of her family. Charlie and Ed wore huge smiles as they watched her explore, and Noah was dancing either with excitement or the fact his bathroom trip had been delayed. "This…how did you…wow."

Ed moved to Olivia and took her hands, looking into her eyes and pausing before he spoke. "This…this is because we are so proud of you. And we are so glad that you're home, and you're almost healthy. We love you, Olivia. So so much. Congratulations on finishing your treatment." His voice broke at the end of his little speech, so he just pulled Olivia into his chest and held her tightly, one arm around her waist and the other behind her head, fingers gripping the back of her neck. Olivia allowed the tears to flow freely down her face as she turned her head so she could still see the sea of pink flowers in her home as she rested against her husband.

After a few minutes, she pulled back a little bit and motioned for Charlie and Noah to come join them. Holding her children against her and falling back into Ed's arms, Olivia finally let herself relax and enjoy the homecoming moment their little family had been waiting for.

* * *

 ** _What will Trevor and Charlie do? What will the test results say? Are we nearing the end? Y'all gotta actually review this time to find out._**


	40. Chapter 40

**_I am so sorry it has taken this long. It's such a shame when real life gets in the way of_** ** _fictional life, isn't it? Anyways - I hope this was worth the wait._**

 ** _Forty_**

Charlie leaned against the modestly molded column that helped frame the entrance from the living room into the kitchen, eyeing her father. She held a tumbler of bourbon in one hand and her other hand played with her necklace as she watched him scrub the stovetop and double oven. He was cleaning with more vigor than usual, and Charlie had a suspicion she knew why, but hoped that he would fess up on his own. Letting him finish, she cleared her throat and moved slowly over to the island, perching on a stool and taking another sip.

"Not sure it can get any cleaner, old man…"

He let out a laugh, but the smile didn't quite look sincere. Moving to wash his hands and arms, he tossed the sponge and grabbed his own tumbler and the bottle from their liquor cabinet, refreshing his daughter's beverage and pouring his own generous portion.

"Wanna talk about it?" she asked, taking a sip and raising an eyebrow, causing Ed to grin slightly at how she managed to favor Olivia.

"Not particularly, no," he replied, avoiding eye contact and running his finger along the counter top. Then Ed let out a long sigh. "But you are your mother's daughter, and won't let that slide will ya?"

Charlie grinned, larger than Ed had seen her smile in a while, and shook her head.

"Nope. Spill it."

Ed hesitated. He swirled his drink, took another sip, and placed the tumbler down only to pick it back up and repeat the routine. Charlie watched his closely, not wanting to push but trying to decide if he was stalling. Finally, she reached out and grasped his forearm, stilling his movements and startling him a bit. "Dad?"

"I feel out of control," he whispered, his voice even more rusty than normal given how softly he tried to speak. Charlie just squeezed his arm, begging him to continue. "The waiting…wondering…worrying…"

He paused, trying to keep his emotions in check. Charlie just sat there, silently in support and giving him as much time as he needed to get whatever was swirling in his thoughts off of his chest.

They had been home from Olivia's last treatment for almost a week. She was slowly regaining some energy, as she often did in between treatments. But this time, they had hope she wasn't going back for more chemotherapy. This time, her energy level would keep rising and eventually be back to normal, or as close to normal as it could get. She had gone in for blood work and scans that morning and Dr. Kamal seemed very hopeful that the treatment had been successful, but he hesitated to confirm anything until he had all the results back in his hands. That had seemingly been the piece that got to Ed; the absolute uncertainty. Once they returned home, Olivia had taken a nap and was still in their bedroom resting while Charlie tried to pry open her father's tightly locked up emotions.

"I've been waiting for this moment, when the treatments were over and we could breathe again and look towards the future. But until that doctor calls…I feel frozen. There's nothing I can do. No treatment calendars to manage, no medicines to monitor…" Ed paused, took a deep breath, and kept going. "At least when the chemo was happening, I always had something to do. Something to manage. Little things I could control. But right now? I just…all I can do is wait for that phone to ring…"

"Oh, Daddy," Charlie whispered, moving her drink aside and walking over to embrace Ed. She wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to just rest against her shoulder. She wanted to tell him not to worry and that it would be okay, but she hated when people said that to her and Ed was no different. So they stayed just like that, in the kitchen, daughter comforting father until he was able to pull himself back together a little bit.

"Ya know, Momma would not be happy if she found out how upset you were…and that you were hiding it from her," Charlie said, cautiously aware that perhaps her father was not up for the nudge. But she was wrong. He smiled, an almost wistful smile as he presumably thought about his wife.

"The sacrifices you make, when you love somebody that much," he began, and then stopped, as if he lost his train of thought. "Well. I guess sometimes they are painful. Sometimes they don't make you happy. But you do it anyways, because the idea of not doing whatever that is…that makes it easier for the person you love…hurts way worse than the sacrifice you make."

Charlie stood still, her father's head still resting against her shoulder. She wondered if he even realized what he was babbling about, but the words he spoke went right to her heart. She kissed his head and pulled back, shaking his shoulders a bit to snap him out of his misery.

"Thanks, baby girl," he said, in a rare instance of giving her a sweet nickname as he came out of his emotional fog. Generally, he left that up to Olivia, but the moment seemed appropriate. "I'm gonna go check on Liv…you leavin' for the airport soon?"

Charlie checked her watch and nodded. "Yeah," she said. "They land around eight, so I'll head out soon."

"Want company?" Ed offered, but only half meant it. Charlie knew he needed to be with Olivia, and she also knew she wanted to get her family by herself. She wanted, and perhaps needed, that time.

"Nah," she said, rubbing his shoulder and pushing him towards the bedroom. "I'll be fine. Go check on Momma and I'll put away all these squeaky clean dishes."

* * *

Charlie stood anxiously just outside the corridor that held baggage claim carousels ten and eleven. She shifted from one foot to another, occasionally chewing her fingernail, as she watched down the long hallway for Trevor and Lizzie to appear. She had made it to JFK and found decent parking in record time, so she ended up having about an hour to kill in the terminal. She visited the little coffee shop right by the insanely long cab line then plopped down against the wall and let her mind drift. She thought back to her dad's earlier words about how you make sacrifices for the ones you love most. Her mind went to her dad's early retirement from the NYPD, Olivia's decision to move her family out of the city which she loved, Trevor's commitment to helping victims get justice, which ultimately lead to his time in witness protection, and even her own commitment to helping Olivia through her last treatment, despite her terror of seeing Jake in the hospital. She thought about how much everyone in her family had sacrificed for each other, and how deep their love and commitment ran, and ultimately her mind settled on her own little nucleus with Trevor and Lizzie. How patient Trevor had been with her, how he was only working part time so he could be out in Sag Harbor where Charlie felt the most comfortable. It all left her almost incapacitated as she realized just how much they had been through, and as she began to think about how they could move forward. In fact, Charlie had chewed on her lip as these thoughts tumbled along in her mind until she realized her lip was numb and her cell phone was buzzing. It was a text from Trevor.

 _Just deplaned. You here?_

 _Right outside of baggage claim. You can't miss me._

 _I've missed you more than you know._

 _I do know. Now hurry._

Back in present time, Charlie felt her entire body jolt as she saw Trevor towering over all of the other people bustling around the terminal exit through the glass doors carrying a sleepy Lizzie.

Her smile grew as their eyes met and she began to shove her way towards them, watching as Trevor pointed her out to Lizzie who immediately yelled out and demanded to be put down.

"Mommy Mommy Mommy Mommy!" she said as her chubby little legs carried her as fast as she could go, crashing into her mother. Charlie scooped her little girl up and smothered her with kisses and _I love yous_ , as Trevor met them and engulfed them both into a tight bear hug. The trio remained that way for only a few seconds, as other people began to scoff at the placement of their reunion. Finally getting the hint, Charlie grabbed Trevor's carry on which had fallen to the floor during their reunion, and guided her family over near the carousel that would eventually spit out their luggage. She got them out of the way and into a little corner before leaning back into Trevor and allowing him to hold her close, as Lizzie comfortably rested against her chest and played with her necklaces.

"I'm really glad you're back," she whispered, determined to keep her emotion in check but it was hard as she realized just how much she had missed her little family.

"Should've come back sooner," Trevor rasped, his face buried in her hair as he, too, enjoyed being back with the two women he loved more than life itself. Charlie shook her head at him and pulled back, meeting his eyes.

"No," she said. "You were doing a good thing. And this is just perfect."

Relief flooded his face as he pulled her back into him, keeping an eye out for their bags. He sensed a shift in his girlfriend, and it seemed to be positive. His arm tightened around her waist in both hope and also protectiveness as he willed their bags to hurry up so he could get his family back home.

"You're perfect."

* * *

"Charlie seemed a touch lighter," Olivia observed, coming out of the bathroom and shedding her robe. She was donning a pair of Ed's boxers and a tank top, revealing that she was still feeling a little warm which was usual at this stage after her treatment. She flung herself onto the bed and rolled over on her side, tracing little patters on Ed's bare chest as he leaned against the headboard and pretended to read in the iPad.

"She did," he said, hitting the side button so the device went to sleep and placing it on the nightstand before pulling his wife against his chest and into his arms. "I hope it wasn't just the effects of alcohol."

Olivia's eyes were open as she settled against her husband. "Maybe it's a combination. I'm just glad Trevor is back."

"Me too." He kissed at her head, noticing the little fuzz that was beginning to come back and smiling. "You're hair will grow back soon…"

Olivia smiled and nuzzled her cheek against his peck. "I know," she sighed. "I'm so ready for it."

"Me too."

"You seem…tense," she finally said, straining her neck to look up at Ed's eyes and try to discern his reaction. He was stoic, but he couldn't fool her. "Talk to me?"

Ed let out a sigh and held Olivia even tighter, allowing his hands to wander and lightly tickle up and down her back and sides. He kissed at her head and face as his left hand barely skimmed the side of her breast and he felt her squirm.

"Is this your way of saying you don't wanna talk about it?" she muttered, her voice half muffled from where her face was buried in his chest. Ed chuckled and his hands teased her a little more.

"Maybe," he murmured. "You up for it?"

His question was genuine and it made Olivia's heart melt. Throughout her treatment, he had been so careful to not push her, or particularly her body, into things she wasn't quite up for. In fact, he was very timid and restrained most of the time in the bedroom and let Olivia take the lead. But tonight, she could feel how badly he needed her, to be lost in her and consumed by his love for her. And she was feeling okay, so she allowed her right hand to slowly make it's way down his chest and skim to top of his sweatpants, signaling he had the green light.

"Very much so," she whispered, her tongue making circles around his peck and her hand teasing his length under his sweatpants. Ed let out a strangled moan and tried not to move, allowing his wife full control. But she had other ideas. Moving her face up, she kissed at his neck and cheek, biting his earlobe before whispering "I'm all yours."

Ed made quick work of removing his sweatpants and getting Olivia on her back, his eyes desperately searching hers to make sure this was okay. All he saw was love in her deep brown orbs and he needed no further persuasion. He buried his lips in her neck and began an aggressive, yet somehow still gentle, pattern of licking and sucking with an occasional bite.

"Ed…" Olivia breathed out, her body already squirming underneath his as she marveled at how quickly she became fully aroused for him. "That feels….so good…."

"Baby…" he groaned, removing her tank top and caressing her breasts, moving his lips to hers and keeping his eyes open, making sure all of his movements were okay. He flicked her nipples and heard her satisfied yelp, causing him to grin in her mouth. Their hips were grinding against each other and he noticed Olivia move a little more rapidly, signaling she wanted more. Several minutes later he was buried inside of her, satisfied groans coming from both Ed and Olivia's mouth as he moved insistently in and out. Olivia tried to grab onto anything she could: sheets, pillows, his back, his shortly cropped hair. Her head moved back and forth, sometimes flinging back as she let out little cries. Ed would dive into her exposed neck, not able to get enough of her, and he would continue his movement.

Eventually, completely overcome with the feeling of his wife and just how much he loved her, he grunted and slammed back into her a few more times before spilling inside of her and collapsing, his face buried in her neck as his hands continued to wander along her skin, helping her come down from her own orgasm.

"I love you," he murmured, his breathing still ragged. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

Olivia, still seeing spots from their little escapade, could hear the emotion in his voice and she moved her arms to hold him tightly against her, kissing the side of his head.

"I love you too, Ed," she whispered. "So much." She felt the beginnings of his tears hit her neck and shoulders, and she held him tighter.

"Liv…" he said, his voice barely as whisper as he, too, held onto her as tightly as possible. After the intensity of his release, Ed found it impossible to hold in his emotions and subsequently began to shake as he tried to voice what he could about how he was feeling. "I love you. I can't live without you. I just…"

Knowing where his mind was, Olivia cupped his head and shushed him, keeping him cradled against her own naked body. "I know, baby," she soothed, closing her eyes and willing her own tears away. "It's okay. Shhhshhhshhh. I'm right here, Ed. I'm right here and I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

 ** _Up next: we finally get the test results and another curve ball comes flying. But first, I'm gonna need you to leave a review._**


	41. Chapter 41

**_Forty-One_**

"I'm sorry doc, say that again?"

Ed and Olivia sat motionless in the office of Dr. Kamal. It was a familiar setting, but despite that familiarity, their anxiety was at an all time high. As soon as they entered and had shaken hands with the doctor, they sat and Ed immediately moved his chair to where it was touching Olivia's. She reached for his hand and held on tightly, not objecting when he moved their clasped hands to his lap and wrapped his other hand around them. It was there that they stayed as Dr. Kamal got right down to business.

Ed could feel Olivia's nails dig into his skin.

"Ed, Olivia," Dr. Kamal began again, putting down the file and leaning over onto his arms so he could eye his patient and her husband. "There's no evidence of cancer in Olivia."

Olivia closed her eyes and bowed her head, the tension almost visible as it left her body, her shoulders finally relaxing. Ed drug her over by the arm he was clinging to and kissed at the side of her head and face. Neither spoke a word, they just let the news sink in and Olivia willingly let her husband dote on her in front of the doctor, who obviously was well versed in needing to give his patients time to absorb big news.

After a few moments, Olivia finally opened her eyes back up and met those of the kind, aging doctor in front of her.

"Thank you," she rasped, obviously having a hard time keep her own emotion in check. But, still being Olivia Benson, she was trying. "That's just…the best news."

"The best news," Ed whispered, kissing at her hand that he was still holding. "I…so is that it? We're done?"

Ed's tone was almost excited, like a kid on Christmas morning. Dr. Kamal couldn't help but give him a smile and a little chuckle, before shaking his head.

"Not quite, Mr. and Mrs. Tucker," he explained. "I'm going to give you some prescriptions to start taking regularly, mainly to try and get your counts back up from the havoc the treatment had on your body. And I want you to monitor how you're feeling, whether certain side effects go away or stick around. We will also need to do scans every six weeks for the first, oh, six months or so. We have to make sure the cancer is staying away. After those six months, we will go to once every three months, and then, depending on a few things, could potentially move to every six months."

"Doc, uh," Ed took one hand reluctantly away from Olivia's and rubbed his head, which was spinning with both elation but also a touch of being overwhelmed at how much post-cancer care was coming their way. "How long are we looking at with these…scans…always being over our heads?"

Olivia bit her lip. She knew the answer, and she knew it was going to crush Ed. So she leaned over and rubbed his back and neck, still clutching his free hand, as the doctor began to speak.

"Olivia will always need to be monitored, Mr. Tucker," Dr. Kamal admitted. "That's just…one of the facts about facing, and beating, cancer. It's gone, and we want to make sure it stays gone."

Ed nodded and turned to his wife, once again bringing her to him only this time, his lips landed on hers for a brief, supportive kiss. As he pulled away, she pressed her forehead against his and stroked his cheek.

"No more cancer," she whispered, hoping to get him back into his relaxed and relieved state. It worked.

"No more cancer," he responded, kissing her cheeks and pulling away to give her a smile, before turning back to the doctor. "Anything else?" He was suddenly ready to get his wife home.

"No, that's all for now," Dr. Kamal said with a knowing smile. "Just make your next scan appointment with Wanda on the way out."

The Tuckers stood to leave, and Dr. Kamal rounded the desk to escort them out.

"Congratulations, Olivia. You did it."

Olivia smiled at him and reached out, shaking his hand one more time.

"Thank you. For everything."

"My pleasure."

Ed placed his hand on the small of Olivia's back as they meandered down the hallway and towards the desk where she was to make her next appointment. The small smile didn't leave either of their faces as she spoke quietly with Wanda, plugged a date into her phone, grabbed some paperwork, and walked side by side with her husband out of the oncology wing, neither of them looking back.

* * *

Charlie was up and off the couch in a flash as she heard the front door open, leaving her nearly empty tumbler of bourbon on the coffee table. She stopped in the foyer as she saw the smiles on her parent's faces.

"Well?" She asked, assuming the news was good but needing to hear the words. Ed backed off a bit, giving Olivia a little push towards their daughter as she nodded her head, tears still threatening to spill but she continued to hold them in.

"All clear, sweet girl," she said, cupping Charlie's face and kissing her forehead firmly before pulling back and shaking her face lightly. "All clear. No evidence of anything."

Charlie, also trying not to blubber her way through the good news, just smiled bigger than she had in a long while and crashed into her mother, holding on tight and allowing Olivia to rock them back and forth.

"It's all okay now," Olivia whispered, running her fingers through Charlie's hair, just like she usually did. "I promised you it was going to be okay…and it is, Charlie."

Before Charlie could open her mouth to respond, Noah came skipping in from the backyard and immediately made a beeline for his mother once he saw the little reunion in his foyer.

"Mommy!" he exclaimed, hugging her waist and looking up at her with wide and curious eyes. "You back!"

"I am, sweet Noah," she cooed, smoothing his mess of brown curls and taking his chin in between her fingers as she smiled down at him. "And guess what?"

"What?" he asked, almost jumping now in both excitement and residual energy from his outdoor activities.

"Mommy went back to the doctor today," she began, and watched as his face immediately fell. Olivia dropped to her knees and took Noah's hands, quickly abating his crestfallen face. "The doctor told us that the cancer is all gone, Noah."

"It gone?" he whispered, his eyes still wide as he studied his mothers face. His eyes darted to Ed, almost for reassurance. Ed nodded at his son and smiled, hoping to convey that they, too, were very happy.

"It's gone, sweet boy," she confirmed. "No more treatments and hospitals."

Noah flung himself into his mother's arms and squeezed her tightly around the neck. Olivia just hugged him back, not caring that it was a little hard to breath in the moment. Her son's relief and his little arms around her were worth the tiny sacrifice.

"No more cancer," Noah repeated, pulling back and smacking his little grubby hands against Olivia's face. "You alllllllll better."

Olivia just laughed, as best she could with smushed cheeks. "I am."

"Charlie," Noah barked, turning around and grabbing his sister's hand. "We need to make Mommy a cake. Come on!"

Charlie just laughed and gave her parents a mock salute, following her little brother into the kitchen so they could get to work on the celebratory cake. Ed moved to help Olivia up off the floor and wrapped his arms around her from behind, realizing more so than ever that he never wanted to let her go, as they watched their kids pull out all the things they were going to need. Through the sliding glass doors, they could see Trevor pushing Lizzie on the swing, obviously wanting to give the family a little time to themselves before they came in.

"I'm so lucky," Ed whispered, kissing Olivia's cheek and resting his chin on her shoulder. She snuggled back into him and let out a content sigh.

" _We_ are so lucky."

* * *

Several weeks later, Olivia and Charlie were at the kitchen table filling Easter eggs with candy and coins in preparation for their family's hunt tomorrow. Amanda and Sonny had planned to come out with Jesse, and after some sweet talk and a lot of bribing, Fin begrudgingly agreed to wear the Easter Bunny costume. Noah was likely to catch on quickly, but Jesse and Lizzie were still little enough to be surprised and enjoy the fluffy, pink visitor.

"It always throws me when Easter is later in the year," Olivia commented, popping a light blue egg closed and grabbing a pastel purple one, turning it in her hand and admiring the shade. "But it does make outfit shopping easier."

Charlie laughed, took a sip of her coffee, and resumed making sure each egg that had coins, had an equal amount. "No kidding. But they make such cute outfits these days…and Lizzie is growing so fast…it's hard to pick just one."

"They do grow up fast, don't they," Olivia commented wistfully, causing the women to take a break and eye each other. "But at least everything's leveled off for them. It's been a rocky year."

"Understatement, Momma. Huge understatement," Charlie replied with a gleam in her eye. It felt good to get back to their usual banter, even when the banter included a little dark humor. Olivia's hair had slowly begun to grow back, and right now her strands were dark but very short and thin. Relieved the hair was coming back, but feeling a little self conscious of how it looked at the moment, Olivia continued to accessorize with her scarves unless she was alone with her family, as she was now. Charlie took great pride in knowing that, despite her own insecurities, her mother trusted her enough to bare all in front of her. Including the hair, which in the grand scheme of things shouldn't have mattered, but for some reason it was one of the bigger straws in the whole ordeal. Olivia, not noticing the admiring look she was getting from her daughter, was about to take their conversation further and pry into how Charlie was doing in therapy and with her own stuff, but Trevor came in from taking a phone call and looked a little stressed.

"Hey ladies," he said, quickly shaking it off and taking a sip of Charlie's drink. She feigned annoyance, but just simpered at him, her blue eyes sparkling a bit. "Mind if I borrow this one?"

Olivia smiled and nodded, gesturing for them to take off. "Only a few eggs left. Think I can tackle them on my own."

"I'll be right back, Momma," Charlie said, knowing that their conversation wasn't over, but curious to what was going on with Trevor. He'd been preoccupied for the last week or so, and she was hoping he was about to finally come clean. She kissed Olivia's cheek and followed her boyfriend through the living room, down the hall, and into their bedroom.

"Everything okay?" Charlie asked once they were in the room with the door closed, presumably away from the prying ears of her parents. She saw their looks of concern as the couple made a quick exit.

"Yeah, yeah," he assured her, leaning down to kiss her and then grabbing her hands. "I just…I wanna talk to you about something, and if I don't do it soon I'll lose my nerve."

"Okay," Charlie said slowly, suddenly nervous. "What's going on? Whatever it is, we'll deal with it. Okay?"

Trevor rubbed his face and moved to sit them on the bed.

"My firm…ya know, the one we started to help victims…well, it's really taken off…"

Charlie smiled and rubbing his arms. "It has," she said, her eyes shining in admiration. "I'm so proud of you for that, Trev."

"Thank you," he whispered. "And, I also want you to know that I'm committed to you and to Lizzie and to making our family work, however it needs to happen. Okay?"

Charlie felt her stomach sink a little bit.

"But?" she said, trying to get him to just come out and say it.

"They've been on me…for some time…about my caseload," he said, beginning to talk very quickly. "And I refused to entertain it while Olivia was sick. It just wasn't the right time. She needed you here. You needed to be here, and I needed to be with you."

"We needed you too," Charlie said quickly, wanting to make sure Trevor knew how valued and important he was in their family. "I know that Dad…well…he really leaned on you. So did I."

Trevor just smiled. "I know," he whispered, running his index finger down Charlie's face. "I know how close you are with your family…and, well, I just…"

"Okay," Charlie finally said, having no idea where he was headed because, in very un-Trevor-like form, he was talking in circles. "I need you to spit it out. Just rip the bandaid. What's going on?"

* * *

The Easter Egg Hunt was well underway in the Tucker backyard. Noah, Lizzie, and Jesse were giggling and shrieking as they ran, or toddled, around with oversized baskets hunting the near one hundred eggs Ed and Trevor had insisted on hiding.

"I hope they wrote down where they put them all," Rollins muttered, sipping her beer as she watched. "No way those three will find all of 'em."

"Nah," Carisi argued, good-naturedly. "Two of 'em are Tuckers and one is your kid. They'll find 'em all, and probably some from last year."

Amanda and Olivia shared a laugh and Olivia's eyes cut over to where Ed manned the grill and Trevor stood with Fin, now happily out of his costume, beers in hand and deep in conversation. Charlie was on Olivia's other side, and she had been quiet most of the morning. Not having time to pry into the conversation her and Trevor had a few nights before, Olivia was getting antsy. She could see that something was clearly going on, maybe even wrong, and once again her daughter had clammed up.

"I thought we were past this, ya know, with the cancer being gone," she had lamented to Ed the night before. He didn't seem too concerned.

"A lot has gone on, Liv," he reasoned. "Not just with the cancer, but Trevor being back, the whole Jake thing. I'm sure that brings even more up…she's got a lot on her. She'll come around, and she will come right back to you. That I know."

"I hope you're right," she had muttered, before letting him distract her with his tender, intense, and all-consuming lovemaking.

Now sitting on their deck, watching as Charlie sipped her cocktails quickly, the concern came bubbling back up but again, it wasn't the right time, so she shoved her concern down and turned her attention back to the kids.

Noah's basket was overflowing with eggs, so he had put it down and was now helping Lizzie and Jesse. They had found most of the eggs that Ed and Trevor had hidden in obvious places, so the adults got a good chuckle as Lizzie would literally move grass around, thinking that's just where the eggs were supposed to be.

"No Lizzie," Noah said exasperatedly, "gotta look harder. Like this." He looked inside of the tire swing and found not one, but two eggs expertly hidden in the empty space on the inner ring. "SEE!"

"Unc!" Lizzie cheered, clapping her hands and then scrambling to give him her basket. "Eggs!"

"So precious," Olivia murmured, watching how the kids interacted. "I think I could watch them together all day."

"It's like he has his own sibling," Rollins commented. "And he eats it up."

Olivia nodded in agreement, but noticed how Charlie had tensed up even further.

"I'm gonna grab a refill," she said, quickly standing up and taking note of everyone else's drink. "Anyone need anything?"

"No," Olivia said slowly, watching Charlie as she walked inside. "Something's not right," she muttered, but left it alone and moved to focus on her guests. She decided to go with Ed's theory. Charlie would come to her eventually, and when she did, she'd be there with open arms.

* * *

Olivia moved through the house, turning off lights and peeking in on Noah and Lizzie, who were out cold after a rather exciting day of hunts and candy and playing with Jesse. The guests had left a little after seven, Fin insisting on helping Ed clean up the grill and the deck, and Carisi shoeing the women out of the kitchen as he scrubbed the pile of dishes. Finally, the house was quiet save for a MASH marathon Ed had stumbled upon coming from their living room television. Once she was assured the younger kids were pleasantly in dreamland, Olivia finally grabbed her own stemless glass of red that Ed left for her on the counter and joined the rest of her family in the living room. She curled one leg under her as she sat next to Ed on the sofa and leaned her head on his shoulder, but her eyes were on Charlie. She watched as Trevor nervously ran his hands along his jeans and looked down at Charlie, who softly nodded and sat up a little bit, reaching for her bourbon and taking his hand.

"Mom? Dad?" Charlie said softly, garnering their attention quickly. Ed, sensing something was up, hit mute on the remote and gripped the inside of Olivia's thigh, just above her knee.

"What's up, Charlie?" he asked, his voice calm which was the exact opposite of how Olivia was feeling in the moment.

"We have…well, we want to talk to you about something," Charlie began, stuttering a little bit as she was slowly losing her nerve. She felt Trevor grip her hand and she looked up at him, seeing the calming strength in his eyes. Looking over to her parents, she saw a tiny bit of fear in her mother's features and suddenly realized she needed to talk faster.

Olivia swallowed hard, putting her drink down and clutching Ed's forearm in both of her hands, preparing herself for some kind of news. She didn't see an engagement ring. Was she pregnant? Was something horribly wrong?

"Just tell us," she whispered. Charlie obliged.

"Trevor and I, and Lizzie, we've decided to move back to Manhattan."

Olivia froze and Ed stiffened beside her as they let the words sink in.

"Trevor wants to be able to work full time with his firm, and the commute is just…well it takes away a lot of time he can spend with Lizzie," Charlie quickly explained, moving fast through their reasoning in hopes that no one picked up on her own doubt and emotion. "He's sacrificed a lot, and now that Momma's better and things are evening out a little, we thought this might be the right time."

"Charlie…" Olivia whispered, but her voice caught. She could feel their relationship continue to pull apart and it was painful.

Ed narrowed his eyes a little at the couple, going from Trevor to his daughter, trying to assess just how comfortable everyone was with this decision. "Are you…okay with this?" he finally asked, not knowing how else to word it.

Charlie looked at Trevor and gave him a small smile.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "And it's not that far. We can see each other every weekend, or you guys can come visit during the week. It won't be all that different. You'll see."

Nobody noticed the slight quiver in her voice except for Olivia, whose gaze had never left her daughter's face. "When?"

"Ah, I'm having a little work done in the apartment," Trevor explained. "Should be ready in a couple of weeks. We can start moving our stuff by mid-May."

"Wow…" Ed breathed out, realizing that was only a month away. "Pretty soon, eh?"

Olivia just shook her head and moved over to sit on the arm of the couch, lightly wrapping her arms around Charlie and resting her chin on her head. There was so much she wanted to say, to question, but she didn't want to lose her battle with the tears so she remained silent, making sure her daughter was safely nestled in her arms.

"It'll be fine Momma," Charlie whispered, patting her arm and leaning into her. "You'll see. It'll all be fine."

* * *

 ** _Well? Only one chapter left - so better leave that review!_**


	42. Chapter 42

**_Forty-Two: The Last One_**

It was the Friday of Memorial Day Weekend. Droves of Manhattanites had taken to 495 in an attempt to spend the gorgeous, mid-eighty degree weekend out east. Among those crawling along the Long Island Expressway were Trevor, Charlie and Lizzie, the little girl already out cold and snug in her carseat in the back of Trevor's SUV. Charlie was resting her head against the window, softly humming along to the Paul Simon playlist Trevor set up, hoping to relax them despite the frustrating traffic.

They had been living back in Manhattan for almost three weeks and this was actually their first trip back to the Sag Harbor house. It had taken a while to get all their stuff unpacked and settled, including setting Lizzie's room up as close to her old room as they could. She wasn't quite old enough to understand the idea of moving, but she quickly realized that she was no longer in the same house as her uncle and grandparents. It was an adjustment, and she was making it slowly but at a normal pace for her age. In an effort to get her into a sense of normalcy, Charlie had quickly decided to repaint her room a light purple, just like her old room, and try to replicate the curtains. Once that was done, the little girl was sleeping through the night and only occasionally whining for her Ollie.

Though they all had the best of intentions, the entire Tucker family quickly realized that weekend trips to either place were just not going to happen. Between Noah's baseball schedule, Lizzie's new gymnastics class, and life in general, it was becoming apparent they were not going to be getting together as much as they originally thought. Outside of two quick afternoon trips the weekend after the couple actually relocated, one by Ed and one by Olivia, the family had not been all together since the morning the move took place. As Trevor saw the "Entering Nassau County" sign, he glanced over at his girlfriend and saw she was chewing on her lip, a sure sign that something wasn't quite right. He reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss and holding it on his leg.

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asked, eyes on the road but his attention solely on Charlie.

She sighed. "Nervous," she admitted. "And I don't even know why."

"We made a big change," he said gently. "And it was even bigger, and harder, for you. Let yourself feel it."

She lolled her head against the headrest so she was looking at his profile. "I think this is the longest I've gone without seeing my mom," she quietly said, almost as if she were embarrassed to admit it was bugging her.

Trevor was silent for a bit, absorbing that and realizing she was likely right. Ever since they had officially moved, Charlie had thrown herself into her new life. At times, he felt she was really loving it, but there were other times when it was clear she was putting on a show. Almost as if she was doing it because she was supposed to. His hope was that, in time, it would be what she wanted and needed. They had even talked briefly about the ring that Trevor still had and Charlie was adamant that she wanted the ring, but both felt like they should settle into the new routines before adding one more big decision to the mix. It was the distance from Ed and Olivia that seemed to be presenting the biggest challenge for Charlie, and despite the couple openly communicating well about aspects of their new life and various other topics, Trevor found that Charlie still clammed up when he pressed her about how she was feeling being a little farther away from her parents.

"Are you," Trevor began, not sure if this was the time or place, but perhaps she was finally open to talking about it. "Are you still feeling this was the right decision?"

Charlie was quiet, but her eyes stayed on her boyfriend. "Of course," she whispered. "It's…well…it is what we needed to do for us. I'm just being ridiculous. I'll be fine. Don't you worry."

Trevor let out a chuckle and snuck a glance over at her. She was watching him, her blue eyes sparkling. "Ya know I'm always gonna worry about ya, at least just a little bit."

"I know," she responded. Deciding that was enough of the serious talk, she changed the subject. "The weather this weekend is supposed to be amazing. Hopefully we can do the beach tomorrow. I brought Lizzie's new suit."

"Shit," Trevor mumbled. "I forgot her floaties."

"Ah, I bet mom and dad still have some," Charlie said, not worried about it. "Even if they don't, you know dad will run right back out."

Trevor laughed. "Of course. No one goes without in the presence of Ed Tucker."

"Truer words have never been spoken," Charlie said, and with that, their conversation grew quiet. Trevor concentrated on weaving them in and out of traffic and Charlie went back to leaning her head against the window, willing them to arrive faster. She was suddenly very ready to see her parents and little brother.

* * *

"Lizzie!" Noah yelled, hopping off the front porch and beelining for the now parked car. Trevor had rolled the back window down and Lizzie could be seen trying to escape her carseat at the sight of Noah.

"Unc! Unc!" she yelled, increasingly frustrated that she was still trapped. Noah opened her door and attempted to get her loose, but the seat was a little too sophisticated for the young lad.

"Ugh, Lizzie dis seat is tricky!" Noah exclaimed, admitting defeat and allowing Trevor to move and get the little girl out. Once she was on her feet, she gave Noah a big bear hug before tagging him and taking off across the front yard, immediately resuming their typical game of tag. Charlie got out of the car and smiled at the scene as Trevor wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Almost like nothing changed," she murmured, but her smile grew even larger as the front door opened and Ed and Olivia came out.

"Charlie!" Olivia exclaimed, rushing down the steps and giving her daughter a tight hug. "Your hair!"

Ducking her head a little, Charlie hid a bashful smile and tucked the shorter locks behind her ear.

"You like it?" she asked hesitantly. "I sorta decided spur of the moment."

"I love it," Olivia said, leaning back and fluffing the soft curls on her hand. "I've never seen it this short, but it's a good look!"

The two women just looked at each other for a bit, both of them recognizing an unfamiliar shift in their relationship. Despite having only moved a couple of weeks ago, they were both acutely aware that a distance had been forming long before then. Driving the point further home was the trivial fact that Olivia hadn't even known about the haircut.

"When did you do it?" she asked, wrapping her arm around her shoulders and leading her up to the porch while the men kept an eye on the overly exciting children.

"Yesterday," she said quickly. "Not too long ago. Figured I'd just surprise you."

"Want a drink? I can run fix us something…"

Charlie clutched Olivia's wrist, stopping their walk and she eyed her mother. "How are you feeling?" she asked, eyes wide and hoping for honesty. Olivia delivered.

"Better," she said. "Still not completely up to my normal energy level. And there's a little residual chemo-brain sticking around. But, surprisingly, I'm feeling really good."

"Your hair is cute like this," Charlie said softly, running her fingers through Olivia's shortly cropped bob. Her dark brown locks had grown back enough in the ten weeks since her last treatment for her to go to her stylist and ask for some help. She came out with a cute, closely cropped bob that almost felt natural, but she was quick to admit she missed the longer tresses. "It'll keep growing, Momma. Don't you worry."

Olivia just pulled Charlie to her and kissed her head. "Come on," she said in that voice that was half whisper, half emotion. "Let's go get a drink. The men can wrangle Noah and Lizzie."

As the women went inside, Ed watched them with hands in his pockets. Turning to Trevor, he also scrutinized the younger man a little bit before asking out of the side of his mouth, "Everything going okay?"

Trevor shrugged. "It's an adjustment. But she seems happy. She's trying. Doesn't talk much about it, to be honest. Lizzie's adjusting well. Only a couple boxes left to unpack, mainly my old law books."

Ed just nodded, unsure of what else to say. He wasn't going to clue Trevor into the hard time they had once the trio had departed a few weeks prior. Noah understood and tried to be stoic, but Ed could tell he missed his older sister and younger niece fiercely. Luckily, children typically adjusted easier and the little boy was so busy with baseball season that he didn't have much time to wallow. He surmised that once baseball season was over, he'd be fully adjusted to the change. Ed, himself, found himself tossing and turning those first few nights. He had grown used to having his entire family under one roof, where he could keep them safe all on his own. After such a late start being a father to Charlie, he had cherished those extra years that she lived with them as an adult. But Ed, being his usual self, just plugged away and kept up their family's routine, throwing himself into baseball and a new project out in his woodshed. Olivia had another routine scan the week prior, so he worked to manage the anxiety that would bubble up in both of them before each check up, resigning himself to the fact they would always worry a little bit. In his mind, life moved on. Slowly, but surely, humans always adjusted to change even when the change was painful. Olivia, on the other hand, struggled more than he did. Those first few nights had been rough. She would look in on Lizzie's empty room, or sadly mention something that Charlie would've laughed about.

Ed had given her a few days to be gloomy before finally confronting her over a late afternoon coffee. Noah was at baseball practice and getting a ride home from one of their neighbors, leaving the husband wife some time alone. After taking advantage of an empty house and making love to his wife twice, he brought her a coffee to the couch and opened up the communication line.

"Liv, you gotta perk up a little bit," he said softly, not trying to push her, but also wanting to pull her out of the little funk. "I don't like that they moved either, to be honest. But we've gotta try to learn to be happy with the new normal. Dontcha think?"

Olivia had let out a sigh and nodded slowly but bit her bottom lip, clueing Ed into the fact that she was about to offer an argument. He was right.

"It's not necessarily about that," she had said, playing with the soft material of his navy t-shirt. "It's more like, well, I feel like we were just cheated, overall, in regards to time with Charlie."

Ed nodded, agreeing and having had similar thoughts himself.

"I know you likely feel it more than I do," she offered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I mean, she's your blood."

"She's _our_ daughter," Ed said firmly. "Period. None of this 'you feel it more or less than the other'. She's ours. Now, talk to me."

"Normally parents get eighteen or so years with their kids," she had reasoned. "They hold them, protect them from pain, teach them everything they should know, then release them into the world. We didn't get that with Charlie. By the time you got her back and into our lives, she had been so badly hurt. And I guess, well, I just feel cheated. I need more time. More time to help her heal, to love her, to protect her."

Ed held his wife tighter, her words speaking so deeply into his soul. She nailed exactly what he had been feeling for the last several years, if he was being honest. And he told her as much.

After that night, the couple tried to be more intentional about their feelings surrounding that particular part of their lives. They rehashed old pain, old hurts, and came out even closer and more in love. Ed was beginning to feel okay about the move and the separation, but Olivia wasn't there yet. So now as he stood in the front yard with Trevor, he was trying to size up whether the younger couple was happy or not.

"You both know that we are still just a phone call away right?" Ed asked, unsure how else to broach the subject with Trevor and wanting the young man to understand that Charlie was still their daughter, and they would still be there in a flash.

"We know that," Trevor said with an appreciative smile. "I'm hoping that this weekend will loosen her up a bit and we can all finally get into a routine and feel okay about it all."

Ed just nodded, thinking what Trevor said made sense.

"Also, I forgot Lizzie's floaties," he confessed. Ed just shrugged.

"I still have a bunch of swim gear in the shed," he said. "If not, I'll run out later."

Smirking, thinking back to his earlier conversation with Charlie, Trevor patted Ed's back. "Thanks, Ed," he said. "You're a good man."

* * *

The family of six set up camp under a large, multicolored umbrella that Ed had secured in the sand. Trevor spread out a couple of beach blankets while Olivia and Charlie smothered the young ones in sunscreen.

"Now, Lizzie is still little," Olivia explained to Noah. "So no taking her to the water to fill the buckets without an adult okay?"

Noah shrugged. He was used to being able to venture towards the waves and scoop up water for his sand castle construction, but Olivia was worried Lizzie wouldn't stay on the shore. So they laid down some new rules.

"Okay," he said. "That can be Daddy's job. Or Trevor."

Charlie laughed and winked at Noah. "That's a good job for Trevor, No," she said teasingly. "Go ahead and assign him."

Noah laughed at his sister and nodded in compliance. "Okay. Hurry up Mommy!"

"Okay, okay," she said, smiling and finishing rubbing the cream onto his ears. "All set. Have fun baby. Love you."

"Love you," Noah said breezily, grabbing up his supplies and turning to his niece. "Come on Lizzie! Time ta build!"

Happy to be back with her uncle, Lizzie followed along, toddling through the sand and diving next to Noah once he got set up. Listening to the sounds of their laughter, Olivia and Charlie finally leaned back in their chairs and adjusted their sunglasses.

"This sun feels amazing," Charlie said, eyes closed as she soaked in the rays. "Is the umbrella in a good spot?"

Olivia, still next to Charlie but her chair in the shade, just nodded and turned her head to her daughter. "Perfect," she said. "I miss the rays, but I'm still a little hesitant to just bake after having chemo."

"Makes sense," Charlie said. The woman fell silent for a bit, observing the kids as Ed and Trevor set up their own chairs to form a slight semi circle of adults around where Noah and Lizzie dug. Ed immediately reached for Olivia's hand and squeezed it.

"Okay?" he asked softly, and she nodded.

"Very," she said, looking around at her family. "I'm very okay right now."

The Tuckers stayed in that very spot for most of the day. As late afternoon neared, the women put a final round of sunscreen on the kids while Ed and Trevor began to set up what appeared to be a large spread of picnic food. Ed had a nice table that set up in the sand and Trevor had drug a second cooler from the car and opened it, revealing a bottle of prosecco along with some beer and another white wine. With the table finally filled with cheese, crackers, fruit and sandwiches, the women returned from where they had quickly rinsed sand from their hands and legs in the surf and ducked under the umbrella. Charlie plopped down by Trevor, diving for some cheese and crackers, while Olivia happily munched on strawberries and decided to sit right on Ed's lap. He looked around at his family with a proud smirk, which after a few minutes Charlie decided to call him on.

"Dad, what's with that face?" she asked, leaning over and popping another slice of pepper jack cheese into her mouth.

"Just observing my family," he said simply. "The kids building award winning structures in the sand, you and Trevor looking relaxed and happy, and my healthy wife in my lap? More than I could have ever asked for."

Momentarily stunned by Ed's impromptu speech, the four adults remained quiet for a bit.

"It's been a year," Charlie finally said, leaning forward and grabbing the prosecco. She popped the cork, laughing as it flew and landed right in the middle of Noah and Lizzie's castle.

"Hey!" he yelled, playfully giving them a look, before turning back to his task.

Charlie poured four glasses of the bubbly and passed them out, taking time to look at her family, much like her father had just done.

"No shit," Ed muttered, causing Olivia to smack his chest and the others to laugh. "But we got through it."

"I'll drink to that," Charlie said and raised her glass as the Tuckers celebrated all the trials they had weathered, and beaten.

"Together."

* * *

Ed finally collapsed onto the bed next to Olivia in nothing but his boxers, not even bothering to get under the covers yet.

"The sun is exhausting," he exclaimed, settling his hands on his stomach as he watched the ceiling fan whirl above them. Olivia, glasses perched on her nose as she read the new book Charlie brought for her, looked over at him and smiled, leaning down to kiss his nose.

"You worked hard out there," she cooed. Olivia took her glasses off and laid them on the nightstand, on top of the now closed book, and snuggled down into the bed, resting her head on Ed's bare chest. "Today was a good day."

"It really was," Ed agreed, shift so he was under the comforter and could feel Olivia's skin against his. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," she said. "I'm tired, more so than usual, but I feel really good."

"You'll get that Benson stamina back," Ed assured her. "Just takes time."

"I know," Olivia agreed. "Just happy to have that time…"

Ed pulled her closer at that comment, the couple resting in silence for a bit before he decided to move on with the conversation. "They seem okay. Happy."

Olivia just made a noise, her fingers tracing a pattern on Ed's chest. As good as it felt, Ed needed to question that slight noise his wife just made. "You don't think they are?"

"It's not that," she said. "It's just…"

She hesitated, so Ed rolled over and faced his wife, moving his hand to run over her short hair.

"I'm so glad this is back," he said softly, giving it a light tug and eliciting a smile. "Spit it out, baby."

"I didn't even know she cut her hair," Olivia finally blurted out, then almost ducked her head in embarrassment. "See? It's silly."

"If it bothers you, it isn't silly," Ed said softly. "Keep going."

"It just…I feel like our bond is being cut," Olivia said, tears immediately pooling in her eyes at the mere thought of any of her relationships with her family beginning to sever. "And I can't stop it…"

"Oh baby," Ed said, pulling her tight against his frame and kissing her forehead. "Change can be painful. And look, I'm still not totally convinced this was right. But you're not gonna lose your relationship with Charlie. I promise you."

"How can you be so sure?" she asked, clearly trying to stop the onslaught of tears.

"Because she needs you just as much as you need her," Ed explained. "So sure, maybe it's a little different now. And maybe she's struggling and trying to prove she's okay. But you'll figure out a way back in. I have no doubt that you, Olivia Tucker, _my wife_ , will find a way to restrengthen that bond you have with our girl."

Not wanting to keep talking, because she was tired of feeling that specific anxiety, Olivia just mumbled her thanks and hope that he was right, and shifted against Ed's body, eliciting a groan. He quickly moved and had her on her back, settling between her legs and kissing at her neck.

"Allow me to help you keep your mind off of this," he simpered, licking, sucking and biting as Olivia began to squirm under him.

"I hate change," she moaned, apparently not quite done talking, but Ed was not deterred.

"Who does?" he retorted, then momentarily popped his head up from where he was busy leaving a mark behind her ear. "But, I can promise you one thing that will never change."

"What's that?" Olivia asked, hips wiggling a bit and her wry, lustful smirk returning to her face.

"How much I love you," he said simply. "Always."

* * *

 ** _And with that, this journey has come to an end. Thank you all so much for faithfully reading; and to those of you who faithfully reviewed...you da real MVPs. I hope this ending helps bring some closure, but also feels realistic. Life is never wrapped up in a neat little bow and when you've been through the amount of trauma that Olivia and Charlie have, there generally isn't even a bow. So yes, there are many loose ends and things up in the air. Angst still abounds. But that's life. And while I do not have plans to write another installment, those loose ends still leave room for one down the road if people are still interested._**

 ** _That being said - thank you all for loving my stories, and my Charlie, almost as much as I do. Perhaps I'll see you on here again soon. #Tuckson #Always_**

 ** _JennBenson_**


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